My nearly 10 month old is a terrific happy child- in fact she's the happiest person I know. I don't know how she is so cheerful when she sleeps so terribly! I had to get up with 7 times last night (granted the last 2 were because of thunder). Sometimes she is truly hungry, other times she just needs me to rock her or pat her, or put a pacifier in her mouth. I have read horrible things about "Cry it out", that the stress hormones released in the body when crying so hard can actually damage neurons causing effects like ADHD later on.... I am very tired, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to damage our bond by leaving her to cry- but what can I do?
I read the book "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. I followed alot of the advice in the book. It took awhile, but she is usually sleeping 6 hours before needing some water, then dropping right back off to sleep- all of this WITHOUT having to let her "cry it out" (cry desperatly for mom until she gags then gives up all hope of comfort and is finally forced to sleep)or damage our close relationship. We are all happy and rested!
I have never heard of the "damage that crying can cause" and I have two girls. One piece of advice I will give you is to NEVER NEVER bring the child to bed with you. We started this when my daughter was 2 and she is now 5 1/2 and we now have a "family" bed. My pediatrician advised us to let her cry.
Hmmm, I dont think letting her cry out for 2 nights is going to give her ADHD. After trying practically everything from EVERY book(routine,music,cereal in bottle,swaddling,etc), I finally resorted to the cry it out method. It lasted 2 nights and he's been sleeping from 8pm-7Am ever since. The only time he wakes up is if he is sick. Otherwise, he sleeps like a log. :)
Its very hard to do though...and takes a WHOLE lot of willpower. I laid on the floor in his room both nights. The 3rd night he cried for about 5 minutes and was out like a light for the rest of the night.
If you're not comfortable doing it, don't. Like I said, its very hard. You literally have to ignore your child which is one of the most difficult things in the World to do. But I was so sleep deprived and I gave myself a 3 day limit. If it didnt work after 3 nights, I was going to forget it,but it worked.
Hopefully you find a solution because she needs her sleep too. She is almost a year old so its time she slept through the night b/c before you know it, she'll be ready for a real bed.
Mine started sleeping through the night at 8 months. I hope to have our new baby sleeping through the night by 6 months.
Get the book the Baby Whisperer. I called it my baby Bible! It is not a "cry it out" method.
For one, "crying it out" REALLY helps a childs lungs. Crying it out also does not leave your child in screaming pain.. it means that when a temper tantrum, or a little discomfort happens, let the child cry. If you don't, you'll NEVER get an ounce of rest, as you are experiencing.
I, myself, chose to let my daughter cry. She's fine, perfect... very smart, she's 4 and writes her name, she's been saying her ABC's for years, she speaks to you in sentences, she knows how to change nouns naturally, she can chose to use contractions or seperate the words.
My own mother let me cry a minimum of 45 minutes to an hour every day... or every tantrum I should say. This will help teach some indepenence as well. Just make sure when you are spending time with baby, it's quality time, and they won't ever feel as if you are neglecting them.
In the meantime, while making your decision, good luck getting sleep!
As hard as it is to hear your little one cry, it really is best to let her cry. With both of my children I've had bouts of night time crying, but both times I've been able to ease them both back into self soothing. When your little one cries, go to them and find out what is wrong, They may need a diaper change or are hungry. Once you've taken care of their needs, settle them back down and put them back in bed. Try not to talk or turn on the lights. Then leave the room. At first your little one will cry a lot, let them, but set a time limit. I would allow for 10 minutes of crying and then I would go back in and try to soothe them. Don't pick up your baby. Then leave again. With my daughter it took about a week of going back every 10 to 15 minutes. With my son I knew better and allowed him to cry from the start. The longer you wait on teaching them to self soothe, the harder it is on you and them.
My 8 mth old was sleeping thru the night, but when teething came he'd wake up occasionally. Silly mom nursed him back to sleep and that was a mistake. After teething ceased, he was still waking up 3-4 times just so I would come get him and comfort him; when I realized i was creating a wake-up in the middle of night monster, I decided to let him cry it out. It really was a last resort for us but it has worked. He cried maybe 10-15 minutes before going to bed for about 3 nights in a row...i went back in his room to make sure he really was ok only 1 time each night (rather than 4 or 5 like i was doing). If he woke up in the middle of the night, I'd let him cry it out also, and after 5-7 minutes he went back to sleep. NOW he sleeps immediately when I put him down and doesn't cry in the middle of the night b'c he knows I'm not going to come pick him up. It was emotionally very very hard for me to do this but it worked, and he's fine.
I second "The Baby Whisperer". I read this when my son was 6 weeks old. It has helped us out tremendously throughout his 2 years. You can also go to babywhisperer.com and post questions on the message boards that other moms that practice this method will answer for you. I found this very helpful. If you don't understand something in the book, post a question and you will get many responses. The author does not advocate "cry it out" at all. Read it. I think you will be very happy (and better rested)!
Before resorting to "cry it out," you may want to step back and take a look at the bigger picture. First, you want to make sure your daughter is getting enough food during the day so that you can eliminate night feedings. Teething could also be the cause, it caused my first born to be an extremely restless sleeper and to wake from sleeping at times. If teething is the culprit, I would highly recommend Hyland's teething tablets, they are natural and they work like magic. And, of course, the wakefulness could be out of habit and in that case you may need to change your routine for how you handle the waking sessions. I think allowing a bit of crying is perfectly safe. I certainly wouldn't let it get to the point that she is inconsolable, but 10-15 minutes of light to moderate crying can do wonders for teaching her to self-soothe. By ten months she is more than capable of putting a pacifier back in her own mouth, if she falls asleep without it in her mouth just make sure it's close her in the bed so she can find it easily, you may even keep two or three in the bed near her so that there is one at the ready should she wake. Letting her go to bed with a stuffed animal(child safe of course) may also help, if she wakes she can cuddle with it and drift back to sleep. I hope some or all of this will be of help to you - I wish you the best of luck with your little one :)
I was completely against the cry it out method, but after trying a lot of different things (including the baby whisperer), I gave it a shot. I would give myself a time limit though for the crying.
Here's what I'd do: Pacify immediately upon crying, then give five minutes of crying and pacify, then give 10 minutes of crying and pacify, then give 15 minutes of crying and pacify. I never did over 15 minutes though--just keep repeating the 15 minutes until they go to sleep. And resist the urge to pick them up and feed them--you'll just move backwards. I found that during the 15 minutes portion he'd usually stop after 2 minutes and go to sleep. I turned the monitor off during this debacle and just set my alarm. If you can't get her to stop crying, try a bottle with water in it (given in the crib)--a suggestion from a night nurse that kinda takes the edge off if a pacifier or a gentle touch won't work.
Oh, and if your daughter then wakes up again, you just start over. It will be a rough 2 or 3 (or more) nights, but you have to ask yourself, "How long do I want to be waking up 7 times a night?" Hang in there! We're all rooting for you.
