Rsvp'ing for Birthday Party

Bottomline: I think it would be fine for you to call.

However, let me explain from another perspective. Unfortunately, I have not rsvp'ed (sp?) in a timely way a few times. Most of those times have been due to my quandry of what to do with the sibling of the invited child. I have put off rsvp'ing to find out what my husband's schedule would be in order to know whether or not he would be home to care for the sibling, so I could take the invited child to the party. Then when I find out that my husband will not be free to watch the sibling I have put off calling because I haven't felt good about asking if I can bring the other child. I finally got up the nerve to ask this last time, but I felt horrible. We all got to go, but I felt like we were an imposition the whole time. Not too long ago, we received an invitation to a party, and there was a note at the bottom that said the sibling was welcome, too. What sweet relief! However, we had other commitments, so we weren't able to attend. All that to say, please keep this in mind when you are planning a party and sending out invitations. There are many parties we skipped simply because I felt it was rude to ask about bringing another child.

I don't think it's rude at all....you are the one paying for everything. I have been in this boat of not knowing exactly how many are coming and at the party having extra show up that didn't rsvp. I have noticed a better response by having on the invite "regrets only". Just a thought.

Definitely contact them. You can always blame it on the caterers, saying that they insist on a head count by x date. I don't know why people don't RSVP. I even had to call people before my wedding, because we didn't want to get stuck with extra (or not enough) steak dinners at the reception. The good news was that as we made the calls, we found out that a couple of people just had not received their invitations, so they got the bonus of a personally-extended invitation to my wedding.

I read through the responses you got, but just want to throw this out there. We got an invitation a while back that said Regrets Only. In my world, that means you respond only if your child cannot attend. We showed up to the party and the mother acted surprised to see us and that her child had asked a couple times if my child was attending and she hadn't known what to say. I apologized but told her that she should just put RSVP next time so it's clear. She did not seem to know that Regrets Only meant she'd hear only from people who weren't attending.

I don't know how you worded yours. I would call, right after drop-off time, and leave messages about how much your child hopes their child can attend and you want to know about food allergies, like others said. Good luck!

A

I would say call them. It is NOT rude.

What IS rude is not rsvp'ing for ANY reason. We are all busy. Get real. My kids are 16 and almost 14. It doesn't get better, but I have figured out how to manage and fly by the seat of my pants (serving pizza at a swimming party, so I can order 5-6 more if more kids show up). It always amazes me how disrespectful parents are. Dropping kids off at a swimming party and not bringing towels (or swim suits??) Not showing up until an hour or two after the party is supposed to be over, etc. But, the thing to keep in mind is that your kids are making memories, so it is important to continue having them. Have fun, too! It's not the kids fault that their parents didnt rsvp, so enjoy your time with them!

P.S. I also think it's incredibly rude to ask if a sibling can attend. I have two kids who are close in age. I would have NEVER thought to ask. I simply took my other child to do something special with me (or dad) while the other was at the party.

I have called and just said I was confirming a headcount for the party. If they're not home, leave a message. They usually call back. If your voice is pleasant when you talk to the invitees' parents, they don't seem to mind. I know it's a pain, and considered rude not to respond, but people are busy and forget. It's not about teaching manners -- it's about getting your headcount!

Good luck, and enjoy the party.

This is a big pet peeve of mine, too. Somehow, some people got it into their beliefs that RSVP is only for if you do intend to go. They should be calling to also say if they can't go and to thank you for the invite anyway. And then you have those who will inevitably show up without RSVPing. I don't think it's rude to call the day before and just let them know you're calling since you hadn't heard from them yet and need a firm headcount. You could add that you wanted to ask so incase their child is coming, you will have enough food for them and party bag (if you're doing those).

I feel your pain and also find not RSVP'ing to be extremely rude! This same things has happened to my son's parties, in addition to other showers, parties, etc that I've helped plan. It's ridiculously frustrating when you need that final headcount for food purposes, let alone just for "planning" itself to know how many people to expect! You'd think more people would understand that, but sadly I've noted it's a common decency that some people are without.

