Did Extionction Sleep Training Take a Long Time for Your Baby?

Best advice I can give you is that your child is a unique creation of God. No "system" of sleep training is going to work perfectly. So many people told me I needed to let my son "cry it out". You know what, it just didn't feel right -- and it didn't work. I did try it, not for whole nights, but for periods of time. Sometimes, your child is just not emotionally ready to soothe himself. That was my son. And you know what -- by about 8 months he was sleeping 10-12 hours straight through the night. It was awesome! AND he knew that he could trust his Mama and Dada to get him when he was scared or sad. My son is confident and secure around others, and is very sociable having no worries of "where Mama is" if I'm not right next to him -- he knows I will be there when he needs me.

I know, this method is not "convenient" for parents who try to fit thier child into THIER world. . .but this is a child who needs us to adjust to them for awhile.

Our children are gifts from The Creator who has entrusted us to raise and care for them -- and we need to do the best job possible. We will answer for that.

If you feel as though you are in tune with your child -- anticiaptes needs before they are expressed, can tell the difference between a "diaper cry" and a "hungry cry", etc., -- then you should feel confident that you already know what's best for your child's "sleep training". Don't be made to feel stupid or wrong because everyone else is telling you something else. Nod politely, say "thank you" and do what's best for your child. And pray for guidance.

It just breaks my heart to read the posts of how parents put their kids on schedule and "only allowing 30, 40, 1+ hour of crying" before they act on it. These are tiny, totally dependent, and vulnerable human beings entrusted to our care and LOVE. They are growing and developing and do not have physical capacities for self care. What is this concept of self-soothing for a few-month-old baby?! Perhaps, they should be self-providing too -- because having a new baby is expensive as well.
How is it possible to trust some stupid book and ignore the very obvious and clear signals that they are distressed, hurting, hungry? I think something has gotten in our brains and hearts, if we can follow some artificially invented techniques at the expense of a well-being and emotional health of the child who can not speak for themselves, and only can communicate their needs by crying. This is how our kids turn into adults who have intimacy problems, isolation, fears, panic attacks, and all sorts of emotional problems.
This is not to pass judgment on the new parent--it is a hard job and overwhelming at times, but a plea to listen to your HEART rather than following some cold and cruel technique!

That method worked perfectly for my son, whom we started at 5 months due to TOTAL sleep deprivation. I used to sit outside his door and cry, but when he did start sleeping, he went down happy, stayed asleep, slept longer and woke up happy. It was a miracle cure!

With that said, we didn't have quite as good luck with my daughter. Her "staying power" (or lung power) were unbelievable. Overall, I think she needed to "wind down" with a good cry each night.

If it feels like it's just lasting too long, you might think about what else it could be...is it laying flat that is bothering him? Digestive issues can be exacerbated this way. My son had to sleep in a car seat in his early days, so he wouldn't be flat.

Also, did you just happen to start during a growth spurt? I found with my daughter, it was easier to get up, nurse her quickly (in bed) and then put her back down. Much quicker than listening to it for hours. This was only in the middle of the night, but at nap time, she was on her own.

Finally, I would add that it wasn't until we cracked down on nap time that he immediately began sleeping through the night. I believe he was so sleep deprived, he couldn't put himself to sleep. So don't skip naps in an effort to get your kid to sleep through the night, it can have the opposite effect.

Good luck!

K., Mother of 3 kids, ages 9, 7 and 4

we used the same book for sleep assistance. perhaps he isn't getting enough sleep? try moving his bedtime up 1/2 hr. that's what worked for us.

Before you go any further, please read the book, "Why love matters" by Sue Gerhardt
A review of the book sums it up like this:
"A wonderful book full of research that connects the nature v. nurture argument, explaining how sensitivity to a baby's needs- and a caring response- can actually affect how a baby's nervous system develops scientifically. I would recommend it to all new parents."
I get so sad when I read that these mothers are giving in to pressure and letting their babies cry it out for hours! its insane!
I considered it and let my 9 month old cry it out but was so ashamed after two 20 minute blocks that i quit that "technique" forever. I read all the books by Elizabeth Pantly, all the books by Marc Weissbluth, and even Dr. Spock and Ferber. The only thing that actually worked was to trust my instincts with my own baby and nurse him all night for a long time and then less each night till he now sleeps all night in his bed at 3 years old. Good Luck!

