Unconditional Love

My love is unconditional.
However, being in my life or my childrens lives? Yeah, there are conditions that apply.

I'm a big time love guy. I really believe in the power of love, and I try to open myself up to loving unconditionally. Loving/vulnerability gives me the ability to feel beauty an pain. In my experience, feeling connected is worth risking disappointment.

Also: Loving someone is not the same as being willing to stay in relationship. Like Marda, I love my sister unconditionally. Also, I am not in relationship with my sister. There are many people I have boundaries with, because loving someone does not negate my need for safety and dignity. I am worthy of those things.

Unconditional love tends to be parent child, blood family. Not spouses.

Thing with unconditional love is it is love the person not the actions. My kids have done a fair few things I don't love but I will always love them, ya know?

I only have unconditional love for my children. Not matter what they did I would still love them even if I had to distance myself from them. Not so for my husband, even though I cannot imagine ever leaving him I would if he did something I found unforgivable.I don't believe in unconditional love in any other circumstance and I think a Mother's love for her children is closely so tied to instict it's hard to separate the two.

As you pointed out there are ALWAYS conditions in romanitc love. Even for the people who would "stay" while being abused as I do not believe that is really love. People that stay in abusive realtionships or allow an abuser to hurt their children may say they're in love but in my opinion it is about power, control and self esteem more than true love.

I have a brother who is causing me a great deal of pain. I still love him, unconditionally. But......I protect myself so that he can't hurt me any more than he already has. We need to love ourselves as much as the other.

I do not love everyone unconditionally. I do love unconditionally anyone with whom I'm in relationship. I would not love a rapist at all.

I think that love is unconditional and universal, just by virtue of the nature of it. I think that anything less is simply not love. We use relationship to enhance love, but it doesn't define love. I don't love other children less than my own, but the biological connection to my own drives the relationship.

I love everybody unconditionally. There is nothing that anybody can do to earn love from me or to cause me to lose love for him/her. However, I do not choose to be in active relationship with everybody. The nature of the relationship is what's conditional. Love is between me and my source (maybe you say "God"), a decision about how I will live my life--how I'll interact with others and go about my business, etc. That is sometimes challenged when ego gets too involved, but ego is never so involved that it changes the essence.

I feel the same way about friendship. If we were ever friends and we are now out of relationship, it's just another part of friendship that means that we should be apart.

Yes you are supposed to love them unconditionally. Even of they at one point they become selfish and weak and lose their senses. Loving them doesn't mean you have to stay married to them but you can love them forever regardless. Although I do think spouses should try to work through serious problems even like the ones you mentioned

I can honestly say I love my husband and my children unconditionally.

I think you can be hurt and still love someone, and from there you have to decide if you can get past the hurt the other person caused or if you need to love yourself MORE and leave that situation. "Hurt" is a broad term. Personally, if DH cheated on me, I do not think I could get past the betrayal. He would still be father to our child, but he would not be husband to me.

I also think that in relationships where we choose to be in the relationship, there are times where you need to make conscious choices and no, I don't think even my grandparents loved each other unconditionally. They loved in spite of their challenges. I love my DH...but I have limits as to what behaviors I can live with. And so does he.

I honestly believe the ONLY "UN" conditional love is the love you have for your children. Period. I never knew pure, unconditional love until I had my daughter. No matter what she does, what she says, I never question my love for her.

Unconditional love goes parent to child....and sometimes sibling to sibling.
Unconditional love is not and should not be for spouses, not really.

Some people talk about loving a spouse without conditions, but they don't *really* mean unconditional love. They mean it shouldn't be "you do this, so I do that" love. Score keeping is unhealthy. And quite simply, it's not love at all.

But truly unconditional?

Look at it this way - think of the most horrible reprehensible things a person could do - in your eyes.

If your child does them, you still love him. Your heart may be broken. You are disappointed. And maybe afraid. You may even have him arrested or committed. But you still love him. You can't help it. That is unconditional love.

Now imagine it's your spouse. Yeh...bye buddy.

