Opions About Young Moms

When asked how old you are, you can respond with "Old enough to know it's rude to ask a woman her age!" You don't have to be rude, you can say it with a smile and a wink. ;>)

I had my daughter when I was 17. She is now 9 and I am 27. She was not planned at 17 or even 16 when I was actually pregnant but I would not change anything about my life or the decisions that I have made.
When people make the comments that you are experiencing I reply back with kindness since that is probably not the reaction that they are expecting. When they say you look young I reply back with a thank you and that me and my daughter are close and I will be able to be enjoy watching her grow up while I am still young.
I had a few family members upset when they found out I was pregnant at such a young age but they got over it.
I am new to the area and you can keep in touch if you like. I know what you are going through but you should try not to let it bother you. I am also very friendly and am very sensitive. I try not to let it bother me so my daughter does not feel that she is the cause of it. I came to the conclusion that others are jealous of my youth :)

Hi Shasta!

When you take offense, reply back with "I know, can you believe how blessed I am to have this wonderful family! AND I have my own business too, AMAZING!". Put it in their face and leave them with their jaws open! :-)

-Char

I can definitely relate. I am 20, almost 21, and I'm already married with a 10 month old daughter. I'm actually from a really small town where people tend to start early but most of them aren't settle like I am with my family so I got a lot of respect in my old town. Now that we've moved to a bigger town, It seems like everyone looks at me like wow..... you're just a kid yourself. It's almost like they expect me to fail. The thing is, I'm a better mother than some older people and no matter what other people think, my daughter is well taken care of. My husband works his butt off so I can stay home with her and we are both spoiled. I know it's easier said than done, but when people as you questions, just walk away, that's what I do. Smile and walk away. They'll get the point. One of my best friends is 22 and another 30 and they both get the same looks. I think some people are old fashioned. Just keep being the wonderful mother you are. Don't let them keep you down!

I can tell you i got the opposite response...

When i was in the ER having complications the nurse asked my age and if this was my first child. I said 30 and yes.

She then said "Why did you wait so long to have your fist child?". I thought it was very rude to her to ask me that! I didnt think 30 was that old?

I told her that I wanted to wait until I was married first and left it at that.

Next time someone makes a comment like that respond with:
"How old are you? Wow you look so much older than ___. Why did you wait so long to have yours?"

I dont think the woman would appriciate being called old any more than you like being refered to as young.

I've never been one to wear jewelry much, and when my son was a baby and I didn't have my wedding ring on, I noticed people treating me differently. So much so that I wouldn't even know I didn't have my ring on UNTIL someone started acting stupid. Being from south Louisiana, I cook with A LOT of alcohol (grill with tequila or beer, beer in my chili, champagne for my chicken, lots of wine sauces, a steak marinade made of stout and whiskey, desserts with rum, whiskey, or scotch....) and I noticed when I first moved here and was looking for alchohol (never heard of a designated liquor store til I moved here, lol) people looked at me like I was one of "those kinds" of people. WHATEVER. I just smile to myself at their ignorance and go on with life. I think there's a lot worse in life than looking young.....like um, being in my shoes where people DON'T think I'm young. :) Sometimes people are being idiots. Sometimes people are trying to be friendly and just having a little culture clash with you, since you've been raised elsewhere. I've noticed since living here that people mistakenly take me to be "standoffish" because I don't ask questions that I feel aren't my business. Here, people think being friendly and starting a conversation goes with talking about whatever they see or comes to mind. Sometimes it's genuinely just a bit of curiousity. Once I was at Walmart and had to remark about "how do you do it" when I saw a woman with 5 kids....I was serious, not mean. I get overwhelmed with the one I have, but all hers were just well behaved as can be. I meant it as a compliment (I'm turning Texan!). Take it with a grain of salt and move on. Soon you'll be MISSING those "you look young" comments, so take them while you can!!! Why not just smile and say thanks, life's been good to me.

I am almost 45 and have a 21 and a 19 year old along with a 6 year old - quite often my son who is 21 (and has a full beard at times) is mistaken for the father - or my 19 year old is mistaken for the mother when it is just us two. THIS is quite unnerving to my older children. And people often ask if I had children as a teen when I am with my older children. I have actually learned to take this as a compliment. The fact that I do not look old enough to be their mother has been wonderful, when I look back at the comments and such when I was younger I immediately took offense, but in hindsight I should have just been gracious and replied with comments such as - When they graduate I am hoping I still look young! or along those lines, taking offense provides most with the satisfaction of judging. Showing them there are great things attributed to being a young mom will stop them in their tracts.