While I never allowed for either of my sons to cry for the length of time or at the same age you have described, I did use the "cry it out" so the baby can learn to "self soothe" method. My experience has been with both of my sons that if they cried for longer that say 20-30 minutes something else was going on with them. Which could be anything from hunger (when they were younger), to congestion/cough, to gas and even just pure hysteria. In each of these instances especially the last two I mentioned if either my husband or I would pick them up, hold them on our chest with their head on our shoulder for even just 2-5 minutes. In almost every instance the gas would come out or they would stop crying hysterically and begin to breath calmly (even if they weren't back to sleep). Then we would quietly tell them "I love you. You are safe. Go to sleep." Then we would leave.
If the crying was less hysterical we would just rub or pat their backs for the same amount of time, say the same things as above and repeat as necessary. This worked well for both boys and I my mind taught them each self soothing in a logical systematic yet sensitive manner. Hope that helps.

My daughter never ate through the night after about 3-4 months old, and my doctor said they can easily do an 8 hour span between feedings at this age. At 6 month old my daughter slept from 7:30-6 without eating and she has always been in the 99 percentile for weight. I think the night feedings become habit and wake them up more often.

I think 5 mos is too young. Feed him.

It never did work. I finally gave up keeping my baby on such a regimental routine. I started feeding within fifteen minutes of crying.Both of us were happier. He eventually got through the night just fine, especially after I started giving pablum before he went to bed for the night. There is a difference between fussing and hard crying. Your six month old boy is a baby.

I am not familiar with the sleep method you are using. I read the book "Baby Wise" by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam, MD. It worked for all 3 of my kids. They slept through the night by 8 weeks old. Your schedule should be eat, wake time, and nap time (In that order). If your child has a full stomach, plays and is stimulated --they should sleep well. Is your child eating 4-6 liquid meals , 3 of those with baby food? I think crying for hours is too long. I would let mine cry for 15 mins. while they got themselves to sleep. If you stick with it they will get the schedule- it will be worth it. Hope that helped.

L.,
I did sleep trainig from the same book. It took 2 weeks longer than the book recommended (I can't remember exactly what timeline the MD author gave, but know it took longer than recommended). At some age/wt, infants no longer need to be fed during the night. I am not sure where you infant is in regards to the weight aspect of the equation. However, I just started the sleep training with my 2nd baby, who is 5 months b/c he weighs enough that he should be able to make it through the night. Because I know he weighs enough to make it through the night, I let him go until he falls back asleep. However, before I did the complete cry-it -out, I had my husband try to soothe him. This worked to calm him, but then he cried once my husband put him down. We did this for one week prior to the complete cry it out stage. The MD/author recommended that to understand/know if the baby reallly needs to eat OR just needs to be soothed. In our case, the baby needed to be soothed b/c he stopped crying once my husband held him. Crying it out if sooooooo hard. Best of luck!

I used this method and eventually ended up with a child who sleeps great. I didn't successfully do it until my son was 9 months though. I tried it when he was a little younger (maybe 5 months) and it was just too difficult on both of us. I stopped and tried again when he was 9 months old and it worked after just two nights (he cried for 45 minutes the first time and then 30 minutes the second time). I figured it was because he was just stronger, ate more solids, and exerted more energy during the day, etc. Good luck.

I am not familiar with that program but I always say if its not working do something else. I think that is too long for the baby to cry, he needs to know that you are there when you need him especially at this age. I always just waited until right before they were all the way asleep then put them in the crib and keep your hand on his back for a while so he doesnt feel like you dumped and ran...thats what worked for me anyway, but you have to find whats best for you and him.

I am still working on getting my 5 month old back in his crib after a 3 or 4 am feeding, and he doesn't tend to cry alot, just stays awake. However, I just watched a program on Nightline that talked about the dangers of letting your baby cry for extended periods of time. Some experts say that it can cause brain damage. Many people swear by Baby Wise. Good Luck!