I would definitely call everyone individually, a couple days before your final headcount is due. Say something like "I just wanted to contact you personally because I hadn't gotten an RSVP and want to make sure that if you're coming, there's food enough for everyone! I'm sure you understand." Something gentle but to the point; hopefully that'll drive home to them that you need the information not out of being pushy, but out of planning.

Good luck!

I came across this this my oldest and it drove me crazy! I no longer put the address of where the party is on the invite so that if they want to come then they have to come. It works wonders.

Yes, it is OK to contact them to see if they are coming or not. It is they who are rude, not you. I would wait until the day before the day you need a final count and start calling people. Just be friendly and ask if so and so will be able to attend the party. No other explaining is needed. This is an all too common faux pas. It is VERY rude not to RSVP.

It's not rude of you to call, it's rude of them to no RSVP! Our society is totally loosing the common curtesys like RSVPing and thank you notes, etc. If you need to know by Wednesday, I'd call on either Sunday (when most should be home) or on Monday (you'll probably get more answering machines, but that may work for you too). I'd just say "I wanted to make sure you got the invitation to Sally's birthday party next week and was hoping to find out if you are planning on bringing Mary. Because I have to turn in a head count to make sure there is enough food and goodie bags it's important I know by Wednesday so we are prepared." If you leave a message, you might add "you can contact me by phone at xyz or via e-mail at ____@____.com I don't hear from you by Wednesday I will assume Mary won't be able to attend." If you still don't hear, I would assume they aren't coming. That's the best you can do. I know people have contacted me in the past (during crazy times and when I'm full of good intentions to call but somehow it slips through the crack) I always have apologized for the delay in the RSVP and I think most are OK, they are just trying to be prepared.

I have found that most parents will call either:
a) the day of the deadline you put on the invitation, or
b) call the day of the party.

Assuming that they call. I learned to make the deadline several days before I actually needed to know intentions. If you mailed the invitations, you have to assume the parent received it. If you had them passed out at school, you can't assume anything. My daughter has been known to tell me about a party the day of or the day before, and I have no number to RSVP b/c the invitation is at school.
Don't worry about calling to confirm intentions. It's not rude at all--go for it. Everyone with children knows you need to know, and many get caught up in their busy lives and forget to call. (no excuse, but it is what it is.)

Here's a simple formula for estimating attendance that I've observed over the years for most events:

--75% of the invited people will come if it is a good date.
--50% will come in the summer or a holiday. All of May and December can be low attendance times, due to many conflicts.
--Close to 100% will come if the invitees are primarily family and best friends.

The one exception I've had is when we worked with the 50% estimate when giving my son a slumber party for his 9th birthday during spring break. Every single kid came. All 20! Darn! (Most of them rsvp'd.) So, be prepared to deal with the maximum number of invitees until you get some "no" rsvp's.

I've done quite a bit of event planning, both for my family and for organizations. This formula is useful for preliminary planning, as well as dealing with non-rsvp'ers. Most of the people who don't rsvp will not come, and they don't realize they should have resvp'd "no". Assume that at least half of the silent ones will not come.

Frankly, it's usually not that crucial to have an EXACT count, so don't get too stressed or angry about it. It can cast a shadow over your pleasure in hosting the event. While I agree that neglecting to rsvp is the height of rudeness, you have to work with what you have.

Most of the time, there's more food than you need anyway, and you can use the leftovers for your family. It's wasteful to have extra party favors, but they can be donated to charity or the trinkets can be recycled as Halloween goodies. Party favors shouldn't be that expensive in the first place. Consider whether you'll spend more time and trouble confirming rsvp's than you would dealing with extra food and favors.

Have a great time at the party!

Diane

I an 18 and a 5 yr old, and have found it shocking over the years how many people do not RSVP when asked to do so. I have throw children's parties for 3 and up to 50 children. Most of those parties only have a handful of children that have RSVP'd.

Personally I do not see anything wrong with your calling the week before your deadline to see if they are coming or not. Say something like this:"I just wanted to follow up with you to see if (child's name) is coming to the party." Then explain you were trying to confirm the number so that you can make sure there is enough food for everyone.

Not giving an RSVP or a Thank You card are my two biggest pet peeves.

