Want an Honest Opinion Judgement or Not Tell Me Your Honest First Thought

I thought the 20 something was the mom!!! :) I didn't think the 40 something was male either....I envisioned two women and one just up and leaving the child without the other person's knowledge or okay..I thought you were offended that someone would up and leave the kid....So didn't go the "sugar mama or sugar daddy" route! It's been a long day...Thanks for a giggle! Also, I wouldn't think anything because there is 17 years between my husband and his sister. We got together when she was 6 mos old. I tend to think of the second marriages and women having babies when they are older more often than sugar daddy/sugar mama....:)

I don't pay attention...I'm with a man who is 6 years older than I & we have 3 kiddos together people ask me how many I have & I tell them there like whoa really 3 you don't look like you have kids YA I DO..
Just the other day @ the grocery store a man walks up to me & helps unloading my cart (awkard) I tell him I have it don't need help then he starts asking me about kids I tell him I have 3 he says Where's the ring??? Really didn't know I needed to wear a ring to prove that I have kids & a husband...(Ring doesn't fit because of 3 pregnancies of fat on my bod LOL)

I personally would have thought "oh i wish my nephew would go to lunch with me and my child"... He is too cool for that. Sorry that someone was judging you, glad to see you seemed to have taken it lite heartedly.

I would have thought ~Way to go Lady - snagged your self a young one ;-)

Hi D.,

At my first OB/GYN appt with my oldest.....

The receptionist said to me and my husband...."and will this be on your FATHER's insurance (as she looked at my husband)?

OOh, AWKWARD!

Thing is he's only 5 yrs older than I am, he was just born looking 50, and I was 24 at the time, looking 12.

:)

It is a good life lesson to learn to not jump to conclusions or make assumptions. My husband and I argue about that sometimes because he is a big "assumer," and you know what they say happens when you assume :)

To answer your question, I probably wouldn't have even noticed.

Edited to add: I just remembered this. Once when I was around twelve (but frequently people thought I was older), my grandparents took my little brother and me to the mall. I was holding my granddad's hand while we were walking, and my grandma and brother were walking a few steps behind us. My grandmother heard a woman walking near her say to her husband, "Look at that old man with that young girl. How disgusting!" Grandma didn't say anything to the woman, but looked at my brother and said loudly, "Come on, let's catch up with Papa and your sister." lol!

My natural reaction wouldn't be to think the two of you were anything and that's probably because my sister has a 22 year old and a 1 year old. My son is 16 and I'm trying to have a baby at 44. Seems like the new normal to me.

I definitely wouldn't have made a face at that especially being in the service business.

Lol. I've been there... I was 18, and went with my dad to the grocery store. We took my 6 month old brother... I had broken my arm and was in a giant cast up past my elbow. I had been holding my brother in my good arm and needed my wallet, so I said 'go see Daddy' when I passed him off to my dad. The cashier looked a little taken aback, but tried to cover by joking it off. She says 'looks like it's a bad time for Mommy to have a broken arm!' I just laughed and said 'not Mommy, just Big Sister.' (It doesn't help that my brother looks JUST LIKE ME! lol) People see two adults with a young kid, and assume they are parents. I usually laugh it off, unless they are being blatantly rude about it... then I tend to get a little snippy.

I am actually in this situation all the time. I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 31. We have a 3 month old son. Whenever we go out, it's an adventure. If my boyfriend shaves that day, he looks like he's in his early 20's and I naturally look older than I am (Or so I've been told) so there isn't an issue. However, if he doesn't shave that day (Which he usually doesn't) he looks like he's in his 40s and people think he's my dad. Then when I kiss him or hold his hand, they look at us like we're freaks. We find it kind of hilarious. Seriously, age is only a number. I am the happiest I have ever been when I am with him, and he's the same with me. So, who cares if there's a 12 year difference? We don't :)

Ha ha, that's absurd!! I probably would have thought you were his mom too, but really that guy must have super ears and no tact at all. Even if you were parents of the little girl, I wouldn't think anything odd about it.

