Traditional Vs. Montessori- Please HELP Me Decide!!

I would go for the traditional school just because of the smaller class size. I was also what people would consider shy when I was a kid and I can tell you that from my experience, the smaller the group, the better.

There's alot to be considered from both sides..

I am partial to the Montessori method of teaching and have had all three of my kids go to the same school simply because I saw how far my kids have advanced both academically and socially. To this day (they'll be entering 3rd and 1st grade this fall) they are well advanced for their ages and have scored a grade above where they are currently.

While the Montessori school setting does have structure, it is definitely not as structured as your typical public school setting. The children take the lead in what they learn based on their interests (math, reading, practical life) and teachers are there to guide them. Their method of learning is using all 5 senses in everything they do and it makes so much sense to me! I hate math and when they demonstrated to me how they teach math, I wished so much that I had learned their way!

Socially, any classroom can have a range in age of children. However, the idea is to match up an older child with a younger one in order to (1) provide the older child with a sense of responsibility and confidence in helping their younger peers and (2) the younger child is given an older child to look up to.

Only you know your child well enough to decide if the Montessori way of teaching is suitable for your child's personality. I do think, it may not be for every child, but I really do believe it's got it's benefits and it goes a long way!

There is always a teacher and a teacher's aid in the classroom at all times. I recommend having a one-on-one parent/teacher conference with the prospective teacher(s) would be good for the child just so they understand just how shy your child is. My daughter was very shy herself, but has since come out of her shell quite a bit...

They are both attending a public school now and have adjusted very well..

Good luck and I'm sure you'll make the right decision!

I think that it really depends on the individual school experience. Montessori is not a standardized system, and you can get a wide variety of experiences in "montessori" classroom.

While my daughter was definitely NOT selectively mute, she was a kid who hung back in social situations. She also takes time to segue into new activities. When we would go to infant classes, she would just be getting used to and interested in something, and they'd be packing it up!

I was concerned that in a traditional preschool/daycare setting she would be overwhelmed by the structure, lost in the hustle and bustle of the class, and drowned out by the voices of more assertive kids. When we saw her school, it just felt right. The Montessori environment was much calmer, and while the activities were individualized, the day felt MORE structured, as they seemed to have a flow that led kids from one type of activity to another without a lot of outside direction (transitioning from work to outdoors to lunch, for example). They left lots of room for the kids to take care of themselves independently (putting on shoes and outerwear, for example), which gave her lots of confidence, and the voices were always calm and pleasant.

We narrowed down to two schools, the montessori and one associated with SUNY Purchase, and spent quite a bit of time talking to the teachers/administrators and watching the classrooms. When we made our choice, we felt very comfortable that it was the right place FOR HER. She's thrived and definitely gained confidence and assertiveness. I think the big class has been good for her, because she did have older kids who took her under their wing, and now she's going to be a "big kid" and do the same thing. I also think that the Montessori did not push her, but gave her opportunities to become comfortable and outgoing. They also tend to have one-on-one activities, lone activities, and small group activities, and I think those are less intimidating than being in a big group and having to speak up.

That said, it is definitely not an environment for every kid. Some kids in her class did not do well without the structured "and now we're all going to do this" at all times. They also expect a LOT of self-discipline, and I've noticed that a number of the boys tend to get in trouble more often than I am comfortable with, to the point where I've spoken to both the head teacher and the administrator.

NOTE: This is only my experience, and although mine is associated with a Montessori training program, it is not necessarily representative of all montessori schools. Montessori has no licensing program, and there's a wide variety of how it is implemented.

Bottom line: talk to each school, observe for as long a period as you can, and decide which feels right in your gut. You know your kid, and you can tell where he'd be comfortable if you spend time in each place.

I think I would be asking questions about the lead teachers levels of experience within each setting. I would ask question in regard to your son specifically: how would they communicate with a child who is selectively mute? How could they help him to function within the group setting? It might be worth talking to the directors of both facilities and asking to have those lead teachers talk to you via phone. I would be less concerned about the curriculum and more interested in a program which valued social inclusion and social skills. It's in the facilitation of small group play that your son will learn how to join the group and to grow comfortable in that environment. (My son had some challenges in this and his teachers were great, eventually having him 'shadow' individual students through the playtime.... it took a few months, because he really didn't like it, but he's loving having friends and playing with other kids now.)

there are good things to be said of montessori, But in your sons case i think the mere routine of the traditional school would knock out alot of anxiety.

He would have to get used to the free flow of the room in Montessori. that could be very difficult for him. They expect alot of independance in montessori and if your son can't talk to express himself he might get lost in the shuffle.

I personally feel the tradition woud benefit your son far more. Most especially because of the small class size.

