Trouble Dropping off 3 Yr Old at Babysitter.

Maybe you guys could make a sticker chart - every time she is able to do well with the drop off, she gets a sticker. After a certain number, she gets to do something special with mom and dad.

There are so many possibilities here that it's hard to say what will help without knowing more info.

If the child has been fine here for a long time and suddenly is crying then there is something bothering the child. This may be something stemming from the daycare situation, one of the kids or something new that's going on at daycare. But like someone else said it could be a response to something at home.

If the child has been happy for a few days or just a few weeks and is now crying then the new has likely wore off. At first all the toys and kids and things to do are so fun. But then they start to miss mom and dad. I really try to break up the monotony as much as I possibly can. No matter how hard we try, it can become long and tedious for us all being in the house all day. There are so many times when outdoor time is just impossible or uncomfortable. So winter is especially bad. Often I pull the furniture back, crank up the music and dance with the kids. Today I was teaching the kids the twist! LOL. I didn't even know really that I could do it. Losing the last 25 pounds sure helped :)

I do have to completely disagree with the ideas of parents coming in and getting them settled. In my experience it's better for the parents to just drop off very fast. Give them a kiss and leave. Most my parents understand this and thrust them at us at the front door. Night-time is when they come in and chat and hang around for awhile.

Also, if you know this child very well and you know for a fact that the child is trying to make mom guilty, I'd talk to her about it. Give her some warnings and then start timing her out for it when mom and dad leave. I hope no one gets their knickers in a twist over this. I've been at this 22 years and I've seen a good number of kids use this as nothing more than a manipulation tactic. A couple times of placing them in time out and it's over completely. BUT, I reserve that for kids I know very well.

Suzi

L., i have a 2 1/2 year old little boy and we have gone through this phase a few times. sometimes it was because of stuff at home (tension between daddy and mommy, or when we moved because of a fire), and sometimes it was just due to plain old two-ness. the last time i noticed it was from his recent growth spurt (think teething-type feelings in a two year old!). my son is pretty intuitive and sensitive, so he picks up on things. it has ranged from slight fussiness to outright fits. i will say it sounds like you're a great care provider, and like our sitter, are only looking out for the kiddo. what we always do is, i tell him that i love him and will be back soon to pick him up, and that ms. sherry would love for him to stay and play with her today. she always tries to distract him with his favorite toys or coloring books. i allow him one more kiss and hug, but that's it. i would never sneak away, i made it clear i was leaving because i have heard bad things about sneaking out on your kid - it can give them the feeling that mommy and daddy will disappear with no notice when they're not looking, and make it worse.

unfortunately, i think it's a phase they all go through. i was terrible when i was little and have always heard the horror stories. so i have researched, and asked on here, and have decided there's no easy answer. but be consistent and she will get through it. you basically want to judge by how she reacts after mom is gone. if it lasts just a minute or two and then she's fine, it's totally normal. if, like the other girl commented, there are issues that last all day and she's not playing and having a good time within a few minutes of mom or dad leaving, then there may be bigger problems to address. good luck and i hope she gets better about it soon!

I actually saw this on Super Nanny and incorporated it into my kids drop-offs and it has helped. I walk in with them, spend about 3-5 minutes with them, getting them "settled in" and then I turn to each one and tell them "Mommy has to go to work now and you are here with your friends. I will be back to get you at 3:50 this afternoon." And then I tell them how they can see that on a clock in their classroom. My oldest, who is 3, tends to be the one to "cling" more, but it is very minimal. Our routine is that I give her a hug and kiss bye and then I do the same for my 19 month old and then I walk towards the door and if my daughter says "One more hug" then I tell her "I will give you more one hug, but you got to make it a BIG hug! Then Mommy has to go to work." The entire time I stay in a positive attitude and try to really show that attitude to them. It took about a week, but it was sooooo worth it, it makes dropping them off so much easier on everyone. I'm not saying it is fool proof because we still have our mornings, but the parent has to stay calm, positive, and not turn back once you are heading out the door. I hope this helps, it took me just as long to adjust as it did my kids to leaving them somewhere, it's not easy to have to leave them so that you can go to work so I think that it is great that you are trying to help out.

