Video~ Computer Games Addiction

Well, does he do anything else?

Have him EARN his time on it.
tally it, keep track of it and how/when he earns it.

It is either an entitlement or an earned thing. Or, just a part of the daily home life.

Does he do chores? He is 9. He should be.
Does he behave?
Does he do anything else this summer?

Have him earn, game time.
If he argues about it, then, take away points already earned.
My friend does this with her boys.

My son is 11 and is going through that too. We limit his time and when he's not on the game he's on the web. So my solution (for my son) is I spend as much time as I can with him. We have a pool and its hot now so we go swimming. He also has mma, boxing, and speed camp. Then when it starts getting cooler at night we go bike riding. He also like playing board games so we do that too. Its a lot but we want to show him there's so much more than sitting around all day staring at a screen. Plus he's gets some exercise in and so am I!
I've noticed that since we done these different things he always more willing to do the outdoor stuff vs the video games :) good luck!

We have some pretty solid rules about electronics use. The boundaries have been pushed from time to time, but that's it.

Rules:

- Need to pop off with a good attitude the moment I say so (yes, you may pause it, but saving can happen later) WITH a good attitude. [[Lack of either popping off or the good attitude results in losing all electronic toys for the rest of that day and all of the next*]]. Yes, I USUALLY give warning, but sometimes I can't.

- Needs to be paused when someone is speaking with them.

- Needs to ask before playing

- Cannot neglect other areas of his life, and people in his life.

* We have a graduated restriction system. Step 1 is that particular 'object' for the rest of that day, and all of the next. 2 is ALL electronics (TV, computer, xbox, phone) for the same time period. Sneaking, throwing fits, or continued bad behavior surrounding the equipment = bumped up to a week. Then 2 weeks. Then a month. To date, we've only ever had a total electronics ban for a month. More typically, he loses them for a day once every few months.

Are video games the ONLY thing my son thinks about/ does? Nope. But they ARE the vast majority of what he talks about. When it became clear a year or so ago that this wasn't just a passing interest (well over 1 year into)... I decided to run with it for as long as it lasted and treat it as any other passion/ talent; something to be encouraged and nurtured and taken seriously. We got design software/ programs. Looked up career pathways. Went on field trips. We now know several video game designers (and they're THRILLED to talk fine points for HOURS with him/ are sooooooo excited to have a kid so interested in what they do).

Now... my son's only 8. It's entirely possible that next year he'll want to be an astronaut. But for now, I view this as a legitimate artistic passion/ talent. Not something *I* would choose, but there is GREAT career potential in the field. Which sounds silly, in a way. But I realized one day, that if he showed this much interest in anything ELSE, I would be bending over backwards to facilitate it. So why not video games? Because I was biased against them, because *I* don't like them as much as I like other things.

They've been great learning tools. And I'm not just talking educational games. My son will go over a level in a game or scene in a movie 50 times in a row. He's always looking for something specific when he's doing that, all I needed to do was ask. His listening to voice inflection, proportion, movement, music, storyline, lighting, flow. He's figuring out what makes an interesting plot. What makes a scene is a scene (or a chapter a chapter). He reeeally got into geometry and physics this year (because they're key to believability... and can rattle off facts and figures that sail over my head completely, but the stats not only make sense to him almost intuitively at this point, but they make sense to the designer friends we've made), and is doing a lot of his own filming, working out why one angle is used instead of another.

It all started off with having to drag him away from the xbox. And some rather normal boundary pushing aside, he's done some REALLY amazing things artistically, while still staying within the house rules for behavior.

Idea #1 would be to ban the computer completely. Idea #2 would be for him to earn computer time (up to a limited daily amount) by doing other things (i.e. 15 minutes of computer time for playing outside for 1 hour, performing extra chores around the house, etc.). If he gives you any lip about when his time is up or the rules you have established, he loses computer time for the next day. If that's not enough, he loses it for 2 days, or 3 days, or a week, or whatever it takes. I would also be getting him involved in other activities, especially anything that forces him to get his butt off the couch, out of the chair, and interacting with real people in the real world - some kind of sport or other physical activity, and/or volunteer work.

