We have decided to send our 4 year old daughter to Kindergarten at a wonderful private school (Catholic) in our area. One of the requirements for enrollment is an interview with the Kindergarten teacher. My daughter would go into a classroom without me and talk to the Kindergarten teacher and her aide with very little introduction. They said there would probably be a few other kids in there as well. At first they would be asked to draw something with crayons and then they would ask my daughter simple questions about numbers, letters, colors, her name etc..
My daughter is very intelligent and knows everything necessary in order to start Kindergarten. The problem is she's extremely shy at first and usually needs to warm up to people a bit before she gets comfortable. It can get to the point where she doesn't speak at all for a while and I'm worried she won't even go into the classroom without me. At her current school she's still somewhat reserved (doesn't raise her hand in class but always answers questions when called on) but still talkative, social and friendly with her teachers and classmates. At home and in comfortable (for her) social situations you can barely get her to stop conversing :)
I'm worried she'll clam up at this interview and the teachers won't be able to see how smart she is. Is there something I can do in advance to coach her or help so she's prepared more? Or, will the teachers (especially if they're given info from her preschool on her stellar academic abilities) understand and not judge her initial shyness?
Thank you!
I should probably clarify that this interview is for Kindergarten starting in September. My daughter will be 5 in October. I have asked her preschool teachers during regular parent/teacher meetings if they felt she was ready for Kindergarten this year and they believe she will without hesitation. She's very social and has a better handle on her numbers, letters etc. then many of the kids in her class who are in some cases many months older. She's also very respectful of her teachers and classmates and shows a maturity beyond her years. She takes karate, gymnastics and dance in her school with different teachers and she's never had a problem. In fact she participates as much as anyone else and her confidence has grown tremendously since she started in this preschool two years ago. Her only issue (if you want to call it an issue) is she's reserved and shy when she first meets a new person. After a while she gets very comfortable and talkative. I don't mind that she doesn't immediately begin talking to strangers - it could save her life one day. My concern was making sure the new K teacher understood this and didn't judge her based on a first meeting - in case she clammed up initially. I know she would be a great addition to their class if given the chance. I think many of you are right that if she is a good teacher she'll be able to draw her out. I was just wondering how to approach it with my daughter beforehand.
I do believe some kids shouldn't start K right away and may benefit from waiting another year but this is truly a decision based on each child - not across the board. If initial shyness was a key factor in determining whether or not a child is ready to go to the next level then many kids would never start school. Shyness or being reserved with new people isn't a downfall - it's a core personality trait. I was very shy as a child when put into a new situation with unfamiliar faces and still am to a certain extent (most of us are in one way or another) but it didn't stop me from participating in anything I was interested in or excelling academically or socially. I don't think it's a measure of self confidence, maturity or intelligence. I also started school early - I was born in December and was always the youngest in my class. Maybe it's easier for girls but I never had a problem. I vaguely remember being somewhat annoyed that many of my friends got their learners permit before I did but I got over it.
Thanks for all of the responses.
Why are you pushing her to go...school is not just about the smarts, sounds like she is not ready. You can do more harm then good by pushing her to start now.
There is nothing or no one dearer than a kindergarden teacher-she'll get those little words out of her. But let your daughter answer-don't do it for her-and never tell her that she is shy.
We just went through this exact same thing, and I was nervous as well. We had a discussion about the difference between being shy and being disrespectful, and if he's being asked a question by one of his potential teachers or principal he should be respectful and respond. When we first got there, he buried his head in my legs, and she was not finished with something she was working on, which gave us a few moments alone (son and I). I reminded him that there's a difference between being shy and disrespectful, and I explained that next time she talks to him, he should answer her. He was great during that visit after the reminder. Had I thought about it, I would have reminded him right before we walked in. Good luck. I bet she'll do fine.
I say trust in the teachers (who have seen plenty of shy kids) and rest assured that they'll be able to set her up to answer questions as needed. There's no need to stress your daughter out with practice or anxiety about the thing itself, although you can certainly explain what she can expect, but remind her to be herself and try to have fun.