I love Weisbluth's book and even though my oldest is 3.5yrs old and my youngest is 15mos it's still my bedside reference. The decision to not nurse in the middle of the night is really tough and you may find that he's truly waking out of hunger. We waited until 12mos with my oldest to do the check & console method (graduated extinction) and he seemed to get more angry each time we turned around to leave again (even though he melted onto us as soon as we picked his hysterical little self out of the crib) but after the 3rd day he stopped waking up. That said the fact is he knows you have the "goods" and will be angry you're not offering them. I'm sure both you and your husband need more solid sleep (who doesn't!) so you should pick a 3day weekend (or create one) and make the commitment to enforce your policy for those three days. Your husband will be the one who goes in when he wakes up (so he knows there's no nursing to be had) but you are both awake to support each other. I was in the living room crying knowing I could just "fix" things by nursing but exhausted parents are not good parents and overall family health has to be the priority at some point. Dragging it out beyond three days just makes your feel cruel instead of determined and it's better to resign to nursing through the night for another month than hoping things will "fix themselves". Then try another 3day baby bootcamp to see if he's ready. Make sure you are nursing well during the day (and believe me after the 1st night of baby boot camp your little one will nurse like a champ in the morning)... not snacking but actually having "meals". Then decide which interval you feel comfortable feeding in the middle of the night and only nurse at those times. You will be back on duty for middle of the night cribside chats after the 3 days so you need to mean business when it isn't time to eat. Good luck.

Stef:)
SleeplessInSiliconValley

Have you tried using the sleep sheep, an aquarium, or sound machine to help with the process? My girls had trouble sleeping and we use these soothing sounds/music to help them fall asleep. I also sometimes use a projection that rotates pics of sheep, moon, etc...on the ceiling.

We had to use the Ferber method and in less than 2 weeks my one twin baby girl that was still having trouble at 8 months old, is now sleeping 12 hours a night!

I had read that the max to let the baby cry is one hour...then go back to bouncing the baby to sleep (we used an exercise ball) or rocking/gliding chair...whatever you did before...

Hope this helps. Good luck!

L.,

Keep in mind not all babies are alike and some may sleep through the night at a young age and others will not. I would take it as a sign your baby is not ready to sleep through the night. 5 months is still young. I would hold off on the efforts for another month and try again. Crying for hours doesn't seem like the way to go...what is your gut telling you?

good luck,
E.

All babies wake in the night at times throughout the first year. All babies need to be soothed and/or fed every few hours for the first several months of their lives. You would probably get a lot more sleep, have a happier and more healthy baby and much more peaceful nights by just responding to his needs no matter the time of day. This period of parenting is very short and babies (like adults) don't always eat at exactly the same time each day. What does your intuition say? How do you feel when he is screaming for hours? If it bothers you as I'm sure it does then it is not right. The answer lies not in someone else's idea of what may have worked for them but in your own heart.

Did this behavior begin after you started applying the method? Was your routine more manageable before trying this method? Not all methods are for all babies? If this is more difficult than before you started, keep researching and find a way that works for your family. Best of luck.

Hi!
I think I may have read the same book that you are referring to. Even though I never finished it. Since your baby is still only 6 months old, I don't see why you shouldn't feed him when it is his feeding time. Some people are lucky enough that their kids do fall asleep and stay asleep during the night, but sometimes it isn't that simple for some babies. Also sometimes it isn't because they are hungry it could be because they just want something thing to comfort them. Some people give their babies a water bottle during the night. Does he use a pacifier? You could see if that would help comfort him just during the night, when he wakes up frequently.
All of the best.

