Thanks to everyone who responded. I especially appreciated the PMs - the one about alcoholism was eye opening. I am taking this question down - this is the first time I have ever come across to anyone here as angry or confrontational, and yesterday was not my best day. I may have answered a few questions yesterday with the same tone..and that's in my thoughts.
I am not angry - I am hurt and frustrated. I know it's tough to believe ANYONE would do the things I have described unprovoked. Especially when that person is in such a universally reviled role - and I do think that is usually undeserved. And really, it's time I stopped looking for an answer. All I can do is the best I can do.
It's time I accepted that this isn't about me. I need to keep my eyes on what makes me happy and I need to decide if the best approach to this issue is to not let my hurt show or speak up. That will probably have to be done on a case by case basis. At the end of the day, I want to feel like I gave my best and was kind, but if that means endangering my kids, well, then...no....
Thank you everyone. Many things to think about.
Cut ties with her. Don't visit her. If ten years has not changed the relationship between you two, nothing will.
Sweetie, if you don't like her and she doesn't like you, why are you going to see her? Seriously, you think she's toxic and bad for your grandkids. So why aren't you standing up for yourself and cutting her out of your life? Why cares if she refuses to speak to you or your husband? What value is she adding to your life?
This is a tough one. I have a mother in law who is very blunt and difficult to be around. I have stood my ground with her and it made a big difference. The challenge for you, though, seems to be with your husband's attachment to his mother and his lack of objectivity and support for you regarding his mom. I understand this dynamic, too. The only practical advice I can offer you is to rehearse responding politely to her cruel ways and being relatively unaffected by her. If you remind yourself that these issues are entirely HER issues, and not to take them personally (so hard I know), then that might help. This woman is obviously miserable and tormented inside and you seem to be the target. It's not about you. Try not to get drawn in to her "traps" to provoke you to anger or hurt you. Be kind and look for nice things to do for her, a small gift to bring her, etc, and you will have a clear conscience. PRAY and remember that you are showing your children how to be kind to mean people. And the time with her will be short. Hang in there! You sound like a very decent and kind person.
I cannot give a direct answer, however I recomment a book "Fearless Living" by Rhonda Britten. It might give you some excellent tools as to how you can interact with this woman in the future. The books empowers us to know that we can't change others, yet we can be in control of our own perspectives and life learning. Good luck!
I looked back at your old posts...the only one I could find referencing your MIL was from 4/10/10. Hopefully I am now "qualified" to comment...and sorry, I do have to say that the street goes both ways. There are many things that you post that you do I think are very wrong...and the same goes for her. Do you think maybe you guys are a little alike and therefore it is difficult to get along?
Be polite and courteous, two wrongs don't make a right.
I'm going to take Mallory's word that you have been offensive as well, so if that's true, then it's time for you to promote your better self.
However, she's called you IT??? Seriously? That's so offensive I'm not sure what to say. If someone called me IT I would probably never talk to them again. Unless maybe I had been similarly rude to them.
You should never hold your tongue on the important issues.
I'd personally stand up to her and allow her to refuse to speak to my family and I - not your loss!!
My only advice would be to not go if at all possible! This woman sounds insane (I went and read your other posts about her). If you HAVE to go, and can't stay anywhere else, then try and get your kids out of the house as MUCH as possible; keep them busy and away from her.
My MIL is annoying, but harmless....so I just try and ignore the stuff she says/does that bugs me. But if she was like yours, there's NO way I'd let my kids or myself near her.
If it's only for two days, let your husband go with the kids and you can have a couple of days to yourself at a nearby hotel.
Gracious = Kind, Warm, Courteous
Phony = Deceiving, False, Fraud
You don't like her, she doesn't like you. How do you keep from saying things you shouldn't? Let your husband and kids visit on their own. Take a couple of spa days....seems like you need them.
Blessings.....