Once, I was helping an older lady (In her mid 60's) and she tripped and almost fell, but I caught her. I said to her (much younger) female companion, I hope your mom is okay. I thought they were mom/daughter b/c they were always together at their appointments.Turns out, they were lovers. Opps.

My first thought? You go girl! Age is a number, not who you are, so if you were dating a 20 something, that is your business, no one elses.

I've worked in restaurants and retail most of my life. I've learned not to assume anything about people's relationships until they offer up that info.

HA! I get it all the time. I don't have a car (aahhhhh! I hate it) and so I get rides with my dad. He is papa to all the niece and nephews. I'm 23 he's 50. We often times get the "Ewww that is sooo gross that they are together" look.
So I really don't judge when it comes to things like that. If it really is a couger/cub relationship, well love comes in all ages. Meh. It's not my place to judge.

I guess I don't think much of it. There are so many different scenarios in families these days. I have quite a few friends who are in similar situations, with husbands who are 10-17 years older than they are. And, yes, they all (except one) have little ones. I don't think they have much issue with it. I guess, I kind of figure people don't really know, anyway. I get guessed in my upper 20s and my husband gets guessed in the mid 40s. We're 47 days apart and in our early 30s. Age is so hard to distinguish these days, anyway. Anyone seen Jane Fonda lately? Would you guess her to be almost 75? Just goes to show things aren't always what they seem, and it's know one's business, anyway. Have fun with it! Hope your son can, too!

Honestly, I wouldn't have thought anything about it- I have a big age difference between myself and my hubby-so, I don't care. Its not the age that matters, its the maturity.

M

I'm married to a man 14 years my senior, whom people often mistake for my father, so I tend not to jump to conclusions about their relationship when I see people with an obvious age gap together.

But even if you were a 40-something whose toddler had a 20-something daddy, I see nothing wrong with that.

I was just sort of wondering how the 20 something snagged the 40 something! lol Sorry, I had to chuckle, thanks!

Honestly I would probably think the situation is just like mine (several years ago). My dad remarried and started over. I was 26 when my sister was born. I was once at a party in a restaurant and my littler sister (who was two at the time) was toddling around and I followed her. Some guy said to me "Your daughter is cute" and I said "She is my sister." Now, he thought I was lying until he saw my dad. Last year when I was with my sister (now 15) people still think she is my daughter bc there is a resemblance. I just tell people she is my sister. Who cares what they think!

If not for jumping to conclusions, some people would get no exercize.

Honestly, when I read your first paragraph, the only opinion I had is, "I need more information." Can't tell what's going on from such limited information and there are a number of different scenarios for why a 40-year old, and 20-year old and a 2-year old would be dining together.

I'm not sure without being there but I probably would have just wondered is that your son or significant other and tried to guess the age difference. Since my mom is only 17 years older than me and looks young for her age, many people assume she's my sister. When I call for Mom sometimes I get looks or comments. Sometimes I ignore it or I might say yeah we have good genes.

hehe there are so many older women dating much much younger men - it's easy to jump to that conclusion.

I honestly thought he was just saying your mom will be right back. From what I read I did not assume he meant he was the dad or that your were dating him.

One time I took a little girl I was babysitting to the store with me. I was around 17-18 at the time. The little girl with me was around 4-5 at the time. The first thing the cashier said to me was "She is NOT your daughter is she?"

People judge, if this was the first time....consider yourselves lucky!

LOL! That is ttooo funny! I have a 29 year old son and a 27 year old son and we get that same kind of thing sometimes. I have been called their sister, just because they were trying to be polite and curious at the same time. Could they just be a little envious because you look good enough to have caught the eye of a younger man? LOL!

My gut reaction would be to assume the two were related, as in Dad adn daughter or Mom and son. With Grandson or granddaughter.