L.,
Hang in there mom, I think sleep deprivation is the hardest part of being a new parent. I have two kids myself, 13 and 3. My 13 did not sleep thru the night until 6 months, until I read the book (How to solve your childs sleep promblems) by Dr Ferber. It was a life saver for me then. After I followed the instructions delligently for 3 nights, my daughter slept thru the night. She is a great sleeper still. My son on the other hand not so great, partially my fault for not staying to a better routine. So finally at 15 months or so I stopped nursing him at night and he finally slept better. I would suggest that you go find that book and following the advice consistently and you and your baby will be much happier. I can say that as I talk to mothers, I often hear that their kids are still waking up and nursing or demanding a bottle well into 2,3,4 years. It is a myth that babies just outgrow bad sleep habits. I think from exsperience and from listening to other moms, a restless baby needs loving, yet firm boundaries to help him/her get into the habit of a good nights sleep. I wish you all the best and know that your doing the right thing by starting to implement a good routine early on and not waiting until your child is 3 or 4 and still not sleeping all night. God Bless!

Does you baby sleep on her tummy. A friend of mine started putting her baby on her tummy and that helped quite a bit. Can your baby turn over bc it is ok once the baby can turn over. Also, if hers cried more than an hour than she nursed him. She kept to a strict schedule.

The very best book I've seen about sleep is "the No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. You can check out her philosophy at www.pantley.com/elizabeth

In our experience, the cry-it-out method not only didn't work, but it also made getting our son to sleep even harder. It got him so wound up, the whole system just backfired, and besides we found it to be very cruel. I just had to put my self in my son's shoes, and then I knew I wanted a gentler method.

A healthy bedtime routine helped us a lot also. We'd do the same things every night, in the same order (bath, massage with lavendar oil, diaper change, nursing, rocking, singing). Eventually, we were gently able to limit the amount of time we rocked him, and could simply lie him down while he was sleepy but still awake. It was a far gentler approach, and I look back on those days with fondness, knowing that we gently and calmly taught our son to put himself to sleep.

We also had to remember that have different cries for different reasons, and if we chose to ignore all of his cries, he'd stop trying to communicate, and just scream.

Best of luck to you. I do hope you're able to prioritize developing a healthy, trusting relationship with your child over your concern about ruining the training.

I would put off the training to 6 months (if you arenursing) so you can be sure he has enough food-that is what my ped recommended.

We did the cry it out method at about 5-6 months and it worked well. That being said, I never had to let him cry more than 30 - 45 minutes. A friend of mine had a harder time, similar to yours, when she talked to her doctor, the doctor told her that if the baby isn't picking up on th physical side of the training, you need to wait until they are at least a year and try again. That way they are older and can better understand you when you say what you are doing, and set a strict bedtime routine. I would suggest more than anything, asking your pediatrician. I still question what to do, and have horrible nights. It seems as though sleep is affected by every change a baby goes through, so you might have to wait, but talk to your doctor first.

I realize you are not interested in opinions, however I do believe your baby is too young to let him 'cry it out'. Especially if he's crying for so long. He should be feeding every 2-4 hours so I'm sure he just needs your comfort and is also making himself hungry by getting so worked up.

I'd wait until 7 or 8 months when he's eating solids regularly and can begin to self soothe. You can also try the slef-soothing technique during the day before you do it at night.

i have a friend who bought that book and still never got him to sleep through the night. you can keep trying and see how it goes. there's so many methods out there. not sure if any of them really work or its our kids adjusting themselves with time and age. :) good luck and keep us all updated if you find anything that works

I used the Baby Wise method for all my boys (which sounds similar to what you are using). The first 2 slept through the night (midnight to 5am) by 6 weeks, and the 3rd one was doing the same by 8 weeks (all on their own doing). My boys all had birth weights exceeding 8.5 pounds, and their growth was always in the 90th percentile (height and weight). They nursed for about 7-10 minutes on each side every 3 hours or so during the day, so we knew that going 5 hours between feedings at nighttime would not inhibit their growth any. I never nursed my boys to sleep. I would nurse them each time they woke up from a nap, then we would have play time followed by nap-time. When we put them down to sleep, we would rock them for a few minutes, then put them into bed awake, and play a lullaby CD in the room. If they happened to wake up between midnight and 5am, my husband would go into their room and comfort them for a few minutes, then start the music CD again. Normally within 15 minutes they were asleep again.

