Seeking Blended Families Advice

My parents went through an ugly divorce (he cheated with our babysitter and then some!) and the ugliness never went away. My brother and I were always caught in the middle of them battling it out over every petty little thing. Our childhood sucked, for the most part, because of it.

This isn't what you want to hear but you have to think about WHO this is all about. What does your daughter want? I know it must be extremely difficult but you have to put your own personal issues aside, rise above it, and make sure your child is happy. You can only control your own behavior, not his and his girlfriend's. Take the focus off of them and focus on your child. If she really wants to be on this team, what harm will it do to miss a couple of "your days" so she can be happy.

Good luck mama.
M.

I am totally on your side and not on the homewreckers side.....I just wish I had some good advice to give but all I want to do is throw balls at her.....

I guess you could sit down with your daughter and find out how she feels about everything and maybe get a third party who is not bias to sit in so that you can determine what she really wants and how the struggle between all the adults is actually affecting her. Poor thing probably has to make some grown-up decisions to satisfy her parents and the homewrecker!

And then again, if your baby loves her father, it must be so hard for her to try and make everybody happy. We do have to consider this because, and although we don't want to (look at me I'm so on your side) we, okay you have to admit that if her father is there and actively participates with her in her life, you have to admit you are one of the lucky ones, I know it's not the issue and not want you want to focus on but it is a reality and you have to take that into consideration.

You are not a bad mom, just know you are not alone, we're here if not for anything else, for support.....

I'M SURE YOU WILL ALL BE FINE, HUG YOUR DAUGHTER FOR ME AND HUG YOURSELF, GOOD LUCK.....

I almost forgot the most important part, I was your daughter so I know exactly what she's going through and if she was anything like me, I'd do anything to love both my parents and eventually I made friends with my extended family, as a matter of fact, I've grown very close to them.....But I love my mommy so very very much, she is the most important woman in my life and my daughter is the most important woman in my life and my x husband is now very unhappy with his little homewrecker! but the important thing is I love my daddy very very much and I love all of his x wives too just in a different way (hehehehehe.....things have a way of working out and like I said YOU'LL BE FINE AND SO WILL YOUR CHILDREN).....By the way, that was 30+ years ago now, and I'm as happy in my life as I've ever been even with all the ups and downs, in my heart I am so happy and I SO LOVE ALL THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE IN MY LIFE.....PEACE

Just forget about them and forget about what you want, and Always do what is right for your daughter. Its whatever she wants to do. She probably feels torn between what she really wants to do and what everybody else wants her to do. Give her a lot of respect and a lot of understanding because when she grows up she will know exactly what went on here and she will take it with her all of her life. The 2, 2, 3 is too hard on the kid. No stability. Try to keep things real regular, ordinary and sane when you have her.

I would suggest that you talk to your ex-husband privately to discuss the situation. That might seem unpleasant, but you need to work this out with him. His behavior is the problem, not yours. Decisions like this should be made by both parents and his girlfriend should have absolutely nothing to do with it. The fact that he made the decision, knowing that you objected was selfish and hurtful on HIS side, not yours. Explain that his behavior was not only hurtful to you, but to your children as you need to be united in discipline and mind even if you aren't united in marriage. You may not want to face this, and maybe you don't have to, but he needs to grow up before he thinks of himself as a father. His behavior hurts his children and his relationship with them. Believe me, I know. Consider if shared custody is really the best solution here?
You are not being selfish, but you have to realize that the children have their own lives to lead (regardless of whether it is at mom's house or dad's). If you just want to limit the number of activities, sit down with your children and discuss it with them. Tell them that you want to make sure that you have time together as a family and help them choose which activities they would most like to do. Then follow that up by planning family activities (like soccer at the park or a picnic all together or a day at the zoo or family game night at home). Make sure that those memories aren't ALL just sitting around the house (although some of them can be).
Lastly, this girlfriend has no business making any decisions for your kids. If she is part of their father's life, that is fine, but even if she becomes step-mom, she should be looking to you to set the rules and she should follow those rules when the kids are with her. I hope that she loves those children enough to understand that trying to divide them from their mom is wrong and will only hurt them in the long run. Then, just be adult, treat her with politeness and nothing more. If she feels like she needs to be part of the decisions (and your ex-husband supports that position), you should all discuss and decide on a course of action together and in private before speaking to the kids about it. Then present a united front for the children. Be graceful and polite when she does something wrong (like putting your child in a sport without your consent) and simply tell her (again in private) that her behavior is NOT okay. Don't talk about it with the kids or try to put strain on their relationship with her. Hopefully, both she and your ex-husband will be mature enough to make choices together rather than trying to divide your family more than they have already done. Good luck.

wow this really hits home with me. gets me all kinda...aughhhh inside as i read it. i kinda had the opposite problem. i have a son who wanted to play football and an ex who didnt support it. his new wife wanted the kids to take classes at church. her religion, my ex was never religious. anyway....as my lawyer always says its always about the short people. so you need to support her and make sure she is doing what she wants. being the mom is hard because we want to be in control of our children and especially dont want another woman making decisions for them.
i also agree the 2,2,3 seems really hard. my ex and i battled that but i wouldnt give in he never had more then a 3 day weekend while they were in school. my husband and i were able to keep things consistant for them that way. and it often took time for them to adjust from those visits.
it is hard to be mom with an ex. we tend to make the rules and they are the fun ones no matter what. listen to her and be there for her. dont use her and always try to talk to your ex and not thru her. one day she will know what you have done for her. there is hope my kids are 12,14 now and my ex lives 2 states away!! lol
as for the home wrecker, keep your head up. that is the best way to beat her. you are better then that..her.

