Skip the Gifts?

The kids want to see their friends open the gifts. Most kids picked the gift out themselves. That look on their face is far more important than some words mom told them to write on paper.

I went to 2 this weekend where they skipped the gift opening. I prefer it - it is much easier to eliminate the inappropriate gifts we receive when we can open them in private.

Sorry to offend - but I am not going to have my son play with war toys and corporate branded products because someone gave them to him. I can't regift them (I just can't bring myself to give someone else a toy I couldn't stand). And we can't exchange them for something acceptable if they get opened at a party. So wasteful as it is, they end up in the trash.

So..... here's a different kind of story... My son's third birthday. Only family present. We're opening gifts and certain relatives felt it necessary to take toys away from my son that he was happy and excited about in order to get him to open the gifts they brought for him. (Several items of clothing.) Do you know of a three-year-old who will be happy to put down a toy for clothes?

Given the option, I would have a very small, controlled environment for present opening.

I have heard about this trend many times. I have never actually been (or taken my child) to a party where this happened. The gifts have always been opened at the party.
I dislike the idea of it. I am more in line with Adansmama. I think that it is a great learning lesson for both the gift giver AND the receiver (how to be gracious and say a proper thank you even if it isn't your FAVORITE gift). It is a great way for kids to practice appropriate social behavior. Not to go all political on a thread not about politics, but many parents today wonder how kids become so "entitled" acting. Well, when they are never made to see someone receive something that they don't also get, or can't get a turn to play with, that is step 1. That is usually followed quickly with a "goodie bag" to give the kids that feeling of "fairness" that they are developing into a sense of entitlement. It is small changes like these in our society that shape our kids. No longer does society at large expect children to learn how to behave appropriately in polite society. Yet "society" never seems to understand why so many teens DON'T behave appropriately in society.

Again, I apologize for the political bent, but I think it is all part of the same mentality. I have always explained to my kids that it is ___'s birthday, not YOURS. THEY will receive gifts from lots of guests. Don't push and shove to see, or to give them yours. They will get to it. Be patient. Be sure to thank your friend and their mom, Mrs. _____, for inviting you to the party and let them know how much fun you had.
Then, when it is time to leave, I gently remind them to say thank you to the host/hostess before we leave.

So when I see these questions (to open or not to open; goodie bags or no) I say YES, open them. And NO, no goodie bags.
Just my opinion.

i think it's a really good lesson for the kids, that it's someone else's birthday, and good manners means we watch politely, we are happy for them (not mad we didn't get something) etc...and i do think that most of us have our kids help pick the present out, so to me it would lose something if my kiddo didn't get to watch the birthday kid open the present we bought. the point is to celebrate with them. not give them a gift to enjoy opening later, all alone. it seems a little...hmmm...ungracious? i know you said you'd send thank you cards...but there is something to be said for watching someone open the gift you bought, and their face light up, and that first excited, "wow! i love it! thank you!" i would be disappointed...and yes...feel a little unappreciated. just my thoughts.

**after reading some of these responses about horrible behavior and kids trampling the birthday kid, not respecting them opening presents, etc...i have to wonder...is this trend just another way for today's modern parents to avoid the responsibility of teaching their kids good behavior???

I don't like it when they skip the gifts, the kids really like seeing their gift opened.

Of all the parties my 8 yo has attended, O. did not open the gifts. Honestly I think it was a bit of a bummer for the kids. But they were older than 6....more like 7 and 8. Not sure if that makes a difference.

O. mom specifically asked the mom let the kid open her kids gift because the kid really wanted to see his buddy open his gift--that he picked for his friend.

Sooooo....knowing that, I probably would not skip the gift opening..especially considering that he will have 4 or 5, which would take about 10 minutes! LOL

I think at age 6, kids are going to learn something about giving by having the gift opening at the paty. We've been to one party where the gifts were not opened, and my son was really bummed that he didn't get to give his gift to his buddy - he had worked hard to find something he thought his friend would like. We did get a Thank You, but to a four year old, that was kind of too late for him to really get, you know?

