Was My 9 Year Old Daughter Crossing the Line?

No I think she was right to ask them to throw away their trash , she was polite in doing so , so be very proud of her!

Wow - she's freakin AWESOME!!! Sounds like she was perfectly polite and truthful (a little more truthful than and adult would be LOL). It's obnoxious when people don't throw out their trash, especially in an outside environment. Good for her. :)

Being assertive, having a social conscience, asking politely, expressing gratitude; what a wonderful display of life skills.

Had I been there, I'd have applauded.

Giving dirty looks because you were being a selfish pig and someone called you on it, and they did it so politely that you couldn't show justified indignance; how childish.

.

The only change that has occurred in this world is from people willing to stand up and say what's right.

Of course they had people who were mad at them, or those who couldn't believe they had the guts to stand up and say something. These people were always persecuted.

Your daughter should be praised that she had the guts to say something. Let her know that Ghandi, Martin Luthor King Jr., Abraham Lincoln and all the others out there who made a big difference were met with criticism, dirty looks and sometimes worse. But that's what it takes to bring about positive change.

Kudos to her! And you!

I didn't want to read what anyone else wrote before I gave you my FIRST reaction. It is not your daughter's place to tell an adult what to do. What she could have done, if she was really worried about it, was go over and throw the trash away herself.
Let's say you are at the park with your son or daughter one day. You tell them it's time to go and then your child starts to have a fit, they don't want to go! So, you do whatever it is you chose to do as the parent. A little girl comes over, say about 9ish, and tells you that you should do something different, that you are not raising your child right, and that no one wants to hear it. What would you do? That's basically what your daughter did. Tell someone else how they should behave, and she shouldn't have.
I often find myself moving people's grocery carts into the grocery cart collection area (come ON!!! how hard is that?), I often throw away people's trash at fast food restaurant's, I see myself picking up other people's trash. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.
While I certainly don't believe that children should be seen and not heard, I also do not believe that children get to tell adults what to do. Very precocious, and in my opinion not her place at all. Mom, it didn't even bother you enough to say anything.
L.

As long as your daughter was very polite and respectful, I don't think she crossed a line at all. I think it is fantastic that she is so confident and knows right from wrong.

The couple should have picked up and not just started to walk away, but I would never in a million years be ok with my daughter addressing complete strangers. It's not her place to do so. If a Costco worker saw it and asked for it to be disposed of, fine, but it wasn't her business. I would have sincerely apologized for what my daughter said to that couple and would have wanted to hide like your husband.

What a great girl you are raising! You should be proud of her and so should your husband!
Good luck!

no way!!!! give her a pat on the back from me!!!! i wish more parents and even kids would take a stand!!!!!

Personally I do not think your 9 year old has any place to be giving out orders to anyone let alone a group of adults she doesn't know. Yes, littering is a problem, but so is a lack of manners and respect. If she was so worried about it she could have gotten up and thrown the trash out herself. That was the "right" thing to do. A child talking to a group of adults this way as if she is giving orders or a reprimand just blows my mind. I do not understand the parents on here that think this is cute or acceptable. I'm sorry if I am old-fashioned, but children are not adults and do not deserve the same privileges as adults. It used to be a sense of pride to become a grown-up--something to aspire to, nowadays we just let our kids think they are all grown at any age--treating them like little adults. They have nothing to look forward to anymore, I think this was an awful case of self-importance that your daughter displayed.

Awesome job parenting Mom!!! I totally disagree with your husband, that is one fantastic kid you got there.....way to go, I would be so very very proud of her. You are my new parental superhero!

I think the older couple were embarrassed because they knew they were wrong.

Another way your daughter could have worded it was, "excuse me, may I help you clear this table?" "I would hate for somebody to not be able to use this table."

You give her a high 5! She sounds awesome!..

She did not cross the line. Congrats to you for having such a well mannered daughter and way to go on raising her so far! I can understand your husband wanting to hide but at the same she is an able bodied child who most likely would've been scolded had she done exactly what the older couple did. Age not withstanding right is right and wrong is wrong and it does sound as if she presented things in an appropriate way. There's no need for you, your husband, your daughter or anyone else who was there to feel shame aside from the couple themselves. Don't listen to others who say it wasn't her place---we need people willing to speak up for wrong-doings in this world....including trash disposal.

