Tween Friendship

Not sure what the severity of the inappropriate material about herself was, but it sounds like it's a cry for attention. I am guessing since her mom keeps asking your daughter to do things with them, she feels your daughter is a good girl and may be a good influence for her daughter. It wouldn't hurt to talk to her mom and tell her that you know, but if you do, that is a conversation that should be done face to face and not over the phone or email. Chances are the mom is embarrassed about the situation and you need to feel compassion for her and try not to blame her for what happened. Once our kids start to get older and are out of the house more, without us, it becomes harder to monitor every thing they do. You do your best to parent and hope they make good choices. She is at the age where she is not a kid anymore but she is not a teenager/adult either, that's a tough age especially if you are just trying to fit in. The mom punished her for what she did, which means she did not approve of what she did. The next big question is how do you feel about this girls mom/parents? Do they seem like good people? If they seem like a good family maybe the girl just messed up looking for attention. I know moms that are on facebook that talk bad about teachers, other moms, and kids that their own kids go to school with. These are people that you do not want to be associated with. If this girl made one mistake, and it was against herself (she didn't hurt anyone else), she deserves a second chance. Let's put this in to perspective..she's 11, it's not like she's 16. Facebook has spun out of control, going from it's original purpose of re-connecting old friends to a site where "anything goes". I would have to bet that her mom is watching her like a hawk on facebook now. Good luck.

WOW! I had this exact situation happen to my daughter who is also 11. The mom of this other crazy girls kept calling and saying things like your daughter is a great influence on my daughter, they have to hang out, they have to be firends. What about the bad infuence your daughter is on mine? This girl mentally abused my daughter and when I finally had enough I told the mom that they were no longer allowed to be friends. Long story short, she said she was fine with it and then came and vandalized my home. Now this is a 40 something grown woman.......and she wonders why her kid is this way? my advice decline politly ALWAYS!!! you have to worry more about your daughter than someone elses "feelings" you do right by your daughter and the rest will fall into place......Good Luck!

Maybe you should talk to the mother and invite her daughter over. Tell her the truth that you know about the facebook page. Then tell her that the two of you can help eachother keep an eye on the girls. We all make mistakes, your daughter is going to make some of her own too... Im sure neither of you would want her friends to stop hanging out with her. Just be sure she understands that what her friend did was wrong and that you will be keeping an eye on them both. It might put the other mother at ease knowing you "got her back". I wish you luck with whatever you decide :)

How does your daughter feel about this girl and does she want to continue to be friends with her? If she doesn't really want to hang out with her then I would just continue to decline invites for one on one get togethers with vague statements of being really busy. Now if your daughter is really wanting this friendship I think you need more info. You don't say the nature of the posts but the kids put a lot of stuff on facebook - not all but a lot of them! Is this girl really a bad kid or did she just make a mistake? Maybe if you have her over you can judge for yourself if this is someone you want your kid to be with. These kinds of situations are going to keep coming up so be sure not to over-react and to be really honest with your daughter about your concerns and about your expectations for her behavior.

I think you absolutely can and SHOULD be honest with the other mother about this. It isn't fair to keep declining invitations knowing that you will never accept one. She is extending her family to your daughter and you should trust her enough to handle your reasoning...

"Girlsmom, I didn't know how to bring this up to you, but it doesn't feel right to keep blowing off your invitations. Husband saw a post Girl made on Facebook that made him very uncomfortable with DD spending time with her. I know the girls are friends, and would hate to break that up, but we'd be more comfortable if the girls played here where Husband and I can keep an eye on them. I hope you don't take this as an insult to your ability to supervise, I just need to KNOW what the girls are doing with my own eyes."

If the woman isn't comfortable with that, it's no great loss... you said the girl wasn't THAT close to your daughter anyway.

HTH
T.

I'd just keep politely declining invitations until she stopped inviting. No need to invite drama by spelling it all out.