Trouble in Paradise - Clinton,IA

My sons father had a lot of faults but the one that really gopt me moving was the when I realized that my son was going ot learn how to treat women by the way his dad treated me and I realized that was a scary thought. Thin of it this way. If yourdaughter was in a relationship with a man who trets her this way would you want her to stay? I know being with the father of your child isan important thing, but raising your child ina respectful loving environment is more important thatn just havingsomeone there. Your shild and you deserve to be in a safe home. But its up to you to get you both there. On an average ittakes women 7 tries to leave an abusive relationship and what you describe sounds like one. so think long and hard and listen to your heart. Do you want you r child raised in a home where she heard you get yelled at adn thinks that women should be yelled at all the time? It's your call.

I agree with Denise. What does your willingness to work it out have to do with your daughter's sake? You can't work it out because he isn't willing to. Unless he is willing to, then he will continue to treat you just like he does now, only it will get worse because you have put up with his behavior so far with no consequences. And he will treat your daughter equally poorly. She will learn from an early age that she is ____ (fill in the blank with whatever names he calls you) and accept being treated that way by the men in her life in the future.
Get support. Get help. Get safe. Put your daughter ahead of this man that doesn't respect you.

Go to an Al-Anon meeting. Even if he's not an alcoholic their program will help you tremendously in focusing on yourself instead of trying to change him. That will hopefully give you the clarity you need to make a decision regarding what's best for you and your daughter. Just do a google search to find a meeting in your area. Best of luck.

I am so glad you are not actually married to him. I seldom say this, but I will here and now, you do not need to stay in this and be abused one more minute. Your daughter does not deserve to live like this. I think this is not love, it is a desire to have back the original feeling that you had, the excitement, the charged hormones and the newness of being with him. Love is not at all like this experience you are having now. You need to give yourself a chance to actually love someone that is kind and good to you. Let go of him if you can. You deserve so much better.

Why would you be willing to work it out for your daughter? You already said he will not get help. Sounds like you need to leave. Get support for your daughter. Get safe. Sorry.

B.-
Not that it's going to be easy, but "BYE BYE". You have to keep the best interest of your daugter at the center of your decision. Do you think he's going to change? No. Do you want your daughter to seek men like her father out when she's old enough, because that is the way she thinks men should treat women? That's what she's learning. Find your strength, swallow your pride (very hard to do) and find a new life yourself and daughter.
Prayers coming your way,
S.

I am sorry but I would not allow anyone to treat me that way. I couldn't imagine life without my husband of 14 years, but if he started treating me that way and telling me to Shut the f$%^k up . . .yeah, I would be done real quick. Especially if it occurred in front of our child.

You have to do what is in the best interest of your daughter and yourself and staying with someone who has no respect for you is not the answer.

That's how my dd's father and I were, he'd yell, I'd stay calm, he played head games, etc. I left him when she was 6 months old and it was the best thing I ever did for her and I. It was rough being a single mom, don't get me wrong, but there are plenty of programs to help you along the way like WIC, food stamps, etc. I was a single mom till she was 3yrs old till I met my hubby and now I've been happily married for a little over 5yrs and my DD has a great male role model instead of the POS that is her father!!

If you'd like to talk one on one, please, feel free to send me a personal message on here. But do yourself and your Daughter a favor and walk away from this one!! {{HUGS}}

And yes, I totally agree with the lady that suggested Al-anon!! I went only because my dad and other's on his side are alcoholics, but it really did give me the strength, courage and clarity to leave my dd's father and not look back! It is an excellent program for anyone trying to get over an addiction or bad habit (and your boyfriend is a BAD habit!) and move forward with their lives with confidence!!

S.

I had a friend just like you for many years. She was sooo sensitive to everything!! She was a very frustrating person to be with because she took just about everything the wrong way. She was extremeley high maintanance and she never ever forgot anything and would throw things back in your face from years ago. I finally had enough of her and just could'nt continue a friendship with her anymore. She was an energy drainer.
Not saying you are like her, but your hyper sensitivity could be causing alot of the problem. You can not change him, only yourself. So, start with you, and more than likely, he will start to change too!