Lol, D., I think because I have a very tall ten year old and a two year old, I could see myself in the same situation in a few years so I probably wouldn't have thought you were dating your stepson. I have a friend who deals with the same thing, her 11 year old looks like he's at least 15, he even starting to get facial hair. When they are out in public, he still likes to hold her hand (my 10 year old would DIE of embarrassment if I tried to hold his hand). She said she gets the dirtiest looks you can imagine! I don't know why I think it's so funny, I guess just because I know he's her son and she's not dating a 15 yr old (or an 11 yr old). It's funny to see what different perspectives people can have about the same situation :)

J.

My first thought/reaction was older son from a previous relationship and younger son from a current one.

Not me..I would have just smiled and said poor baby, misses his mama. I guess cuz I have experienced the same thing with my grandbabies and my husband..he is 13 yrs. younger than me and when he gets called poppa most people turn around and look like what the heck! He just goes with the flow and says yup I'm their grandpa and proud of it! Some people are just ridiculous. It just stinks that people just ASSUME when it comes to other people..I find it quite amusing myself to see others blush at their own stupidity and assumptions!

honestly my first opinion would be that he was your bf (or husband whatever) also. but i dont have a problem with it like most people would. i know a lot of people in the situation and i dont think its right to judge people bc of what they want. anyway though you wanted honest opinions and that was my first thought too... and i think it was mature of him to handle it like that.
also id like to add that someone suggested maybe the man gave dirty looks bc he thought your step son had a baby at 20. theres nothing wrong with that if he did. actually, i take that offensively. im 21 with a 1 year old daughter and i never get dirty looks and to add to it, she was planned. believe it or not but alot of younger people with babies DO have their priorities together.

I respond with an amusing story myself:

My husband's mom took him to go buy a cell phone and they had his son with them. The lady told his mom she was simply beautiful and asked how long she'd been married to my husband...HILARIOUS (though my husband didn't think so)

My initial response was: oh wow some people say the darndest things *winks*

I think people are just curious and react to things that are different fromtheir own.

maybe the guy was judgeing that your step son had a baby at 20.

My husband is 17 years older than me and I wouldn't give two craps if anyone thought anything of it. I love him and he loves me and I dont care who else likes or dilsikes it. I would have to SEE the people at the table to make a decision on what I thought though.

Unfortunately, most people would think what that ignorant man at the restaurant thought. Personally, I wouldn't even be listening to the conversation so I wouldn't have been in the situation to even think about it. But if I happened to not be too involved in my own life, I would think, hmmm, I wonder if she's mom to both of them or just the little one? The 20 year old could be anyone, big brother, friend, cousin, anyone. Unless I saw the 40 year old making out with the 20 year old, I wouldn't assume they were dating. But that's just me.

I'm still smiling :) That is SO funny!

At first glance, I would have thought you were the grandmother. Judging goes all kinds of ways. There are almost 10 years difference between my sister and I. I would get mistakenly called her mother all the time. Even when I was 18 and taking her somewhere. Sometimes I would want to tell them, no, I didn't have a baby at 9! Now people mistake my sister for being my son's mom, even though she is just his aunt. It's a viscous cycle. :)

I have always looked young for my age. I was 21 when I was pregnant with my daughter. I went into Home Depot with my mom one day for her to get something. While standing with her at the checkout, the cashier looked at me and said "Now I'm gonna have to fuss at you!"

This lady thought I was 13 years old!! And she thought SHE needed to say something to me about being pregnant, while I was there with my mother!!

Ugh! So, from all of my experiences I've learned it's best not to say anything or even pay any attention to people that I don't know. It's none of my business.

I'm 26 now and I have a 19 year old cousin who is a lot taller than me. For all I know people might think we are dating when we go out LOL Or even my brother lol My hubby is deployed so it's often just me & our daughter & sometimes we go out to eat with my brother. You just never know who everybody is, so there's no reason to judge.

