Returning an "Accidental" Gift

Tacky to ask for it back.

I would let Aunt know it's already been opened and i being enjoyed.

Yes, it's a mistake. An unfortunate one. I would offer to split the cost of replacing it. But I wouldn't take it from my child/ren.

If it were me, I would explain my daughter loved the gift and rather than take it back from her I would prefer to offer money or a replacement to the Aunt.

If it were my child, I would sit down with him and explain exactly what happened. I would expect my child to take high road and give the gift back. I would expect nothing less, to be honest.

My children have gotten some wonderful gifts in their years. It's important for them to understand that they need to be gracious and understand that everyone makes mistakes, but they don't get to profit from them.

Wow, I really think it is tacky for the Aunt to ask for it back since it was her mistake...especially since it is a week after Christmas. In the interest of family harmony, I would probably buy another of the gift so that you can return the original. That being said, I would be highly annoyed with the situation.

I have actually given several (more than one gift) for a certain occasion at times. Why would you know that it wasn't an additional gift? I wouldn't necessarily know unless it had someone else's name on it?
It really is auntie's mistake, but perhaps to help her offer to send the money for it or replace it, but why hurt your daughter?

Yes, you have to return it. I really can't imagine telling a family member that no, you cannot have the gift back, tacky or not. She's your daughter's aunt, and she gave her two other gifts. She sounds like a nice, thoughtful woman -- I don't think it's terribly tacky of her to ask for it back -- maybe she needed to gift the gift to someone else and can't afford to buy another. "Stuff" certainly isn't worth family conflict, and mistakes happen.

I think you just need to tell your daughter the truth, that it was a mistake, and comfort her a little when she feels bad. If you think you will ever be able to afford this gift, then tell her to put it on her next birthday or Christmas list.

This won't be the worst thing she ever endures. She will be okay if she can't have one of whatever it is.

Awkward, perhaps. But mistakes happen and your daughter is old enough to be told about the mistake. I would explain that it is not hers, and that your loving, gift-giving aunt, made a mistake, as we all do somethimes.I would let my daughter help me pack it up, mail it back, and then take her out for an ice cream sundae. I wish you well with this. It's a tough one.

I can't believe how many people are saying that the aunt screwed up so too bad for her.

I think that the guiding principle in this an any other family interaction should be "how would I want this person to behave if the roles were reversed?" Maybe if you had been the one to err you would never have asked for the gift back, but given the situation you are in, wouldn't you want to your aunt to be understanding and do her best to gracefully help you correct your mistake?

Use this as an opportunity to teach your child how to be compassionate and to do the right thing even when it is difficult. Explain to her what happened and how important it is to help out family when they ask for help. Even when they have made a mistake; perhaps even more then. Remind your daughter that this is the thing that she would want someone to do for her if she had accidentally given away something she didn't intend to. Help your daughter write a thank you note for the gifts she did receive and send it along with the accidental gift.

The fact that your daughter loves the gift isn't really relevant here. It was not her gift to love. I know that she will be disappointed, but she will be okay. It is important to let our kids experience disappointment and other unpleasant emotions. Its good practice for life.

It isn't awkward to help your aunt correct her error. it would be awkward to do anything else.

Finally, if you do buy a replacement, you can't send the used gift back, send the new one.

i'm surprised at how many people are saying it was on you to double-check that the gifts were intended for you daughter. if she sent 'em to your house, why WOULDN'T you think that? especially if she usually does send both christmas and birthday presents.
i'm also surprised at the aunt asking for its return. it was her mistake, and i myself can't imagine telling a little person whom i love 'so sorry you got something you loved from me but it was a mistake and i'm taking it back.'
surely this is something that can be worked out with the aunt. she doesn't really want to re-gift an opened present, does she? often the seller will be obliging if approached, and might offer the sale price again.
if that's not an option, and you can't afford to simply reimburse your aunt (i'm still shaking my head over regifting the opened and loved present), then your daughter needs to give it up, and it's not the end of the world.
sure is an awkward situation, for sure.
khairete
S.

It might be tacky to ask for a gift back, but it would be beyond tacky to give back a used gift.
But a new O. & have it sent directly to your aunt.

I agree with Myrah.

It is a terrible mistake, but it is the aunt's mistake, not yours. I don't see how it is your responsibility to "call her and question the number of gifts to make sure it wasn't a mistake" or whatever some of the others suggested. That is ludicrous.

Unfortunately, you are the one who has to deal with this regarding your child. If you cannot afford (or it isn't in your budget) to buy this for your daughter "just because"... then you have to have the difficult conversation with your daughter and explain that the aunt made a mistake and the gift must be returned.

