Unhappily Pregnant

Sometimes you start to get more attached when you have an ultrasound or feel the baby kick. Also I have had a few friends start antidepressants while pregnant and it was like turning a light on. They felt better after 2 weeks and say they are very happy.

Hi,
I totally understand what you are going thru. I just found out I'm pregnant and I'm totally freaked out by it. I'm terrified to be a mother and well I'm pissed off and depressed. Your not alone and people tell me that it will get better this will pass. Don't be embarrassed for being depressed. It is a lot to handle and you can't do it alone.

I can tell you that your feelings are normal especially if you didn't plan on being pregnant. Even if you did some women are still unhappy when they are pregnant. Your hormones play a huge part in being unhappy.
Even after you have the baby you can still have crazy emotions. I have two kids and after I had both of them I was a little sad and hormonal! It should go away but if it dosen't then you should talk to your doctor.
I recommend getting the book What To Expect When You Are Expecting. They talk about anything and everything all they way through pregnancy and after giving birth. It is a great book and a bible to refer to when you want to know something. Hope this helps and good luck!

I can tell you when I was pregnant I was not a happy woman. Some ladies are so excited and so joyful I was not one of them my husband called me the devil woman. My emotions were really high and I was on edge most of my pregnancy. I think acknowledging it is a good thing and letting people know how you feel is just fine. There is no shame in it. I am on medicine for depression since having my kids and I know it has helped a lot. Letting other women know that I struggle with this has been very freeing but I am a very sharing person. but I have fouund that a lot of women struggle with it as well you would be suprised. Let your doctor know no one wants you to feel this way especially Jesus. He wants you to enjoy your life to the fullist especially in Him. I pray this helps!! :)I to love my Jesus and my military man.

I would definitely consult your OBGYN as soon as possible for help. I am sure it is hard but you have to be honest with them so they can diagnose and treat this properly. Depression is a very overwhelming issue but treatable. They are there 100% for your health as well as the health of the baby.

Hi, this is my first time responding so please be patient with me. I had my daughter a little more the 2 years ago. She is wonderful ad I would not change it for anything however, I suffer from depression now and just found out my mom does as well. Depression is a very hard thing to go threw and it is hard to talk about. I don't talk to my husband about it b/c I think he will not understand. I have one friend that knows what I am going threw and I talk to her all the time about it. It really seems to help. I the doctor can give you a "happy" pill also to help control your emotions. I am currently on Zoloft but I'm not sure if you can take that while your pregnant or not. I hate the fact that I have to take a pill everyday to regulate me but I feel it is better then the alternative of being upset and sad all the time. Being pregnant is very scary and over whelming at times but I’m sure with the support of your husband you will do just fine. Once you get a little further along you can also sign up for different types of parenting classes. This really helps easy your mind on a lot of things. I was so amazed that hospitals just let you leave with this tiny precious buddle of joy without taking a test or anything but that is when your instincts kick in and you have doctors and other people that are there to help you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help b/c we all have to stick together. It is tough out there. Also, have faith in yourself and in God.

i have had 3 unplanned pregnancies with my husband (we WERE married when i got pregnant with #1)
with the first one, i had a hard time excepting that i was pregnant. your depression, and hormones could be playing a part in this like you said... but don't beat yourself up for feeling this way! you have a right to have the emotiones that you have, you may start to feel unhappy, and happy feelings at differrant times, and that is o.k. too! expressing these feelings without a fear of being judged will help you feel better, as will exercise, sunlight (what a horrible time of year to be dealing with depression!!)
when the baby comes, an awesome way to help you bond, and also to regulate your hormones is to breastfeed!!
also sometimes taking charge of your pregnancy, learning as much as you can about pregnancy and childbirth, making decisions for your labor and delivery... all of these things can help you feel incontrol again!
i would suggest "the thinking womans guide to a better birth" by Henci Goer it's not a natural birth book, but it is FAR more informative then "what to expect..."!
any book by DR. SEARS Pregnancy, parenting... is good too! they have these at Half price books sometimes.

when you are ready to connect to other moms, try cincymoms.org
if you are in the cincinnati area.

M. Lewis (birth doula)

I had some of ur same feeling when i found out I was pregnant. I was young whn I started batteling depression & I was young whn I found out I was pregnant. Very Very confused the 1st couple of months. I spoke w/ counslers @ school about adoption I spoke w/ my mother about every alternative! But I cld nvr bring myself 2 act upon any of these thoughts. The whole time I was pregnant I was as sick as a "dog"! I nvr really interacted w/ her n my stomach (sing, reading rubbing ect...). I was scared nervous & felt alone. But when the day came & I went n2 labor the moment the put her slimy lil butt on me was the 1st time I had evr experinced true love & true hapiness!!! My daughter will b 5 in Aug. So it is not that bad try 2 relax & not 2 think about it evry day. U wil nvr undstnd the life of a mother until u experince it! May God Bless U in ur adventure n2 Mother Hood! By the way I have 2 more Girls 3 all 2gether U can do this!

