Does anyone else have a preschooler who seems ungrateful? I know that sounds strange, but we just planned a night away at Great Wolf Lodge, but could only go for one night. I thought my two boys, ages 4 and almost 2 would love it and it would be a nice family trip together. We did have fun, but upon our return I asked the boys if they had fun and my 4 year old immediately said "no, we only stayed for one night and I didn't get ice cream". I know that sounds really snotty, like a spoiled brat actually! But we honestly don't spoil our children, other family members might, but we very consciously don't. I know part of his response is because his aunt took him there last summer while we were away for our anniversary, and they did stay 2 nights, both of which I'm sure he was spoiled, since they tend to do that. I also know that he had a blast because he was laughing and talking about the trip nonstop, while we were there and on the way home. So is he just trying to torture me or have others had similar experiences. I told him I was very sad that he said he did not have fun because we really tried to plan something special for them, so maybe next time he should just say thank you instead of focusing on what he didn't like. Any suggestions?
Yep, sounds like he is officially a kid. My daughter can be the same way. She can find the one negative thing about a good situation and focus on that. I think they will outgrow it and it isn't a result of parenting. Just teach good manners. You can't control their negativity, that is just their perspective at a young age.
M.
KIds get overwhelmed. They don't always understand this was a huge treat for the whole family. I've been there before and it is expensive. At that age they would be (should be) happy with any hotel, swimming event. Try to down scale now, before their exspectations become too huge, for your bank account. Simple trips can be less stressful and more enjoyable for all.My girls are 13 & 9 and I'm still learning.
T.
Hi! I also have 2 boys, 7 and 4 1/2. My 4 year old's attitude has gotten a lot worse lately, he used to be so sweet but is now moody. We call him Sybill, like he has split personalities! Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it, I honestly think it is the age, they are trying to assert their independance. My friend's daughter (same age) has been acting up so it isn't just boys!
Hi there,
I think everyone's kids can be ungrateful on occasion, but I'm guessing that you wouldn't have posted this if it were a one time thing. Your boys are the exact same age as my son (4) and daughter (2), and I, too, have had to correct their ungrateful behaviors. I like to think that my corrections have helped to shape the decent and polite young people they, but who knows, maybe I got lucky. ;-) Anyhow, my approach would be one of the following:
First, I am proponent of 1-2-3 Magic. My babysitter turned me on to it. (I am a working mom too.) This entails no discussion, but counting and time outs. When a kid whines, or acts improperly (or annoyingly), I say "1". Wait 5 seconds. If he/she persist, "2". Wait 5. Then, "3." Time out. I scoop up the kid and place them in their room (because they will never go willingly) for the number of minutes of their age. When I tell them to come out, I do not discuss anything, I let them rejoin the activities of the time. This approach allows them to learn to correct their behavior while still saving face.
Another thing I might do is talk about the expense of the trip, and how lucky we were to go, and how others don't ever get to travel. Basically, count your blessings and realized you are so.
Nonetheless, the message needs to be sent firmly and consistently that this type of response will not be tolerated, it is inappropriate and rude.
I guess I just pick and choose the approach depending on what I think they will be most responsive to in the moment, but I use 1-2-3 quite a bit and it is truly effective.
One last note, it could be that they just don't know how to communicate what it is they are truly feeling. They are noticing that things are different on this trip from the last time they went, and you could simply point out to them a better way to say that, explaining that while you know them and what they mean but if they spoke that way to others, they would hurt their feelings.
I hope something here will work for you.
My 11 year-old still will have moments like the one you described. It took me a very long time to figure out that he was doing it to get my attention. Kids don't care if its negative or positive attention they get as long as they are getting the attention. When he was negative about the special things I would do it hurt me and he got alot of attention. I would try to talk to him about why he was being negative and why he didn't like something. The day I stoped doing that and just said well then we wont do that again he changed. I kept doing this every time he was negative about something nice I did. I still tell him simply with no emotion alright I wont do that again. Now he begs and says I'm sorry, I didnt say I didnt want to do it again. I hope this helps since it took me such a long time to even think that he had found a way to get my attention. It sounds like you try to be a great mom with the time you have with your children and that he figured out that by complaining when you plan special times hits a sore spot for you. Stop reacting and see if he changes.
Hi L.,
In my experience with my little guy we went through the same thing. I'm sure you have tried this but if not give it a go. It's never too early to make them earn things.
You want to watch TV you have to pick up your toys.
Think of it as currency, If he wants something he has to earn it (work for it)
It will give him a sense of appreciation when he actually gets the thing he wants and cherish so much more because he had to prove that he really wanted it.
So the next time you guys do something special for them he will know subconscienly that he must have done something to earn this.
Does this make sense?
K.
Hi L..
We are having the same issue with our 3 year old. For Christmas he received a Power Wheels Arctic Cat from "Santa". Unfortunately it was broken and we had to return it. We purchased another, more expensive Power Wheels for him, but when we got it home and he rode in it he informed us that he wanted the next (even more expensive) model. I felt as if all of our work had been in vain. I'm told that this is just a phase they all go through. My cousin informed me that at this age they still don't really know how to be grateful for what they have. Especially if you have relatives that spoil them rotten, as we do with my mother in law. She's awesome, but every time he spends time with her she brings him home with a new toy!
Hang in there, and just talk with him about all the fun he had while you were away and how much you enjoyed spending the time with him. Works for us every time!
My children are adults now. But when they were younger (& even now), on the way home I always asked "What was your favorite part about our trip?" That will help them to focus on the positive parts of their vacation. Plus, they hear what everyone else's favorite parts are. Not only are they thinking about just their favorite, they are also hearing positive things coming from everyone else. (Even the worst vacations have something good happen!!)
My kids did that all the time and sometimes still do. Pretty soon you will overhear him telling someone how awesome the trip was, etc. I think when kids say stuff like that they are sad they had to leave before they had all the fun they could possibly imagine (i.e., ice cream and a longer stay). Little kids are ungrateful because they have no perspective. They don't know how good they have it because they don't understand that other people don't have it too, and they aren't developmentally ready to be empathetic (even to you, when they have hurt your feelings). Keep doing what you are doing, knowing that he really is enjoying it! (Just my two cents!)
Hi L., sounds like a typical 4 year old. Completely self-absorbed! I don't think he is trying to torment you, however I understand it is hard to not take this personally. Just teach him, like you are doing, the skills of being more grateful. They are not born with this feature. They are born with selfishness, because that is a survival mechanism... being grateful is not. I'm sure it will get better!
Hang in there!
He probably really wanted ice cream and another night of fun plain and simple.I think he was just being honest about his disappointment and what he was thinking about at that moment. That is where preschoolers live... in the moment. He's too young to be concerned with how you feel about his response. So I don't think he was torturing you. Try to refocus him on the positive parts of the trip and what he can look forward to at home now that he gets to go a day "early". Let him know there will always be an opportunity for ice cream later.
some people are just like that... we all know folks that see the glass as half full and others that see it as half empty.
You might be able to help your son by asking him to say one thing that he is thankful for or one positive thing or something like that.
I think you can help him by helping him see the good side and not focus on the negative..
Hi L.,
I don't think your son is trying to torture you, he's just 4 and things are pretty simple and concrete. He wanted to stay longer, which to me says he had a good time no matter how he said it. Your response was good. I think some of the other mothers have good advice about asking the question next time. I certainly would not stop planning things for you and your family. The more you can expose your children to, the better.
Hope that helps.
L.