No, it took about a week, but she was 9 mos old. I think you should keep trying, it is the hardest thing you will do, but you will be so happy when your baby sleeps through the night. I have a 2 mo old now and I plan on trying CIO (cry it out) at about 3 mos old. My problem is that we live in a small apartment.
good luck

I haven't heard of that training method...
BUT - I found that both the sleep Lady method & Ferber did NOT work for my son. Ask your Pediatrician - but I was told by mine that my son should have been eating more during the day and started on solids he should sleep all night at 6 months. My son was 5 weeks preemie so I always added a month to whatever the baby books said were miletones.
My son was very active and social & since I nursed him every 90 minutes round the clock, he was a 24-7 party animal.
I ended up just letting him scream his little head off without trying to sooth him or let him see me. If he saw me he would howl - I slowly realized he was ANGRY not scared.
Being a smart kid he realized by night 3 that all of that energy spent on crying was a waste of time and he gave up. He gradually cried less each night. He nursed longer during the day and ate his baby foods with gusto. We were a basket-case and I'm sure the neighbors hated us, but it was smooth sailing after 4 nights & we learned to put him in bed awake.
Now he is 3 and potty training is equally challenging.
I think this is a touchy subject - especially to the OLDER grandma-types & you're going to get a few judgemental replies - just delete them.
You deserve a full night's sleep & your baby will catch on.
Maybe a chat with your Pedi will give you peace of mind.
lemme know how it goes...
A.
Mom to Ian

If YOU cried in the middle of the night I could come to your side and be attentive to your needs. My first child would not sleep through the night at age 6 month. To this day she only requires 4 - 5 hrs of sleep at the age of 41

I have 3 kids and we did sleep training with all three. They all started waking up in the middle of the night again at 5 months. My mother in law said this happened with all of her 5 kids too. Her advice was always not to pick them up or feed them in the middle of the night because then they will expect it and the sleep training will take longer. Instead, you should start giving your baby more food during the day. Sometimes I followed her advice and sometimes I picked them up and fed them...sleep deprivation will make you do anything! In my experience the sleep training didn't really stick until about 7 or 8 months. One thing that we found is that if the sleep training gets interrupted for some reason, like travelling, not enough food, or getting the baby up; it usually takes 3 days to get back to normal. Do you let the baby cry out for naps too or just at night? It was always so much easier for me to let them cry out at nap time or when I first put them down around 7pm. Then I could find something else to do so I wasn't so focused on their cry. At night it's sooo hard to just lie in bed and listen to them. Another thing I would do is go in and check on them to make sure they were ok and not all wet or poopy. If they needed a diaper change I would try and leave the light off and not pick them up but just change them in the crib. Other times we would pat their backs and tell them we love them and then go out again without picking them up. Be careful with this one. Sometimes it was helpful but many times it just made the baby mad and she would start crying even louder. My kids are all really good sleepers because we taught them to put themselves to sleep but it's really hard in the beginning so hang in there.

-H.

Hello L.,
I too read this book (and BabyWise) and tried extinction. I'm surprised it's been 3 weeks though and it's still not working for you. That makes me wonder if it's a habit or if he's not getting enough food during the day. I noticed that once I switched my son onto formula only at about 5 months the plan went much better during the night. I didn't realize that he wasn't getting enough breastmilk from me during the day, and was truly hungry at night. I didn't really implement extinction until he was on formula only, despite what the book says. Once he was on formula, the doctor told me to make sure he was getting about 32 oz day (he was about 18lbs at the time). Then I could be reassured that when he woke up crying he wasn't actually hungry. My doctor supported the methods in these two books, saying a baby of my son's size (typically a 6-month-old size) should be sleeping 10-12 hours a night already. He was following a pattern more like your son though. It did start out with an hour of crying twice a night, then only once a night, then once but only for a half an hour and so on. I think the process took maybe 5-7 days. I wouldn't go in the room at all though when he cried. I wait until I was sure he was asleep to check and make he was ok. Do you stay out completely? I also found that putting him into his crib slightly awake made a huge impact towards success(as opposed to falling asleep in my arms completely then putting him in the crib). I also keep a fan going in the room so there is always white noise. Did this with my daughter too. Helps some people sleep better (even me) I find.

