Too Much to Handle

call a family meeting. on a big calendar put all the activities that they are in and on what days. then show it to all the parents involved. make them see what a busy demading schedule is that you have due to everything. tell them to either pick up the slack or that YOU will make cuts to the schedule as you see fit. this is the perfect time to get a backbone.

Modern families have modern dads! If the dads demand they be in sports that you don't have time to shuttle them to and from -the dad can be in charge of all of that. Let dad know that the sports will be cut down drastically OR they can take sole responsibility and you'll make sure to show up to as many games as possible. As far as the step child -her own parents should be doing all of the extra curricular stuff required by her.

Since your Husband is dictating what "your" kids do... then HE should be the one ALSO... who amends his schedule... to drive them around/drop-off and pick-up and get them home and feed them too....
It is only fair.

(Sorry, I wasn't clear if this is your Husband or your Ex you are talking about, or both of them).

PLUS you have a baby coming. Where is he in all of this??? He CANNOT expect you.... to still be driving all the kids around to their "sports." You will need to tend to the infant/nursing/being there for naps and feedings. AND at night too.

Wow.. if that were my Husband (sorry, your Ex), I would be irked. Major.

The parents of the "step" kid... HAS TO BE the one, to shuttle their kids around .... not you. Or their Dad.

Really.... I would not put up with this.

Do you kids actually 'like' being in those sports??? Or are they doing it just to "please" their Dad?????
I would really wonder about that....

YOU should ALSO have a say in this, and 'control' over what your kids are doing... and the demands of it and the whole scheduling of it....

It does not sound like a 'modern' family to me... because, your Husband or Ex, ie: the "man", is still dictating... what you and your kids do... and how 'you' have to do it... and you have no 'say' in it all. That to me, is archaic.

If you are talking about your Ex, How does your Husband feel about all of this???? I mean.. it must really take up a lot of time... and plus you work too... and I am sure you and he have your own ideas/plans about what to do once baby comes home...

all the best,
Susan

I suggest that any activity that requires your participation requires your approval. If your daughters, that you have 3 days/week have activities on those days, then you have veto power on participating. If their father thinks they should go then he should take them. I know that he may not agree. Shared custody situations can be difficult to work out. However, your ex cannot make you do anything that you don't want to do and in your case should not have to be doing. How can you drive kids to sports events and take care of a new baby at the same time? I say you can't.

This is not how a modern family is supposed to work. A modern family decides together what activities are possible and who will do them. Sounds like you're accepting what is dictated to you to do. Stop doing that. You and your current husband decide what you want done in your family. Yes, your children from another marriage are a part of your family and you decide what their activities are when they're with you. Then stand firm! Your ex cannot tell you what you have to do for them on your time unless you allow him to do so. You cannot please everyone so focus on pleasing yourself and having a schedule that works for you.

Sports are not necessary for your daughters. Having a calm, reasonably rested mother is. Outside activities should be firmly restricted when a new baby enters the family.

Perhaps you can come up with a change in plan so that the father can take the girls to their sports activities. Have you asked them what they want? If they don't care about sports you can support them as they say no to sports.

I suggest that you "just say no." Reality is that you can't do it once the baby is here, anyway. I say all of your girls need time with you more than time at sports. Your ex cannot force you to take them.

Yes, there will be hard feelings. You have to decide what is more important. Your ex not being angry or you having a reasonable amount of time for yourself and your family. You can make it happen! Not easily but I suggest whatever bad feelings this creates for now, you'll still be happier in the long run.

Heck, I'm not divorced and have practically this same issue. I have 2 boys and a new baby, and hubby wants the boys in sports year-round and always go-go-going. So we agreed that he would be responsible for getting the boys to whatever sport is the flavor of the month, and I would only be emergency back-up. He's managed to get them to almost everything. If I sign them up for something, I would be in charge of getting them there. That's our rule, and it's working so far.
Good luck, and congrats on the new baby!

Do what you can with a smile, and just say "no" to the things that stress you out. Do not turn yourself into a frazzled mess by trying to "do it all", it's so not worth it.

This is a hard one. On the one hand, you need to put your foot down with Dad and say- only one activity each. On the other, you don't want to deny your kids anything.

As a mom of 3 boys, I refuse to live in my car and play chauffeur every afternoon. It is easier now, that my oldest is in MS and his activities revolve around school sports and not rec sports, but I still limit everyone to ONE extracurricular activity. I force my kids to make choices. That is what we have to do as adults. We know we can't do everything. Our kids need to know that, too!

Your concerns about the new baby are valid, but babies are portable. She should fit right in to the schedule, and there should be no problem asking someone to carpool every now and again.

Good Luck!