I think it depends on the interaction that I saw. I have a lot of friends with this situation, and even a friend that doesn't have the 2 yo, but everyone thinks that she and her son are a couple (she is a young 45, he is 23).

I would probably wonder. In general, in people watching you are always making judgements, I see the REALLY young woman and baby with the older man and wonder, dad or granddad? I guess you should be flattered that they thought you weren't old enough for him to be your son?

LOL....I get that too. I am 39, I have a 19 year old daughter, a 7 year old daughter and a 17 month old son. If we are out and about together we do have people look at us from time to time trying to figure us out. Who belongs to who. Now get this, I just found out my 19 year old daughter is pregnant (my head is still spinning about that) so it's going to even more interesting for us when the baby is here. I've been referred to as my son's grandmother twice which isn't very comforting to me but oh well. We definitely do not have the "traditional" or "normal" family but that's okay by me. Keeps life interesting.

I'm glad you found it humurous.
Why do you want our opinions?

You should not care! (though I completely understand; I, myself, would be slightly sensitive to my surroundings if I were you) but really, you shouldn't care.

Nosey and judgmental people will have to deal with their insecurities and issues themselves at some point. It's a reflection on them, not you.

(I must practice what I preach, bc I can be a little sensitive)

And I think we ALL are guilty of being presumptuous of our environment or people in it whether we admit it or even KNOW it or not. It's human nature.

I wouldnt think anything of it my husband is 13 years older than me. I met him right after I turned 21. We used to get some looks, still do from time to time lol.

I'd be thinking, "Wow, that's an age difference!" Meaning that I would have thought you were the Mom and your son was the Dad.
Sometimes when I'm out with my Dad, we get looks like I am "with" him. So, I usually will say "Hey Dad! Look at this." Just so people will know he's my Dad. Stupid, I know. I usually worry too much about what others think!

i would just think that it would be you talking to your son and that he was there with his son aka your grandson but its not uncommon any more to see older parents or very young parents

My sister is married to a much younger man, he's my age and they get along okay. I don't really notice anymore though.

I used to go out all the time when I was single and what got me was a beautiful, gorgeous woman dating an ugly man. I wondered what he had that kept her so happy. I always saw this kind of odd thing at the clubs and dances.

It takes all kinds and I appreciate when someone finds the love of their life and it doesn't matter what they look like outside.

.

My honest first reaction is...that 20 something year old could be her son also. I live in Cali and see big age difference in couples all the time. So even if he was your SO, I wouldn't have thought much of it.
If I were your step son I totally would have played into that guys thoughts, then set him straight (in a funny way of course). =)

I would have thought you were Grandma. Sorry.

Well I wouldn't have thought that, now my MOM would've thought something just b/c that's how she is...she assumes everything to be true. I would've just thought, wow what a nice thing a son going out w/his mom, that's so sweet. I prob would've thought the toddler was your step son's son just b/c nowadays that's how it is, ppl having children at younger ages these days but as I was brought up by 'old fashioned ppl', it never occurs to me to assume things like that. I'm prob one of the few though. I thought that was awesome though that your step son said "let's go see what OUR MAMA is doing". What a great son you have there, even if he is a step son, it's great that he accepts you so greatly like that! Good job!

Well, It matters, are you kissing the 20 year old at the table? do you act like "lovers" or just "family". I pay attention to so many details like that it would matter.

Honestly with so many may/december relationships around I would not be questioning ... but I am pretty sure I would give him a thumbs up for being mature enough to sustain a relationship with you or I would ask how old the baby was, he would then typically say "my son" or "my brother" is 2yrs old. I really think nothing of relationships like that other than for the most part "it's probably not going to last"

I probably wouldn't have even noticed the age difference (I am horrible at judging ages) and b/c I'd be checking out the 2 year old! I love kids. My kids. Other people's kids. And I constantly find myself watching them. My hubby gets mad.
But, if I did notice age I probably wouldn't have assumed anything at all. It wouldn't have phased me. The men in my fam tend to date women far younger than themselves so it's a non-issue.