Hmmm...I wouldn't encourage my kids to go up to strangers and tell them what to do, no matter what the situation is. Mostly, for safety reasons, but also because I dont' think kids (or adults!) need to be telling others what to do! However, since she really felt the need to say something, it probably would have been more appropriate for her to have said something like "Excuse me, but it looks like you forgot to throw away your trash. It's so windy here and things blow away so easily, I'd hate for it to end up in the street" Rather than asking them to do it, or telling them to do so.
Nonetheless, it sounds like you have a very conscientious and smart girl, good for her!

IMO -- Because I was raised not to "talk back to my elders", this crossed a line. You should've delivered any messages that had to be delivered or better yet, simply "turned the other cheek" and cleared the table yourself. Not to say your daughter's motivation for speaking wasn't right.

I think its hilarious that she did that and had I overseen it would have laughed and enjoyed it immensely. But you need to decide which principle has the higher hierarchy that you would like to instill in your daughter: Respect for your elders, or don't litter. Which ever one is of more value is the one you need to go with. I personally would tell my daughter that the principle she stuck up for was right, but in the end it was disrespectful to an elder and she needs to put that one first.

What a beautiful spirit she is! We need more people of "all ages" caring about our earth and it starts in little ways organically from the ground up. I have to say that it sounds like she was respectful but what determines whether she was out of line would be her delivery. Good job mom and dad ... you have a great kid!

Wow. I am impressed! Your daughter probably made a huge impression on the people involved and the people observing. I'm willing to bet that they will all think twice about leaving their trash in the future!
Bravo to your daughter!

As a mom who is distinctly aware of taking care of our environment, I absolutely applaud her! We are teaching our daughter about taking care of our Earth and she is constantly pointing out trash on the ground when we are out and about. And we pick it up together and throw it away. KUDOS to your daughter: she cares -- and has sound judgement ("I know you had my back.") I admire her and you for obviously teaching her how to take care of our planet :)

Children are precocious... I think she did the right thing.

Absolutely NOT. I'd be very proud of her.

oh goodness, praise your daughter and tell your husband how proud he should be. the fact that she KNEW it was wrong, took the time to explain why it was wrong, and the fact she said thank you, show how she really believed in what she said. why should anyone dismiss her because of her age? why is she seeing whats right, and those adults dont? children speak more honestly and genuinely than any of us. they are the ones that crossed the line by being lazy, entitled, and litterbugs.

as for those adults, of course they had dirty looks. how awful is it to be a grown man and woman and have a child tell you the right thing to do. the looks were of embaressment, and they should have been. they could have easily smiled, and said "oh, your right, im so sorry, i wasnt paying attention" to satify everyone. they chose to make themselves look bad.

i was just at a FREE kids fun day today at a county park. as we left, i said to my daughter how awful it was for all those kids who just threw their waters bottles on the ground as i saw all the park workers cleaning up. there were recycling containers everywhere. if more parents took the time
to teach their kids about the environment, we wouldnt have the problems we do. my 5 year old said "you dont litter because it goes into the forest and ocean and hurts all the animals". if we dont teach our children, who will, and if our children teach an adult, even better.

and please remember, your daughter may have great things in her future where she continues to speak up for what she believes in and what is right. then, you both can remember this day in costco and smile.

I don't think she crossed the line, I think she did an awesome job. Some people need to be reminded that they need to pick up after themselves. She was polite and assertive. What a good job you are doing Mom!

No, she handled that perfectly. You should be extremely proud! That other couple will be careful to clean up after themselves in the future in case they get called out by another 9yr old. Well done, Mom, for teaching your daughter so well!

hmmm, thats a tough one.....i probably would have thrown the stuff away myself, but in their line of sight of course, sometimes people dont realize they should throw their stuff away, especially when they usually frequent places where the "busser" does it.

I don't think she crossed a line. Too bad that a nine year old had to be the one to tell adults to throw away their trash... sheesh. It sounds like she did it in a polite and respectful way, and there was a true and honest purpose around it.
The people were probably more embarrassed than offended, but I bet they won't do it again.