Ok, I dont have a ton of experience with this, but I will tell you, I worked part time and had one of my fairly good friends, of whom was and always has been a child care provider. She also has a son my daughters age. When I first started taking her there, my daughter was excited and was totally ok with it. I think it probably had something to do with the fact that she knew them. But after awhile she started saying she didnt want to go there anymore and when I would drop her off she would be upset. When I got reports from my friend she said all my daughter did was sit on the couch and do nothing, and she wouldnt talk much. It concerned me because my daughter isnt the quiet type. But soon, I started hanging out there and chatting for awhile after I picked my daughter up and noticed my friends son was very mean to my daughter. Anytime she would try to play with toys, he would take them from her and be really mean. I brushed it off and realized kids arent the greatest at sharing, so I started packing our own toys, (girl toys) that he wouldnt be interested in. Well one day I dropped her off and saw my friends son viciously punch my daughter in the face! Yes, my friend scolded him, but it kept up. My daughter told me he hit her all the time. Well no wonder she was quiet and just sat on the couch, if she tried doing anything, she got punched for it. This situation didnt work for me so I stopped it.

So Im just sharing my story with you. Im not saying any of that is going on at your place but if she was previously ok with being there, something may be up. Or she could just not be feeling well and be clingy to her parents right now. I would just pay close attention to the situation and see whats going on.
Good luck!

Make a consistent routine at drop off. That helped my kiddos. I have a 4.5yr and 15 month old who have gone through this same thing at various stages. It is so hard on the mom, but it is comforting that they usually are fine once you (mom/dad) are gone. At drop off have the parents do the same thing each day ie., take off coat, start them in an activity or hand them to you after a big hug and kiss, say bye and parents are out the door. Tears may fall for a few days, but it eventually gets better. Good luck!

L. - it is a stage and you hit the nail on the head when you said she was making mom feel guilty. That's one reason they do it. My grandmother baby-sat (I think half of st. Louis!) and the advise she gave me when my girls where that age was to come in give them a hug and kiss tell them good by I'll see you later and leave. Even if they are crying have the sitter hold them. If mom keeps coming back to love on the little girl she is going to keep doing it. Mom dosen't need to be mean about it, keep cheery just like if she wasn't crying. Just an I love you and I'll see you this afternoon. And little-bit will soon get over the crying when mom leaves. She is doing it so mom will stay longer. I'm betting that she also stops crying as soon as mom is out of sight and is fine for the rest of the day. She'll be fine and soon over it.

With my girls when my husband would drob them off he would give them a "job" for the day. Find out a friends dogs name or remember what they had for lunch. Then quiz them when he picked them up. That worked for him. Good luck!

Well I see you have gotten some very sound suggestions. I just wanted to tell you that see if the mom has taken her to the doctor lately. I babysat a little boy who was around 8 months or so and all he ever did was cry. he would cry all day long untill he finally exausted himself and then once he woke up he would start all over again. He was teething and the mother never brought anything for it. It had been 14 yrs since her last child. well come to find out that he actually had a tumor growing close to his ear. thus causing pain that wouldn't go away. so if anything medical has been ruled out its probably just the age.

all kids go through it, so long as she isn't spoiled and wants to be held all the time. I would say have the mom get her started playing tell her she loves her and will be back soon. then while her daughter is playing just head out the door.

Good Morning L., All or most children do this. Even my gr son Corbin 4 in mar. I have kept him since he was born and mom went back to work. Every once in a while he will get in a snit and demand Nana go home and Mama stay with him & his brother...lol He will cry and yell and just throw one terrible tantrum. We always tell him we are sorry he is upset but mama has to go make the bacon. He did it twice just this week. Both of the boys have had terrible colds, runny nose, deep coughs so we know they were just wanting Mama to take care of them. Feeling yucky etc.

If your mama's and dad can interact with them for a few minutes to get them involved in something before they leave it may help. Most of the time I have seen parents are preschool just walk in and leave, kids cry sometimes and other times they don't. Asher age 4 goes to Preschool everyday in the same school as his older sister and brother. He decided a few weeks ago he was going to throw a fit when his mom took him to class. the next day my son took him while mom dropped off the other two. He had a short visit with him in the hallway, hugs and kisses and he went right to class and didn't cause a scene at all. Haven't had a problem since.
Guess I should ask Travis what he said to him...lol

You just really never know from one day to the next what the little folks are going to do. Sometimes ya just go with the flow.

