My daughter is in third grade. Over the summer, she attended camp with another girl from her school. They were both excited when they found out they would be in class together this year. Everything was great for a while, but this girl has gotten close with another girl who is a "mean girl." My daughter attends an after-school program with them and they haven't been very nice to her (or to others in the program). We've talked a lot about friendships and my daughter has moved on. All's good. Yesterday I got an email from the girl's mom asking about a playdate. I was surprised because my daughter said they pretty much ignore each other at school and at the after-school program.
My daughter isn't going to go, but would you say anything to the girl's mother, or just let it go? Her parents seem nice, but I don't think they know anything about what is going on or she wouldn't have extended the invitation. Thanks in advance!
If I were that mom, I would want someone to tell me how my child was misbehaving. If she is a good mom,she will appreciate it so she can talk to her daughter.
Just decline. You're daughter is "over" it and probably wouldn't want to go right?
I guess I'd ask her if she wants to go or not, then go from there.
Just decline the invitation. If she presses you for a "why" then just tell her that you spoke to your daughter and find that the girls aren't really playing together anymore.
It could be that the mom has figured out that her daughter's friend is a "mean girl" and she's trying to dissuade her from playing with the "mean girl" by helping her to promote other friendships.
The mom is probably trying to have your daughter over to avoid having the "mean girl" over! My guess is that she is trying to encourage her daughter to choose nice friends.
But it's not your place to say anything unless asked.
Be proud of yourself for raising a nice girl!
I believe in honesty. If she were my daughter I would want to know that she has a new friend who is a bit of a bully and together they bully other children.
How would you feel if your daughter was being mean in school and no one told you?
i wouldnt say anything.
at the most if anything, i'd say they seem to of had a falling out. thanks for the invite though=)
i'm sure they can devolop their own opinions of said "mean" girl on thier own. i would think it would be mean of you as a parent to label this girl as a bad girl to other parents.
I wouldn't say anything, it's good that your daughter was able to just move on. If the mom wonders why or keeps asking for playdates, then sure, tell her why. Tell her that your daughter doesn't want to play with her daughter because she hasn't been treating her nicely. I think if the mom wants to get together with your daughter, because she's a nice girl...let your daughter make that decision, and only go if she really wants to.
I would nicely decline and not say anything. But if the mom invites again I'd maybe something then. Like your daughter has mentioned they aren't very close anymore.
I would just decline the invitation. Explain to the mom that the girls aren't that close anymore and then let it go.
I don't know if I would say anything to the mother... maybe...
My guess is, momma isn't liking the effect the new friend is having on her daughter, and is trying to push a re-connection with some of the sweeter, kinder friends she thinks her daughter has (yours) which is why the playdate request is coming a little bit out of the blue.
So maybe a frank conversation with the mom could be good.
Did you ask your daughter whether or not she wants to go? If she wants to, I'd consider it. As another poster said, the mom might be trying to encourage friendships with nice girls.
If she doesn't want to go, then decline the invite. If she asks why, or asks again, just say "our girls haven't really played together since yours became friends with "mean girl." They aren't always that nice to her when they are together." That way, you're not totally pinning it on this girl, but still being honest about why you're declining.
I don't know, Mom. I think that perhaps if she presses, that it actually might help this mom if you tell her that your daughter isn't anxious to spend time with her because her daughter and another girl have teamed up together and not been very kind to your daughter. If her daughter actually wants to play with your girl, her daughter surely isn't showing it at and after school, so it really is a bit confusing that your daughter is getting an invitation.
It might go over like a lead balloon, but it would be pretty honest. Sometimes it helps in the long run to be honest, if you are kind about it.
Dawn
Just decline nicely no need to bring up the past if your daughter is over the friendship. Her mom is probably just thinking that she hasnt seen your daughter for a while and it would be nice to have them play together. She is probably totally oblivious to the situation since the mean girl doesn tell mommy shes mean. if you keep having "things" to do when she asks the invitiations will gradually decrease.
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Unless you plan to try to remedy the broken friendship, don't tell the other mom why, just decline.
It's water under the bridge.
Just decline politely with no explanation.
Friendships come and go.
This one came and went.
It served it's purpose and it's over now.
Maybe the mom does know that something is going on. Perhaps her dd has spoken to her about it. She maybe wants to fix the situation, but at the end of the day its up to you and your dd how you deal with this. Maybe once you tell her "no thanks, dd won't be coming" that will give her the chance to start up a discussion with you about whats going on with the girls.
if the mom asks, be brief and courteous, but honest.
if she doesn't, just decline politely.
they're in 3rd grade. friendships come and go like summer rain.
you already handled the mean girl situation, apparently very well. no need to blow things up.
khairete
S.
I think I would decline with an explanation of how their friendship has deteriorated. But I would do it in a way that shows your concern for her child. Something along the lines of "I'm so glad you contacted me because I've been mulling this over in my mind and was not sure how to approach you with my concerns. It seems that since "___" became friends with "Mean Girl" they have not been very nice to "___." You know we've really enjoyed doing things with "___" and have always cared for her well being. I'm afraid "Mean Girl" may be influencing "___"'s behavior." You may want to give her a few specifics of what has occurred in school and aftercare.
I would also say that your daughter has assumed that her daughter no longer wanted to be her friend and has moved onto building other friendships.
I know this may not be the general consensus among Mamapedia, but if my child were falling in with the wrong crowd and being mean to other children I'd WANT someone to tell me. Parents can't guide their children to making better choices if they don't know there is a problem. It will be much easier for her as a parent to nip this in the bud right now in 3rd grade opposed to 8th grade. In the end I believe we all want our children to be well mannered, educated, productive, kind, compassionate people.
There is a 50/50 shot that the other mother will be very appreciative that you informed her of what is going on so she can address it with her child. On the other hand she may get defensive and ticked off. Either way it really is no skin off your nose as your child has already moved on. I just try to always assume the parents will react as I would.
Peace and Blessings,
T. B
Depends...how well do you know the mom? Would you say you are or would like to be friends with her outside of your daughter's friendship (or lack thereof) with her daugther? If so, I would either email the mom back and say something like "It is so nice of you to offer but I must decline. The girls really don't seem to be friends anymore so I don't want to force it BUT if you'd like to get together for coffee, please let me know" or call her mom and say "instead of getting the girls together, how about we have coffee and chit chat?" Just calmly bring up that the girls' friendship doesn't seem to have survived the school dynamics. If she doesn't seem aware and asks more questions, you can also elaborate that her daughter is now friends with another girl that tends to add a different dynamic to school and the after school program.
If you have no interest in a friendship, just decline.
I am on the fence about whether or not I would say something other than a polite decline. This mom may not know that her kid has taken up with the mean girl. Seems like your daughter has moved on, which is nice. I always told my daughter to stay away from the mean girls because today they are talking about X and tomorrow it will be U. There is no friendship allegance with them. I wonder if it was the little girl's mom or the girl who pushed for the playdate invite? We moms have a tendency to go all willy nilly in arranging playdates, but we never really ask our kids how they feel about playing with these other kids. Don't accept a playdate with a kid who treats your daughter badly. That's like hand delivering her to her abuser or someone who really doesn't like her. She deserves better. If you daughter and the girl's relationship changes....maybe, but I'd still be cautious.
Her daughter may have asked for the playdate. I think that if your daughter no longer wants to hang out after school, you can simply say she's not available. It's likely that the girls will talk in school and your DD can say that she's not interested in hanging out after school anymore.
If I invited a child over to play with my daughter and the Mom declined the invitation, I'd feel bad and want to know why. It's a sticky situation. What do you say? I guess, "I don't think they've been getting along lately, according to my daughter." Or if you don't want to go there, then just decline and move on to new friends.
