Anyone Have a Child like Mine

Hi,

You described my son. I have had him privately tested and not one Dr. may agree with his ADD diagnosis. I have in the past when he was little tried medication and I feel it changed his life for the worse during that time. Not saying that will be your child. Everyone is diffrent. However I personally feel teachers are to quick with making the suggestion that a child may have ADD when infact they have not done there own homework. I have done my own research and now use more of a heathly and natural approach. 1. Your schedule and consistancy is very important, this will help him feel more in control. 2. My son is taking vitamins that effect the nervous system and help him focus. You can go on-line to get more information on how this works. So here goes. Every morning he take Fish Oil 3,000 mg, Sam E at 300 mg , and Complex B These vitamins truly help my son. And to make him feel that we are all in this together the entire family takes the vitamins. The mg should be the same, but if your unsure contact your Dr. Good luck from one mom to another.

FYI- The Fish Oil tablets may cause you to burp. My son doesn't burp from them but I do. The little secret is to keep them in the freezer! Sounds crazy but it works.

I have a daughter who used to be very much the same way. She was diagnosed as ADHD (the teacher suggesting is different than diagnosing.) However, with the help of omega 3-6-9, staying off refined sugars during the school days, and some behavior modification, she's doing great!

My daughter was also very fidgety and very challenged with math and homework. She also didn't have a great self-esteem unlike your son.

I wouldn't necessarily jump to the ADHD conclusion for your son, but it may be something to consider looking into for better understanding.

I also have never told her she was diagnosed as such, because I didn't want her to become identified with any kind of "disorder," when in reality she is just wired a little differently than most.

You have described many of the characteristics of our son, who has ADHD. Extremely bright but has a hard time focusing and an extremely high energy level. Kids with ADHD will hyperfocus on things that do interest them. If the teacher is suggesting ADHD, listen. There IS a difference between the normal active boy and one with this medical condition. A teacher is quite familiar with typical behavior in an age group and it's a good tip-off that something's not right if she's suggesting it may be ADHD. It may be ADHD, it could even be another medical condition. There are a number out there that resemble ADHD.

The best way to get some answers is to talk to your son's doctor. Ask for his/her input. Our son's pediatrician knew right away that the symptoms I was describing were extreme and not just typical active boy and referred us on to a child psychologist and from there, we moved to other specialists.

And don't be afraid of ADHD. It's a medical condition in the same realm as having poor eyesight or being diabetic. There is so much misunderstanding and misinformation out there. Don't let the skeptics scare you away from getting help for your son. If you are dealing with ADHD, it's better to address it head-on and help your son, so you can give him the best quality of life and chance at succeeding in school. Check out the website for ADDitude magazine (a publication for families dealing with ADHD) for additional insights ... can give you some clues whether ADHD even sounds like a match. www.additudemag.com

Best of luck to you,
M.

P.S. For what it's worth, ADHD doesn't equate to medication, it equates to a medical condition. We tried many, many other approaches through Kaiser to help the behavior issues. Medication was a last resort and what ultimately helped, but it's a treatment, not the defining point of ADHD.

Dear A.,
I am really opposed to just jumping to the ADHD conclusion.
He sounds like a little boy who is active and from time to time has trouble concentrating.
I have known children with ADHD, and believe me....you can spot them a mile away. Bouncing off the walls, repeating the same things over and over and over. Having to be told the same thing over and over and over before you are acknowledged. Just today, I had to tell my son 3 times to get his sweatshirt. "You can play with the cat after you've done what I told you."
8 years old can be a very distracting time. Just tell your son it's okay to slow down and FOCUS. You have also become recently engaged so that could be distracting for him too. Wondering about how things will change for him.
My son is very sensitive and I came to learn that he worried about me when he was at school. He worried if I was missing him. So, I started putting little notes in his lunches or hid them in his back pack saying that I loved him and I couldn't wait for him to come home. His father and I have been divorced a long time.
It would seem to me that your son is a very intelligent little charmer. Talk to him about how he's feeling when he gets distracted. Ask what you can do to help him feel better and stay on task. My friend had a son very much like yours and she got him involved with dance class and encouraged him to participate in school plays to get that creative, dramatic side out.
I think too many kids get labelled with ADHD because it's easier than just working with them to get them back into the regular perameters of things.
Like I said.....you haven't described anything close to the ADHD kids I've known.
Try structuring things for your son a little more. Not like prison, or punishment, but a schedule at home might really help him blend to the schedules at school and he'll feel secure and get past it.

