Torn

I understand what you're going through.

You have to put your foot down and demand he be raised the way you say. And, as hard as it is...you have to be consistent with EVERYONE.

I have it a little easier because my boyfriend IS on board with everything so, he will make sure his mom, my mom and everyone abides by our rules. We make it a team effort when dealing with resistance from the Grandmas. My 2 and a half year old son LOOOOOVES to wash clothes. And, my boyfriend's mother will create any laundry so that he can have his wish. Only, sometimes it will interfere with dinner time. I get home from work around 7PM and I want to spend quiet, quality time with my little family for dinner but, she'll have a fresh load in 5 minutes before I get home. I demanded that washing clothes has to stop at 5pm and that's final. And, its been the case for a few weeks now.

If my boyfriend's mother isn't doing something the way we instructed, he will take our son downstairs for the rest of the day. It sounds weird b/c its like a punishment to a 50 year old woman, but hey, its our way, he's our son and a reflection of US! No one ever blames a childs bad mannerisms or spoiled behavior on grandparents, only parents! Nip it int he bud girl! She's had her shot at raising kids, this is your baby and he is all of your responsibility.

ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS JUST BE CONSETIENT ON THE PUNSHEMENT TRY TO PUT HIM OIN THE COURNER FOR 4 MINETS THAT IS 2 MINTES FOR EVERY YEAR OF AGE AND JUST DO WHAT YOU CAN AROUND THE HOUSE AND TRY TO RELAK AND TAKE SOME TIME FOR YOUR SELF ONCE IN A WHILE IF YOU CAN

TAKE IT FROM ME: I am now the "proud mother" of a 20 year old SLOB, because it was just "easier" to clean up after her than argue with her about picking up after herself. My 18 year old son is the same way. My 17 year old son, by a stroke of luck, cleans up after himself. Those are bad odds. Two out of three kids I cleaned up after are complete slob nearly-adults, now, and it's because it was "easier" for me to just clean up after them. I now have a 2 year old and a 4 month old. Having learned from my OWN mistake, my 2 year old is MADE to clean up after herself, take one toy out at a time, etc. You simply MUST tell your boyfriend and his mother that you do not want to foster in your child the laziness that will be a burden on his whole life!!! Your son will develop good or bad cleanliness habits for a whole LIFETIME because of what you allow or don't allow right at this very moment when he's learning. It is CRUCIAL you teach him, and enforce that others that care for him do, too, to be responsible and clean after himself. He was not put on this earth to be catered to and doted on. No woman will want a lazy man, he'll never marry, or worse, will marry a woman and expect her to be a slave. Do you want the woman who's taking care of your grandchildren to neglect them because she's busy cleaning up after your lazy son? I mean, I know that's WAY down the road, but that's where he's heading eventually. Nip that in the bud now while you can! My kids rooms are replusive and they often are too embarassed to have their friends over, I refuse to clean for them anymore. That's what I created, right there, a two adult slobs. My fault. Save yourself, save your son!

Punishment: time out chair, spot on the floor etc. WITHOUT toy's or TV or anything fun, since he is 2 it should be for 2 mins. ( when he turns 3, you add another min etc.) TIME DOES NOT START until he sits!!!! Now here is the "fun" part for you, he get's up and runs to play, you pick him up and set him down AGAIN, DO NOT say anything to him except " mommy said timeout chair, because you did not listen" KEEP DOING IT. DO NOT LET HIM WIN by getting you to give up. ( honestly it will work I have 3 girls and 1 boy wanna talk about running into a brick wall head first ha ha ha)
Picking up: have him help you out around the house. If he see's he's helping mommy out and working together with mommy it'll become second nature. Your boyfriend and his mom either need to back you on punishment's and responsiilities, or they can say GOODBYE!!! My husband has actually MADE his mom leave our house becasue our kids were being ounished and she didn't like that ( but that's Grandma for you), but we were NOT going to let her override us in our house.If the mom wants to clean after your son when he is in her house ( or she is watching him) then so be it ( that's Grandma's world, that's a whole new demension), but when he is with you then she needs to respect you and your decision. Does your boyfriend work too? If he is a stay at home "mom" then he needs to start helping you out, but if he works too, then you two need to work together 50/50 on the housework. He should be helping out more now since your on your way to having another one.
It's never to early to start teaching little one's responsibility. I even had my oldest daughter helping me out cleaning the house when she started walking ( granted I might have had to go back and do it all over again, but she learned that a clean house ment more fun time with mommy).
I wish you all the best, and DONT back down from your boyfriend and his mom, just like DONT back down during the temper tantrums from your son. It'll work out just gotta be consistent

Hi S.! I am having that problem myself. I feel 2 1/2 is old enough to understand the concept of 'clean up your toys' but my son constantly pushes my buttons also. He will deliberately ignore me sometimes or tell me 'no' other times. And yes it drives me crazy!!! I try time outs but he ussually gets up so I have to put him back like 4 times and then I have tried the ignoring thing too. I don't know.