Firstly, let me say that I love my little kiddies but I will be honest with you...I might suck my teeth when I see a young mom who's barely of age and has like 8 kids all of whom have different last names. I tend to think, "Couldn't you have found something better to do with your time and youthful energy?" I only can speak for myself--kids were not number one on my "to do list" because I wanted to get most (cuz I still have a little) of the wild party-girl out of me. I just felt that having kids might make graduating from high school, going to college, getting an advanced degree (etc.) more difficult--not that it couldn't be done but I prefer easy to difficult. Congrats to you with all you've done and all you do but I really think you need to ignore what you believe people are thinking about you because they could just be staring at you because they think you're pretty :) . I get carded and questioned about my age all the time and I have the same amount of children you do but a lot more years (9 more to be exact).

i get the same thing. i am 30 now and i was 16 when i had my daugter and 28 when i had my son. yes far apart because i wanted to wait until i was ready but what do i get. "wow ya'll look like sisters...", "why did you have them so far apart" just yesterday we were at the docs office for my daughter and the whole time he would only talk to her like i wasnt even there. as we were leaving he asked me who i was and i said "her mother" and of course i got the "sister" card. its funny that he didnt even address me cause he didnt think i was old enough. my daughter is even embarrassed for me to eat lunch at her school cuz i would fit right in (i am 5foot).. its hard meeting other parents because they are soo much older than me and we have nothing in common or they think i am a bad influence. but i have no regrets because i am who i am today because of my past and have accomplished more than most of my friends. its frustrating but i always so yeah i look young but when i am 40 i will look like i am 20

I wouldn't worry about the comments you get from other people, just try to ignore them and enjoy the fact that you still look great and young. I was 17 when I had my son, not planned of course and now I'm 35 with a 10 month old daughter, yes I planned that. I have always had those looks and comments about looking too young with my son, especially now that he is graduating from high school. Most of the time people think I'm in my late 20's (I'm petite too). I get even more looks now that I have my new baby and I go to his high school functions for a graduating senior and a baby on my hip. Most people think it's not possible to be a good mom if you are young as I was and still am but I have a wonderful son who is on his way to Texas A&M so I don't worry about what everyone thinks. I know I've been the best mom to him and better than a lot of his friends parents who are much older than me.
When people say something to me about looking so young I always tell them thank you and that I have really good genes. Just remember that what most women want is to look younger so those that are being especially rude are probably just jealous, enjoy your youthful looks as long as you can.

People are rude and I have learned to grow a thicker skin. Also, I learned to tune out what other people think because they don't own me. They don't pay my mortgage so what do I care.

I think people who have the gall to mention something like that to you is due to their own insecurities and jealousy. Take it as a compliment!

I get stares (and a lot of attention from men) and rude remarks from women. Women can be the meanest.

Here is why.....I am 46, easily pass for early 30's. I am 5'4 and about #116 (size 2ish) with NATURAL perky 34 DD's. I love my body. I have even been asked by more than 1 stranger "Who is your plastic surgeon". Needless to say, my jaw dropped.

Secondly, my husband is 6 yrs older than me. He does not look old but he does have a healthy head of salt and pepper hair. I was shocked one afternoon when I met him at the gas station as I routinely do because he fills up the cars with gas for me. I must have been looking young and perky that day in the little convertible because the attendant announced on the speaker to my husband...."That is so nice of you to fill up your daughter's car".

My 13yr old daughter's friend made a remark about me being too young to have a 13 yr old. I am older than most of their moms.

Believe me......when you get my age you'll probably take it as a compliment. Keep your chin up and doing your thing.

People are going to think what people think unfortunately. I am on the opposite side of the spectrum - I am 35 about to be 36 with a 4 yo, a 15 mo and one on the way...I am like the grandma of MDO! Here's the thing - everyone is different. I can't say that at 16 I was ready to be a Mommy, I can also say that being pregnant at 36 is a whole lot harder on your body. I guess what my advice is - Who cares what other people think? Don't worry about it...you will never please all of the people all of the time! It sounds like you are also seeking to find things in common with other moms in your situation, which is normal. I am the type of person who talks to EVERYONE - but not everyone is comfortable with that. Some people feel more comfortable having conversations with people that they feel like they have more in common with. I don't think people are trying to be rude, but sometimes people don't know how to approach people that they don't appear to have a common link to. Keep doing what you doing and enjoy your life. Don't let what other people may or may not think about you determine how you live your life.