Don't underestimate his interest in gaming. Gaming addiction is an ever expanding field of treatment. Google it. Educators are seeing it's real impact in the classrooms. I attended a seminar on it last year. The neurological impact is astounding and frightening.

If I find the presenter's name I will add it to this post. She was amazing!

ADD: The presenter was Gloria DeGaetano. You'll be able to find lots of materials about her and this topic online. Best of luck.

We have a rule in the summer that all electronics are only allowed before breakfast and after dinner. That keeps them to a minimum and ensures they are outside playing or doing other things while it is beautiful outside!

~Go with your gut. You know what is too much...

I hate TV and video games for the same reasons you do.

However, sometimes the more you limit something the more they want it. They will even obsess about it.

My daughter wanted sugar, sugar, sugar. She'd beg for candy, cookies, etc. and she gets wild when she eats too much.

Well, one weekend when we didn't have anything going on we allowed her to eat as much sugar as she wanted. It started as fun for her, she started with a sugary breakfast and juice. She drank pop, ate candy, cookies, etc. Pretty soon she didn't feel so good. We let her eat whatever for two days (Saturday and Sunday). Sunday night she confessed that sugar didn't make her feel good. Ever since then she limits herself, we no longer have to fight her to keep her sugar intake down.

So, maybe the solution is to let your son play himself out on video games one weekend. It's just an idea. He may decide by himself that unlimited video games isn't what he really wants, and that playing a lot doesn't make him feel very good.

Ok, try this for two weeks allow him to play all he wants and see what happens. It's summer so there is no homework to deal with, but give him other house hold chores that have to be done. Give him a list of things he must accomplish daily and if there is a time constraint make sure it is plain and clear. Allow him to play his video games for two weeks as much as he wants, however should he falter on these requirements (take out trash, shower, dishwasher, gather laundry etc) the deal is off. See what happens, if he continues to do well at balancing the two then allow it to go on another week etc. Ust this as an opportunity to teach him time management. As this progresses week after week add more things to his daily reqiurements and see how he does. You have to be firm but give this experiment a try ... by the end of the summer he will not be as obsessed is my call.

We are going through this to an extent with my son, who is 6. My daughter is 8 and will play video games, too, but my son is OBSESSED with it. If he's not playing it, he is thinking about it. I get worried sometimes about him, but I think we've done well so far in limiting his time with it. We have "video game free" days (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday) where they are not allowed to play at all. When they do play, they can only play for 30 minutes to an hour at a time (I make them set the timer so they know when it's time for them to get off). Oh, and if he whines about not wanting to get off, he's not allowed to play for the rest of the day (or week if necessary, depending on how much he isn't listening). And I have many talks with my son about how many other things there are to do (playing outside, playing with toys, reading, etc.) so that he understands that video games are okay as long as he does other things with his time as well.

I think you should definitely say no to the online game. My husband went through a period of playing World of Warcraft (that famous online game) and he was a zombie the whole time. Thankfully he realized that it was taking time away from his life and decided to cancel his account. But if you can avoid the online game addiction before it starts then you should. Also try to get him involved in activities outside of the home (sports? classes about things he might be interested in? volunteering somewhere?) so that he's not always thinking about video games all the time. Good luck!

i think that if the games are age appropriate, i don't see a problem with it. my son (5) got addicted to star wars lego for the playstation 2. i ended up taking the tv i had in my room that i had for years and put it in his room because i just couldn't stand to watch it anymore. i didn't like him playing it as much as he did, but i let him do it because i figured he'd get sick of it. and he did. my son plays his ds and wii also and also on the computer. i give him and his sister 30 mins to an hour online and they can play their ds as long as they want. it typically doesn't take them long to stop playing them. their dad plays the wii more than they do. and i love my computer games so i can't really argue with them if i do the same thing. but they are extremely active also, so i feel like they get a good balance.