Best of wishes!

As a primary grades teacher, I have seen many boys like yours. He is a boy! If you are concerned about his behavior, then I would recommend monitoring his diet.

Also, consider that the teacher may not be a match for your child. In my classroom, I've look at the child's behavior to decide if it is preventing others around him or her from learning. If it is, we have a problem; if not, the child can dance at his or her seat. Some children need to be moving in order to concentrate. This activity doesn't necessarily make them ADD or ADHD.

Also, some children develop reading fluency at different ages. Unfortunately, schools are being pressured by the No Child Left Behind legislation to try to get the children to perform at younger and younger ages without taking into consideration each child's individual development.

Oh and your son having the teacher repeat himself may just be a coping mechanism he is using to obtain a few seconds of thinking time. In teacher talk this is wait time. The teacher asks a question and waits for the answer. Each child's time is different. Sometimes it is so long that it is painful, especially when the other children can't wait and shout out the answer.

I hope the above has given you some insight. I understand how hard it is for parents to attend a conference like this. Please nurture your child's desire to play energetically--just teach him at the same time that there is an acceptable time and a place. You might also look into strategies to help him cope, for example fidget toys or a fidget ball he can use at his desk.

I agree w/the other moms....sounds like a typical boy just possibly a bit on the immature side. I do want to mention tho, that my sister, who has 3rd grade twin boys, & all the other moms I know of 3rd grade children, have mentioned that 3rd grade is a big transition & a bit harder cuz kids are expected to be more responsible for their work, work more independently, & have more seat work. In third grade, kids are starting to work their way into doing reports on various subjects that require looking up the info. I know every year, the 3rd graders at my son's school do a report/project on a California mission of their choise....they have to write a one page report about the mission, visit the mission & also build a small replica of the mission itself. This might be a bit more than is expected of your son's class but things get harder in 3rd grade. Check in w/his teacher to get a heads up on the work load for the year so that you can prepare your son. Our older son is almost 8 & like your son, seemed to have pretty good self-confidence & a healthy ego but it turns out some of that 'bravado' was actually masking his insecurities which is a comman coping skill for many people w/low self-esteem. You also mention how great he is at assessing the situation & manipulating it to fit his needs. It takes a very bright child or person, for that matter, to manipulate situations & people & yes, that is a skill that can & will work for him throughout his life but do you want him to go thru life like this? You should try to get across to him that he can have fun at school but that he also has to behave respectfully to the teachers as well as his peers/friends w/o being dramatic or a distratction to the teacher & his classmates. Ya know, I say it wouldn't hurt to have him assessed for ADD or ADHD just so you know for yourself that isn't the underlying issue. Generally speaking, people w/ADD &/or ADHD are also usually very bright. Best of luck!

It sounds like you have a wonderful fun-loving boy on your hands. Your son actually sounds a lot like me when I was a child. I was very much a "tomboy" when I was that age. The stories my mom tells me and from I can remember I would have defiantly been considered ADHD. I of course crew out of it for the most part, but I still tend to have a hyper side and I get distracted very easily. I always did very well all through school. Children with ADD are actually very bright children, their little minds just move very quickly, that is why they get distracted by what my friends and I like to call shiny objects. I tend to surround myself with other ADD people. :) I think your boy sounds wonderful and think he will be just fine!!!

I find it HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE for a teacher to suggest any students may have ADD. They are not a Dr. and are professing a personal opinion, which, in fact, can harm your child.

I would tell the teacher that very thing (althoguh this has never happened to my sons, I actually overheard some teachers talking about other students in this same manner and took it up with the school board for the very same reason.)

Your teacher is not boy friendly. Your child needs to be stimulated and also to be active, to use spacial concepts and not sit at a desk and write all day long. In short--be ruthless, LOL. I would complain that the teacher is discriminating and not able to meet my child's needs. I don't care if your child DOES have add, the point is that the teachers should not make these comments, and that she is obviously not doing enough to meet his needs. Having ADD now seems to be a reason to dismiss children as troublesome or not worth the effort. Would a diagnosis change her attitude or her approach? No. It wouldn't. All that would happen is that your child would be put on medication. In short, I would loudly seek a different teacher. I'm not usually one for causing a stink, but as a mother of two boys, I would put my foot down.

