Establishing Healthy Homework Habits

Whenever you chose to have him do it i.e., after snack, playtime. He sits and does it. Non negotiable. When he is ready to do it without the antics, you will help. Until then he sits there. HW is a fact of life. Make the rules now.

What did work--eventually--for my oldest was home from school, 15 minute snack time, 20 minutes homework time and then some playtime. Then they sat down again when I got home to finish anything that is left over. For the lower grades, that practically meant everything was done when I got home. Dad is not really good at helping with homework. I am trying to get my 2nd grader into this same thing but really hard when it is still nice enough to play outside.

I do think that when kids have been in school all day they need time to "unwind" just like we do when we get home from work or from taking care of house and everything else all day.

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What did work--eventually--for my oldest was home from school, 15 minute snack time, 20 minutes homework time and then some playtime. Then they sat down again when I got home to finish anything that is left over. For the lower grades, that practically meant everything was done when I got home. Dad is not really good at helping with homework. I am trying to get my 2nd grader into this same thing but really hard when it is still nice enough to play outside.

We stay and play for a while after school, or get some exercise on the walk home. He needs that time to run-- so please consider that if you are putting him in a car to go home. Kids have been sitting a lot and need to move, to clear their heads and gain some energy.

Then, yeah, he works at the kitchen table. Third grader. I go over the directions with him, make sure he understands the task at hand, then go prep dinner or whatever else that I can do without standing over him. If he gets grumpy with me about it, I remind him that "you can write on the homework ' I didn't want to do it' and talk to your teacher about it."

I had to take myself out of his homework situation. The teacher last year said that I was off the hook (because he knew it was turning into tears and some pretty dramatic talk) and that we would make Kiddo directly accountable to the teacher-- this worked amazingly well. Now all I have to do is say "I'm not going to make you do your homework and you know that if it's not turned in completed, you won't have computer/media time this weekend." I don't get emotionally engaged and this works very, very well.

May I just bring a little perspective to this topic? I read all the responses, and I have to add, he is in KINDERGARTEN. The fact that they are getting homework at all is just silly. It is not going to further him academically to do homework. I'm not saying to not try to have him do it, but if it is a huge battle, it is just not worth it. I have a third grader. I was flexible with homework until the 2nd grade, when he was a little bit more mature and could sit for 15 minutes and concentrate on the work. We established a routine after school, and he does it with minimal nagging. I remember the crying and carrying on about doing it in the first grade. My point is, if you don't establish a strict routine now, it isn't going to affect him for the rest of his days. Just take a little bit more relaxed approach for now:)

From the get-go, Spawn's homework was her responsibility. She could do it as soon as she got home, or she could do it later, and if she chose not to do it at all, then she reaped the consequences at school.
If she needed my help, all she had to do was ask for it, but I was not going to be the homework police.
She figured out that what generally worked best for her was to grab something to eat, put on some background noise, and get it done before dinner.

My oldest was one who could make 10 mins. of homework take 3 hours, so I get it. I erroneously got way too involved in his homework and got mad and frustrated when he would take forever.

I can't tell you the exact remedy, because I realized my mistake a little too late, after way too much homework-related grief and consternation, because he was identified as a GATE kid, so what's the problem? He is an adult now, and can still putz around and make things take forever. But he has a good job and functions, so it's not my business.

What I know is the more I kept out of my kids' schoolwork, the better they did in school. Child #2 graduated with a 4.0, and Child #3 got all A's, with the exception of 3 B's in his entire school career, including college.

So what I can say is don't make it a fight, don't get mad at your child over it, and allow it to be his thing as much as possible. If he wants to take three hours doing it, that's fine, just go about your business. Help him only where absolutely necessary. Keep your involvement in it fun and light.

Your child might always be kind of a piddler, and that will be fine. School and parenting are a process, meant to prepare them for life by the time they graduate. So don't fret too much over what happens in kindergarten.

"Education is the lighting of a fire, not the filling of a pail." You, and school, should always be striving to light your child's fire, not fill his pail with silly homework. If a 5 year old hasn't learned/experienced what he needs to during his time at school, the teacher isn't doing a very good job.

Personally, I think giving required, structured homework to 5/6 year olds is stupid and counterproductive. They are still learning things every human needs to know every second of every day whether you are teaching them or not.

And I will never understand why we seem to be so determined to shorten childhood on both ends, as if it weren't short enough anyway.

But then I'm old, and my kids were in half day kindergarten in the 90s and treated like....well, like the 5 year olds that they were.

So it's a good thing I have no more school aged children, because I'd probably be one of Those Parents.

Which doesn't really help you much, sorry.

Anyway, it's been my experience that children have different situations during which they are their most productive. All three of my kids worked faster and more efficiently with a distraction. With one it was the TV on, with one it was fidgeting, like a ball to move around with his feet under the table or something to busy his hands. With the third, she worked best spread out on the floor fooling with the dogs between questions. With me, I am waaay more productive and finish an annoying task faster and better with loud music playing.

So my advice is, find the kid's "focus tool" and let him have it.