Please give the teacher a heads up about what she might be dealing with. maybe in Late oct have some playdates since taht seemed to work for you and you might even arrange to have the teacher leave a nice message on your answering machine every once in a while that he can over hear. then maybe in Feb have her over, obviously go with what the experts say and maybe what you already know but I'll just throw that out there.

anyhow kudos for all the research you've done. and best wishes to your little guy.

I would sit down with the schools and see what they think they can offer your son. Personally, I would go with the smaller classes because social anxieties are compounded by too many people and I think he might have a better chance of getting out of his shell with less people to get to know. And, the number is small enough that you could have several playdates and get the whole class to your house so that he can get used to the kids. How many kids were in his preschool class? Could the teacher come to your house too? I would ask that of the schools also and see what they have to say about it. Good luck!

He is still 4. I would agree to give him another year based on what you wrote. *I used to teach FT.

I have a friend who teaches in a very gd Montessori school and kids of very wealthy families attend. If the teachers are good, it can be beneficial !

I would rec that you have a neuropsychologist test him. If he does have a diagnosis from a specialist, public school should provide what he will need for public school Kindergarten next year.

Talk to the teachers at Montessori. Read up on that style of teaching/philosophy. There are usually 2 teachers in the room. It may or may not be the right choice.

****Another yr of Pre-K might not be a bad idea. This would be best for social-emotional growth. Kindergarten can be very academic.

Aside from not talking, was he happy at his old school? Did he enjoy the activities? Did he participate by doing the projects/work/art that the other kids did? Did he listen during story time?

If he had a good school experience in that he did what everyone else was doing, did what he was supposed to, and came home happy, I think a traditional school setting is fine for him. Plus, being in a smaller class will probably help, as it will give him the opportunity to get to know the kids better.

There was a boy in my son's class that almost never spoke at school. He would nod or shake his head for yes and no, and just wouldn't answer or would shrug if asked a question where he couldn't answer yes or no. All of the parents at my son's school were very involved (each worked in the classroom approx 2-3 times per month) and all of us had the same experience with this boy. But, his M. always said at home he is a nonstop chatterbox. Anyway, he still seemed to have a good experience. He did all of the art projects, listened attentively during storytime and had fun playing out in the yard.

I wouldn't worry too much about your son if he's enjoying school. It also seems like you learned that having one or two kids over to your house, where he is totally comfortable and safe, helped him adjust. So plan to do that earlier in the school year.

Just out of curiosity, have you asked him if he wants to change schools? Is it possible that he'd be happy going back to the school he was in last year?

In any case, I don't think montessori is the right environment. He probably needs the structure of a regular classroom.

I suggest you find a psychologist who is able to do testing to find out if there are any causes for this behavior. It is effecting his life and it may show he is having some delays or other issues that are not noticeable.

We just had my grandson evaluated at a clinic at O. U. Health Science Center here in OKC. They found some issues with his cognitive processing that we had not noticed. We are waiting for his official paper to come but we are sure it will say he is on the high side of low in at least one area, the low side of in another area and tested normal in at least one more. His age was tested to be at about 6.3 years old which is 8 months older than he is.

I think we will have so much more information to go on when dealing with his behaviors.

Hi. I have two daughters - one entering 4th grade, one entering 8th. My oldest daughter went to a traditional school until mid-third grade. We pulled her out and moved her to another school. My youngest has gone to the same school as her big sis. did (it's K-6th). Our school is a charter Montessori-based school. If you can find one like this one, I guarantee you your little prince will blossom. This school is free and it's hard to get into - this year, there are more than 50 kids on a waiting list. It's small, kids are allowed to move at their own pace, but at the same time, it is structured. I strongly advise you to do some research and see if any schools like my daughter's school are in your area. You'll be happy you did. If you'd like to private msg. me, I'll give you my daughter's school name and website, so you know a little more of what I mean. Best of luck and keep us posted on your decision!

L.

if you can afford it, montessori. easy choice.
i think your opinion that montessori is just paying to let him do whatever he wants is incorrect and will affect your support of the child-led learning process, though. if you go with montessori, first make sure it's a good one (they're not all created equal) and then make sure you actually agree with the philosophy. allowing children to progress at their own speed and seek out their true interests isn't really 'letting them do whatever they want', it's encouraging them to find themselves. can't happen in an atmosphere of rote learning and teaching to the test.
khairete
S.

I think I would reconsider the public school kindergarten. If he does have selective mutism they should have the resources and funding to give your son the help he needs. He could always go to kindergarten twice if he needs it.
FYI... I think a smaller class size would probably meet his needs better.

Is he working with a speech therapist who has experience working with selective mutism? If you do, what does she say?