D.
SAHM of two: 18 and 5. Home Baker and Candy Maker. Married to the same wonderful man for almost 12 years.

Ugh! I get SO annoyed when people don't RSVP!
I definitely think it is ok to contact the parents to find out. Just let them know you need to get an accurate count to make sure their is enough food, etc. for everyone who will be there. A phone call is probably the most effective way, but if you don't have the number email works too.
Good Luck!

RSVP'ing frustrates me too. It just seems so many people don't bother anymore. I always call anyone I haven't heard from to double check on their plans. Just call and say something like, "I was wondering if you are going to be able to make it to _____'s birthday party this weekend?" No one ever seems offended when I call to check. It is not obnoxious at all to call those you haven't heard from. Sometimes people didn't intentionally, not rsvp, they just got busy, etc.

Good luck and have a fun party!

Hi M.,
I think it is totally okay to contact them to check if they are planning to attend or not.

It's not rude, as long as you say something like.."I am just calling to see if you received my daughter's birthday invitation, I know how the mail can be...." or "my daughter handed out birthday invitations and I just wanted to make sure your daughter got hers..."

I even called people about my wedding, and one guest didn't receive his invitation and was happy I called

I would call them and e-mail them so you know. How cares about excuses. I would rather know and not be surprised when they no show. Many of us just forget to RSVP and I have done this too. Or forget the party and a nice reminder is welcomed. Busy lives get in our way. God Bless and have a great party. G. W

I agree -- you should call and ask. You can always just say you have to turn in final numbers and want to make sure you give them an accurate count so there is enough food for everyone. Did you put a "RSVP by" date on the invite? If not, then I think it's fine to start calling Monday because you never know if people will get back to you right away. If you wait until Wednesday or Tuesday night, some people might call you Thursday or Friday after you have turned in a headcount.

Last summer was our first experience inviting others to celebrate my daughter's birthday (she turned four), and we had five out of 25 not RSVP. Since it was summertime, I figured some people were probably on vacation. But then I started worrying maybe the invite never made it to their home, etc. I saw one parent at my daughter's summer school recital and asked if they got the invitation. He said "yes". I then asked if they were planning to come. He said "I don't know. I'll ask my wife when she gets here." Even after that, they still did not tell me either way. Very frustrating! They invited my daughter to their son's birthday and asked for RSVPs, so I KNOW they know what it means. All five of the kids whose parents didn't bother to RSVP ended up in my daughter's class this year.

Good luck!

M.,

Go to www.dialmycalls.com! It is free and easy to sign up. You can record a message, send it to whatever phone numbers you want, and it will automatically call those numbers and play your messages. You can even do email (and text I think!)

I do this to send funny stuff to my family who lives all over the nation... I don't know if they like getting all of those pre-recorded messages, but I have a blast doing it!

You can say in the message that you have only heard from a few kids, and if they don't let you know they are coming, there won't be food or goodies for them! (More tactful though!)

After you sign up, you have to look for the free part. It will make you think you need credits to place a call, but you don't!

This is a great thing! Plus, you won't have to personally handle the awkward conversation, and turn it into something fun!

Hey M.,

It is not rude for you to call or e-mail. It is rude not to RSVP. If someone is offended, that is more there problem because you have a right to verify who is coming to the party.

But in today's busy live's, especially for working parents like myself who are not too organized, a reminder call or e-mail is welcomed.

Have a great party.

Okay, this is definately my #1 pet peve...not RSVPing to a party. For all the time and effort you put into your daughters big day, the least they can do is pick up the phone and call. But, we also have to be understanding that life gets in the way sometimes.
So long as you put a "Please RSVP by..." date on your invitations, it is perfectly acceptable to call them and say, "Just wanted to call to say hello and to also confirm you recieved the invitation to "Susie's" party. She would be tickled if Jimmy could make it. If you wouldn't mind giving us a call today to confirm." If you don't hear back from them, assume they are out, but hold back a party favor just in case. Trust me, once they get the reminder call, it will be they that feel bad, not you. Good luck!

I think it is fine for you to call. However, from my experience most of those who do not RSVP, do not plan on attending. That just seems to be the way it is working. Yes, I know they should RSVP to decline also.
We just had a party on Saturday and the only ones who called were those who were planning on attending.
Good Luck! I know it is frustrating.