I remember being at a store with my (3 year old at the time) daughter. We were waiting in line while a women in front of us was having a snit about something and rudely insisting on seeing the manager. My daughter sat and listened to the woman rant and then looked at me and loudly asked, "Mommy WHY is that lady talking to her like that??" I said "I don't know honey, she seems very upset." My daughter replied, " Well, even if you're upset, that tone is not polite!" She got smiles from most of the people in line, but not from the lady who was upset. I like when kids will say what no one else will... Yay for your daughter!

Did your daughter cross the line...Absolutley NOT! Thank you for teaching your child, to pick up after herself. The adults that left the trash, they are the ones that should want to hide. Cheers to your. daughter!!

I think the presentation would determine whether she was appropriate or not. For the most part, I would praise her conviction and willingness to stand up for something she apparently cares about. That is an excellent trait to encourage and I hope she keeps it up! If she was polite, said something like, “Excuse me folk, I happened to notice...would you please...thank you so much....” then she was perfectly in line. It likely won’t change their behavior in the future and it is their problem if they were annoyed by it....but kudos to your daughter for taking action and trying to inspire change. Now, if she was rude, or used a snide tone of voice, that would be a different story. Since you were proud of her, I doubt that is the case. I think it is a great thing for you to follow up on with your daughter and let her know what you liked about what she did, why you liked that part, talked about responses and what to expect (IE some disapproval as you always get, not necessarily inspiring change), and maybe some tips for how to do it better in the future if she could have used some extra nice words or a brushed up her tone of voice to not sound like a snotty know-it-all. As to your DH....well, I bet he is the type to avoid conflict and confrontation is other situations. Perhaps you should explain to him WHY you are proud and how you really hope to encourage that behavior so she will be strong and responsible and make good decisions as a teens. I am proud of her too, mama, you are obviously doing a GREAT job!!

Your daughter deserves a high five in my book. My son (3 years old) did something similar a few weeks ago. We were at our local produce store and they had corn on the cob on sale. The store puts out a huge trash can out so that customers can shuck the corn before buying. As I was picking out our corn my son said VERY loudly why are those people making a mess. They throw it on the ground! The lady that was making a mess gave me a dirty look and walked away. I picked the mess up so my son could see that its not nice to leave a mess laying on the floor. He asked me every few minutes after that "why did she make a mess mommy"? I told him sometimes people make messes and its rude not to pick up after yourself. Saw the lady again at the check out and he was still asking about people making a mess and she would not even make eye contact with me.

Hopfully are child can make the earth a better place one day!

Tina

I would caution her against taking stands such as this against adults at such a young age. You never know when it could be someone who would lash out at her. Quite often I pick up after people at Costco food court and throw it away. Yes, they should pick up after themselves but I am not about to confront someone and create a possibly huge argument over trash. I would rather throw it away.

It is one thing to stand up for one's beliefs, it is an entirely different thing to be reckless in your pursuit of sharing your beliefs. She could affect more change by doing fundraising or campaigning for an environmental care group than by personally confronting individual offenders.

no. I tell my children that this is YOUR world now ( we "old" people are almost done and get to go ) and you NEED to take charge and responsibility for it. Since my children are ten at the most they will have to live in it for the next 70 years. I tell them, if you don't tell these environmentally unconscious people now to pick up, you yourself will have to down the line - either way it needs to be cleaned up. May as well be the ones who made the mess.
It is this mindset of eating a candy bar and just throwing the wrapper on the ground - 20 years ago, that was something I would see all the time - now that would be unthinkable - for most people. So, no I think your daughter is in the right. Tell your husband she is only protecting her own existence! lol Plus I think it is totally fine to put ignorant people into their place. Maybe they will even give it some thought and change.

:)
good for her!
-C.

Whether she crossed a line also depends on how she presented her request and reasons to the "older" (at least older than she is) couple. A rude response to a rude act does not add up to a kind, courteous result.

Good for your little girl! It is wonderful that their are children like that. that give me hope that our world will be in better shape one day. I would be a VERY proud momma if i were you! Which it sounds like you are. Men are a little different it's ok, but i definatly don't think she did anything wrong. Good job mom raising a smart, WELL MANNERED, strong young lady. She sounds like a great kid and she did it very politly, thats awesome. Whatever your doing keep doing it.