My first reaction is that both children (20yo and 2yo) were the mother's children. But, we have friends who are in that situation, and we are not far different from it (but not step children). So, to me, I would just assume that the younger 2 were the children of the older one. ;)

I immediately thought kid or stepkid. It didn't even cross my mind the other way. I guess I feel that way due to I'm a mom of a 16yr old and a 2 yr old; people assume all kinds of things and say it to me like "wow they are both your kids", "Is that the teen's kid", "you look to young to be a grandma"...etc. My husband catches it worse when he is out with the kids; he has heard people say, "shame on him having a kid with that young girl" he just laughs and tells them 'these are my daughters'. Some people think i'm younger than my husband when in fact we are both 36, had our first child when were 20 and due to unknown infertility issues later had our 2nd child naturally a few years ago. The reactions always make us laugh and probably will for many years to come.

Overall, I have to say...crazy that man jumped to conclusions, but great for you to know that you look amazing with two children in differ age range. Congrats! I say, we mama's are bringing sexy back.

So late in the game. But I would have assumed they were both your kids and you are on your second marriage, hence the age diff between the 2 kids. I had a gentleman about 70 walk in to my store with a 7 year old boy, 5 yr old girl. I assumed grandpa. The kids kept saying when is mom coming. Me still assuming same, assumed "mom" was the older man's daughter and these were his grandkids. The mom comes in , 30 something and plants a big one on the older mans kisser. They were the parents... Go figure. You never know.

My honest reaction would be to be mildly curious, but I see nothing here to judge. There are any number of scenarios where those 3 people would be eating together. People do go out to eat with someone besides their nuclear family. And at any rate, if it were the situation of younger man and (Slightly) older woman, who cares!

Your Step Son handled that beautifully! The 1st and best laugh of my day!
On the other hand, you may have that fabulous Cougar look!

Wishing you the best
A.

I would assume that they were both your children, just like i did when I was reading the beginning of your question. You are making assumptions on what the man was thinking.....he could have easily been thinking...oh man....what a spread between children.....20 and a 2yr old! You never know.....the energy you are putting into it is not worth it. Why try to defend or make wrong/right on total assumptions?

S.

honestly I don't think I would have thought anything of it. But I have had people mistake my Dad for my husband before. LOL he is 52 is attractive and looks young for his age. I am only 27 but yeah in the past people have thought that. I just laugh and of course it's always a super big ego boost for my dad lol. People are always gonna think funny things and that's their problem not yours :)

My son has brothers that are 18 and 20 years older than he is. He also has a sister 10 years older.
I wouldn't have given how anyone looks at us a second thought.
Maybe the guy was looking because the kid was whining and not even thinking about ages of the adults or family dynamics, etc.
I mean, honestly, how do you know what the guy was thinking? You don't.
I'm wondering why you would think that's the first thing people are thinking.

Just my opinion.

My daughter used to be paranoid that people would think her little brother was her son (14 yr difference) I thought that was not likely because she looks more like a babysitter than a relative(he's adopted) She has matured over the past five years and doesnt worry so much about what people think.

Who cares??!!

I might have thought you & "hubby" had a large age difference but, after all, the guy didn't "say" anything did he? Who can read a "look"? Funny situation!

It took a few times reading this to understand what you were trying to say but I caught on now. I'm a little slow today! Anyway, I guess I wouldn't think anything of it because I find it hard to judge a couple based on age. My sister is 28, her husband is 44, and her step son just turned 21 a few months back. They met 7 years ago and I'm sure they've had plenty of weird looks but I love my brother in law and he treats my sister like a queen. I am a bad one to ask about thinking anything bad about age differences.

I'm sure I would've thought that they were both your children though.

First reaction....I thought the 40yo was a male, and the 20yo would be a relative (child or sibling).