HI... This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine... people, PLEASE RSVP when you get an invite, and send thank yous for gifts...its just good manners. :o)

I am sorry for your frustration, in my experience if they have not called they are not coming. and I have gotten several last minute (the day before) RSVPs sometimes so just plan for 2-5 more people that you think are coming and you should be safe.

Have a great party and just dont invite the people who dont bother to reply to your next event. :o)

BTW, I love to use www.evite.com that way you can send invitations by email as well as mail and send reminders and thank yous by email... its great!

A. J
www.celebritypartyfavors.com

This happens to me and all my friends. I'm sorry, mostly because it's rude not to let someone know if you can or can't come to their party. I would call and email asap. I would say " Hi I'm _______,_________ 's mom, Hi I'm sorry to have to call you, but I really need a good head count for the birthday party. Are you going to be able to come? Just you or how many kids? Adult? or well I'm sorry to hear that, gifts aren't expected or would you be willing to drop off your child". Some Parents don't have the money for a gift at the time of the party and they might be waiting for their schedules to call, some parents don't want to go to the party and feel it's a bad thing to just drop off the kids, which I feel is most of the parents now a days. Well, I hope I help with some ideas of how to handle your problem, and good luck.

Real Simple. You call them up and tell them you are trying to get the food finalized and need to know if their child will be attending do they have any food allergies. You tell her you know you can not accomodate everyone but at least you can guide each one on what is not for them to eat and maybe provide an alternate. Yo are not being rude but you also get your answer. good Luck with Party

My question is, how well do you know the people? Did you send invites to her whole preschool class? Or are these people you know personally? If you know them, I would call them; if they are kids you've never met, I would just assume they are not coming. IME, people usually only RSVP if they ARE coming.
Another thing, if it's a situation where you had DD hand out the invites in class (I'm just guessing she's in daycare or preschool; how else would she have so many friends LOL), it's possible some never made it home at all. My 5yo nephew is not always good about bringing them straight to mommy, she often finds them while digging through his backpack. In that case, you could call.
Good luck!

go ahead and include the "no" responses. left over items can be utilized within the family at a later date.

I don't think it's rude to contact them personally via phone or email to get their response, particularly if you need a certain head count. Some people still won't respond, just clueless about that and from there you'll just have to count on about half the non-responders coming. I've been frustrated by this in the past as well--you just have to determine how much you need the specific count to see if it's worth it to you.

I have gone through this recently. It really annoys me that people don't rsvp. It is up there with my pet peeve of people not sending a thank you note for a gift.

We had a party in Dec and I had not heard from several people for daughter's 14th bday. I was paying about $25/head and I had to give the club a count.

I did call people. My attitude was what the he$$...It was rude for them not to rsvp. I used email as well as phone. I said.....I am calling to see if ____ is planning to attend ___ on date/time. I need to give the club a head count and would like to know if you are coming.

The people who responded to that were embarrassed and apologized to me for no response.

We ended up with about 10 people who rsvp'd yes be a no show....about 4 who had no response showed up. I was po'd at the ones who had said yes and no showed. The environment I am in...I see some of these parents and I was rude enough to ask them later why they no showed. I got some blank faces and no answers but maybe they will follow through the next time they are invited to a party.....NOT OUR PARTY though.

I guess it is just the way people are nowadays. I was raised to be polite, write my thank you's and RSVP

I hope your party is a success.

I know how frustrating this is! When my son turned 5, we had just moved to a new neighborhood. We invited everyone in his kindergarten class. No RSVPs except from one of his friends from the old neighborhood -- and that was the ONLY child who came to the party! It was very upsetting.

I think people don't know what RSVP means. Some think it means call if you are coming; others think it means call if you are NOT coming. In subsequent years, I wrote out on the invitation "Please call to let us know if you are coming or not," rather than "RSVP," and that helped some, but not much. I would assume they are not coming, but I would also call if you have the time. THEY are the rude ones, not you!