Besides, if this is an interview where they wouldn't notice your daughter is shy and needs a certain amount of time to get comfortable, then it probably wouldn't be the right place for her to spend kindergarten, you know?
Hi T.
Basically these teachers are trained to work with children and it is their job to help your child feel at ease. Also they should accept all types of personalities and not just the social butterflies.
Do not push your child in any way,explain to her that she will be going to her new school and will meet her new teachers. Make it sound like a fun thing so she won't feel the pressure from you.
Shy children just need extra support at first and not extra pressure.
Wishing her all the best at her new school.
B.
My 4 yr old son is a little shy in new places/situations and what seems to help him is if I coach him several days in advance and the morning of about what he might expect. I explain the series of events that will likely take place. I let him ask me questions and tell me if he is worried about any of the things I described. I address and calm his fears about the specific things he mentions so he doesn't have to fret over them. (He tends to over-analyze.) So maybe tell your daughter the things that she will be expected to do and ask her if she is worried about anything. I also make a point to boost my son's ego by telling him what a big boy he is and how I know that he can do whatever it is that we're discussing. Maybe you can even put on a play interview where you pretend to be the kindergarten teacher and ask her to color a picture, recite the alphabet, etc. It might help. :)
In my opinion and experience if the teachers want your child in the classroom they will look beyond the shyness.
My daughter was/is the same way. Although she started preschool last year this way and didn't need testing. It took forever for her to warm up in preschool. A year of preschool really opened her up a lot, not completely but more than she was. When she started Kindergarten this past fall, I was worried she would again need to open up all over again, but she did great. Not even a tear was shed her first day. Although she had friends in her class so that might have helped. My daughter I am told is the Ideal student. She listens great, participates, and has lots of friends. She even got student of the month in February. Although, I know she doesn't openly have conversations with her teacher, she does do well in a class setting.
Anyway, try not to be worried and just take it for what it is. Your worry will only pass on to her. When telling her about what is expected do it with somewhat authority and something that needs to be done. Don't let her see your worry.
if you're asking can you try to change your daughter's personality so she'll shine during the interview, no you cant. She is who she is. Do not ever let her hear you all her shy. she'll live up to it. but dont push her into situations where she is extremely uncomfotable, If she doesnt do well with that teacher during the interview, if that teacher cant draw her out and get to know her, then that school isn't a good fit for your daughter, find another one. Are you talking about a new school for next Fall?
i think that preparation is the key in this situation - both for your daughter and for the teacher. talk to your daughter about what is going to happen - in postive and matter-of-fact terms (not "now don't be scared/shy!" terms). if you can, see if you can arrange for your daughter to see the classroom ahead of time.
i would also reach out to the teacher. let her know that your daughter is very slow to warm up to new people and situations. if there are any good tips/icebreakers/touchpoints that you can give to the teacher about your daughter, that will really help as well.
i'm not offering a diagnosis, but you may want to check out the Selective Mutism Group (www.smg.org) for some good tips about handling excessive shyness that gets in the way of a child's ability to communicate. It's a great resource for parents of anxious kids whose anxiety impacts their ability to communicate (but who do just fine in situations where they are comfortable).
good luck to you both!
M.
(mom to 3 kids, including my middle one who was also a young kinder kid & has generalized anxiety disorder and selective mutism and who is ROCKING kindergarten)
Please, please, please reconsider sending your kid to kindergarten this soon. There is no good that comes from sending your children to kindergarten this early. Our son is developmentally advanced also, and I really wanted to send him to school as soon as he turned 5. My husband was really against it because he started when he was 4 and knows what it's like. He was in all the smart classes, so it had nothing to do with whether or not he was learning ok, because he was. It was everything else, and it has more to do with how kids do in Jr. and Sr. high school, then the younger years. It just has an impact on children in so many ways. It will be so much better for her, if you wait another year. Here are a few articles if you want to read up on this. Now that I have researched this, I am totally against sending our son to kindergarten this early, even though I think he's ready!
http://www.earlychildhoodnews.com/earlychildhood/article_...
http://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/RB9082/index1.html
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/03/magazine/03kindergarten...