My spouse is not at all who he pretended to be before we married. He has crossed some lines and failed to honor some critical commitments. If he wasn't in counseling, if he wasn't actively trying to change, we'd have been done a long time ago - soon after I realized that his behavior was *not* my fault, in fact. But see - he isn't terrorizing me or the kids, despite being a very angry man at his core. And if he was hurting us, once I broke free (with the kids), there'd be no going back.

It is healthy to examine your behavior - but if someone uses your willingness to do that to *blame* you for their behavior, well, they're not loving you. They're using you.

Updated

Unconditional love goes parent to child....and sometimes sibling to sibling.
Unconditional love is not and should not be for spouses, not really.

Some people talk about loving a spouse without conditions, but they don't *really* mean unconditional love. They mean it shouldn't be "you do this, so I do that" love. Score keeping is unhealthy. And quite simply, it's not love at all.

But truly unconditional?

Look at it this way - think of the most horrible reprehensible things a person could do - in your eyes.

If you child does them, you still love him. Your heart may be broken. You are disappointed. And maybe afraid. You may even have him arrested or committed. But you still love him. You can't help it. That is unconditional love.

Now imagine it's your spouse. Yeh...bye buddy.

My spouse is not at all who he pretended to be before we married. He has crossed some lines and failed to honor some critical commitments. If he wasn't in counseling, if he wasn't actively trying to change, we'd have been done a long time ago - soon after I realized that his behavior was *not* my fault, in fact. But see - he isn't terrorizing me or the kids, despite being a very angry man at his core. And if he was hurting us, once I broke free (with the kids), there'd be no going back.

It is healthy to examine your behavior - but if someone uses your willingness to do that to *blame* you for their behavior, well, they're not loving you. They're using you.

You can still love them, but it doesn't mean you have to stay w/ them. Or even like them anymore.

I do agree tho, the only real unconditional love would pertain to your kids!

The love between husband and wife is conditional. Every love but parent child is. My kids are the only people I have ever known that could do ANYTHING and I still love them. There are conditions for every other person I know that could make me stop loving them.

I want to ask those thatsay that they love "unconditionally" - would they love their rapist unconditionaly? Or worse, their child's? What if this were their parent...still unconditional?

Unconditional love....what a topic!

IF my husband cheated on me, hurt me or our child, I might still have love for him but I would not allow myself to live with that basic lack of respect.

I love my husband today, I doubt I would change my feelings quickly, but I wouldn't have any trouble doing what was right for me or my child or our safety.

No way I coUld have unconditional love for my husband. Not sure I love him at all. He has hurt our family so much I have become somewhat numb to him. When he's being particularly horrible I actually hate him.

I love my children unconditionally.

You can love someone and want the best for them even if they hurt you. But love doesn't mean that you stay with them and leave yourself open to more harm.

I have been taught there are 3 types of love. One type is unconditional. Unconditional love doesn't by default equal someone allowing another to mistreat them or their children.

In the case of a cheating spouse, I love you but I will not continue to be in a relationship with you if you are filling your emotional or physical self with another.

Learning the true meaning of forgiveness and the steps to forgiving another is also important to helping the individual becoming a better person, whole, complete and at peace with yourself and those around you even if you agree to disagree.

I hope this helps. A great example or explanation of unconditional love is found in 1 Corinthians 13

I think that term refers to dogs only. ;)

children excluded...because they are most definitely an unconditional love.

toxic relationships, whether with a spouse, family member, friend all conditional.

do you love it when they hurt you, make you depressed, cheat, backstab..NO!

I think you *can* love your spouse unconditionally...however, living with them, and determining that this is healthy for you, is aidfferent thing entirely. I think that's why abusive relationships do continue: the love is still there, despite realizing that being hurt by that person is not healthy. I think those people eventually fall out of love with their spouse, though, too. I do think that the longer you're married, and the more committed you are--together--to making the marriage work, the more likely it is that you have unconditional love.

Only my children, my siblings, my parents and other family. I don't think that marital love is or should be unconditional - of course there are conditions in marriage. My husband and I have been through a lot and I still love him, but I can definitely imagine many scenarios under which the love could permanently die. Not so with my kids, who I would love even if they were horrible people.