Hi-
I have this book too, along with the No-Cry Sleep Solution recommended by another mom. We tried extinction with our 6 mo old, but found it got him too riled up and we simply couldn't stand hearing him cry for hours at a time. My pediatrician recommended the Ferber approach instead: let them cry for a few minutes, then go in and gently rub the tummy, but not picking the baby up. Then leave the room. Baby may still cry, and if so, you repeat the visits to him every 3, 5, 7, 9, etc. minutes so you are gradually increasing the amount of time between your going to the baby. THis creates less of a dependency on you to help him to sleep. We stopped feeding him when we comforted him too, because that was creating a dependence on feeding for going to sleep. We also make a conscious effort to put him to bed awake, so he learns to soothe himself to sleep, and changed his bedtime routine so feeding is not the last thing we do before the lights are turned out. It will take a few weeks, but we are already noticing a HUGE improvement after less than two weeks - he used to wake up 3x/nt, and now he often sleeps the WHOLE night. Good luck - you will get there!

With my first daughter I tried and failed after many ,many nights sitting crying behind the door myself. She was 4 months old when I gave up on the method. I've been sleeping well through the night ever since and never had a night up with crying babies again. I have 3 beautiful, happy, kids ,a great husband and we are sleeping through the night.

i tried to do that and i quit!! it's horrible! my son has cried for 2 hours and that is just wrong! i think part of the problem right now is that he's teething and he needs comfort.

Hi, I have three children and have dealt with sleep very differently with each one. My first child, we read the books that told us to go in every five minutes, have a very boring face, and not speak to him. We did this for it felt like years, it didn't seem to work with my son. Some nights he cried himself to sleep, other times I cried myself to sleep!!! The books really did not address the difficult children. Going to bed at night seemed to be something that did eventually work, and we could place him in his crib and eventually he would go to sleep by himself. However, when he woke in the night, there was nothing that seemed to work. By the time he could get out of bed, he was making his own way into our room, so we placed a stair gate in his room. He eventually learned to climb over that and would sleep on the floor at the bottom of our bed. When he was four years old, I had baby number two, he then decided that he was now too big to come into our room and slept through the night from then on!!! All that training that made our nights miserable, people would say that we were the ones doing things wrong, I don't know what it was. When he was ready is when it worked.

We started to train him only when he was not nursing through the night. He would get his bottle once in the night, we did just as the book said, feed him without switching lights on, don't speak to him until it is time to put him down and use the same saying you do when placing him to bed at night.. Our was a little prayer song.

With child number two, we decided to do things differently and wait until she was about 18months. She was so much easier, she would feed and go back to sleep on her own anyway. I gave up nursing, so we decided it was time to train her to not wake up. Again every five minutes and the boring face. It worked like a charm.

Child number three had health issues so I kept him in my room until he was 2 and a half. So I would train him to wake up. As soon as he made a sound it woke me up and I would do everything wrong, bring him in to bed, feed him and fall asleep. When he changed rooms, I didn't hear him so easily so he slept through the night. (Saying that he is now almost five and waking in the night again!!!)

Good luck, I know how you feel. I do believe that it works with some children but not with all. I think whoever wrote those books had easy babies. My kids are the proof, worked with one but not the other!

If a baby is crying it means they have a need, from being hungry to reassurance. He is only six months old, and it's normal for six month olds to need nourishment in the middle of the night. Leaving them crying for two hours is not good for him, or you. It would be better for him and you, to simply feed him at the time he is hungry in the middle of the night, and be done with it in thirty minutes than depriving your son, and you, of sleep for hours out of the night.

I really advice you to read the book "The no-cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It is NOT a quick fix but it does give you great tools to help TEACH your baby to fall asleep on their own. Your baby needs help to learn how to fall asleep... he may not be able to do it on his own.

Sleep has been a challenge with my daughter as well. She is 16 months old now and mostly sleeps through the night... teething still throws us for a loop and keeps us up for hours sometimes.

I do not agree with letting babies lay and cry for long periods of time. They get to such a point of distress where there is no way they can calm themselves down. Take a slower approach and teach your baby boy how to sooth himself to sleep.