Please heed what Kelly says in her post. Just because a child is academically advanced, that does not mean that she is ready for the kindergarten environment.
Will she be 5 by the fall and that's why you're doing this interview now, for a fall admission? Or is this a private K that takes on children younger than 5 when the local public schools won't? I'm not clear on whether you mean her to start at 5 or at 4. If she's actually starting K at 4 rather than 5 -- she would be the youngest in her classes the rest of her school years, and that's tough on kids.
However bright she is, and even if she's 5 when she starts, she also must be socially and emotionally ready for the kindergarten classroom -- not just academically ready. Kids are expected to be able to handle moving from activity to activity without any upset and with a second's notice; they must follow directions well; and they must be able, in many schools, to deal with having different teachers and locations (music teacher, art teacher, now we're off to the gym, now we're off to lunch, etc.). If she can do those things in an environment with more kids and new adults, by next fall, that's probably OK; but if her shyness would mean she needs more maturity, wait, and spend time with her going to museums, music and art classes at the rec center or arts center, and otherwise helping her terrific intelligence develop. She has years and years of school ahead.
I wouldn't worry. We stress and the kids are fine. My son fell 2 minutes before his pre-school interview and cried like he was being murdered and when he met the teachers he still was upset and refused to talk. He still was accepted. Relax they know every kid is different and they can tell if a child is shy and draw them out. It's really about observation and just making sure the child aside from shyness is ready for kinder. Plus and not sure about your school, but a pvt school is looking for tuition and the fact more people are dropping pvt because of cost inclines the pvt school to be more "open minded". She'll do great!
I would suggest that you can prepare your daughter by modelling that the appointment is "no big deal". I'm sure the teacher will understand an initially quiet child, and has met many of them in the past. Perhaps you could start thinking about the interview as more of a "stop in to visit a new fun class" visit, not for next year, just for the day she will be there. And when you arrive, take deep breaths and let the teacher encourage her into the classroom. Remember good teachers have lots of experience and techniques to help children. Wishing you a wonderful day.
I have read your post several times and your daughter sounds amazing! For the first time in a long time, I have also read every single response and I hope it is not lost on you that the majority of those responding suggest that you postpone Kindergarten for one more year. While they really push academics and stress that children should know sooooo much when they enter Kindergarten, it really is a time for huge growth both emotionally & socially. There is no bonus for starting Kindergarten early; in fact, starting early can have the opposite effect on a child. Some of the children starting Kindergarten this September will be "almost 6" and that can be quite a challenge for someone who is only "almost 5" or "just turned 5". It may not seem like a big difference right now, but think ahead to jr. high & high school. Do you want your daughter to be so much younger than her classmates? You sound like a mom who is really on top of it with your daughter; please consider giving her one more year to grow a emotionally. Best wishes and please keep us posted. B.
the teachers should be understanding. my son refused to talk to his teacher at his screening and i was right there, after a little bit be opened up and she said it was normal for kids to be shy. just let the teacher know it takes a bit for your daughter to warm up, you can't coach someone into not being shy. i was horribly shy when I was younger and no one could get me to talk she will outgrow it and its not a bad thing at all like you said about the strangers. i personally would not send her to kindergarden at 4 ready or not she will be a lot younger than the other kids all through school. your kid though and you will make the best decision for her, but i don't think they will judge her shyness if they do then its not the school for you.
My child missed the cut-off date by 3 months...THANK GOSH we just let him wait it out another year. He was crazy smart, social, gregarious, and extroverted - but it would have been a recipe for disaster.
I would highly recommend you really sitting down and thinking about what advantage you are hoping to give her by having her attend early. School is stressful enough...now add shyness and the fact that she is alwasy going to be younger than everyone else - possibly smaller, driving later, maturing later. Could be brutal a few years down the road. A year can be a huge divide for kids in middle and high school.
Not trying to question your decision, but I would be hard pressed to find any reason to send a child early...especially one that may need a little more time to work out things like making friends and getting comfortable. I am sure that academically she is more than ready...but socially you are putting her at even more of a disadvantage. Kindergarden is more about emotional/socialization readiness than academic readiness many times.