I was a child like yours.... and I survived. I was clinically diagnosed as ADHD when I was in elementry school. I was a terror to deal with at times. Finally, I had a teacher that saw that I had a special need and kept the class busy and had short lessons and activitys so that I wouldnt get distracted. Later on I learned how to focus on my own, it sounds weird but I would listen to either loud rock or classical paino on my head phones while I studied. This kept my brain busy while I did my homework. I even used this during adult work, I had a job were I was proof reading and needed to concentrate. I found I was having difficultys and went back to my tried and true process and it still works for me. In fact to this day I need the TV or radio on when I am doing things around the house as it helps me focus.

Dont be offended by the teacher... learn what helps your son focus and how to help the teacher be a better teacher to your son.

Oh and just a side note, most or our famous inventors, creators, comedians, actors and many high level executives have some form of ADD or ADHD. They learned how to channel their energys and found what made them tick and blossomed from that!

A.,

My mom will tell you that this was a perfect description of both me and my brother. I will tell you that this is a perfect description of my son who is 5. We are doing our absolute best to stay away from the ADD thing as long as we can. My brother and I turned out fine without medicine and I am hoping the same will be true for my son. I think that the medicine kills their personalities. If his school work suffers I would look into it but for now just keep doing what you are doing. :)

I couldn't agree more with some of the people here, do not let them diagnose him- that might give him more reason later not to do something or to take his time doing it (I have seen it).
I have really bad ADHD, and its real. But alot of the time when they diagnosis it, it isnt real. Like when I was younger, depression was the thing to diagnosis people with, now its ADHD.
Watch his diet and give him more outside play time. His a boy! He has energy!
Omega, whether he is ADHD or not, is a great thing.
Just take things one step at a time and let things take their full course before determining one thing or another (if that makes sense)...

Your son sounds like my daughter; although, she is only in kindergarten. I have had her evaluated for ADHD by a behavioral psychologist, not a general pediatrician. The answer we got is she is highly intelligent and should have a complete intelligence evaluation, and she has sensory processing disorder - sensory seeking type. She gets bored very easily by things that are considered age appropriate, and concentrates remarkably well on things that are more advanced. With respect to the sensory processing disorder, it often is mistaken for ADHD. The simple explanation is that her brain does not fully recognize all the input it's getting - particularly with respect to physical activities - so she craves more input, which is why she moves around so much. She has benefited from occupational therapy, omega-3 supplements, and eliminating artificial colors and flavors. We also incorporate a lot of activity into her routine - swimming, gymnastics, etc.

Good luck!

Hi A.!

Your posting made me "chuckle" a little this morning :o)

Before my oldest son started Kindergarten, I remember thinking "He must be hyper-active or something"....... then school started, and I realized that most ALL BOYS are this way :o) By 2nd grade he fit "right in".

The trick for our boys, is to learn when it is time to use the "listening behavior". It's hard for them to just switch it on & off, but it is necessary for them to learn.

I would sit down with your son, and let him know that you had a meeting with his new 3rd grade teacher. Tell him all the wonderful things she said about him (hopefully). Then tell him about RESPECT, and what YOU expect from him as a student to behave in any classroom. Tell him that he is "bigger now" and should be having better classroom manners.

I think by next year he should be back on track :o) If not, then possibly have him tested by a Dr. It won't hurt to "know for sure". But I would try everything else first.

Good Luck!

:o) N.

Alisa,
Well, our circumstances are a little different. But similar at the same time. Our son is 14, everyone loves him and he is so sweet. Not your typical 14yr old male. I have a friend who's son also was that way, and it wasn't until he as in the 6th grade she finally found out he was ADHD. My son is ADD, but is in special ED. He starts out very slow every year, but does know how to do his work by the end of the year. I would go talk to your pediatrician for direction on a diagnosis. It truly will help his learning in the long run. I just wish that I had gotten the proper diagnosis sooner.
W.

Hi A.,

Your son seems to have some of the same traits that my third-grade son has. Going to the library really helped me to find some good parenting books. Look for books that speak to your needs, study them and then apply them to your situation. My son was acting up last year with notes from the teacher nearly every day. After I applied some of the techniques I picked up from my reading and joined a paernting class offered by the community, he settled down finally and seems much more relaxed now. He's still active but generally he's calmer and more willing to talk to me about his issues and concerns. For the most part I'd say he's rather well-adjusted; especially compared to last year.