Their fathers will need to help out more even if they aren't the right days. Don't be demanding just ask how you can work together for the kids' sake. Approach it like a plan not a demand or a comparison of who does what.

How do you make time for everyone? The awesome "trick" is to quit the job that you love since you love your kids more. They are young for just a short time in the grand scheme of things. If you didn't have your job, you would have more time to enjoy all of your kids' activities instead of looking at what you can cut out from their lives. Yes, there is a time when too much is too much, but each child is different and has different needs for activity.

I am sorry you don't have your kids full time but when you do, it should be all about what they want and need. It is much more fun as a mom when you are there for your kids as much as you possibly can be.

Congratulations on your new daughter coming! Just a suggestion, but now is the time to not go back to work and be her full-time mommy. That is what I think is the most "fair" thing to do for her. She won't mind going to all the other kids' activities if she is with you!

You are probably feeling so overwhelmed right now; mostly because you are about to have another baby. I can't lie, when I read your post I thought, "how does she do it!!" You do have an awful lot on your plate and do what you need to do to simplify your life. However, not at your children's expense. You need to show that you are there for them, no matter what. I would talk to your ex and ask if each child have no more activity at a time (I would also find out if the girls even enjoy what they are doing). Hopefully you and your ex have a decent relationship. I'm sure you would rather be spending quality time with your girls and not watching them from a distance at practice. I'm afraid you don't have a lot of control over this, however, since he has primary custody. Blended families are hard. Just continue working your hardest to show your girls that they are number one in your life. I don't know how old they are but you might prepare yourself for a little jealousy too (the new baby is a product of a new relationship; this might be hard for them to take). Maybe you can put your job on the back burner for a bit. Make those days with your kids count. Make sure they know they are loved, valued and their opinions matter. ...as I'm sure you do. Just take the baby with you! Bundle her up tight, babies are usually easy the first 6 months. Simplify as much as you can in your life right now but I'm not sure changing your daughter's routines is the right approach. Get a housekeeper, if you can. Start freezing a few dinners over the weekend. Don't worry, it will eventually get easier when they are a bit older. Good luck and congratulations on the new baby!!

Our rule was one sport a season. We did not do multiple sports in one season. I feel we "overschedule" our kids. They need time to be kids and do their school work. I remember this one little girl who was cheering with my daughter. That was our sport for her that season. This little girl was cheering, gymnastics, dance and at the age of 11 had an ulcer. I would cut it to one sport and be done. If their father wants them to do the sport then he can drive and pick up.

well not sure how it works in tx but here in pa...if my children were playing sports before we split up and had to split custody, the courts will make the visiting parent take the child or children to and from their sports activities on their visiting days. For ex...my daughter has been playing softball and basketball since she was 4, she will be 10 in march. Well now that my ex has to actually be responsible he doesnt want to take her...the judge said then you wont get her on the days she has her sport activities. The courts will not change a childs life/routine etc.. simply to make it convenient for the other parent. HOWEVER....if the child was not playing sports until after the custody arrangemnet was made and yous have shared LEGAL (decision making) custody..then the primary parent is to speak to you about it first (basically each parent has to agree). I understand you are about to give birth, but honestly i would much rather my children be in sports than hanging in the streets or with friends where they can get into trouble. I know its hectic...believe me...my children are 16, 9 and almost 3. My 9 yr old plays basketball and softball so we are always on the go...with my 3 yr old. And i also work full time.I would try to talk it out with ur ex and if he is unreasonable than unfortunately you will have to go back to court. As far as your step-child, her father needs to take her to where she needs to go until u r able.....and what about her mother? Good luck

Set up carpools. It's not fair to tell the kids that becasue you've decided to have a baby they will have to give up their activities. The more children you have the busier your life is going to be...

Dont waste your energy worrying about it now. Line up lots of help for the first few weeks as you will be recovering. Keep your job as your a priority, but you can continue to take your daughters and step daughters to their activities and see how it goes, the baby may love going places and watching all the children, cheap entertainment!

I will never forget my daughter's freshman year of high school. I had a 5 month old and had to spend countless hours waiting for her in the school parking lot, waiting for her to get done with practice. They were never done on time! I would leave work, pick my son up from the babysitter and turn around and go right back to her school (her school was right across the street from my work) to pick her up. I would just pack dinner for my little guy and feed him in the car while waiting. This was year round because she played a different sport each season. I would have to drag him to all
of her games because my husband worked evenings. Everybody thought it
would be so easy having kids so far apart in age, instead it just created a whole new set of challenges. It is hard to have a baby and older kids that are involved in extracurriculars. I just used the time to my advantage. I would feed him his dinner, read to him then instead of before bed, or just let him play in his carseat while I balanced my checkbook. You'll find what works for you! In the long run...it will only be a short time that you have to go through this. Make the best of it!