Used Feeling

I totally understand! I have similar stories in my life. What I'm finding out through my own self realization and inquiry is that it is my/our beliefs that we hold inside about ourselves that people pick up on like a flashing neon sign above our heads... it follows us wherever we go... Look at yourself honestly and find that self talk that goes on inside and find ways of turning those beliefs around into confident ones, ones of self respect and love. That is what is helping me. I'm also learning to be nicely assertive and say to people "I'll be glad to help with this much of the project, but I don't feel I can handle more." or "I'll be glad to contribute this ........ " and also I've had to just say to people in a nice tone... I'm willing to excuse this cancellation and there have been 2 others, but I won't next time and I have to stick to it.( because I'm not a door mat) and just be honest about my boundaries. It seems to be working for me. And if I feel I'm totally being ignored - depending on the situation, I will say "excuse me, I'm right here..." or if that isn't appropriate I just decide to leave the situation and go do something that feels more right to me.. The thing is - I don't have to put up with being treated as "less than" and it is my decision as to when and where I do - not someone else's. I can't change people, but I can walk away when I'm not being treated right... This is what is working for me.. hopefully you'll find what works best for you. It is a process though and be patient with yourself. Blessings

You need some assertiveness training. Years ago brochures would come across my desk with that topic, but my secretary needed "meekness" training since she was overly assertive already, lol! Seriously, in my opinion the way to feel better is 1) to do something you like: join a quilting club or go sky diving, whatever you enjoy, find others who enjoy it too in the form of a club or class. 2) get some exercise: take walk through the mall if it is too cold to walk outside, or go to a yoga class if you never tried it, or join a pool. I used to live near a hotel and would put my bathingsuit under a sweatsuit and sling my own white towel over my shoulder and just walk into the hotel "health center" and go for a swim. If the attendant asked I would just say I am in room 215 but my husband is still in the room and 3) try some counseling or talk to someone in charge at your church about your feelings (your health insurance may have "mental health benefits" that cover counseling 4) mention it to your doctor. There may be more going on that just a sad spell in your life, maybe you are truly depressed and then all the best intentions in the world will not work without some help from someone who knows what to do. Actually - I would start with the doctor and rule out any physical issues first. There is something called Seasonal Affective Disorder where the lack of light in the winter makes you depressed. Our neighbor has SAD and light therapy really works for him. Consider yourself hugged, it probably feels like you are all alone, but that is not the case, there are many people who feel just like you do and asking for help from doctors/counselors/clergy/friends is not another "weakness" but a sign of standing up for what you need. Go for it girl!

If this is at work...go all out as in the end even if there is a mistake here or there, people also know who made it happen. Where as I know the ones who keep a low profile and try to slink by with the minimum and try to be ignored...you will think it has happend but instead people will just be letting the boss know who didn't do their job and it will be obvious to the boss. If this is at home, I say take charge it is your life.

We all go through times in our lives where we feel bad about ourselves & less than capable. There is nothing wrong with a little counseling to help pick up your self esteem. In the meantime I recommend a book called Boundaries. You can google it. It helped me tremendously.

Good luck & God Bless!