Hi A.,

I, too, have had situations with my daughter that I felt both proud and embarrassed about. I'd feel similarly in your situation.

Perhaps next time, if she is able to notice that someone is about to leave without taking their trash, she can offer to clear their table for them. Sort of the "see a need, fill a need" type idea.

I say, kudos for your daughter for seeing the big environmental picture (she seems like one bright young lady!), but on the other hand, there are plenty of people who might not feel comfortable being told what to do by such a young person.

L.

I say way to go! I can understand the wanting to hide, but that is great that she was standing up for something. Having a young lady come up and talk to the couple will probably make them remember in the future to throw away their trash.

You Go Girl !!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so proud of your daughter; it gives me renewed faith in the world. Not enough people have any values anymore, and I assure you she at least made that couple review their actions, whether they will admit it out loud or not. I admire her guts, her integrity, her sense of right and wrong, and her confidence in herself to be able to speak up about it. I hope my daughters end up with qualities like that. I know I'm late responding, but your daughter is amazing, and you can tell her I said so! :-)

Your daughter is awesome! Shame on those twentysomethings who left their junk and left. I know exactly which Costco cause I used to shop there before moving. If an adult had done it they might have flipped them off but luckily they showed restraint and cleaned up. Good for you guys!

I say yes she did. Whenever people around us do things that we don't allow and my son comments, I tell him that just because we do things a certain way doesn't mean it is his job to tell others how to act. He is not the police of the world. I of course would think it was rude and tacky to leave all your gross trash and would probably get up and throw it away before I left if it was still there, but I wouldn't allow my child to tell others what to do. I feel this can promote the control freak or tattle tale mentality. Not saying your daughter is either these, but this is what I want to avoid in my son. He is a strong minded person and I am always reminding him that not everyone lives as we do and he doesn't run the world!!:D So if my son did that I would tell him quickly that it isn't his job to direct adults how to act, but if the trash bothers him that much he is welcomed to help those people out and clean it up! And in our family of course we will do our best to help others, set a good example and clean behind ourselves. But I also wouldn't have thought bad of you or your daughter if I had been there, just would have thought she was a smart and sassy little thing;)

Huge Kudos to your daughter! I'm proud of her! :)

Sometimes being the one to stand up and say what's right is a lonely thing--I have seen some of the comments on this site can be harsh...

OH WELL!

Congrats on such a brave, polite, upstanding child. Congrats on being the mama that raised her!

I believe that "every man is guilty of the good he did not do..." Your daughter will be one of the ones that DOES, not sits back and complains.

Best wishes and blessings to you and your daughter!

I don't think she crossed the line, they came back and cleaned up didn't they. They we just upset that a nine year old shamed them. Sad for them, good for your daughter!!!!

Personally, I would prefer her throwing the trash away or cleaning up on behalf of the adults as a way of demonstrating her value for cleaning up after oneself (which is definitely a great value to have!) In general, I personally do not feel comfortable telling other strangers what to do. I don't think it tends to go well. Beyond that however, my primary discomfort is with a child telling an adult what to do. As a child, her perspective is limited by development and experience. As such, there is a certain humility that I think is becoming on a child. Beyond this, in the long run, my concern for my own child would be the strained relationships and interactions that could result with teachers, adult family members, etc., as a result. The bottom line is that I don't think most adults will like being the recipient of a child's chastisement or correction. Having said all of this, how wonderful to have a child who is adopting pro-social values such as the importance of cleaning up. It is such a bummer when grown adults provide such a poor example to our kids. Good luck!!

Bravo to your little girl! While it may not be considered 'proper' by some for a child to criticize adults (particularly strangers), this is one of those situations where her actions were both instructional and inspirational to those around her. Too often we all ignore things we know we should do something about for fear of being rude or getting yelled at.
Tell hubby that while he may have felt it was the wrong time/place, you know that he wants his daughter to grow up to be a strong and secure woman and would never want to squash her ability to stand up and speak for herself. Then make sure he praises her strength and courage.

Hello, I think she was right in making a "grown up" behave like one, but I would have her be very careful. You never know how a person will react. I also hate it when people act like slobs and think that it is someone else's job to clean up.
I just love the honesty of a child. Sometimes we do have to laugh in our hands, but at least people know where they stand with children who can be honest.
Good luck with your precious little girl.
K. K.