My boys (7 and 13) love computer/video games, but they also have many other interests. If I allowed them to though, they would probably play computer/video games for hours and hours. We have a two hour limit per day during the summer, less during the school year. That forces them to be creative and find other things to do most of the day. They use timers and get off of the computer or TV without argument when their time is up. They play outside, read, and use their imaginations with family, friends, or alone. It works for us. I simply don't see a need for more time on the computer than that. As a high school teacher, I have seen the change in kids over the years as they play more and more video games. They are losing their imaginations and their attention spans (unless electronics are involved). They need to be creative and imaginative without electronics. Good luck!

YES! We have gone through the same thing. If he's not playing it things around him start to look like certain levels of a game. Songs on the radio sound like a song on a game. URG! He wants me to look on itunes for songs from his games so we can listen to them when he's not playing. They get "Video Game Brain". My son was starting to have scary feelings before bed. I took video games away completely. He was furious for the first week or so. We have been doing other things and he hasn't asked for them in a couple weeks now. We've been playing games together, "Minute to Win It" games, puzzles or swimming etc. He is happier now than he has been in years. bye-bye Video Game Brain.

My younger son loves video games as well but it doesn't sound like it is to the extent that yours does. I have always said that if the games start becoming more important to him than anything else I would make him stop. My biggest nightmare is to have a teen that plays video games around the clock at the expense of all else-eating and sleeping in the gameroom so as not to be too far from it. To me the kind of addiction you are talking about at 9 is a precursor. You should disable the game for a couple weeks and tell him it is broken. This is my plan if it ever gets that bad.

My son is very similar. We've tried several different things. During the school year, he is not allowed to play at all during the week. For a while, he had to earn weekend minutes with music practice (I allowed him to include band/orchestra rehearsal times) minute to minute. This summer, he's not allowed to play before naptime or carry it with him in the car, but otherwise he gets a little more freedom. I have spoken to him about addiction and said that when a hobby starts interfering in your life, it's easier to abolish it than to cut back, so that if he gives me trouble about it (bad attitude, disobedience, etc), I will just remove the cause all together. It's always the first thing I take away when he is grounded, and he will try to punish the rest of us by sulking, but that usually doesn't last long. I do help give him other things to do, like board games, etc. I will say that I don't let him online at all. He will occasionally do the Wii racing with other online players, but I'm overly cautious about what is out there on the internet, so that's not even an issue. I will say this all works out for us now. I know when he is older, it may get more difficult....

Yes. Our 8 yo loves his ds. I only let him play for 30 minutes at a time. During the school year, he could only play one 30 min. session after his homework was done and before dinner. No electronics after dinner except on the weekends. Now that it is summer he can play 2 30-min. sessions each day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. It has to be separated because he becomes a zombie when he plays for more than 30 minutes at a time. I am also careful about what games he plays. He sets the timer on the stove and when it goes off, he puts it up. If he argues or keeps playing (like trying to sneak in more time if I am outside), he loses it for the rest of the day or for the next day. He tells me that his friends get to play as long as they want, whenever they want. Oh well!! I just don't want him to be consumed by all the gaming stuff!!

I'm a teacher and I see this stuff all the time! 9 times out of 10, when a kid is bombing out of school, has few friends, and lots of anti-social behavior, video games/computer games are generally part of the equation. At 9 years old, there's still lots of time to intervene. I wouldn't take it away completely, but standing firm with clear times and boundaries is a great idea. You wouldn't let him eat ice cream for every meal because you know that's bad for him. Same thing with video games.

I would suggest NEVER allowing your son to play an online game where he is actually with other people who could speak to him through the game or contact him in some other way. There are predators everywhere and I would assume that you do not sit there and watch him play the whole time.