I hope this advice is helpful to you.

Sincerely,
M.

When I read what you wrote I was elated to hear about your son. It was like reading my own story with my son who is 8 but we started him early so he is in fourth grade. My son is exactly like the way you described your son. I believe all boys are full of energy and that society is labeling them when they are just being themselves. Some children do have adhd or hyperactivity, but most are just normal kids who are under too much pressure in school and don't have enough outlets outside to run off the energy that is neccessary for them to concentrate. My son's teacher last year want him to be tested for adhd, then she decided it was dyslexia, she seemed to be looking for an excuse to not deal with teaching him. His Kindergarten through 2nd grade teacher never said anything other than positive stuff. This years teacher said he is extremely smart and has no problems other than distraction but realizes that that is something he must over come when he is ready. He is young and energetic and though it is a headache sometimes I wouldn't change it no matter what the teacher's say. I would love to talk if you ever want to. K.

Hi A.

Your child sounds like a normal 8 year old boy! My son does not sound much different; he is fine academically in school but gets easily distracted and hates doing his homework! Make sure that your son is getting sufficient Omega 3 fatty acids, especially DHA. The best source is eating Wild Salmon 2-3 times a week, or supplement daily. Nutrilite Brain Health (capsule) or Nutrilite Braniums (gummie) are excellent ways to supplement with pure forms of Omega 3 DHA.

M.

i don't have kids that age but from what you wrote, your child sounds totally normal to me. I think it's great that he has a ton of energy! Sounds like the only thing he may need is a little extra practice reading outloud. The part about not being able to get all of his work done... check with the teacher about work load expectations of the kids and such. Also, maybe check into traditional school setting vs. homeschool. My son is two, not eight... but he sounds like your son. He has energy all day long... he is well-liked by everyone. If he acts cranky or tired or cries, people just make excuses for him. He is very good at getting his needs met even though he is just learning to talk. Parents at our get together group always comment on his energy, and also say how calm he is too. Maybe my son will be like your son when he's 8!! Who knows!! good luck. It sounds to me like a case of a teacher who just has not found a creative way to work with your son as his teacher. It's her job to make that happen without changing who he is. It doesn't sound like he's doing anything bad or wrong.

Yup! My son is 13 & in 8th grade, now. He does better at a charter school with special emphasis on the arts, so his creativity can be expressed & he doesn't get bored so easily. And I agree whole-heartedly with everything Michelle J. said.

Some of the replies are very interesting to see how the issue triggers such strong reactions & interpretations!

I do think you've been doing great, to have such a popular, self-confident, & academically successful son. My son has a much tougher time. I tried lots of holistic things, & homeopathy probably would've worked, but the appointments were too expensive (not covered by insurance). If he's cooperative, you've got a lot going for you.

Our son doesn't neatly fit any one psychological category, but now it looks like possible bi-polar, which includes a lot of similarities to ADHD. I'm of the school of thought that it doesn't hurt to have a diagnosis so you can educate yourself & explore the natural/complimentary options. Everyone has a unique mix of characteristics/symptoms, & it's not a terrible thing to have a mental health diagnosis. Just don't let it become an excuse. It does help to understand & be more patient/compassionate. And meds aren't the end of the world--if they work, it's like a diabetic needing insulin--their body chemistry just needs it to balance out.

The slow reading with good comprehension sounds like me, having to read things over due to my mind going on tangents all the time. Typical ADHD symptom. I'd love to talk more with you, if you'd like. All the best!

A.,
From what you describe it does sound like he might be adhd
or add. I have a son who couldn't sit still, very impulsive, & a short attention span. He had alot of problems, & was transferred to a different school. My son has mellowed out quite a bit, but he has a bad habit of lying. You can have him evaluated by a psycologist.
A.d.d children like to get attention, hyper children can't sit still. From experience, boys with this problem do have learning disabilities & are slower than other children. Throughout the years, he has been to many different schools. There are websites that can give you information. Children have different levels, some are smart, & some are delayed. I hope this helped you. G.

I agree with Candice.

And nothing you described about your son seems highly out of the ordinary. He sounds like a human being with lots of different traits. We are all unique.