A Not So Shy, but Very Shy 2 1/2 Year Old Son

I wonder if you arranged a one on one play date with a kid (or kids) in his class in your home or a park or something, then he might feel like he has a friend there. I was a pretty shy kid and my 12 year old is quite shy in social situations, but will talk your ear off in a one on one situation.
I think to a shy kid it is looks as though everyone already knows everyone else and they are already all friends since they talk and play together. It is like the shy child somehow missed the get-to-know-you mixer and is feeling on the outs. Some out of the classroom playdates with several other kids might help him break into the social mix.

It is hard to be patient with shy kids-even being one myself. I always think "I got over it, why can't he?"

Good luck.

A friend of mine had a son with a condition called selective mutism where he wouldn't talk in class in kindergarten. Don't know at what age it can start, but you might check into it. Nothing serious and her son outgrew it by the end of the year.

If he's just shy at school, it can get better over time. Apparently I brought my mom to tears with worry when she visited my preschool and saw all the kids walking in a circle banging instruments and there was me in the corner just watching. Shyness isn't a bad thing, it's just how some people are and it gets better over time. Once he's been in preschool longer, it may disappear entirely.

Good luck!

My daughter is that way....I was that way. She used to be very shy when she was younger but at 2 1/2 she really blossomed. She talks to new people, goes up to other kids at the playground and has lots of friends at school. She started last August at 3. However, she is still shy when she walks in the classroom. The teacher said one on one she will answer all the questions but in the group she doesn't give any answers. I was like that growing up. I know it will be a little hard for her in kindergarten because the teacher will assume she is not wanting to participate. However, I think it will work itself out. On the bright side...they won't be the ones getting in trouble during class for speaking out of turn! :-)

This is my child almost to the letter -- at home, wild, loud, and so smart!! But at school...so quiet, so sometimes distant, that the teacher is concerned and I actually going to have early intervention evaluate him for delays.

I hope that it is nothing, and I don't really have advice except that I am in the same boat. Now, my theory on the whole thing is that shyness is an inherited trait, and, with by me and my husband being shy people, he is exhibiting what he inherited. I try to encourage him to speak up by giving him a gift to give to teachers in his class, or by encouraging to share when we have guests over, or encouraging him to show off what he knows in front of others.

When my niece started school they wanted to test her for autism. She would not talk at school and they didn't even think she could talk. At home, she was the most out spoken demanding spoiled rotten brat imaginable. It seems she sensed her demands to be queen outside her home would not go over well and if she wouldn't be treated royally, she simply would not deign to speak to anyone. It was sheer stubbornness. She is older now and is very popular and gets along with everyone although she is not academically inclined. Your occasionally shy son is probably not like that at all. My son likes to observe first to see how everything works. In the first 10 weeks of every school year they tell me how quiet he is. Then for the rest of the year they have a hard time getting him to shut up. They grow out of it alright.

My neighbors daughter has selective mutism. She does not say a word in kindergarten but at home will talk to her parents and sister. Her older sister is in jr high and was the same way when she was in kindergarten but does talk now.

Just to alleviate the problem with going to the bathroom, maybe there is a signal he could make to tell the teacher he needs to go so that his shyness doesn't prohibit him from using the bathroom. Or perhaps he can be told that when switching activities he can go without asking?

Good luck,
K.

Yes, yes and yes! I think as he gets more used to school, he will loosen up. O.-on-O. play dates with a friend will help him, too. Good luck!