Hi, L.--
Boy, I remember 5 months as being a rough time sleep-wise. We did the cry-it-out and like you, did not have luck. So we stopped for a few months, then tried again when he was I think 7 or 8 months old. What a difference! It worked within three days, and now (he's 16 months old) he's a champ about napping and bedtime. So maybe put it on hold for a while, he might be going through a developmental period or have some other issues (like teeth coming in). Good luck!

-M.

I tried Marc Weisbluth's extinction method on my baby, and it was a nightmare. Quite frankly, his book is not clear on how to sleep train a baby and it is very confusing.

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND Jill Spivack & Jennifer Waldberger's book or DVD, THE SLEEPEASY SOLUTION. The methods in this book had both of my boys sleeping 12 hours a night straight by the time they were 5 months old. It gives step-by-step instructions on helping your babies learn to fall asleep and fall back asleep if they wake up. One of the most important things you'll learn is how to wean your baby from eating at night. You can't train a baby to sleep and stop feeding him cold turkey b/c his body still needs the food at night. This book will teach you how to feed him more during the day and less at night so he won't be hungry at night. THat could be the reason why your son is crying for hours--he's still hungry.
Also, be sure you baby isn't ill, teething, or experiencing a huge new milestone, as this is the worst time for them to learn how to fall asleep on their own.

Check out their website and you'll get a sense of what these women do. They are awesome and one of the women is a dear friend. She went through the same sleep problems with her first child which led her to become a sleep training specialist.
http://www.sleepyplanet.com/

Good luck!

I have always put my babe on thier tummy and pat thier bum or back, whichever they prefer, back to sleep. I won't pick them up unless my instincts say they need food or something else. I think they need to know that you are there.They may not go right to sleep and thats ok, I will leave and come back and comfort again.

I'm not familiar with the method you are using. Do you do anything while the baby is crying? First, I have 2 children (2 yr old and 8 month). I have tried sleep training on both - the ferber method (letting him cry, but going in every 5 minutes, then 10, etc...) and the baby whisperer method (staying with the baby when he cries). I think I like the baby whisperer method better.

Both worked. However, please know that all children have different personalities and sometimes it might not work. Consistency is very important...Make sure your baby is healthy when you do the training. ie...my 8 month old has been crying at night a lot and that is unusual. Turns out he has an ear infection. In the beginning they definitely cry for a LONG time...but by 3 weeks I don't think he should be crying so much still. You might want to re-evaluate what you have been doing as it's not clear in your email how you are training (except for the name of method). When I did the cry it out method, it only took less than a week...same with the baby whisperer method. They progressively cried less, until they automatically rolled over and went to sleep when they were put in their crib. Each time you do something different, it confuses the baby.

Good luck.

Usualy at the age of 9 months they start sleeping al night.
Not all children are the same I had 3 kids at 9month they were sleep. Then I had 2 chilren that didn't start sleepping at the age of 1 year.

Onother thing is give them an early nap time then keep them up as long as you can. give him or her early bedtime but you have to stick with what ever you decide. Do not put them in bed with you. that is the bigest no no, Your will not get him back to sleeping in his own room. did that done that not good

Hes proubly just fine one day at a time

here is my eamil address.

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I don't remember the exact type of sleep training we used but it took a few months. What I think helped us was to first stop feeding during the night (she was at a healthy weight and about 5.5 months old). We would check on her in decreasing intervals if she was crying or not until she was a sleep. Not picking her up but touching her. The first 2 weeks were exhausting but after a few months she was sleeping 10-12 hours.

We co-slept until my daughter was about 7 months and it stopped working for our family. At that point we did a lot of research on different sleep training methods to find the best fit to adjust her to her own room. I was very worried that it would involve a lot of crying but low and behold she goes down very easily with only minimal fussing if at all. I think the keys for us were establishing a predictable routine, having a calming environment (playing the same music too) and the fact that she was ready. From what I understand, sleep training is less effective before six months and sometimes longer. Babies don't have the same sleep cycles. I'd suggest you try a different method and either try again or maybe something else would work. I got the book "sleep training for dummies" which outlines a number of both CIO and no cry solutions as well as blending them. Found it more helpful than a lot of the other books that were biased towards one method or another. Good luck and I hope you and your baby establish a peaceful, safe and happy sleep situation.