So, I say, let them open. There should only be 5 gifts right? That won't take too long. I agree with others who say that it is worth doing. I can't imagine having a party with 20 or 30 kids! If I ever did I am pretty sure I'd ask for NO GIFTS to be given. My children do not need gifts from 20 or 30 kids!

J.

J.

I feel pretty strongly that you should only invite the number of guest that the bday child is old, so a three year old would get three guests, a five year old five etc. I think the reason people find opening the gifts a huge hassle is because they are inviting too many kids.

If you don't want to open gifts, tell people NOT TO BRING THEM.

really in your situation, with that small number of guests, you will be fine! have another adult near by to take photos /that way you can make sure the kids aren't pushing, you can make sure nothing gets taken out of the original packaging, and you can stick them right back in a big ole shopping bag or laundry basket or something and put them away.
and make sure you ask all the kids to sit on the floor until it is time to hand johnny the gift they brought. Tell Johnny ahead of time that the gifts will go back on the gift table and NOT be taken out of packaging at the party and have a fun activitiy lined up for next, serving the cake after is usually a great transition.

have a happy bday party!

edited: If you have enough adult help, and are clear with the kids that they can't push or shove or crowd around, I don't think you need to worry about opening 5 presents causing a riot. Again it goes back to having HUGE parties.

Not returning stuff is Silly to me, because you can make sure the gifts are taken from the wrapping paper but kept in the original packaging, AGAin if you have enough adult help and are right there next to the bday boy as he opens, just pop them in a bag or basket and move on to the next activity.

If you chose not to allow your kids toy guns or what ever, then you need to be having that discussion with them repeatedly that those things are not for your family, Gift opening requires some skills, I always coached my chldren to smile big, and Say Thank you NO matter what. we made a game of all sort of weird things they might recieve, stinky socks, a banana, a dirty tissue, girl underwear, they ways laugh but they practice saying THANK You with inflection.

as for inequality of the gifts i think it bugs the parents more than the kids.If the rest of the party is fun and the bday boy gives a big (fake or not) Thank you then i really doubt the kid would only remember how someone else gave a really huge expensive talking dinosaur, while they gave a hotwheel, They might think Cool i want to play with Bday boy and maybe he'll share his Dino. And if you make a point of saying to the kid how much bday boy loves hotwheels and how thoughtful it was I just don't think it's really the big deal people try to make it be.
Just my dolla'fify, if it's your party do what you want to.

I really think the gift thing is crazy! I keep getting invites where it says "your presence is gift enough" which basically means," well, we'd love presents but we aren't going to ask." I had thought it meant "come, have fun, we don't want/need any more junk!" Fool I was.

We do not open presents at our kid parties. We do at our family party, but when it is the kid party, the presents are opened later. I think more and more people are skipping it. It really does reduce party stress.

I love watching kids open presents and see how excited they get. I can definitely see the appeal of not opening the gifts, but seeing the look on their face when they open the gift is usually better than any thank you note I've ever gotten.

we never open gifts at a party, and none of the parties we go to do it either.

Well, you don't open wedding gifts at the wedding... Also if your child has a negative reaction a present then it is less embarrassing if the presents are opened later.

My feeling on it is that if your not going to open the gifts while the children are there, I feel its better to ask the guests not to bring gifts.

If you choose to allow gifts, I would make sure that the invites clearly states that you will not be opening gifts at the party. That way mom's can prepare thier child to know that they will not be seeing them open it and don't get too excited before hand and then be disappointed.

If you were having a big party, it would be okay to not open the gifts. But you are having 5 kids? They will have there feelings hurt if you don't have your kid open them. It might make the parents feel bad too.