:)

:)

I think you have to make HIS homework just that - his. I know he can't read, but once you read the instructions to him and are confident that he knows what to do, you can walk away and you should. If he chooses to sit there for three hours doing 5 minutes worth of work, that's his choice. I would, however, put a time limit of say 1 hour (without telling him there is a time limit) after which I would say "you've worked on it long enough. you will just have to turn it in incomplete." Feeling like I kind of know the type of child your DS is (from reading your posts over several years) I don't think he will like turning in incomplete work and he will learn that this IS his responsibility and he's the one that must do the work. Your son is very smart and intuitive; he'll get it quicker than you think. Also, in kindergarten, they are just learning about homework, so there is a learning curve here; the year has just started.

Oh good question. I am interested to see who has the bests answer. If I had all the time in the world, I would go to the library where it is quiet and there are few distractions.

Just this week we tried to go to a friends house to study. I suggested the library, but the mom insisted on her home. We got there and the parents were both there. We started with 3 parents standing over the two kids. The dad was telling the son his handwriting was bad, my daughter's writing was better, my daughter was taller, asked if his son was good in school, mom set out snacks, then burned a quesadia, gave a choice of chicken or turkey to my daughter, offered some to me, mom and son argued, until I finally just got pretty bossy and told the kid if he wanted A's he better get to studying. I'm not sure they are our friends any longer.

My point goes back to few distractions.

Your ds and my dd are in the same boat. Wish I had something more helpful to suggest ... but for a kindergartner, incentive works best for us. Finish the worksheet and she/he receives some kind of fun (very small) reward. Their days are so long already, that I hate to torment a 5/6 year old with even more school work. (Personally, I don't think a kindergartner should have homework. After school is play time!) Time spent doing something fun afterwards or a small treat seems to help. Best of luck, you are definitely not alone.

I think it's best to make it a game - "Show me what you learned" or "show me what you can do". I do think it's important to have a set time and a set location with few distractions - a desk, a section of the dining room table, whatever. Tell him it only takes a long time if he fools around.

Don't do it for him. If he wants to fool around, say you will come back when he calls to say he is ready to work. If he doesn't do it, let him know that he can explain to the teacher why he chose to ignore her instructions. She'll set him straight and he'll have whatever consequences they give out in kindergarten (usually things like not being the "line leader" or being in charge of sharpening pencils). No biggie.

Don't turn yourself into the drill sergeant. That backfires later (see similar posts from parents with kids in 3rd and 6th and 8th grades!).

The purpose of homework is not to help a kid get into Harvard. It's to show the teacher if the child has mastered the concepts. If he hasn't, he hasn't.

If he has homework and can't read, so what? He a) can probably figure out more than you think and b) can figure out he needs Mom or Dad to help, so it's best not to be a Silly Willy and let M&D know you aren't serious about anything. If he refuses, fine. If he wants to watch TV or play Candy Land, well, no, that's not on the agenda for children too young to do their work.

Don't make it a battleground or war of the wills - he will win! Let him endure the consequences, which are not "you'll fail and be left back without all for friends" but "You'll have to explain to Ms. Jones why you think her assignments and instructions are okay for all the other kids but not you." Believe me, a child will try to justify that just once to a teacher, and that will be the end of it. But go ahead and let him fail at age 5 - he'll learn the hard way that he gets much more by doing his work than by taking 3 times the amount of time to delay it.

What has worked for us (DS is in 7th now) is a routine in which he comes home, gets a 10-15 minute break, a snack, a drink, then homework is done.
We've pretty much kept that schedule since K, because it only takes 1 or 2 times of doing homework later, that the 5 minutes turned into an hour of misery for all. Ain't happening anymore! Lol
Now that he's older, he often completes his stuff at school, but we still keep that basic schedule, and there's no going outside, xBox, friends in until the homework (and his daily chore AND room-straighten!) is complete.

When does he do his homework? Does he get a break after school to play outside? I know with my kids it was very important to get an outdoor play break after sitting in the classroom. My kids played outside for an hour after school, ate dinner, then did homework. Often they had an evening activity (swim lessons, soccer) right after dinner, then they did homework before bed.

Oh I'm sorry. This is how my son also acted with homework in Kindergarten. If your son is like mine it gets worse in the upcoming years. When he gets home I would have him eat a snack first thing. Then I would set the homework timer and sit him down with a drink and everything he needs. Tell him when he is done he gets to do something fun! Make it the house rule that you come home, eat snack, do homework. Never deviate from this. Never give in and let him do something else first. You will set the tone for many years to come. Good luck. PS - My son is in 6th grade this year and for the first time in many years he has teachers who do not believe in giving out a lot of homework. I am insanely happy!!!

I have always sat mine down, we had snack and I got the homework out as they started eating snack. We played afterwards. I did it the minute we got home so it was over and done with. Some teachers thought shouldn't they unwind first? or else they'll learn to dread homework. Not in our case. The relaxed snack, mom sits with you at table while you tell me about your day, let's get the homework done, and then PLAY time just became routine (they still follow even in junior high now). Some rushed through it (especially by about grade 3) but they knew the drill. Get it done, get out the door fast.