Trust me... they are jealous! They are jealous that you look and ARE so young.
In today's vanity culture, young looks rule! And everyone is trying to look younger and younger. They spend thousands of dollars trying to drink from the fountain of youth!

Trust me.... they are just jealous that you can look that great AND have 3 kids! Just be confident in that fact and keep it in the back of your mind next time someone says something like that to you again.
I'm sooooo telling you the truth! Everyone wants to LOOK younger. They may not want to be young again... but they definitely want to look your age -- 23!
Live it up ... enjoy this time in your life! Early 20s are great!

OMG, people do the exact same thing to me-- sometimes it is okay, but some people are very rude about it! I had my daughters when I was 23 and 24, not too young, but I look a lot younger than my age (apparently). I am petite as well. I've had moms at school say, "I thought you were a student here", and they do treat me differently. Breaking into the PTA click has been quite a challenge, and the older moms can be disprespectful, whether it is intended or not. There has been some blatant rudeness; for example, I brought a stocking stuffer for the Christmas party, and another mom was bringing the same thing, but I got there first. As I was stuffing the stocking, one of the head PTA moms rudely told another mom in my presence that she didn't think it was right for me to be doing that since the other mom's (an older mom on the PTA board) treat was going to go to waste! They think I am less of a mother b/c of my appearance?? They also assume I am less intelligent, even though I have a Master's Degree! I am a super mom, and my girls are my life. I logged hundreds of volunteer hours at school over the past 2 years, mostly in the classroom. I have given up a career (i've always rearranged and juggled my schedule with my hubby's and worked part-time only in order to be there for my kids) and my dream of a Ph.D. in order to be home with my kids. I have an unusually close bond with my daughters. People need to not judge so much b/c it invites others to judge back! We should start a club...

I guess I am a bit confused, what is so bad about people thinkin a mom is young? That is a normal response in my opinion. Having a child at 16 is very young. I dont see how anyone could see it another way, I dont think people should judge you, its your life but I wouldnt pay so much attention to this. I am 30 and when I wear no make up I get that all the time, it doesnt bother me a bit. And also what good is it to be rude to people who are rude to us? Isnt that what all this complaining is about to begin with? I dont get it. If I dont want people to be rude then I also should not go around being a smart mouth? Good luck to all of you.

I think having kids as young adult has it's ups and down just havin kids when you are already I am 30 and when I hear of someone 30+ having a baby the 1st thing I say is she must of fell and bumped her head. I think alot comes from the generation you were born and what we were taught coming up. For your generation the thing is to wait to have kids..I'm in the generation where early is okay and after 30 is not.
They probablly do not even realize they offended you. Per my comment I am guilty of making the same statement to older women. It's just the generational issue.
Personally I think early is better but it just depends on your desires and then we really don't have a say, although we may thinks so, b/c if god wants us to have a child he will make it happen no matter what we do.

When you get those statements you say thank you I have been blessed haven't I, I know I get that remark all the time, good genes and go on about your business b/c that's exactly what it is you are BLESSED and if you are out and about and get stares then you speak to them, hi, how are you doing today? If their mouth is about to touch the floor, simply say, you like you have something you want to ask me, go ahead it's okay.

Acknowledge and accept your youthfullness when get to 30 and 40 you will be grateful for that youthfullness. I am 30 look everybit of 20 just blessed and oh yeah good genes.

People are so rude....just ignore them...you sound like you are doing a great job...I had my first when I was 24 and my 2nd when I was 33..same husband..been married 26 years this month...My son plays ball with kids that parents were born when me and my husband was graduating high school...talk about feeling old...my daughter is 22 and expecting my first grandchild in June and we are still playing little league baseball with my 12 yr. old...
I get funny looks from people too...kinda like I should have been old enough to know better...hahaha
enjoy your kids...they grow fast...and good luck..

Shasta,

You sound like a great woman in all aspects. My friends and I would love to get to know you better. We are all different ages and support each other completely. We do not have a formal "support group", but we speak almost daily and get together individually and with our families often. You can call me anytime at ###-###-#### (work number), and I will let you know when we are going to get together next.