God Bless hope something helps this little princess soon.
K. Nana of 5

PS Congratulations on your Own little Princess. Wonderful news for sure.

Last year my son's teacher would walk talk to him about some "new" fun thing, point to it (often just something set up & ready to go, like paint or glue and scissors) and then say, "Well, we have to walk Mom to the door first, then you can do that." And my son would hold her hand, walk me to the door and kiss me, and then as soon as I was out the door (getting to the door made escape easier if he started to get upset, too), he would run back to the cool activity, Mommy forgotten. It was a nice transition, plus it made him eager to see me gone!

As hard as it is, it probably is just a stage. For the parents, letting them know that she calms down quickly after they leave is comforting for them to know. And then letting them know, that they need to come in, drop her off and leave quickly. As if they prolong it, the longer she will scream and be upset and those are hard emotions for a little one.

If this does not work, maybe try sitting up a quick 2-5 minute activity for the parent and child to do together with the understanding that Mommy/Daddy are leaving when we are done and we can do it again the next morning. Bring the parents into her world and it shows her that Mommy/Daddy like it there to.

I know that my now 14 year old threw a LARGE tantrum from 2 to 5 everytime we dropped him off at daycare and even for Sunday School class at church.... I learned that it was just him wanting time with us, and that within minutes of us being out of site, he was a perfect angel for the caregivers he was with.

I used to watch two kids myself, siblings, and the youngest did that at one point when dad would drop him off. It is a phase. Do you allow them to bring anything from home to play with? I did and that helped. I would ask about their toy and such and the distraction helped. Be reassuring that mom/dad will be back soon to get them. It is a phase and it will pass. Good luck and God Bless.

The best thing to do usually is to be matter of fact, and that this is no big deal. If the mother coddles the child for this, it just reinforces to her that there is something scary to be away from her mom. And, don't make it a big ordeal when she walks in the door. Don't bribe, or promise her a treat if she doesn't cry the time she is at your house. Just tell her that Mommy is going to the dr or store, or whatever, and that she is going to have fun with you playing with your toys, baking cookies, whatever is on your schedule, (maybe encourage her to bring something of hers along), and that Mommy will be back soon. When Mommy comes in, she could point out that she came back as she had promised. Usually the best policy is to make it no big deal, and don't coddle her if she cont to cry. Go make lunch or encourage her to help with switching the laundry to side track her. Usually the child does this for just as long as the mom is in earshot at this age. There is usually too much fun going on for them to concentrate on wasting their time crying. Tell the mom that doing it this way would be helpful if she can also adopt the matter of fact attitude and not look bothered by the child crying. Now, if the child does cont to be really hysterical for a prolonged period of time, as my 3yo has done on occasion, there is usually a good reason that needs to be found out. Whether the child is hungry, thirsty, or not feeling well. Sometimes it is just not the right day to try for separation. Unfortunately, giving in to the hysterics isn't always helpful, because it can make the behaviour cont every time. But, having a child like that when they are disturbing the other children isn't fair to them, as I had discovered in Sunday School. If she is just in your home with a sister, then it probably isn't an issue to tolerate it until she stops or you can sidetrack her.

My Daughter will be 3 in 3 weeks, she has had the same sitter since she was 9 months old. I have worked since she was 6 weeks old. I only take her to the sitter 3 days a week, however she often says, "I don't want to go to D's house, I wanna stay home momma". And then it just procedes to get worse, sometimes there is crying involved. She loves her sitter and her sitter's older kids. She loves being with them, she just loves being home more. She is a homebody. If my friend and I are out running errands or just having a "girl's day and she starts to get tired she starts asking to go home. We just talk to her and love her and reassure her that we love her. We also let her know which one of us will pick her up. All these things seem to help. And, on the flip side, sometimes I drop her off and you would think she just got a new toy or something, she is so excited.

I truly believe it is the age.