My daughter is having a hard time right now. She has always had a hard time transitioning. Like this weekend. I failed to tell her a few days in advance that the birthday party we were attending was a costume party. When I told her on Saturday with 1 hour to get ready, she freaked out. It took 40 minutes, 2 timeouts, and threats of not attending the party to get her in costume. Had I told her when we got the invite, she would have been thrilled at the idea (silly me for no thinking of that before, I knew better). We have pictorial charts all over our house to help her prepare for the day’s activities and to visualize what is coming. It works well, but how far does it need to go. I feel like she needs to start learning that life isn't mapped out on a pretty diagram.
The other issue with her is her inability to make a decision with more than 2 options. Recently she is getting in trouble at school because she takes soooo long to pick a center that she doesn't have much time to play and then doesn’t want to help clean up because "it’s not fair I didn't have time to play."
This isn't a new behavior, but I think it is getting worse. It is election time and we are spinning circles at home right now because of it and I know that probably is playing a role, but that can’t be helped right now and I can’t help but wonder if there is something more to it….I have wondered for some time now if it might be aspergers-ish, my husband disagrees, then today he mentioned how he thought it could maybe be aspergers-ish. Never mind my frustrations with him for that, but could it be?
Any thoughts, suggestions, and/or encouragement is welcomed and greatly appreciated.
I really liked what Laeh-maggie G. had to say. I have often wondered if she is OCD as I am. We are a lot alike which is a major part of the issues I think. She requires very little sleep and is very high functioning. I am going to get her involved in a couple activities and see what she likes. Starting tonight actually. So, I hope this encourages her to be creative so that she can be a bit more go with the flow in school.
As for the mom who asked what the big deal with her not wanting to wear the costume: My husband I parent with appropriateness in the forefront. If she is invited to a costume party then she needs to respect that childs wish and wear a costume. If she were having a costume party, she would expect invitees to wear costumes. Not all parents may agree, but that is our stand. It was also more about her being "unprepared" for the idea of it being a costume party than wether or not she wanted to wear one.
Thank you everyone for your support.
It's probably a good idea to have her assessed. You don't say how old she is, but I would think if she was older than 4 or 5 that her behaviors are a bit out of the norm. If she's under 5, they can be typical toddler behaviors, but still a good idea to get her assessed if you think something about her is not typical of other kids her age.
Also, if she didn't want to wear a costume to the party, does it matter?
i think this is ironic that you posted this right before my post - we must have been writing at the same time... i suggest getting her tested... my son has many aspergers traits (but also traits of other disabilities) he is in 3rd grade and for a long time, we would watch him faze - one month he would be kind of ok, then the next he would be a total mess.. and we kept thinking it was just fazes... i am in the process of trying to find the right way to go about getting help for him now... but look into getting her tested now - the longer you wait the harder it will be for her later on in life.. and kids have alot of stuff to deal with in todays world as it is... Good luck!
I have a son on the spectrum and this was a part of every day life. When he was diagnosed, we basically did activities that provoked him and pushed him to the edge and then brought him back again. He learned tolerance for things that did not go his way and coping strategies for his frustration. I would not say that he is cured, but he is a different child. There are difficult days, but for the most he can manage most things very well. So, the key is how to get your daughter there. Well, you really need the help of a professional. You may want to start with your pediatrician or school system (even if she is not yet enrolled) to get some recommendations. I had a whole team of special ed. consultants, neurologist, speech, OT, and behavioral therapists and they all did frustration management skills, but I think you will likely need the help of a behavioral therapist. Your school system may offer assistance as this will affect your child's transition to or participation in the school.
Good luck,
C.
Hi. Only your ped can diagnose, or refer you to someone who can diagnose what is or if anything is going on with your daughter. Yes it sounds like she has something going on. You are a great mom helping her get through her days. It would be even greater if she and you knew what exactly you are dealing with. My son has adhd, before he was diagnosed I was really stressed, didn't know how to help him. After I knew what I was dealing with, I educated myself so I could be a better mom for him.
I don't have personal experience with Asperger's but I think there are several traits that a child would have to have to get a diagnosis. My daughter was inflexible at that age and has gotten better as time went on. She still takes forever to make a decision. that is just the way she is. I try to limit her choices, but if she has a lot to choose from and is taking too long, I tell her she has until I count to 10 to pick something or I will pick it for her. She also does better if we can give her a structured routine. You should talk to her teacher as to how to help her pick her center out quicker so she has time to play. The teacher can give her just 2 choices also. You may want to have her evaluated for ADD or Sensory Integration Disorder. Some kids though, just are like that, and eventually they do learn to adapt.
My daughter is similar but to be fair I would probably freak out if I found out a party I was going to was a costume party ;-) or black tie. Seriously, my daughter is highly sensitive, but I'm not sure if it matters how you label it. In 1st grade after trying numerous things because she was the same at school as your daughter, I finally asked her what would work. She said a chart, designed it herself and set the guidelines of when she'd get a star and reward. It worked for her I think because it was her idea. Now, with my daughter I KNOW she can focus when it is something she wants to do. She just finished a stop motion video which is labor intensive and takes a lot of time. Make sure to let her know when she is successful and ask her what she did that helped. Keep trying different things and you'll find what works for her.
How about recognizing that this is a kind of obsessive compulsive disorder and it will become less and less disabling over time. She will mature.
We are geniuses in my family one generation after another. By the age of 12 most of our quirks have been reduced to nothing by: dance class (modern or jazz) Karate, Tai Kwon Do, or gymnastics three times a week. Sports by itself does nothing. It is knowing where your body is in space and time. I took my daughter to gymnastics three times a week for a full year. After that no school problems and she knew what she wanted.
Einstein had full blown troubles like you mention and could not even attend school. Fortunately his father owned an electric power plant so there was money for tutors.
The other thing that really helps is music lessons. My father taught me how to paint at age 8 and that was the key to my success.
I won't go into how ignorant and untrained teachers are about children like yours but I will say I had lots of arguments with my children's teachers and principals. They were at a loss for what to tell me since I have a really excellent education. Oftentimes better than theirs.
My children have had difficulties with their children too. Again the proven methods have worked.
Forget ADHD, Aspbergers, OCD etc. It all is part of the mix if you have a very intelligent child.
there is nother lady on here that has a son with the problem. Maybe you 2 should get together and share stories and help ideas, sounds like you both need someone that understands. good luck
Ask the school for an evaluation.
Rather than focusing on a "diganosis" for her, try figuring out a way to make her feel more secure. It seems like she needs tons of structure. She may not be the kind of kid that does well in a traditional school setting. There is also the Portland Free School & Waldorf schools as well. Also you can try homeopathy, we go to Portland Family homeopathy & i can't recommend it enough. Good luck.