When someone asks you how old you are, simply respond "a lady never discusses these things," smile and move on. They'll get the message.

You just described me! -for the exception that I am an inch smaller, lol. It also bothers me. Like when my husband is invited to a company picnic and I am the youngest one there, and not to mention that standing next to the other wives I am a small sardine. I have always considered myself the odd one in my family because I come from a family of big women with big chest. I am not hard to spot in the family photos. I also get these looks and comments and I don't really think people want to be rude, I just don't think they see it as a disadvantage and don't think the comments hurt. There have been times when I have tried to change my look so I can look older. In many ways I am happy that I can have a teenage figure after 2 kids. And my husband finds me PHAT -pretty hot and tempting. I look good next to a lot of Chinese people. But until I can move to China I will be going through this emotional roller coaster. You're not alone.

It's probably also that you look really young besides the fact that you started your family younger than most. I'm also petite and people have always thought I'm 10 years younger than I actually am. There are lots of moms groups in the area; try meetup.com to see what's available for playgroups.

As far as physical appearances go, I can sort of relate; I'm native american in ethnicity, but people always ask me if I speak spanish. This use to really aggravate me getting asked that question b'c I'm not hispanic but people assume I am based on my looks. Eventually, I realized that there was nothing I could do about this, and my rudeness back to them was silly. So I've learned to not get mad at people for asking me something like that. I just smile and say, "no, I'm native american but I do get asked that question alot."

I don't understand why some folks think it's alright to ask such a personal question based on your looks, but oh well. They're just curious. It will probably keep happening, you know? You can decide to be rude back or rise above the situation and be kind instead.

Also, when you do join a mom's group, you'll probably need to expect the same stares and questions until you get to know the other moms more and they get to know you, your family and how great of a mom you really are.

I agree with Julie and Brigette.
I am the oldest of 6 kids. My mom and dad had me and my brother. 37 and 33. Then they got divorced. My mom and stepdad had 3 more, now, 20, and 18 yr old twins. then my dad and his wife, had one, 7mos.
So there you go. My mom and dad are both caucasian with blue eyes. My step dad is Mexican. My step mom is Honduran. SO we are a very blended family, as you can see.
We have all had commments through the years. I know when I was a kid, my divorced parents were both told they looked to young to have a dtr my age, Mom had me about 3 weeks after turning 18, Dad 19. Then, we got questions about the twins being mine. Or really not my Mom's because they look so different from her and Me. Now I get questions about how I must feel to have my dad at 56 with a much younger wife(a year older than me) have a baby. My kids are 13, 11 1/2 and 8. My kids are loved by all and cherished dearly.
We are all who we are.
when I was in the hospital with my first, everyone there thought i robbed the cradle. now let me clarify. i am a nurse and had worked at the hospital for about 3 years, single, engaged, married, baby. so all my co-workers knew me, and knew how old I was. But they didn't know my hubby well. And while we were there having the baby, they all thought my hubby was about 18 to my 24. We all thought it was funny.
I think that you will also realize that as you get older you will not care what other people think. i know i sure don't.
i know that i am a hot mama no matter my height, weight or age. ha,ha, ha,ha!!! and i wear my bathing suit in public!!!
so, straighten your back bone, and say something a little bit saucy and keep on truckin!! Your friends will love you, the others don't matter.
L.

Society as a whole is very harsh, they are unhappy people looking to make everyone that they encounter just as unhappy! I am 26 and my husband is 42... yes.. count... that is a 16 year difference! I got married when I was 19, pregnant with our first at 20, our baby girl at 21, pregnant with our second at 22, and our baby boy at 23. We have been the butt of many jokes/rude comments... "he was driving when you were born... he could be your father..." It's so very hard to ignore them when it comes at you every day! Just remember, the only people that mean anything are the lives that live under your roof. You are showing your children how to respond to teasing and "getting picked on" and ultimately showing them how to overcome mean people and how to be the bigger person. You know that you are happy and your children can feel that... you are doing a good job!
-J.

Ok don't take this the wrong way I am making this statement about myself rather than about you. When someone says "wow your young" or "You look 16" my personal reason for making that statement to you would be "I wish I could look like that after 3 kids". I am 5'3" myself and I am a lot heavier than you. I do not mean offense by saying that you look young or 16 I just wish I could look as good as you. I am sure that it is offensive to you when someone says that b/c you are much more than just a 23 yr old. you have almost 10 yrs as a mom and and wife. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job and sometimes I wish I had started a little younger, I am 34 and my oldest is 8 and I have 3 girls. And you do not in any way have to justify yourself to anyone who makes offensive remarks to you. I am not good with coming up with smarty pants replies but I am sure you will receive a few here. Just know that from one mom to another I would be envious of a great looking mom of 3 b/c in my heart I would love to be a "hot mama". I hope this helps.

