I am at a total loss right now. I have been married to my husband almost 13 years, together 15 years. For the past two days, he has accused me of cheating on him. He has completely blown me away. Right now, it feels as though my heart is broken in two. I'm not even sure why he even thinks I am. He has recently returned to work after being laid off for a year. He has also stopped taking his anti-depressant, Lexapro. He has gone off that cold turkey. He said that one of the texts I sent him the other day is what made him think. I have been sending him little texts on and off since he started saying good luck, have a great day at work, love you, can't wait to see you tonight....The only response I get back from him, text wise, when I tell him I love him is "ditto". He know it infuriates me to no end. I completely DISPISE that word!!! Well, after he sent that to me, I wrote back, I love you....geez. And, somehow that translates into I'm cheating on him. I just don't know what to do to convince him that I'm not cheating on him. First of all, I have no friggin' time. I work full time and when I'm not at work, I'm at home with him and our 3 kids and his parents because we live with them right now. And, I told him, my life is so complicated and everything, why the hell would I want one more thing to burden me with and to even put up with right now? His mom has been diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. She went through 3 weeks of strictly brain radiation which did absolutely nothing.
I just don't know what to do. What would you do? I am just so confused and hurt more than anything.
Thanks for letting me vent.
First of all - him going off meds is a huge red flag and issue. Why did he do that. Get him back on them and to the doctor's ASAP. He's on them for a reason.
Second - and you may not want to hear this...but the MAJORITY of times I have known a man who is convinced a woman is cheating on him is because HE IS cheating on her.
wow you said you dont know why he thinks it but he suddenly started working, went off meds, and his mom is possibly dying. that sounds like the wrong time to go off depression meds. poor guy! and poor you=(
talk him into going to the doctor
He needs to see a doctor.
Going off lexapro cold turkey can cause a psychotic break, brain damage, and death depending on the dose & his neurochemistry.
CALL HIS DOCTOR (dont wait for husband to come home from work) and tell him what's your husband has done & his behavior.
It may be that your husband was on a low enough dose that its not life threatening, or that he squeaked by in the minority of people who could make it to DayXX without snapping.... And past dayXX hes just fine. BUT...only his doc will be able to say whether he needs to go to hospital by ambulance or that he'll be fine, just cranky & paranoid for a few days, ride it out at home.
_____
Why am I so intense about calling his doctor this very minute?
My girlfriend did the same thing, by the by. After a few days she took scissors to her lingerie, hair, walls, furniture... And swallowed d dry pill in the house, before calling her boss to swear at him nonstop. Thankfully, her boss called the police (instead of just firing her). The police found her body, and the paramedics were called out in time to resuscitate. (I was called as an emergency contact to the scene). She ended up spending 6 weeks in inpatient psychiatric treatment. Also losing the job. And her kids were relocated to her inlaws, because the courts couldn't allow them to stay in the same home as she was in (and her husband, deployed, wouldn't leave her alone after being recalled on compassionate leave).
10 years later she still thanks God that her kids were in school and that she'd called in sick. Can you even imagine if you suffered a psychotic break around your kids/spouse/at work?
Crazy story, right?
It took a year (apx) to sort things medically & legally.
She's a PHD, works with kids, VERY stable & just all around lovely person. She went back on the lexapro (and lamictle) for another 2 years. The first year to get "even" & meet medico legal requirements for her children to be returned, and then 1 more year to be "safe" before TAPERING off, very slowly.
Antidepressants are AMAZING. But they alter the way the brain functions, and going off of them needs to be handled carefully, or really, really, really bad things can happen.
Its just like driving a car. Cars are amazing, but you HAVE to drive on the right side of the road. Driving on the wrong side has some reeeeallu scary consequences attached.
It's the cold turkey. I knew someone personally that quit cold turkey and her moods for weeks after that ranged from seething anger to crying jags.
That's why you're supposed to gradually get off the anti-depressants. I'd suggest he call his doc to find out about taking smaller doses gradually until he's completely off, and that should smooth things out.
His accuastion clearly has nothing to do with you. Don't take it personally.
He's under stress, having started a new job, and stopped taking his anti-depressant cold turkey. A dangerous combo.