Personally if I was in the restaurant, I wouldn't pay much attention.

Initially I was confused, but I get it now. I think the man's reaction was normal, or what would be expected.

This reminds me of when I was in the Army. I was a young, married Lieutenant having my in-laws very 1st grandbaby. My FIL, who was a full bird Colonel, worked in the same hospital as I did. He was so excited that he would constantly stopped by my private office to check on me or bring me something to snack on. We would also occasionally have lunch in the hospital cafeteria and he would go out of his way to make sure I did not have to get up after I sat down. It never crossed my mind that people would think that he was my husband even though we had the same last name stitched on our uniforms. In fact quite a few of the soldiers and civilian staff swore that he was my husband. I always wondered why they would look at me like that after he would leave my office or when we were having lunch. I mean goodness, he was easily about 25-30 years my senior. Someone finally got up the nerve to ask me about it and I fell out laughing. I was so shocked and tickled. I called my MIL and told her to watch out because this young LT had stolen her husband and was having his baby!!

My first reaction was that you were judging another couple (40 yr. old man & 20 yr. old woman). After reading it all, I think it's humorous. The man should've minded his own business obviously! What a fool he is!

I had a similar situation several years ago but it was my dad, myself and my baby girl. The ladies in the restaurant thought my dad was my husband and the baby was family number 2. The looks were pure evil. I had to tell my dad since he had no clue but he thought it was so funny. In all honesty, I don't know that I would have even noticed. Families are so different today. However, smile cause you must look good!!!

Honestly, it would probably barely register for me because I don't believe one can form any opinion about an individual or couple based solely on a brief observation.

That being said, I might have an intrinsic reaction to your proposed scenario, depending on the specifics of the couples appearance and how they treat each other/interact. For example, if he isn't terribly good looking, she is drop dead gorgeous, and the family appears to have significant means, I would might think that their relationship is, at least partially based on his money and her looks. If, however, the above described couple touches each other affectionately (in a causal and publicly appropriate way), looks directly into each others eyes when conversing together and appear to be into each other/their is a obvious connection, I'd doubt I'd judge their relationship in the same way.

Now, if the man and woman are both approximately equally attractive- regardless of how their economic status presents- I would probably think that they are lucky to have found love together, regardless of their age difference. If, however, the couple I just described were to be lacking in what appears to be a real connection (no eye contact when conversing, no causal affectionate touching or gestures, or -horror of horror one or both of them using a cell phone at the table), I would be more likely to think either that their relationship is based on something I don't understand, or that they are involved in some kind of long term argument.

I know my answer is complicated answer, but, at least for me, so is your question. I hope this helps.

-S.

We have a family similar with large age gaps so I don't think I would have gone that route, but who knows. It happens that way alot now days too so one could think either way I guess.

Thanks for the giggle though! And props to your SS for handling it so well and making that comment!

I would probably look, see the resemblance between you and both your children and think "late in life baby". I have a friend at church like that, we both have one year olds and her older daughter is 19, of course as she has an older daughter, she is not in the same position. And anyway even if you were a cougar, who's business is that!?!?! :D

Wow you got a lot of responses and I didn't get to read them all. I would probably not have given you guys a second glance. Each to their own even if you were dating a 20 something year old. It wouldn't even bother me. :-)

It depends on how old you or your son look for your ages. A step son would have a different demeanor from a boyfriend, and it would all depend on how you were seated in the restaurant and closeness etc.

It would be hard to say without really seeing it.

I may be a little late, but had to post. Because I am in this situation, I'd think they were both her kids. I am 42, and my oldest is 23 and my youngest is 6. At this point I'm used to being judged. It started with being judged because I looked like I was about 12 when I had him (I was 19, and a darn good mother whether they thought so or not), and it just moved on to what you experienced. Oh well... I'm not worried about anyone's judgment but God's. I'm glad you all can find the humor in it. :)