Congrats to you for having yourself together at a young age. I couldn't imagine having children at 23-I could barely take care of myself. I agree with another post-its no ones business unless you make it their business. Unfortunatly I think that people have a stero type of young mothers that they are irresponsiple and permiscuis (?) then in turn blame you parents and so forth down the line. We live in a society that is judgemental.

I'm almost 37 and I'll admit that I might look closely at you and think "Wow" but never judge a book by it's cover! Live your life to make yourself and your family proud! Opinions only matter in politics and most of the time those are no good!

I love Julie's response, it's very funny! However, I try to be kind to people who are being stupid. In my mind I make up excuses for their stupidity and give them my best understanding. It usually disarms them.

People should show some manners... respect for privacy.

I do have to say that if you look like a mom I knew that would pick up her kindergartner in short-shorts and halter tops, I might have an issue. Not because I cared what she wore, but I cared what she wore around my girls. I didn't want them to think that was okay for them and actually we chatted about it, so I guess it was a teaching moment. But I never said rude things to the mom, in fact we'd chat on a friendly level.

But people can be rude. A friend's daughter got pregnant at 19. I got her a job at my company. We didn't tell anyone she was pregnant. Boy did she get a lot of nasty looks when it became obvious. Fortunately, she let it blow over and she's still there 10 years later, but it said alot more about her qualities and the lack of qualities in the other folks to be able to take it.

Don't worry about these rude people. Some day you'll be old like the rest of us and you can relish your glory days of looking so young.

i can totally relate im 23 my kids are about to be 3, 2 and 1! i hate the looks i get!! when my youngest was born she was premature so when i finally got her home i was very happy and still really worn and tired well i decided to take them all to walmart for the first time, well a lady walked by and very rudley told me that i had 3 babies and it was time to stop! i was sooo upset and furouis i cried!! if i were 30 im pretty sure she wouldnt have said a thing! people are soo rude and think its their buisness. dont let it get to you your a great mom and you know it! actually you sound just like me!! im really afraid to do playdate groups cause i dont want to be critized for my age. just hang in there!! there are more of us out there than you think i promise!

I've been both a "young" mom (had my first at 19) and an "old" mom 41 y/o mom of a 3 year old. So I've been where you are --- I was very young looking with my first, and would get the stares, etc. But people never blatently asked rude questions. Personally, I'd come up with some sort of snarky remark that let people know that you thought their question was rude. Look at it this way... when your kids are grown and out of the house, you'll still be young enough to enjoy life! I've found that the older I get, the less I care what people I don't really know think about me. I like my life and who cares what anyone else thinks? Be proud of who you are, and who your family is. That's all that matters!

I would not worry about it. It is just now these days woman are waiting longer and longer to have kids. I am 29 and have an 9,6,3 year old. I am a stay at home mom and I get some rude comments all the time. I am glad that i started my family young. I would not change that for anything. so many woman out there are so quick to judges others. I have even gotten asked if my husband adopted my oldest daughter? which i thought was very rude! But some people justfind it hard to believe that i have been with my husband since i was 14yrs old. I think that is just something that is truly incredible. But with us being younger mothers we will be able to enjoy the rest of our adulthood when we are in our 40's and not have to worry about finding a babysitter. You sound like you are doing a good job. just blow off what those other people say and do, and remeber the good lord does not give you anything you can not handle. He gives you everythign for a reason.

best wishes

I too am a young mom. I am 24 with a 2.5 year old and a 4 year old. People ask me all the time if my kids are mine and are shocked when I say yes. They tell me I only look 17 or 18 and not old enough to have kids. I just smile and go on about my business. I also get the "looks" and "stares" when out with my husband with my kids. My husband is 6.5 years older than me. But I am happily married and love my kids and could care less what others think. Just smile at these peoople who are judging you and go on about your business. I can only hope that I still look young enough when I'm 40 and my son is 20 that people are still shocked when they find out I'm his mom. LOL Good luck and keep your chin up... it's a compliment to look so young! :)