My littlest one has had to do occupational therapy for printing - so worksheets. We did them all summer. Definitely not interested on some days. So we'd take some days off and do more the other days. I always liked the teachers who allowed this. Because some kids are busy some evenings, etc. and the flexibility meant you hit your kid up for homework at the right time (when they wouldn't hate it) on whichever day worked.

Good luck :)

I'm still trying to figure this out and my oldest is in 12th grade ;-)

Hope his year if off to a good start - can't believe he's in Kindergarten already!

You know, this seems to be a hot topic on here lately, must be the time of year. All our kids are another year older and homework has gone and upped the ante on us again lol.

In our house (and I do think we all have to find what works for us) we don't get home until 6:00, and bedtime is at 8:00. So it's a race to get homework, dinner, and shower done.

And my son is adhd - and his meds have LONG since worn off, by 6:00 at night. SO that adds to the complication. He has not gotten to the point yet (now in 3rd grade) where he is able to just sit down and do his homework independently, or even at the kitchen table while I'm making dinner 10 feet away. It is very difficult for him. He immediately goes into "It's too hard, I can't do it, I give up" mode - and he honestly believes it. So it is ALWAYS a battle. (Hence my question yesterday, about keeping my patience!) Our biggest battle is keeping a good attitude and sticking with it. If I had a dollar for every time I heard, "UUUGH! I just don't CARE, mom!!" I'd be a millionaire.

Honestly the key I have found, (predictably) is patience. I try not to let HIS frustration feed mine. I try to keep a cool head, and just keep him focused. When he throws his hands up, sighs dramatically, slumps in the chair, and starts in on his b1tching and moaning, I just ignore it. "Okay read #5 to me - look at that you're almost done!" When he ignores that I've asked him to read it, I start reading it. Once he realizes he knows the answer things move more smoothly. (I fully admit this is a work in progress!!)

There is definitely something to be said for guiding them to do it independently and I am SO looking forward to that day. I am constantly, in subtle ways, pushing him quietly, to see if he could possibly handle even a small part of it on his own, or even mostly on his own. I went to the restroom during homework time last night - he had a full question done by the time I got back! It was awesome!

As a 3rd grade ADHD kid this is probably a pretty extreme case. But your LO is in kindergarten, and just learning all this stuff too, so maybe not entirely different than our case - I often feel like we're just several years behind on some of this kind of stuff. He WILL get it, it just takes longer. Anyway, I would not sweat the hand-holding at kindergarten level. You keep working with kiddo and I'm sure it will get better. Maybe don't expect that 5 minutes of homework to TAKE five minutes - but if you can cut it down to 10 or 15, then you've made progress. Each year, I predict, it will get easier. Good luck!

If your son doesn't have delays or special needs, you will need to be firm.

Make sure he's sitting down to do his work immediately after school. Snack, then homework, doing nothing else until it is done. Even on Fridays.

Warn him that a bad attitude will mean that he doesn't get to <whatever he likes to do> after the homework is done that day. Tell him to sit down, get it done, and stop wasting YOUR time.

I think you are exactly correct in that the purpose of this homework is to establish good habits. That is what K kids are learning - the actually work itself is, to be honest, mostly busywork.

What I do is after dinner, both kids sit down at the dinner table to do their homework. I'm in the room and I answer questions if asked, but I don't sit with either of them. When they get off track (which my K kid is very likely to do), I just remind him that the sooner he finished his homework, the sooner he gets to go play. I'm sure I sometimes sound like a broken record, but we're only 3 weeks into school. He'll get the hang of it.

So, a sample conversation might go like this:
K (sitting with a worksheet in front of him): Mom, guess what I got to play at recess.
M: Are you done with your homework? I'd love to hear about it when you are done.
K (looks at homework for 10 seconds, then looks up): I played a really cool new tag game.
M: That's nice, but you need to finish your homework before you tell me about it.
etc etc etc

Your experience is not alone. My DD is currently playing with her pencil instead of doing her last page of HW that she procrastinated on.

Sometimes what I do is set a timer. She needs to do the HW (at a table, no TV, etc) within that timeframe or she doesn't get to watch TV or go to her friend's house or whatever the motivation needs to be. Right now it looks like no cartoons this morning. A snail could write faster. But if it takes her an hour because she's not focused, then that's her choice.

When there are several pages, I usually allow my DD to break it up into parts. And I'll sit here to help if needed, but I'm not doing it for her. I'm doing my own thing. I did this with her big sister who seemed to just need you nearby "in case" but was capable on her own. She often did HW when we were prepping dinner.

You might think if your so needs a snack and a few minutes to unwind like mine or if doing the HW straight away is better.

For the sight words, our were always on colored cards. A little smaller then index cards. Some moms would hide them throughout the house and the kid had to find and say it. Kind of like an Easter egg hunt...

Pinterest has a lot of good ideas.

You can always ask the teacher for suggestions, too.

ETA: the writing/coloring might be boring, but if you can show the teacher he understands the concepts more creatively or at least cut down on writing time.

At this level you sit down WITH him, go over it and keep him on track.
He's not going to be able to sit down on his own with homework for a few grades yet like by 3rd.