Very Sensitive 19 Month Old

Updated on April 21, 2010
J.S. asks from Santa Rosa, CA
6 answers

Hi moms,
I have a very sensitive 19month old daughter. She is scared of almost everything, even a speck lint in the bath tub. She is very in tune with her surroundings and doesn't like it when the little things change, ex a toy not put away, or anything out of its normal place. Lately she has been having a lot of bad dreams.
I am wondering if you know of any good books on hypersensitive children. I want acknowledge her fears, but I don't want them to run her life or make them worse. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
thank you

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.F.

answers from San Francisco on

Absolutely. I have a little one like that -- she's now 4. I just started reading this book, which was recommended to me by a friend who also has a highly sensitive child:

The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D.

It's on Amazon, and I'm already finding it helpful in the first chapter. Hope this helps!

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi, my son (22 months) is just the opposite. He really doesn't have that much fear! However, we are around a friend's baby who seems to be very timid. I think it's just important to keep telling your daughter that the little things are not scarey. I have some book recommendations below that I got off a site my sister's best friend is starting. It's www.askteachermonica.com/ I love it! She specializes in educating young children. It's geared toward a little older children, but I think our toddlers are understanding a lot at this age. (Not sure if you are interested in any children's books on fear.) I think it might not be a bad idea to read to her about it though.
My son woke for the first time 2 nights ago with what I can only explain as a nightmare or pain (but I doubt that). He was crying hard for a long while. That's really hard! All you can do, I guess, is hold them and hope it doesn't keep happening.
I'm jealous she'll notice a toy out of place and want to fix it! Haha, I had to tell my son not to throw his all around the room last night.

The books are...

Storm in the Night

by Mary Stolz

A beautiful story of a child and his grandfather during an evening storm. The child’s grandfather tells a story from his childhood to help ease the boys fear of the storm.
Recommended Ages: 5-8

Can You Sleep Little Bear?

By Martin Waddell and Barbara Firth

This book is about fear of the dark . Little bear is nurtured by his father who brings in different lanterns and ideas to help little bear understand the night.
Recommended Ages: 3-6

The Little Old Lady Who Was Not Afraid of Anything

by Linda Williams

In this book a little old lady encounters many unusual and scary things in the woods. The woman uses her cleverness and security as solution to the fear she was experiencing in the woods.
Recommended Ages: 4-7

Thunder Cake

by Patricia Polacco

This is a great story about a common childhood fear of thunder and lightening. A caring grandmother, Babushka, helps her granddaughter overcome her fright of thunder and lightening by baking a, “Thunder Cake.” There is even a recipe in the back for making “Thunder Cake.”
Recommended Ages: 4-8

Owl Babies

by Martin Waddell

Three owls wait for their mama, who is searching for food. The owls talk about being scared and comfort each other. It’s a sweet little book that’s helps reassure children that mama always comes back! Young children love this book because of the curiosity of when the mama owl will return. The children get excited once the mama owl comes back! Quote from the book: “Whats all the fuss?” their owl mother said. “You knew I would come back.” The baby owls thought (all owls think a lot) “I knew it,” said Sarah. “And I knew it!” said Percy “I love my mommy!” said Bill” Recommended Ages: Infants to 5

Hope this helps! There are probably more books that would be more geared toward her in particular. There were some other books on the site that dealt with fear on Halloween. That was when my mostly fearless child did get scared.

None of these books seem like a perfect fit for the fears you mentioned, but there is so much literature out there. I'm sure there are others and also books for you to read up on her behavior. Hope you find some answers!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.P.

answers from Sacramento on

Try the Highly Sensitive Person site--I found this and bought a few books (embarrassed to say I have yet to read them!). http://www.hsperson.com/

Kidtemp.com A Temperament Perspective is the other site I found helpful. http://www.kidtemp.com/

I can't remember which one has it, but I took the quick quiz (free) 'for' my daughter and was amazed at how many I could answer yes to. Mine was a lot like what you are describing--she's moved passed a lot if it now. It used to take me forever to even get through the grocery store because it stressed her out if a can or box on a shelf was askew and wanted me to fix them all! My son is so different...go figure!