I didn't read all the responses, so sorry if you hear this same thing....I have been to both, opening and non opening, but the non opening have always been for younger children, especially when the crowd tends to be bigger as their are more adults gift givers there. I am a definite for opening, especially if the crowd is small. But saying that, what I do not like about opening is the frenzy in which kids become involved in and the thought of the gift is lost. My daughters birthday is coming and this year, I plan to do it differently. Instead of letting the kids cram around her and shoving gifts and desperately ripping them open, I am sitting two chairs up front and allowing the gift giver to sit next to her while she opens her gift from them. That way, they feel special and my daughter isn't overwhelmed and she gets to say a one on one thank you to each friend.

One of my daughters favorite things is to pick out a gift for her friend and watch him/her open it. She gets so excited for them. And I know a lot of other kids get that way too. So that is why I prefer opening gifts at a party. But if the crowd was like 20 people, I could see why someone would skip that part of a party.

Hope my idea helps.

We debated this at my sons recent 4 year birthday party. I had 5 of his friends over to help him celebrate. In the end, we let him open the gifts and I am SO glad that we did. The friends enjoyed seeing their gifts opened and the my son was able to share his excitement with them. I think it worked very well for my small party with his close friends. (This sounds similar to yours?)
I have also been to larger parties where I was grateful that gifts weren't opened. I think it all depends on the mood, the kids invited, and how you think they will all react. Good luck! Your party sounds super fun!

I think it's funny that the gift grubber parties don't open the gifts at the party. 30 kids? 60 gifts? For a little kid? Geez.

The pleasure of your presence is present enough, but seriously, don't forget the real gift.

With 5 kids, I think it would be fine to open the presents at the party - maybe even turn it into a pirate examining his treasure or something.

My daughter has been to both kinds, and now that she's older all the kids open gifts. I can see when they are young how it can be hard with the kids running everywhere trying to touch the gifts and hand off presents.

The best organized party was where the birthday girl sat in the middle of the rug and the kids all held the gift that they brought. Then the gift giver only was allowed to come forward (much like school) and "help" the birthday girl open her gift. Usually the presents are in a big pile and the kids argue over who gets to help.

One of the parties where they did not open gifts, the mom took a picture of the child holding the present and included it in the thank-you card.

We skip the gifts when we run out of time. My son's shared a part in April and we did not have time. 30 kids running around for an hour, and an hour of pizza and cake before they ran back to play more, left no time for opening 60 gifts. My daughter had a bowling party with 20 friends and again, with a time limit we had no time to open gifts. We open if we have time and don't stress if we don't. We see this a lot too...

Wow, how exciting. You party planning sounds super cool. Gift opening takes a lot of time, skip it and let the kids enjoy playing.

After all the years of opening gifts I really like this trend. We didn't open gifts at my little guy's party when he turned 2, and no one cared.

When they do get opened it can cause distractions like you commented on with the kids getting excited over them, sometimes to the point they want to stop opening gifts and just play, this happened when my nephew was 7. Or a guest wants to take the item and use it and the birthday child gets upset. And if the party is held in a place that rents the facility for a certain amount of time as when my granddaughter had her 6th birthday party at an ice rink, it can be a cost-saving necessity. I personally don't care for the focus on material items, "Ooh, look what you got!"

You do what YOU feel comfortable with, like you said you'll be sending thank-you cards. Enjoy the party!!

If you can, I would try to skip the opening of the gifts.
Takes too long.
Never liked it.
Maybe put the gifts in a bedroom w/closed door.

Btw, how about a treasure chest: buy a cheap treasure chest jewelry box (large size) filled w/sand & hidden golden abloons ( sp?), choc candy etc.

My son will turn six soon too...we did a pirate party last year - sounds like you have some great stuff planned! I grew up opening gifts at parties, but have never done it for my son, and have never been to a party of his friends where they have opened gifts...I prefer it that way. I think that you should do it the way that you prefer - you are the host of the party. As long as you send a thank you note, which you should do anyway, I think that it is up to you!

At most of the birthday parties we attend, presents are not opened while guests are still there. There is, however, one friend who really likes watching gifts be opened, so she will sometimes insist if the party is at the birthday kid's house. If it's held somewhere else, it's usually way too much of a hassle to open the presents and then pack them back up in the car to take home.

