Was I Inappropriate ? :\

As a former babysitter and nanny, I loved going to kid parties with them! Plus it's a break for the parents. And I'd hate for my girls to miss a party just because I couldn't go with them. Now if they still say she can't come, I wouldn't ask again, but you definitely weren't inappropriate!

First of all, it was a little rude for them not to RSVP in a timely manner, especially when they knew they couldn't make it. So it's not wrong for you to ask. As far as suggesting someone else could bring her, I don't think it's a big deal especially since you know them so well.

Just drop it now, they probably don't think anything of it...in a day or two they probably won't even remember there was a party.

I think it is ok. You might get a no but I think it is great you let them know that at least you let them know that it was ok if someone else brought the kiddo. I am a single mom and I sometimes feel like if I send a grandparent or sitter my friends might think - whoa, is she too good to drive her kid here? Does she hire someone to do everything???? etc. If you tee'd it up for me to have someone else chaperone, yes I would feel much less awkward about doing that and I would be thrilled my DD could go. Seems like a win win!

Sometimes our schedules dont allow us to party unfortunately.
I think it's inappropriate to ask a babysitter to bring a child to a pary (that's probably not considered normal job duty for the babysitter).
In the future don't beg people to come if they've already told you they aren't going to make it, that just puts pressure on them and can cause "distance" in your relationship with them.

I think it is fine. Sounds like you know their situation.. I have asked the same question.. Our daughter was/is friends with lots of her teachers kids.. You know they work so much, especially on teacher work days. Many times, we would invite their children over for events and their grandparents or caregivers brought them over.

Not rude at all.. If they did not want to do this, they would just decline.. No prob..

I think you were appropriate to ask. You're just letting them know how badly you'd like for their daughter to be there. They may have thought it was inappropriate for anyone else to take care. It's open communication which is the best way to resolve difficulties.

I think your previous relationship with the family is the best determiner of appropriate/inappropriate. If it was amiable, I'm sure they won't mind you asked.

At this point, I wouldn't mention it again. If your daughter wants to send her friend a card just to say 'hi', that's great. From my experience, our children don't always have the same investment in friendships that we do, so keep that in mind. I know some families just decline because they know their kids are pretty scheduled-out already. It's a hard choice to make. Yeah, ugh.

It sounds like you know them really well and were trying to solve a problem, absolutely no problem in my opinion. You were not asking them to miss work or have the babysitter drive an hour to your home...totally fine.

I think it's a bit rude for them to not RSVP and to not figure out a way to make it happen.

If the parent said "we can't bring her because we have to work"...it is then reasonable to say "It's fine for her to stay with us or for her nanny to bring her if you are ok w/ that" but to ask once they say "she can't make it" is a bit pushy but not horribly so.

I do not think you were inappropriate at all. If I were on the receiving end of this, I would think you simply really wanted my child to attend the party--nothing more than that!!

Generally, I think when someone says they can't make it...that's the answer, and it should be left alone.

I think you could have said, your presence will be deeply missed can I still drop by some cake and a goody bag later on we would love to visit.

it is very awkward to receive subsequent rounds of requests for attendance. "No" means "no" is what I tell my kids....& I know you only asked once & out of kindness! But it is still awkward to be on the receiving end of it.

Conversely, what would happen if you emailed & apologized for "sounding so pushy"? You could then ask if the child could spend the whole day with you.....with you providing the transportation to/forth. This would really show the family how much the child's attendance means!

No matter how you handled, please don't let 2nd thoughts worry you. All of this stemmed from kindness. :)

technically yes, it's inappropriate to press once the invitation has been declined. but technically they should have RSVPed so you shouldn't have had to ask again anyway.
but technicalities aside, i don't think it's a huge deal. in the future i'd accept their first answer as solid, but i doubt they're offended by your desire to have their daughter at your party. it sounds as if you all have a good relationship and it should weather this little blip just fine.
i think the best suggestion is kristina M's, to offer to drop off a goodie bag later.
khairete
S.

yeah, it seems a little pushy to say "oh, but couldn't you just xyz" if they already said "no". now, they have to say "no" again. i would avoid putting them or anyone else in that situation in the future. all that said, i'm sure they realize you didn't mean any harm, so try not to stress about it. another way to handle that situation, if it would be possible for YOU to do so, would be to say "little suzy was really hoping that little sara could come, if you're okay with it, i wouldn't mind at all picking up little sara before the party, keeping an eye on here, and bringing her home afterwards". that's about the only "rebuttal" i'd be comfortable giving to a "no" rsvp. hope she has a GREAT party!

I don't think it was inappropriate to try to figure out a solution, although I wouldn't have tried to bring in a third party to bring the child. That assumes that the third party (Gramma or nanny) would be willing to change plans to attend the party. They may already be watching the child due to the parents' work schedule, but may have other plans for the child already or may not be comfortable bringing the child to social situations like parties or whatever.

So what I would have done is offered to pick the child up for the party and let her stay until the parents get out of work so that the kids could have "an extended play together without the distraction of other kids around."

I would have offered to pick her up myself if I were you.

I don't think it's "wrong" to suggest the grandmother or nanny bring her, I would just think it would have occurred to them before that, right?

Not really an answer, but I always go back to anyone I think I may have said something unintentionally inappropriate to to clarify or apologize - just in case. I always give them an "out" when I do that, as well.

So, in your case, I would have e-mailed back and said: "I just realized how pushy I may have sounded in my last e-mail. My main concern was that your little girl would be missed at the party - I love the opportunity to see her, and so does my daughter. If it's too much trouble or not possible for someone else to bring her, I completely understand and there's no need to get in touch with me to let me know - your original "no" will stand unless I hear otherwise. Hope we can get together soon!"

Nah, I think it's all right. I would not allow my baby-sitter to take my kids to a party, but I would appreciate knowing that my child would be missed.