I assume you told Aunti that the gift had been opened and used, so she knows that already. It isn't your responsibility to provide the intended recipient with a new unused gift. That is on your aunt. Same as it was her responsibility to keep track of what she was doing when sending gifts in the first place. It's sucks. It's terribly unfortunate for your daughter AND the intended recipient... but this is the circumstances created by the aunt, not by you nor your daughter.

Lesson for the aunt, if she is so inclined to learn from it. Lesson for your daughter in being gracious (or in reading people for their character later in life). Lesson for you in your future interactions with the aunt.

Sorry you have to disappoint your daughter in this way. :(

I have asked my husband about this this morning and he feels that once the gift was unwrapped it became your daughter's. If at all possible find a way to get a replacement of likeness and send that back to the aunt. You don't send a "used or played with" gift back to someone else as it is not new.

Sorry for auntie mixing up of gifts but that is not your fault. It is a learning lesson for your aunt about gift giving and receiving and making sure the right person gets the correct gifts. Your daughter should not know anything about the "extra" gift that she received.

The future relationship between you and your aunt may need to be re-evaluated.

the other S.

First, You can't give the played with gift back to the intended recipient and let your daughter get the new gift.

What did the aunt say when you told her it was opened and loved by your daughter?

Oh gosh, that is an awkward situation for sure. If I was in the position of the aunt, I would just leave it be, because asking a child for a gift back is just...well...it's just mean!! I would claim ownership over the mistake and that mistake would cost ME because I would have to buy that same gift twice. I would put that into the "life lesson" file in my brain and make darn sure I didn't let that mistake happen again.

But unfortunately, she is asking for it back. There's no way to refuse without being petty and tacky, even though she is being petty and tacky herself. It is an obvious inconvenience to you guys having to return it and explain to your daughter what happened. I would let the aunt know that it was hard for your daughter to part with it, and please take care that it doesn't happen again. Also let her know that the gift has already been opened, and used, so it is no longer in "new" packaged condition. Return it at your convenience, even if that means after you find a replacement.

In hindsight, you probably should have called Aunt right away and asked "You sent 3 gifts for our daughter...was that correct?" Then all of this could have been avoided.

Yes, it was her mistake, but if she can't afford to replace the gift she might be feeling really terrible about her mistake. If you can afford it, you should get a new one and send it back to your aunt. Family relationships are too precious to mess up over something as trivial as this.

And if it ever happens again, don't assume all 3 gifts are for your daughter. The b'day one and the Christmas one, yes, of course. But if there's an extra one that you're confused about, call and ask about it. Right away. Mistakes can happen.

If you have a good relationship, and I assume you do since she was comfortable asking this, I'd tell her that you thought it was a birthday gift, your daughter loves it, and has been using it - and offer to "go in" with her on a new one as a replacement for the other child.

Good luck,
e

Your assumptions to start with were wrong and you knew you got 3 gifts. You should have called auntie and asked if she meant to send 3 gifts at that point.

Yes, it's tacky for auntie to ask fir the gift back, especially since the gift is loved and used. Does she know this?

Go buy a new gift and send it to auntie. I say blame is not only on aunt but you as well. Don't return a used gift that will be given to someone else. That's tacky.

Suck it up and send auntie a new replacement.

Buy it and give the new one to your Aunt. The one has been played with and it's no longer new.

If you put it on a charge card it can be paid out over a few months. If you have to pay cash and just don't have it be honest and tell the Aunt what happened. The toy is not new now and shouldn't be returned at all. The other child shouldn't have to have a used toy because Aunt made a mistake.

In fact, maybe tell the Aunt it's been opened and played with and your child loves it. Maybe, since it was her mistake, she'll just buy it again for the other child.

At first I was thinking, no big deal return the gift. If I was in your aunt's shoes I would have eaten the cost and repurchased the gift. But she is not here asking what to do, you are. I do not have the correct answer for your situation. I would end up replacing the gift, but I do not feel that is your responsibility.

I would not have thought twice about 3 or 10 gifts. Sometime I wrap the presents for kids to look like a lot of gifts. The number of gift would not have surprised me as much as the total value from a certain person.

Your aunt should be very embarrassed for her mistake. It takes a lot of nerve to take a gift back from a child. Is the used gift even what she wants back? Does she expect a 'new' unopened item?

edit: I like the idea of giving the aunt the money for the amount she spent on the gift. She if it was on sale for $25 and now $50 she can make up the difference.

Updated

At first I was thinking, no big deal return the gift. If I was in your aunt's shoes I would have eaten the cost and repurchased the gift. But she is not here asking what to do, you are. I do not have the correct answer for your situation. I would end up replacing the gift, but I do not feel that is your responsibility.

I would not have thought twice about 3 or 10 gifts. Sometime I wrap the presents for kids to look like a lot of gifts. The number of gift would not have surprised me as much as the total value from a certain person.