I think you need some professional advice to make this decision.

Look online to see if you can find a support group for selective mutism. Other parents' experience will help you know what you might expect. You really do need to know more about this.

The best of luck to you and your son.

Dawn

Hi Ayden,

I was nearly in your position a year ago. I will relate my experience with my son at a Montessori School we chose for him this past year. In preface, I will say that our experience is not universal and the school was a good fit for many families. I could see that many children did very well and their parents loved it!

My son has an October (2006) birthday and has a expressive speech delay (primarily articulation and grammar). A year ago when he was four, it was pretty hard to understand him and he was sensitive about it thus doesn’t engage in social situations readily, he hardly spoke to others outside family and close friends. After careful consideration, we, with support and advice from others who know him well, decided to give him another year of preschool before kindergarten. We loved our play-based preschool; it was a fun-loving, language-rich environment grounded in an understanding of child-development and they were supportive and open. We would have stayed there but were moving to another city/state. The news of our move came late and most of the seemingly good schools in the new city were full with long waiting lists. We decided to go with a Montessori school because we knew our son was bright and wanted him to be intellectually challenged AND they had an opening. What I didn't realize was how serious, closed, and socially un-supportive the Montessori system can be. That sounds harsh and I should say my opinion is based on my limited observations at this particular school.

So what were my observations?

What I saw frequently, although it lessened as school year went on, was a teacher outside the classroom telling one of a set of young rambunctious boy with lots of boy energy, “you are outside because you cannot control your body” (or your voice). The tone and the statement seemed very negative and very frequent to me, it didn’t seem like something you’d say to build a child up with a strong self-image—“you cannot control your body”. I also saw a loss of a couple of these boys from the class, I don’t know why. At drop off, the children put their items away in their cubby and change into their inside shoes outside the classroom, wave goodbye, open a closed door and walk through. Parents don’t get too see much and definitely aren’t welcome in the classroom. This may be fine if your child tells you about his day, mine doesn’t and I felt like I was in the dark about how his day went. How could this be good?

After a few months, parent observations are allowed. You are to sit in a chair out of the way and not speak to or engage any of the children in efforts to preserve the delicate balance of the environment, they are following a system. I observed the class and the children are expected to be mostly quiet for a 2.5 hr free-choice work time. It seemed like some children found ways to be social and develop friendships. When I voiced my concern about opportunities for social and language exchanges as this is my child’s weakness, they told me that this was done at lunch and playground time. In retrospect this wasn’t enough, the playground is a large open area with lots of excitement and energy, my son needed more support in a smaller group. Playdates with individual children did help immensely, he loves playing and feeling included with other children, and via play-dates he developed a good friend which made going to school much easier for him. In early spring, yet another blow came. Parents were asked not to hang out in the playground with their children at pick up time as some children stayed later for an after-school program. Non-afterschool children and their families made it confusing to the teachers, children or someone—another lost opportunity to observe or to try to provide social support for friendships. Finally, the teachers were pretty unavailable at pick up time, because they were “making the classroom environment beautiful” for the next day. I was told that I could email and would get a response within 24 hours, this didn’t typically happen until, I cc’d the director. My son was having toilet accidents; I think he was too shy to ask to use the bathroom or to navigate their policy.

In fairness, I can say that my son has gained some great skills, he was always good at counting and now can count to 10,000. He is more self-disciplined and focused than before; he really liked that another child is not going to “interfere with his individual work”. These are things that Montessori does very well. However, I honestly believe being able to make and sustain friendships and play with others (even when they interfere with your work) is 10,000 more valuable. I wish friendship-building would have been more supported in the school.

In closing, I believe the teachers worked hard to follow the Montessori method. Honestly, they seemed lonely to me, never getting to interact with the parents. At the two parent-teacher conferences, I learned that they enjoyed my son and could recognize his strengths and weaknesses and thought he was a great student—very quiet, very well-behaved. I hear that the school I chose is extreme in its striving for a long quiet work time; I think others support talking. You should find out more about the one you are looking at. I have a daughter who will turn 3 this fall. Although she is socially and language-wise on norm, she will be going to a play-based environment because I need more frequent and open communication with her teachers than the Montessori system provided me.

I hope my relating our experience is informative and helps you to look with a better eye at the schools you are considering. You are right to continue to support your son’s language and friendship building via playdates!

Take care--J.

I just removed my daughter from a Montessori to a more traditional school. The self-led direction can be great for a child or it can be overwhelming. There is a certain amount of comfort in structure. There's also a lot of comfort in smaller class sizes. I LOVED the Montessori concept and the school itself, but it is not right for everyone. Your son has some specialized learning needs, and I suspect that would be better addressed in a smaller classroom size with a predictable routine.