Hi A.,

Your daughter absolutely did a good thing. I think that a good deal of the problems we have in our nation is that we are unwilling to stick up for what we believe in because we don't want to offend someone else. We need to change this with our kids - you are ahead of the game. Good for both of you.

What a proud moment! I would have been if it were my child, you have done good mama and daddy!

As long as she was polite about it - in tone of voice, body language, using "please" - it's perfectly acceptable.Your husband probably fears that people will think badly of your family, or that your daughter will alienate her peers. One of the hardest life lessons to learn is that people don't always have to agree to get along; I'd say your daughter has a good head start on being a responsible and respectful adult. Good for her!

I send her a high five!!

I Love it!!!!

I can't believe how lazy people are. It is ridiculous that so many different aged people think that it is okay to leave their mess for someone else to cleanup. As far as the people who said she could have cleaned it herself.....are you kidding? I think that it would definately depend on the situation, like an elderly couple who may appreciate the help, or a parent struggling with their kids, and have their hands full, but some twenty year olds...give me a break

Tell your daughter good job!!!!

I'd let your daughter lead her own life and make the decision herself.

This is great practice for adulthood and since the "right" decision isn't completely clear, all the more reason for her to come to her own conclusions. (Be available to talk about it and help her process things though.)

I dont think she crossed the line at all. She sounds much like my 3 year old son. I commend her for standing up for what she believes in and I commend you for raising a great daughter. I'm sure your hubby was embarrassed but he should be.

We have a problem in our society of today called laziness. People have gotten so hung up on living "free" and doing their own thing that the smallest considerations for others mean nothing to them. This wreaks of a very immoral way of thinking. People have become selfish and self-seeking in the America of today that they don't care what they do, what they say, how they act, etc. I applaud your daughter - we need more people to stand up like her and make sure that people are held accountable and responsible for themselves and others!!

I have to say that is one of the most innocent and sweet gestures that I have ever heard. Why would you expect anything other than rude looks from rude people that would leave trash. I thought that you were going to say that she picked up their trash and thought that was nice enough but this was precious...it does not even deserve praise, it deserves a "pay it forward" type acknowledgement. I will share this story with everyone I can for the innocent nature and possibly leave out the ugly response...I think the light need be on her sweet disposition and her integrity at such a young age...good for you!! Have your husband share the story a few times without the ugly repsonse as a "cute" story and when he hears the responses from everyone about her, he will be quite proud!

No, she was not out of line. We all have to share space on this planet, and littering/leaving garbage is disrespectful. I wish there were more people like your daughter in the world!

It was probably tough to take, they thought, from a pushy 9 year old, even if she was correct.

Updated

It was probably tough to take, they thought, from a pushy 9 year old, even if she was correct.

Alright for your daughter and props to you as her parents!!!! She did nothing wrong. As long as her tone was polite. Even if it wasn't it wouldn't make her intentions wrong, just the tone. The world needs more people like your daughter!!! The couple were probably embarassed they were called out. HAHA

Dear A., No she did not cross any line. And please tell her kudos from me. When i see someone litter or leave trash i say something, they usually don't like it but tuff.Thank heavens for your little girl. Please reward her with something, like and ice cream or a new cool school supply item. Thanks J. H.

I think she showed incredible maturity. Many people can be pretty inconsiderate, and for her to show that kind of concern for those around her at her age says a lot about not only her character, but yours as well. She did not say anything negative about them, she simply expressed her concern in a situation. A lot of people are so afraid of offending others and tiptoe around being PC that honesty is considered offensive now. Good for her for having standards and morals and the backbone to stand by them!

its an awful lesson we teach our children when we assume that adults know better because they are adults. your daughter was right on, and as long as her safety wasnt in question, i dont see how her age is relevant at all. She "embarrased" the adults? They SHOULD have been embarrased - they were wrong (and not in a subjective way - i dare anyone to say littering is OK). What an amazing job you've done rasing a child with such conviction. This hierchy of elders and arrogance disguised as respect is a lot of form over substance that teaches our children that respect is a game and not way of life - if anyone was disrespectful it was that couple and not your daughter. We sure can learn a lot from our kids!