Hi, B. --

First of all, Sweetheart, don't ever feel ashamed or embarassed to express what you're going through! I know the feeling, but I can tell you that if you're feeling it, there's a huge chance that others are feeling the same way. You just need to get connected with the right group to find that out -- so, you're here and you're doing that, and that's fantastic!!

I, too, became kind of expectedly pregnant just before my 2nd anniversary. I wasn't unhappy about it, but I also was not in the blissfully happy pregnant mom-to-be category. I was glad to be in the process of having a child, but being pregnant was a concerning and stressful time for me... so many anxieties and questions, NO CLUE what to expect once the baby arrived, and all the concerns about what to do and not to do to have a happy baby, healthy pregnancy, safe delivery, etc. I found it quite oppressive, and I didn't even have any health issues or reasons for concern.

So, from that aspect, I can certainly relate to not being giddy about the news. Also, one of my closest friends was a die-hard, never-gonna-reproduce girl, and I feared that we'd have a permanent chasm in our relationship once I had my baby. Add to that that I had 2 friends with fertility/conception issues and miscarriages, and I couldn't really even talk with them about being pregnant. Also, I'd been a career woman for 12 years, and I was at a real turning point in my life, as everything would change with the birth of my daughter.

So, I was thankful to BE pregnant, since so many cannot conceive, but I was not connected in any way with a community of mothers. My professional friends didn't have kids. So, there I was, on my own little island.

Let me just tell you, if there ARE people who are ready to be parents, I commend them. But, as I have found it to be a difficult and exhausting job, I could never say that I was READY. However, it's so incredible and surprising and amazing, you will be astounded! Also, the good news is that you don't have to be ready to parent a teenage child or a college kid or even a first-grader from day one! You have TIME! The baby will arrive sleepy and needing to eat. You can take care of those needs. He/she will need clean clothes and warm arms and patience. You can give those things (the last one is the toughest!). You will become ready and you will have some time to acclimate to what's needed of you as a parent. You will grow as the child grows. You just need to relax and know that.

Case in point: my "anti-kid" friend became pregnant the SAME TIME I DID. She'd been told she could likely not conceive, so this was a horrible shock to her and she was traumatized throughout her pregnancy with fears that she would be a terrible mother. Having not desired children or planned to have them, this was a terrifying situation for her, and she was so afraid of the kind of parent she would be. Also, she, too, suffers from depression, and this bothered her all the more.

Flash forward 3 years: My friend got the anti-depression medication that she needed, which enabled her to maintain heart and sanity through her pregnancy and guard against post-partum. She had her daughter only hours before I had mine, and she's the first love of her life. The second love of her life was born 18 months later! Now the mother of 2 super kids, she is not afraid anymore. I don't know that she thinks she's a terrific mother, but she truly is! And she's got plenty of love for the kids, and she's grown with them. She'd NEVER have thought that she could parent two children, but she's learned to do it one day at a time. I KNOW you can, too!

But, please, please, please!! Consult a doctor about medication that would be safe for you to take while you're pregnant to combat your depression. That is SO important!! Life is too precious to spend it feeling terrible if there is an alternative, and I have seen wonders worked by these medications. I have 2 friends who used anti-depressant meds while pregnant, and it evened them out, helped them feel a sense of well-being and had no adverse impact on their babies. Do it for yourself, your husband, AND your child, to give you as much mental peace as possible while your child is preparing to be born.

One other thing: don't be intimidated or put-off by any reactions you get from doctors, nurses, or supposed "experts." When looking for new information, asking questions, or even consulting with these folks to take proper care of yourself, you sometimes will run in to insensitive, uninformed, and misguided individuals. Just keep remembering this: What you feel is valid, and other people feel it too. You're not alone. Be confident in your right to feel better and to be assisted by anyone who has the ability to help you. You deserve no less!

Take care, and keep looking up!
H.

I think your problem is everything has hit you at once. I also suffer from depression and take medication daily for it. I still have bad days. I lost my Dad 3 yrs ago and I find the little things hurt the worst. I am expecting my first grandbaby in Sept and I know how excited he would be to be a great grandpa. He missed graduations and all kinds of little things. You didn't say if your husband is with you or deployed. You said you love your Jesus and I know he will help you through this. For some reason he has seen fit to bring a baby into this world and knows that you are going to be a great parent. Just take one day at a time and you will get through it and you will love that little bundle of joy. You will be asking yourself how you could have ever been unhappy about it.