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.A.

answers from San Francisco on

Hello there,
My daughter is very sensitive too. She's actually out grown a lot of it since I started looking into sensitive kids about 3 or 4 months ago. I went to drop off some donations at a place and my daughter was with me. A woman started talking to her and she wouldn't respond. I said, "she's a little shy sometimes" or something like that and she said her son was too. She recommended the book The Highly Sensitive Person. I looked into it and they have one about kids. On amazon you can read some of it and they have a little "is this your child" section, which I found helpful.
Best of luck,
C.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.B.

answers from Sacramento on

My 16 mo old is VERY clingy. I'm a SAHM so that contributes to it. I've been told he will grow out of this and I've already seen different stages of this over the past 8 months. At some points he got worse and at times he gets better. I am sure he will grow out of this with time. He, too, follows me around and pulls at my pants to the point that if I have sweat pants on he will pull them down. I have found that I do alot when he takes his nap. Also, the moms in my life and on here encouraged me to take short breaks from him every day (30 mins) which I do when my husband comes home ot either go to the gym for a quick 30 mins, the store or I just hang out in the back of the house to return emails, put away clothes etc. One day my child won't need me as much or want anything to do with me (especially in front of his friends) so I'm taking advantage of it. He won't be 20 years old and clingy.....I guarantee it. So try to strike a balance and enjoy it while you can. They grow up so fast! Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

My daughter is very in tune with her surroundings as well and "sensitive" to vibes and is real routine oriented too with certain things. Its just her. My daughter's mind is also very active, even in sleep. She talks in her sleep at times, even from when very young.
BUT... I see my daughter's personality and disposition as being GOOD... because it has made her MORE emotionally articulate than most kids her age... and she can really gauge situations well and she can "read" people very well. I am glad she is like this.

But, my daughter did not have out of the ordinary getting scared of everything kind of issues. Just the normal developmental "fears" that arises due to age and development. So.. you need to also know that at certain ages, a child just naturally gets "scared" of some things, and their imagination is developing, too.
Also, some kids are just more routine oriented than others. Just like adults.

And kids at a certain age of development, also go through stages of "organizing" things and putting them in order. Let her do that. Its good development she is showing. And smart!

If she gets scared of a speck of lint.... just "explain" it to her... pick it up, tell her its just lint, and its harmless and hold it for her to see, then say "see, its just a ball of lint..." etc. Then throw it away or put it on the side. Don't react like everything she is scared of is "bad." Just matter of fact. Just teaching her names of objects and what they do or not etc.

And yes, they start to "dream" too, at about this age. Or they have "night terrors" which is also developmental based. Normal... so just comfort her.

So, it is either a "problem" or not. And your child is at an age where they do get "scared" of things/events, even getting scared of the mall Santa at Christmas time. Its normal.

It is part personality and partly just normal development of a child. To a certain extent you can't change them... but you can as they grow up, teach them coping skills, or just teaching your child about what things are... and concepts, which they will learn when older. ie: good/bad etc. AND about their feelings/emotions. Which you as a parent teach her.

Its all about child development. AND how you as Mom, react to her and these things. If you react like it is a "bad" thing... then the child will have a harder time coping with it... or it will not nurture the good ability about it. If you "fear" this trait in her... it will give her hang-ups. If she is shy because of it, so what. My daughter was/is shy too... because she is sensitive to her surroundings and vibes. Its fine. No biggie. Being shy or sensitive is not a "bad" thing. I nurtured my daughter's traits.. and her sensitivity...because it made her a "wiser" child and more aware of social relationships, and just so many good things. And her cognitive and emotional development is very astute.

SURE acknowledge her fears. A child NEEDS "validation." You are NOT making it worse by doing that... in fact, it will teach them confidence and to have their OWN ideas about things and their own thoughts, and that Mommy UNDERSTANDS them... and they are not "weird" or petty. A child NEEDS for their parent to understand them and acknowledge their "fears." It is healthy.... .and fosters closeness and empathy in a child and parent.

I think, your child is fine. Normal. Kids go throughout life having "fears" of things. You can't extinguish that. It is part of their growth and understanding the world.

I see my daughter's sensitivity as a STRENGTH... and as she has grown up, she KNOWS herself VERY well. More so than other kids her age. I am glad for that. She is not a "follower" nor does she give in to peer pressure. She is herself. My daughter is now 7... and she is still sensory sensitive although she has outgrown a lot of it... but she has "matured" and can navigate herself quite well and she is very confident and has natural empathy. So that is a good thing. It has in NO way "handicapped" her.

All the best,
Susan

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions