Trouble W/ 8Yr. Old and Homework!

You can try 2 different things. My oldest son needed a break after school and we did his HW after dinner. If he had an evening activity he still had a break after school before doing HW. He just couldn't handle sitting anymore right after school. In about 5th grade he started doing it right after school with no problem.

The other tactic would be not to fight about it - but to say no screens until its done. I used this tactic if we had to go back to school if my youngest son forgot stuff. No screens means no tv, computer, video games, ipod. Once HW is done he can do other activities. And just leave him alone and see what happens. You need to find what matters to him and make it part of the solution. Each of my children had "different buttons" that worked.

Terrific response from Brandi about not letting it be a battle, being calm with him, it doesn't have to be 100 percent right, etc. And yes, do let his teacher know it's such a struggle and he cries - the teacher may have good ideas on how to handle it. I would add that having him do it immediately after school is not working for him. My daughter has always had a snack while she reads (fun reading, not school assignments) immediately after school for just 15 to 20 minutes so she can decompress and relax a little before homework starts. He may need a short break like that immediately after school. But I wouldn't let it include TV time or getting started on play, because it'll be too hard to pull him away from those things and back to homework mode. Like someone else said, waiting until after dinner seems way too late - kids have already put their brains in "play" gear by then and are getting tired. Good luck with this. If you can get him to at least accept and push through homework time now, it will really pay off in school years to come!

Try to figure out if something is causing the meltdowns. Is he tired, hungry, fear of failure?
Start homework time by reading the directions. Ask your son to repeat what he is supposed to do so that you are sure that he understands. After that it is up to him. Do not discuss each problem, or coax him, or rush him to do it faster. Explain that when he is done he can move on to an activity he would rather do. If your child starts crying or whining ignore it. Do not engage him in the battle.
Lastly, do not feel that your child's homework must be 100% right. If your child is having a hard time with the homework, the teacher needs to know. Children also get upset when they have done the work, then have to do it again after their parents check it and find a bunch of mistakes, or feel it is not right enough. They also feel worse when their parents tell them the answers are wrong then if the teacher does. It is your child's homework. Step back and have him be responsible for doing it and getting it done. If he does not do it then he cannot do anything "fun" that night and I am sure that the teacher will have a consequence for him in the morning. You can let the teacher know that you are aware that he has not finished his work but you would like him to receive a logical consequence for his actions, (0, work while other kids play...).

B. Davis

http://www.ChildAndFamilyCoaching.com
Because nothing is more important than family

I have 2 kids and my youngest is in Kindergarten. My oldest always did hers without me asking, but with my son I have to physically sit down with him to do it. Over the past months I have learned to not get myself Anxious about it, If I am cool and calm about it and try to make it fun then he does good and he really strives to write each word carefully. You might try asking him why he hates it so much? Depending on his answer, mine answer is always, even though we don't like doing it, we have to, Just like I don't like having to go to work everyday, I have to, so we can have money for food, etc. But the more homework we do the smarter we get and therefore he can do anything he wants with a good brain. I hope this helps! Also, my son gleams after me telling him how smart he is and what a good job he's doing and how proud I am of him. And how lucky I am that God gave me such a smart kid!

My eight-year-old is the exact same way. He comes home from school with his Daddy, plays, then when I get home from work I get the stuff out of his backpack and he has the choice when he does it. I tell him that he doesn't have to do it now, but if he doesn't he has to do it during TV time before bed. It seems to work better letting him choose. I also find that getting cool pencils (we are currently using the fancy mechanical ones) and sitting down at the table with him doing my "work" is also a benefit.

I agree with Brandi. Obviously she is a professional but I have put her words into practice so I can give testimony that it will work. It may take some time to get to a smoother homework time but patience and persistence is key. Patience - such an important trait to have. I have learned for me when I try to rush things it just makes things worse. Remember that this his your son's homework, not yours. I try to put the owness on my daughter. "I'm sorry you feel that way. It will be sad to see you upset after getting in trouble for not having your homework. I'd rather see you happy from feeling good about it." Or something like that. I used to battle with my daughter over homework and after a week or so of "letting go" she started doing it and her grades improved substantially.

Sorry I can't give you any advice. I don't blame your son. Second grade is too young to be getting homework!

Unfortunately, it is the way most schools do things right now. But hopefully that will be changing in the next few years. Parents need to realize the damage we are doing to our children by allowing the schools (and government) to teach to the test. Children are ending up in therapy, having breakdowns, developing eating disorders, getting headaches and stomachaches, and even committing suicide because we are failing them with our education system.

"Race to Nowhere" is a new documentary out that EVERY adult should see - parent, teacher, administrator, school board, everyone! Children are given too much homework and not enough recess. They are being subjected to stupid tests that they may or may not pass, but it doesn't really matter, because once the test is over, they forget everything they learned for it.

Children today are graduating without any critical thinking skills. They don't know HOW to think and problem solve, because all they've had to do is memorize and regurgitate information. But they (the students) will tell you that once they spit it back out, they don't remember what it is they have learned. They are just trying to get into college, and think that college is where you start learning. High school is just to get you there. I've heard elementary students say that their school and homework is just to get them into a good high school.

We are failing our children, and we all need to speak up and do something about it.

Sorry for getting on my soapbox, but hearing about an 8 yo crying over homework tends to make me do that.

Go online and find out how you can see the movie "Race to Nowhere". Then get involved in bringing about change. THAT is how you can best help your son.

I recommend Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax. It will help you see what boys need to exceed and understand what motivates them. I also will not let any screens until homework is done. That seems to really motivate my son.

I have a second grader, too. He gets homework Mon-Thurs (every day except Friday) and our rule is that he gets to come home, chill for about 15 min., have a snack then he does his homework. If he does it after school, it takes 15 min. If we wait til after dinner--NIGHTMARE!
My son has a weekly writing assignment that needs to be 3 sentences. He will sit and consider, re-consider sentences, making sure he picks the SHORTEST sentences. Grrrrrr! If he would just write--it would be DONE. Very frustrating.
So I would suggest doing it at the same place, same time every day & let him have a drink there, etc.

I've read studies that say that after dinner is best, but for us it's too late. And right after school has not worked, my kids are beat and need to blow off steam first. So it usually happens when I'm making dinner, they (first and second graders) gather near and get started. They do get to watch TV before homework, for awhile I made it a reward, but I found they are more compliant if they get TV time first. But you may need to try different times and situations for your son. Right after school with a snack next to him, after dinner when his belly is fully... see if any set-up makes a difference.

Last year was worse for my 2nd grade son, he's gotten more into the groove this year, although he'll start whine in anticipation of doing without fail. He really only whines or cries when he's struggling.

When he struggles, I try to reassure him that I'll help him and we'll figure it out. When he whines about having to do it, honestly he gets straight talk from me. No treats or bribes, this is basically your job, it's a fact of life, and you simply have to do it and get used to it. Homework both helps you learn the stuff from school, and it helps show the teacher that you know it. You don't have to love doing it, but you have to accept it. And whining and crying about it doesn't help. Simply doing it, and getting it done helps, because then it's over and you can go about your evening.