But back to your issue, try making clean up time a game- be creative. on good days, with Joey, this works- I pick one up, and then say 'your turn!' or I go, 'I can clean faster than you!' and when he accepts the challenge I start yelling 'hurry hurry!' like a mad woman and he thinks it is hilarious and then he starts cleaning like a windup toy on speed!(heehee) good luck.

S.

I now have 2 boys. The oldest is 4 and the youngest is 16 months and I have both of them help me clean up. My husband had the same attitude at first, it's easier to do it yourself. But, I agree with you. What I did with the first I am doing with the second. We turned it into a game! We would pick things up together. Each time he would pick up a toy and put in the toy box I would cheer and say 2 points and now we do it with the little guy. Don't get frustrated some times he was better than others. But, now he is 4 and we have a "clean up" song that we sing when it's time to pick up.
Good Luck. It'll come! I felt making it fun made it easier for Dad to follow the rules too. They felt like they were playing together.
S.

1st, If your boyfriend doesn't want to make your son clean up because it takes to long. Tell your boyfriend that he should at least make your son help him clean up. This way, it still gets done fast and your son is learning to clean up. 2nd, My son is also 2 1/2 and we do the time out thing. He sits on the lowest stair and that is the naughty stair. He sits there for 1 minute for every year of age. The first time you start something like this, he won't stay. But every time he gets up put him back and tell him that he can't get up until mommy says. It once took me 45 mins to make my son stay there. Now he stays there cuz he knows we'll put him back. He isn't to young to understand.

Keep up with getting him to pick up his toys. Try to make it a game with him that should help. I have a 2 1/2year old and an 18month old. When they push my buttons I send them to there rooms to play. He is testing the waters to see how far he can go before u blow up. I found that the minute my kids start that I tell them to go to there rooms and cool down myself for 10 mins then I go in and play with them. He may be looking for u'r attetion since u work and are going to have another. Good luck.

Good morning!
Getting a toddler to do what you want is the biggest challenges of motherhood:-(. What I did was tell my son that we will clean up the toys together. I know your ex feels doing it himself is eaasier and faster which of course is true. But he and everyone else in your son's life need to be on the same page weather you work 30-40 hrs or none. Your the mom it should all be consitant. So start by telling your son lets clean up together and if he say's no. Tell him sorry but thats not the way it works

Hope I helped
N.

Good Morning S.,
I know what you are going through. At 2 it is hard to punish your child. I used the time out method. A minute for every year old. The hardest part is it will be time consuming for you at first. You just have to stick to it. As far as getting everyone on the same page, that I never had a problem with.
Good Luck Just remember to be consistant.

S.,

In my experience, consistency with the rules is a lot more important that what the rules actually are. The lesson your son is learning at this age is that there ARE rules, whether or not those rules are breakable, and whether or not there are consequences to breaking them. The specifics on the rules themselves are way less important.

My advice to you would be to sit down with your boyfriend, and decide what the "rules" are for your son. You may not get your way on all of them, and if you are parenting as a partnership, you need to be prepared to accept that. Explain to your boyfriend how important it is that your son learn to understand and respect authority, and how much you need his help in teaching that lesson, since you're not around all of the time to do it yourself. It may be faster and easier to pick up the toys himself now, but is he still going to want to do that when the little guy is 4 or 5? Is he going to want to have to clean his room when your son is 15? These are life lessons that take a long time to learn, and the lesson of responsibility, and respect for one's belongings carries through life.

The point here is really consistency. You can revoke privileges for bad behavior, or use a time out spot, or use positive reinforcement, they all work to a certain extent. The key is to pick a technique and stick with it. The rules have to be rules ALL the time, the consequnces have to be there ALL the time, or none of it really means anything, and your son will figure out quick who he has to listen to and who he doesn't, and in the end, he'll probably pick up the idea that he's the one running the show, anyway. That's a VERY bad thing.

Jess

My son is the same age, for punishment I do "time out" and my husband does something similar, for me I put him on the bottom step of our stairs while my husband makes him sit next to him on the couch. As for picking stuff up, I think that if you start working with him and make it a game then he should follow. I start by telling my son what we are picking up being as specific as possible (ie now the red block or yellow truck) and I'll pick up stuff too telling him what I have, and take turns back and forth. After a while your son might not need you to pick up stuff too and just go by directions. I find that if i just say "pick up your toys" then my son does nothing because he doesn't know where to start so we do it piece by piece. I know it time consuming but its also a learning time too. As for the house, just let yourself hold back on doing everything all at once. I work and have a not so helpful husband. Once I allowed myself to not be perfect or let the dishes sit a bit longer, my stress level dropped dramatically. Hope I helped!

In my experience you can't we are creatures of free will and
I have the same issues. just make sure your son realizes there are consequences to defying you. ie take away fevorite activity, or tv. Also remember really big rewards for good behavior. positive reinforcement should always outway negative.