I personally really like not having the presents be opened in front of guests, because someone usually ends up feeling bad if their present isn't as well-received or expensive or whatever as another person's. And then the kids end up fighting over the new toys, and cards get lost in the mess and it's hard to keep track of who gave what. As a parent, I also like it because it's better for me if we space out the opening of presents so that he can play with each toy as they are opened instead of doing it all in one go. I think he ends up appreciating each gift better that way, instead of having this "what's next?" mentality.

OTOH, opening presents at a party is kind of a nice signal that the party is coming to an end. And people do like seeing the kids' reactions, especially if the present is one they know was really wanted. So I see both sides of it.

At my sons 4th bday we didnt open gifts. We spent around 1,000$ on the venue and a batman impersonator. So we wanted to get the most out of him and not have kids distracted by gifts. I have been to a few other parties where kids don't open gifts also. I think it's was more convenient, but if your having it at your home then that's different there's not a time constraint. Enjoy the party

Kids like to see the birthday child open their gift so they can tell him all about it.
They like to see the bday child's face light up and say Cool.

Personally, I wouldn't skip that part of the party.

It's a cultural thing with my niece in law's family so I've had to get used to it. Other options include a book exchange so all the kids get a book and that's the "goodie" at the end of the party. We do open gifts, and have DD thank each person. If you don't open gifts at the party, then be SURE to send thank yous!

We often have about 10 kids, but several sibling sets to it's not 10 gifts. I think that if you do opt to open, it's a good lesson for the kids in gracious gift giving and receiving.

Your party sounds like a lot of fun!
I have two thoughts on opening gifts. If it is a huge party, it makes sense sometimes since kids really get antsy waiting for their gift to be opened. However, among our friends, the kids often handpick their gifts for parties and they love to watch the birthday child open their gift. I think there are many lessons to be learned in that experience as well. It allows the birthday child to practice kindness and gratitude and allows the giver to see what their thoughtful choices can bring to the recipient. That said, we went to a small party over the weekend for another 6 year old and it was clear that the gifts would not be opened in front of the group. My daughter so wanted to know if her friend liked the special gift she chose, but left it at that. Just a thought... Have a fun birthday party and best of luck!

Since my daughter turned 3, I have noticed this trend of not opening the gifts at the party. We opened them at her first and second birthday party and my friend's twin boys were so overly excited that they nearly trampled her trying to get to her stuff and wouldn't stay out of her face long enough for us to get any good pictures of her. I actually like this trend, personally, and we haven't opened gifts at a party for a couple of years now. I know you are going to get lots of responses about how rude it is (someone asked a similar question a couple of weeks ago and there were lots of responses to that effect), but I agree that it cuts down on the stress and the time involved to open them. Although, I will say that you could probably get away with doing it if there are only a few other kids there. We tend to have very large birthday parties (although, since we just moved and don't really know anyone, I don't think we're going to have them this year...yay!), so it would have taken quite a long time to open all of the gifts. We, of course, sent thank you notes and since most of the people at the party had done the same thing at their kids' parties, I know I didn't offend anyone. They were all good friends of mine, so I was comfortable with that.

Anyway, with only 4 kids (and being friends from school that I'm assuming you aren't close friends with), you could probably go ahead and let him open them, but if you don't want to do it, then don't! It's your call. That party sounds like tons of fun! Enjoy!

It definitely goes both ways now days. I had a party for my son when he turned 5 at a venue but the venue didn't allow for present opening time so we left with all the unopened gifts. However, any party I do at my house we open gifts to make sure every child hears a "thank you" from my child. But, I've been to others homes where so much was happening that gifts weren't part of the party. It's ok with me either way, as long as a 'thank you' card is received.

We have been to lots of parties where gifts were not opened and when we host, we go that route now too. I feel like opening them makes one child in the room happy and the rest miserable so I'm always in favor of skipping it. Your party plans sound awesome...hope you have a blast :-)