Ya know my husband and I have been through hell and back, literally and figuratively speaking. Do we love each other any less? Nope, more actually. I do feel that in some instances there are conditions on love where there shouldn't be but that's to each their own on that as far as I'm concerned. My family is the only people who are granted my unconditional love. A significant other can have your unconditional love but only if you grant them that prize. Hurt is an emotion that is fluid just as love can be. Sometimes conditions can come into either to change them, that is not stating that at one time either were truly never unconditional.

Love for your children is usually unconditional. Love for your spouse is rarely. You may have unconditional "Love", but the tolerence is NOT unconditional. Many times we get confused with Love, lust, tolerence, etc. If your spouse cheats and abuses you, you may choose to leave them, however you may still feel love for that person or the person they were when they were not being abusive. Really are they the same person when they are abusive? I don't think so, becasue if theyw ere, you would never have ended up with them. IMO

That's a good question. My love for my children is unconditional. I would have said my love for my husband is unconditional, too, but if he did the things you mentioned, then maybe not.

My marriage is not unconditional. I didn't go into this thinking I would stay with him forever even if he turned out to be an abusive adulterer. If your husband did those things, you don't have to love him anymore. Those things (especially hurting you and the children) are unforgivable.

The thing is, I went into my marriage knowing what a good man my husband is. He is fair, kind, loving, loyal, a terrific father, and a wonderful partner. I wish that for you someday.

Hi J.-

This question has had me thinking since yesterday...

I have to agree with many in that I absolutely love my children unconditionally.

My ex husband...well...I will always love the person that he 'was'...but not the person he became thru alcohol. I do not 'hate' him now...years later...I finally have achieved ambivalence with respect to him. I miss what 'might have been'...but continue to move on with my life.

Interesting question.
michele/cat

I don't think that there is unconditional love towards your spouse!Maybe fear of being alone or not being able to provide for your kids makes you stay with someone that cheats pr even hits you or anything!I believe the only unconditional love someone has is towards there children!because you gave birth to them and they are a part of you!Husbands on the other end are someone you can just leave and never have any contact again!With your kids,you might get mad and sad and everything but you never leave them for good!that is unconditional love!

I think you can love someone and really hate what they've done, their current actions, and so forth. I think you can get past alot of things if the love is strong enough. Yes even cheating. I think you can even decide it isn't best for you and your children to remain with your husband, their father, but still love him.

Love is complicated to say the least and everything really needs to be looked at on a case by case basis. I love all my siblings.... some of them I wouldn't do as much for them as I do my friends. I love them both but I love my sisters sometimes it feels because like you state I'm required too sometimes. Now friends societally speaking you could walk away from tomorrow and it's fine but they still remain in your heart too. Things remind you of them. You miss them. But those darn siblings never ever go away. hehe

I had psych class in college and I remember them stating there in no such thing as uncondittional love, even with children. I kind of believe this.
I love my daughter in ways I could have never imagined and she has taught M. to love other more J. by allowing M. to love her so much, although I believe that much of that love comes from her depending on M., and J. knowing her so well. I think the bond creates the love. I believe my boyfriend can love her like this without biologically creating her because he is with her all of the time and is creating memories and bonding by spending time with her.
I love my boyfriend in ways I could have never imagined. Its a diferent love than I have with my daughter. Even when I'm annoyed and upset with him (right now included=) ) I couldn't imagine being without him.

I love my ex still. No matter what he has done wrong in our relationship I still love him, J. like a family member. Not "in love" I don't like who he is as times, but after knowing him more than half of my life at 29 I can hoenslty say I still love and care for him in some ways.

I'm the kind of person, once i love you I'll love you forever, even if I don't like you anymore.
Although if your child was without emotion and grew up to be the next Ted Bundy and you never were able to bond with them, would you still be able to love them unconditionally? If your child was Hitler could you have loved him? I think theres a line somewhere...it may take becoming a monster but theres still a line