My daughter was born 6 weeks early. Even though she is 6 months old her corrected age is 4 1/2 months. We have been experiencing a major problem. Everytime she sees my father she bursts out crying! And if it is not a full out cry then its a puffed out lip and stressed out face. There is no way that she even tolorates being held by him for even a second! He drinks and smokes but not around her, this has been going on for months now. It had been going better with my mother but up until recently. Now she cries and puffs out her bottom lip to her too. My parents are devistated. They moved to my area to be near us. They tell everyone who will listen that their grand daughter hates their guts... I know her personal/social skills as well as gross motor skills are still immature. But does anyone know how to help this..or how long it will last??!?! We have tried getting together with my parents frequently, making sure baby is fed and well rested before visits.... any suggestions/advice would be greatly appreciated.
thanks!
Babies are known to freak out at certain people at this stage of the game. Sometimes it's everyone but mom and dad and other children freak out with certain people. Calm down and relax she's grow out of it.
Hi I am a Grand Mother of 4, the last one being a girl Taylor Marie. She is 5 months old now. When we first visited her in her home she puckered up and started Whaleing. Neither Papa or Grandma could go near her. We drew back and didn't talk.
That was the first visit,every visit after was the same. I lowered my voice and started to do Piggies on her toes, she laughed and we had a fun visit, but I did not hold her. Now she is 5mos., I still do piggies, that way she remembers me, my voice and my scent. Not everyone should do piggies, but try to be repetitous. I can hold her & feed her but,if she is tired there is no way i can feed her. Papa has to whisper when he talked to her, i guess his voice scared her.
We are fine now she lets us hold her and play, she giggles lots.It takes time, she is a girl and tempermental of course. We are still cautious of talking too loud or quickly as not to scare her! We can hold her for only a short time, still.
Only thing I can offer is, it takes time and keep up the frequent visits, it will help. Remember her skills and level have nothing to do with it. She is a new baby with alot to learn, try having Grandma read from afar and become the character, even if it is 1 page, always use the same Story or Rhime.
Good Luck!
HI I have a set of twins that did the samething with my sister. She started to come around more and they got used to her and stopped crying everytime she held them. They also recieved early intervention which helps them with gross motor and fine motor skills and anything that you may think she needs help with.
Good Luck..
C.
My son went through the same phase. I also have friends who went through the same thing. My son would have a meltdown everytime my mother in law went to look at him...nevermind touching or holding him. My mother in law was devistated as I am sure your parents are. It really is just a phase that some babies go through. Hang in there and she'll come around. Also, we don't give babies enough credit, they can sense things so make sure your parents act 'normal' and don't make a big fuss out of her not responding to them as you'd like...let her decide when she's ready, try not to force it. Oh, one of the 'tools' my mother in law used to help break the ice were some toys that she brought over when she visited (not a lot, but some) it made him concentrate on the toy rather then getting upset because of her presence. Just a few thoughts! Best of luck!
A.
Hi,
My daughter did the same thing at 4mos of age and she is now going to be 8mos. My daughter would only do it with my husbands mother and father and I could not figure out why she would do that with his parents and not my parents. What I did with my daughter was have my husbands parents hold her for a bit and come down every other weekend so that they can bond with her. It took almost two mos to get my daughter used to them and now that she is a bit older she does not do it as ofter. I would try it that way. Or you could just wait it out to she is pro going though a stage of anixity. But I hope I help good luck I hope all goes well.
A.=)
T.,
talk to your ped. about sensory intergration. this is very common with premies. If your daughter is not usually around the smell of smokers this even at an early age may bother her. Children with sensory disorders may smell things 10x more than you and I. They process the sences differenly and usually to its extremes. My son was diagnosed at 3.5 and I wish we had cought on sooner. He was a very cranky baby very colicy the only thing that soothed him was a tight swadle and his swing. (I did not know at the time that these were symptoms) He did not like to held by certain people and then we noticed it was people with stronger or different sents. He wouldn't go to my mom for the longest time smoker but would go with my motherin law (smoker) she would mask the smoke smell with sweet smelling perfume. He wouldn't go to my cusins because they had very
strong perfume on. He still to this day will shy away from odors or make a big fuss because his body can not handle the sent. I hope this give you some light or atleast something to look into. Let your parents know that it probably isn't them to take it easy with her. Talk calmly without too much excitement in their voices. When we see babies our voice levels tend to shreik or get louder. Gentle soft voices and soft stoking on her arm first and then gently ease into picking her up. keep doing it so she gets familiar with it. You can do this to when she wakes from a nap or when you approach her to pick her up. I hope I helped. Please talk to your ped he/she will have more insight. Or if you would like to talk please drop a line. Good Luck
Both of my daughters did the same thing. They grew out of it as will your baby girl. Now my youngest says her uncles name all the time and she would have nothing to do with him when she was younger. So do not worry and tell your parents they are truly loved, not hated. The new world is a scary place even if we tell them it is okay!!
have him put one of your shirts on. or just on his chest then hold her. she may be comforted by his smell.
i still do this sometimes with my 3 yo when he's restless at night because his dad is his favorite.
My friend had this problem with her daughter. She wouldn't let anyone hold her except mom and grandma. Her father couldn't even hold her. What I would do was let her sit with mom or in her chair and talk to her and play with her with a toy after getting use to me there she would let me hold her for short periods of time and usually as long as she didn't see mom. It was something she grew out of and now, she's 5, always wants to go with me when I go over. Hope this helps.
I agree that the biggest thing is probably the smell. Great time to quit!! I am trying to get my mother to quit too so good luck with that. Another thing to try is to have your mom or dad get her up from nap and feed her a bottle. If she doesn't see you then she might be more apt to let them. Of course, stay near by in case she just can't handle it. You don't want her to try and eat while screaming. I used this while when I worked as a nanny and it worked every time. Good luck.
Try telling them to be a little more relaxed babys can feel stress coming from othersand will become upset by it
My daughter did this as well to my father in law who is a smoker. My suggestion would be to have him wash up and change into cloths that you store at your house so that they don't smell like smoke. He may even need to jump in and take a quick shower to get the smell out of his hair too. Also have him hold her and not say anything. Just smile and make silly/interesting faces for her. Then work up to a whisper and then just regular talking. If your dad has facial hair, you may want to have him shave it off, also. I don't know what it is about men with facial hair, but it really freaks some babies out!
Good luck!