Your aunt should be very embarrassed for her mistake. It takes a lot of nerve to take a gift back from a child. Is the used gift even what she wants back? Does she expect a 'new' unopened item?

edit: I like the idea of giving the aunt the money for the amount she spent on the gift. She if it was on sale for $25 and now $50 she can make up the difference.

I get it that these things happen...But I too think it's kind of tacky at this stage to ask for it back and then to turn around and give the actual intended recipient something that is now used and enjoyed by someone else (be it accidental or otherwise) I might offer to reimburse auntie for the item at this point

good luck

Wow - surpised so many people are bumming on the aunt. Thent was generous enough to give your chldren gifts. And she made a mistake. that is a bummer. Since you don't say what the gift is it's kind of tough to make the call. If it was a lovely necklace then give it back. If it was an American Girl doll I can understand the quandry.

But if thent is close enough to you to give your children expensive gifts then she should be close enough to call and ask for help making the decision. Eplain that your child already opened the gift, loves it and has no idea it was intended for another child. Tell her you're having tough time since your daughter already opened it and LOVES it - ask if she had a coupon or got it on sale since you'd love to try to replace the gift for this other child. She may offer to split the cost with you or something along those lines.

Clearly it's not your fault - but I also don't think the generous aunt should take the fall either. I think relationships are so much more precios than things - and if this aunt has a history of being generous than you should honor her good intentions. Another option is to discuss this with your child. I don't know how hold she is but often kids "get it" and are more understanding and generous than we adults are. If your daughter has her birthday just before Christmas she probably has an embaressment of riches in terms of presents. perhaps she can give up the less-adored presents and with the return you can get the desired present?

Good luck mama - ahh - 1st word problems...

I'm glad to see you intend to replace the gift. If you can't find it, send aunt the money for it, so she can get it herself or spend that on an equivalent gift for the other child.

Remember, kids lose interest in toys eventually, but adults don't forget how a relative did or did not help them out in a tight spot.

Yeah, it's a tight spot of the aunt's own making, but can you say for certain that you could never make any similar error and would never need to approach someone with an embarrassing call for help? I can't say that for sure. I think no one could. Put yourself in her shoes and I think your answer is pretty clear.

Consider that aunt is probably feeling horrible, sheepish and deeply embarrassed for the error and most of all for asking for this back. You have the power here to be gracious and alleviate those feelings in a person who meant well and made an honest mistake. As for your child's feelings? Well, she may be upset if the original gift goes away, but she'll survive it. This is one of those times when the adults' relationship trumps a child's temporary upset over something like a mere toy.

ADDED: I see some folks are saying the aunt just shouldn't have asked. But I know my aunts don't have a lot of extra dough for buying gifts at any time of year, and if a pricey gift got sent to the wrong recipient, it would mean they could not afford to replace it or probably even to get something similar for the kid whose gift was wrongly given to another child. We don't know the aunt's financial situation in this case but isn't it just possible that the aunt budgeted her gifts and can't afford to just suck up the mistake and buy another gift? I know the aunt hates having to ask for the gift back and is mortified at doing it, but she might be worried that the child who didn't get a gift is upset too -- it's not all about the child who got the gift accidentally and will be upset at possibly returning it. There's another kid in the mix here too, and aunt might not be able to run and get another replacement gift.

I think you've been unfairly put in the middle to save face for the aunt. I'd probably very nicely tell the aunt she's welcome to come over and/or speak to her niece directly about the situation. I would kindly give her the heads up that your DD has not used, but very much adores the item. I'm sure she'd rather YOU have that uncomfortable conversation, but I think SHE is the one who needs to decide whether or not pursuing fixing her mistake is worthy of disappointing her niece. If she does ask, your DD may be disappointed, but understanding. If your DD is really hurt, you can help her process her feelings and decide what to do. I'm guessing auntie would probably rather eat the cost of her mistake than fess up this beloved gift wasn't only give by accident and ask for it back.

I think it is reasonable for the aunt to call and explain the situation. ..who knows ..if u didn't have it she may have misplaced it or what have you...
The reason I side with others in that you and your aunt should share the blame is that from what u wrote about it being expensive ..it makes me think like u might have questioned the fact that there were three gifts one being such a huge hit...i prob would have assumed that one of the others was the mistake but I think I would have questioned it...it's not important but I'm wondering why aunt didn't get to see your dd open the gifts? In any case I hope it works out and sometimes disappointment and learning how to deal w it can be a gift in and of itself.

I'm late to the party. Sorry!

I don't understand why you have to pay for this gift. It was not your fault she included a gift not for your daughter. She waited a week and then asked for it back.

I just have a big problem with that. I know its me, but I never would have asked for the item back. I would have been happy she liked it and I would have gotten another gift for the other little girl. This is money you had not intended to spend and because someone else made a mistake, you are having to fund it. Nope.

I would explain to my daughter that Auntie goofed and we needed to send it back.

Good luck!