Do any other moms of children under the age of 9 feel like its would be so much easier to just clean the messes yourself instead of hassling with them to do it? When my girls arent cleaning up thier messes i take away a fav toy or if its thier rooms they arent cleaning then i give them a time limit and then everything left on the floor is taken away for a week. It seems like they forget what happens (even if they are reminded) if they dont clean them up. It would be so much easier to just go in there and clean it myself, it would take maybe 10 or 15 minutes for both rooms, but i dont want to teach them that they can be slobs and someone else will pick up thier slack. They are 3 and 5 so they are old enough to understand the importance of some degree of neatness (i dont expect them to be neat freaks or anything, i just want them to put thier things away when theyre not being used). Its just so much easier in the short term to just pick it up myself instead of taking thier things away (or punishing them any way) and having to listen to them whine.
Laurel S, thats what i end up doing most of the time (standing there and telling them exactly what to do) i guess thats just how it goes till they get a bit older though. I was surprised to hear that some thought they were too young to be recieving punishment for not picking up thier things. I was always taught that if i couldnt respect or appreciate my things then i didnt need them. I dont expect perfection out of my girls but i do expect them to respect thier things, and i think they are plenty old enough for that. The music thing doesnt work for us though because i will be picking up and they will be dancing and singing instead of helping!!! The game thing works with my five year old but not my 3 year old, i think shes a little more independent ( not so easily tricked or coaxed into doing something she knows she doesnt wanna do). I tried switching the toys out when they were 4 and 2 and all that did was make them a little more excited about what toys were in thier room but it didnt make them any more willing to pick them up and put them away, I already take any toys they have left sitting out or they have torn up or broken in some way away after thier time limit ( which by the way is very reasonable)but only for a week at the most, and that works well. Thanks for all the thoughtfull and creative ideas.
This may sound mean but we do not allow the kids out of their room UNTIL it is picked up. They are 6 and twins are 3. That door gets shut and once they pick everything up they can come out. Works great for us. They can cry and play in there but at some point they are going to want to get out of their room. So they know now, that it better be clean if they want to get out.
Been there, doing that. I have to admit, I have just cleaned up the mess myself, but in the end, it really isn't doing our children justice. WE are the parents. We are here to teach them responsibilty and that actions have consequences. I keep saying that over and over in my mind as I "help" my daughter clean her room. I agree with taking toys away. I want my daughter to be a responsible adult some day, so I don't do things for her most of the time. I guess I am learning the consequences of having a child is less time for myself and more energy on her(lol). It is so worth it in the end though. Keep up the good work and remember: Patience is a virtue. Good Luck.
Maybe if you made cleaning up into a game they would be more eager to help. Try having everyone clean together while singing a song together, when the song is over everyone freezes in place until somebody else starts another song...or try having everyone clean as much as they can while a timer is set for 5 minutes, then everyone has a snack break. I guess what I'm saying is it doesn't have to be all or nothing (them cleaning or you cleaning), get everyone involved together to have some fun and get things done.
HAHA you are singing my song!! My son is 3, and yes sometimes I will have him pick up his toys but I have figured out more and more that its so much easier for me to just do it myself because I can be done by the time I get through argueing with him!! Im the same way with my husband who is a slob!!! Its easier for me to just do it myself then to tell him what to do and where to put stuff!! I could be done by the time I explain it to him. Its just so much easier to do it myself so these days I just do it myself and not bother argueing with him to do it himself!
J.,
I think you are right that the kids should learn to look after their things. They are a bit young to be receiving punishment, and doing it perfectly though. How about making it into a game, so it's fun? And they can do it together, and with you helping, and do it to music. Don't make every second an opportunity to clean up (always a temptation, but one worth resisting!), only at a certain "clean up time". Otherwise, they'll just switch off and you'll be wasting your breath! Good luck! I struggle with the same thing. I am constantly picking up after the children and that's no use either. Always looking to make them feel empowered and in charge, but mine are older 6 and 10. We do the big clean ups at the weekend, and put on music, rearrange the furniture, get rid of junk, etc. and it's more like a game and they like it because they are in charge. Best of luck!
I suppose you could try "helping" them clean up. I really just clean up while my kids watch, mine being younger than yours, but I think it helps teach them to do it themselves. I try to make them "help" me.
Clean out all thier toys and put them into storage boxes and rotate the boxes out. Put one in each room with only the amount of toys that will fit into the box.
Set a timer or sing the clean up song when you tell them to clean up ll their toys. If they leave out any toys put them away with the other toys.
My kids are 8, 3 and 2. If I tell my 8 y/o go clean your room- all toys off the floor, soes lined up and dirty clothes in the hamper it will get done in about 10-15 mins. He puts up alll dishes from the table and will help my put up the clean dishes. He doesn't recieve an allowance and I think I may start next year. When the two younger ones play with blocks and are done I tell them to clean them up and they will do it to the clean up song and a lot of prompts from me. If they have a big mess in the living room they will help me clean up.
The key is to get them to do it while they are young and be Consistent about it.
I sometimes are like you about the living room but not so much about their bedrooms. I think a little mess in their rooms is okay nothing on the floor so they usaully pile lots of toys on their beds and tell me "look at my toys they all want to sleep with me" lol.
Good Luck and have fun,
L.
Hi J.,
I feel the same way. I have 2 girls, 5 and 2 months. Of course, my problem is not with the baby cleaning...lol. But my 5 year old, i try to explain to her, if she makes a mess she needs to clean it. She always says yes maam, but when it is time to clean up, she never wants to or is like, CAN YOU HELP ME, and starts whining. I feel sometimes it is just easier if I do it, or it won't happen.
Sometimes, I get so mad at my girls for the same reason, that I could scream. The only thing that really works for us, is if I stand in the bedroom door and prod them along. For example, they have picked up a few of the obvious, bigger stuff on the floor, but still have clothes, trash, or whatever lying around. I will stand there and actually say, "Pick up that paper and put it in the trash. Put your pants in the dirty clothes. Where should you put your shoes?" It's irritating, but sometimes the only thing that works. Recently, we had to move their bunk bed, and you would not believe the mess that we found! I was very unhappy about this, but my husband instructed them to clean it up themselves. I did not bother them, but they had to stay up late to do it, and were complaining that they were tired. I would not let them go to bed until the mess was cleaned up. Believe it or not, it did get cleaned up, and I did not have to help.
I feel your pain!!! I have a 3,4, and 8 yr old. I feel like I never get any help. Left up to the kids, nothing would get done. I threaten to throw away their toys and they will start cleaning, but only for a minute or so. I guess I could drill it home by actually throwing the stuff away, but that's like throwing out money in a way. I've heard of something associated with Fly Lady called the house fairy. 'She' leaves prizes for picking things up and stuff. I guess I'm just not organized enough to play that game, but it could work for your kids. Good luck!