Don't freak out. Just remain calm, collected, and supportive. Be a broken record, "I love you and have not ever cheated on you, nor will I ever. "
You're hurt, and he's emotionally imbalanced. Consider that before you say anything.
♥
C. Lee
It's probably because he went off the meds cold turkey. I don't think you are supposed to do that with anti-depressants.
The thing is, you can't prove a negative so you can't prove that you're NOT doing something.
Call his doctor and talk to them about his stopping the meds.
And I hate to agree with McMamma about his cheating, but I do. Usually those who make the biggest ruckus are the guilty ones.
When a man accuse you of cheating, it's usually is own guilt getting to him. Sit down with him, and say, are you cheating on me? Who have you been talking to, or texting; I've been with you for 15 years and I haven't cheated on you, why now would I start? Let him know he's being very insecure and you didn't marry an insecure man, but a confident one, who knows me better than that.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Pray, do lots of praying asked God to change his heart and clear his mind.
Hugs going out to you!
The problem with coming off of Lexapro on your own is that you aren't regulating how much serotonin is being produced in your body and it can cause mood or behavior changes, irritability ect. Talk with him about what you've noticeds and don't internalize it
If it were just the accusation by itself, I'd say it's a red flag that he himself is cheating. But you are living with his parents, one of whom has advanced lung cancer. Her treatment did not work although there are other things that can be tried. He's thinking about her leaving him (by dying) so he's accusing you of being ready to leave him. See the pattern? I agree that going of anti-depressants cold turkey is rarely advisable, but you need to call his doctor. The doctor may not be able to share info with you (unless there is prior permission) but the doctor can LISTEN to you. Encourage your husband to call his doctor and get some help in deciding whether to go off the meds, go back on, try another one, etc. - he should not do anything without some medical advise. Moreover, your husband is starting a new job - so that's a ton of stress. Maybe he feels unworthy and figures that no one would want to be with him, so therefore you must be cheating. Maybe he is misreading your love notes and assuming you have something you are covering up for. In any case, he's not at his best emotionally or logically or medically or socially, so all his reactions are off. I doubt there is anything you can say or do to reassure him - so get him to get himself some help. Good luck.
Going of Lexapro cold turkey causes one to become paranoid, anxious, out of control. Urge him to see his doctor about ways of getting off it if he needs to do that. This whole situation can be turned around by him going back on to the Lexapro and either getting off of it with medical supervision or learning that the Lexapro is what is making him feel better.
If he won't make an appointment, you call the doctor and tell him what's happening. I suggest that the whole thing is caused by stopping the Lexapro.
You cannot convince him of anything. He's not thinking clearly. The more you defend yourself the more he'll become entrenched in his belief. Tell him he's wrong and that you're thru discussing it. Ask him to call his doctor. Tell him if he won't you will. Then stop responding to his accusations. If you can resume treating him in the same way you've been treating him up until this accusation.
Tell him you're hurt. Cry if you feel like it. But, also let him know that you know you're not guilty. Show him a strong back bone. Tell him to stop with the accusations. And leave the room when he starts up again.
Your husband is choosing the absolute wrong time to stop an anti-depressant. Do you know why he's done this? Urge him to see a therapist. If he doesn't have one, perhaps you can get him as well as the whole family involved in grief therapy. Ask at the hospital for what is available thru them. If you're in a Cancer Center call the family support office and ask for help. Ask his and your mil's doctors for references. It's essential that all of you get help with this extremely difficult period of time.
Why did he DO that?
I would imagine if it was within several weeks, this is an anxiety effect of the lack of meds.
Lots going on, poor guy.
I guess just reassure him. As often as needed.
Yep call the doctor. He could be okay going off the meds cold turkey or something really bad could happen. It all depends on his dose and how long it has been since he stopped taking it. You need to call right away. His behavior is likely a result of stopping the meds. If he wants to get off the meds that is great but he has to do it correctly.
If your husband is off his meds, he is not in his right mind. Don't take his comments to heart. You can't handle this like a normal spat or problem, because this isn't a normal issue. You won't convince him of anything until he gets proper medical care.