I have 11 month twins and I used the book 'Baby Wise'. It worked for me and several friends of mine. They were both sleeping through the night after the late night feeding (around 11) til 6-7am at around 10 wks. I started by following the day time feed/wake/sleep cylce and then at night I would give them a pacifier to see if they were hungry or just needed the comfort and about 99% of the time they just needed the comfort and before I knew it they were sleeping through the night. Then as they got older I started to feed them earlier little by little until now they sleep from 7pm-8am. I think that it is a great book. My neighbor (who also has twins) used both your book and Baby Wise. She took what she liked from both. It took her kids longer to sleep through the night though. It is harder with twins though because one wakes up the other sometimes. All my friends that just used Baby Wise had their kids sleeping through the night by 8-10 weeks. You just have to be consistant. It can't hurt to go to the book store and brouse through it and see what you think. It isn't that big and is an easy read. Hope this helps.

Beth
29 y/o mother of 11 mo. boy/girl twins and 11 y/o step-daughter. I worked as a nurse before I had my twins.

I feel in my gut that your baby should be sleeping right next to you in his co-bed,
where you can soothe him or pull him over to you until he sleeps. Let me ask you
this: what is the quality of YOUR sleep... and his... and your husband's? Is this
healthy? Do you really think he'll never sleep in his own bed in his own room?
We kept our little ones in our room until they were 3! They are just fine!

Love and Light, Grandma N.

I have been a Weissbluth fan from the get-go, but I felt that my DS was not ready for any kind of CIO until he was about 10 months old. He was STTN by 8 weeks, but started night feedings at 6months (I believe his increased activity levels required more calories.) When he was 10 months old, he stopped going right back to sleep after nursing and I knew he was ready to CIO if need be. It only took 3 nights and no longer than a 45 minute stretch at any time (more fussy than crying hard.)
I believe Weissbluth recommends no longer than an hour for extinction before you go to reassure your baby. Could he be teething or approaching a developmental milestone?
Good luck.

3 weeks is a long time for him to be crying that much at night. I think you should change strategies. Remember that what works for another family may not work for your child -- respond to what your child is telling you -- if he's crying that much, he needs a different response from you. Don't stick to a program at the expense of your son's wellbeing.

Beyond that (and not to sound scary) but this is a very important developmental point where he is learning to trust. This has direct impact on his life skills later on. It's very very important that you respond to his cries.

I'm trying to think of some resources that will give you tools without being as rigid as a sleep TRAINING program, something that will help you figure out how to get to your goal of more sleep, too. I'm remembering that the Dr. Sears Baby Book had a lot of good information and lots of practical suggestions that you could work with to see what works in your family.

Good luck.

I'm not sure about the extionction sleep training. I used the Baby Wise sleep training and it worked by the time my son was 3 months old. You may want to try something different. All babies are different and yours may just need some different method. I have heard of people adding a teaspoon of rice cereal to the final bedtime bottle and it helped the baby go longer between feedings.

Wow, I'm feeling for you right now.

Okay, if you still care, my response to you is that although I know every baby is different, I believe crying for "hours" is a bit long.

We were very fortunate to have been given "On Becoming BabyWise", and found that the proposed schedule worked immediately. Daughter was 8 1/2 weeks and sleeping 6 to 8 hours. Definately worth a try. Never had to cry-it-out once. Now we also supported "Happiest Baby on the Block", so maybe it was a combo of both.

Daughter only wakes in middle of the night when sick or when we travel to other time zones, (since 8 1/2 weeks!) and we choose to pop in on her and give a cuddle or milk when appropriate. But this does not happen often, and hey, that's my choice. She'll be 1 year next week, and I sleep well.

I must admit that one of the greatest behavior changes I had to make, by suggestion of the book, was volume of food at feedings and then predictable feeding times. But man do I remember the first night I got to sleep 6 hours! And of course, with time your boy will sleep longer and longer. I promise it does get easier.

Anyway, best wishes on whatever you try. Please feel assured that you are doing things right, you may simply have to make minor adjustments here or there.
Good luck.