Hi M.,
I is not rude to contact them...parents get busy and most are procrastinators...all you need to do is follow up wih them and simply say "we sent out Birthday invitations for ________and wanted to make sure you received yours. Hopefully you have. I've been asked by the caterer to give them a head count and wanted to make sure we had enough for everyone.Do you think _____will make it? Great we are looking forward to seeing _____. or I am sorry you will miss it, Thanks for letting me know"
I would contact them on Monday...hopefully it will only take 30 min to 1 hour and you will know who is and who is not coming to the party.
Hope you have a great 4th Birthday party for your daughter!
K.

It's probably rude - but it's not as rude as NOT RSVPing... I'd call and say, "Hi, this is so and so's mom. I'm calling to make sure (insert their kid here) received her invitation since the party is (insert date here) and I hadn't heard from y'all yet. (Let them answer here). Well - time gets away from all of us. I have to let the caterer (or party place or whatever) know how many guests we will have - will (their kid) be able to come? Fabulous - thanks for letting me know. (Or oh - gosh - we sure will miss (kid))."

That's how I would do it.

S.

I'm not sure if it is considered rude or not, but not rsvping for any reason is bad manners. I like the food allergy idea that someone else mentioned. I'd do that and will if ever in that position.

Hi M. -

I had the same issue when it came to my daughter's first birthday party. The way I handled it - is I sent out a mass email to those emails I had asking if they were planning on coming b/c I needed a final headcount. If I didn't have an email, I contacted them via phone to check to see if they recieved the invitation b/c I hadn't heard anything yet and I wanted to check to make sure they were able to make it. I did this a week beforehand, so I could prepare (i.e. food, drinks, etc).
In my opinion, it's very rude when people do not RSVP for an event and show up. The least they can do is give you a heads up. It never hurts to ask :)
Hope this helps.
Best of Luck!

Unfortunately, A LOT of people don't have the courtesy to provide a timely RSVP these days! Very sad!! It is rude for them to not RSVP; it is NOT rude for you to contact them--especially since you need a head-count for the food. I would simply say "Hi _____. I'm calling to see if _______ is going to be able to attend my daughter's birthday party." That's it. No need to explain anything further. Anyone who's ever thrown a party should know the host needs a head-count!!! Sorry, I guess I sound harsh, but the non-RSVPers upset me greatly. I hope your party is fantastic!! :)

Not rude to call or email.

Forgetful people appreciate the reminder and will usually apologize for not rsvp-ing. They just forget or it's been on their list of "things to do" or they lost the crazy invitation.

Do call!

What's RUDE is not RSVPing as soon as you get the invitation! Why is this so rampant. People need to start using their manners. Call them if you have to- you need to know. Just say ,since you havent heard from them you just wanted to find out if they will be able to make it.

I would also just call parents with a "Hey, I just wanted to make sure you got the Invation to the Party."

I have been complaining for years about the lack of RSVP's. My oldest is 22 now and it is still no suprise when people dont RSVP.

When I planned my father-in-laws 80th Suprise Party, His friends were all great about RSVPing. But of course they are all from a time when you did that and sent out Thank you notes. Yet at the same time the only way I found out his daughter and her family were coming was because I ran into her Husband the weekend before at Home Depot.

Maybe if we all start calling people it will help bring back good manors!! :) Wishful thinking I know but so worth it!

I totally feel your frustration! My 7 year old son's party is this afternoon, and there are still a few people I didn't hear from. I got about 4 RSVPs as soon as they went out. The rest all came yesterday and the day before. I did e-mail a couple people, which I'm glad I did, because they RSVPed a yes. I usually assume, no RSVP means they aren't coming, in fact, I worded my invitation as such "please call or RSVP if you plan to attend." I even put a date on it, but I still got some later. I'd plan for a couple extra people. It is frustrating to try to plan something when no one will tell you if they are coming. I also try to always RSVP as soon as I get an invite, and those people I've done that to, are the ones that reciprocated! I feel your frustration though! Even my own sister-in-law never bothered to RSVP (and no, my in-laws are not automatically assumed to come like I'd assume of my own family). Anyway, I hope you have a great party!

I don't think it would be rude to call at all! They might even appreciate it. I know I've misplaced an invitation a time or two... I would just say that I wanted to make sure they'd gotten the invitation and were coming.