Reading your post took me straight back to my childhood. I was in a similar position to your children. My schedule was 1,1,1,1,3. It wasn't very conducive to structure, even though my parents lived within a mile of each other and my school.

Needless to say, I completely empathize with you and what you're going through. Custody issues are so messy and complicated, fraught with frustration and other emotions. Two things about your post jumped out at me, in regards to the ex. First, the friction there seems to be causing a lot of pain. Are you at the point where you can have meaningful communication? If so, set him down and explain to him that it is not appropriate for him to castigate you in front of the kids. Make a pact not to do it. It hurts everyone, and no one wins. Second, it was inconsiderate of him to sign her up without agreeing to a compromise with you.

You sounded really bummed about having to watch your kids play sports rather than interact with them, but I can tell you that those memories and that support you gave is extremely valuable. Seeing Mom sitting on the bleachers cheering her heart out is a privilege not every kid gets to have. Your daughter is fortunate to have the opportunity to have you present. I know it's not anywhere near your ideal way to spend time with your daughter, but she'll always be glad you were there.

As far as this season goes, I'd suggest that you sit down with your daughter and have a chat with her. Tell her how hugely important your relationship with her is to you. Tell her how much you love her and support her, no matter what, first, and always. Make sure that she knows the issue isn't about softball or scouts, it's about time together. There is no substitute for time spent together. Try to structure some time together during your week. Ask her how she would like to spend time with you. Come up with some ideas together. However, if she wants to play ball, then tell her you will be there to cheer her on.

It's most important for you to show love the way she understands it. At this point, the way she may feel most loved by you is by having you sit in the bleachers cheering for her. If so, that's where you need to be.

Don't worry about how fast time is passing. If you communicate to your kids your love for them in a way that they understand, your foundation is solid, and the relationship will continue to grow. There's a lot of fun and exciting milestones ahead, even through those teen years. They will need you more than ever; they just won't verbalize it.

Hang in there! Hope it works out well for you.

I, myself, do not have a blended family. I just wanted to write in encouragement to you. I dont' think you're being selfish at all and it seems very reasonable to me. I'm sorry to hear that your ex isn't willing to see it the same way or negotiate not only for your sake but your child's. Keep your chin up, you sound like a great mom.

I totally understand what you are going through! It is a very frustrating place to be. When my ex-husband and I couldn't see eye to eye I set up an appointment with a mediator of the courts. It's a simple process that's free and they're there to help! Call up the court in your county and ask set up an appointment.

I had to sit my daughter down, at a time we weren't mad or fighting, and speak from my heart to try and explain things to her. Children are very forgiving and do truly love you even though it's very easy to bump heads with a daughter. Find a time when it's just the two of you, maybe ask her to go for a walk with you and bring it up then. After I made time to talk to her I started out by telling her that I wanted to talk to her about something but was affraid it wouldn't come out right so if she could be a little patient with me I would love it. It's amazing that by just being honest with her from the beginning about how nervous I was how open and nice she was back to me.

I did not talk about my feelings of how her father was handling things. They will want to defend the other parent and it won't help them keep an open mind on what you are really trying to accomplsih. I just talked about my feelings and what I wanted to do.

I hope this helps a bit!! :-)

Hi A.
No, you are not being shelfish and wanting to spend time with your kids is what every parent wants to be able to do. Although, I feel you need to let your daughter (kids) do as much as they can and want to do in life. My family is sports oriented, although we tried other non-sport activities, my kids chose sports. Its always been my husbands and my teaching to let them play all the different sports that they could, whether they liked it from the beginning or not. At least then they could make a choice. They have been into sports from age 5 until high school (and some college). Its also an opportunity for college scholarships, especially for females (my kids do have good school grades too). The other thing about them being so active is that they learn how to manage their time wisely between school work, practices, games and their social life. And the responsibility and dependability it builds in them, for themselves, family, friends and team is something that is quite priceless. We opted for all this craziness and running around here and there, because it was still quality time spent with our kids, even through their teenage year. Another important thing is that, it kept them out of trouble, hanging out at the malls, etc. We have 3 kids and their ages are all 5 years apart, so you can imagine how many years of sports we are and went through. Our youngest is a sophomore in high school, and playing for your school is something to be proud of too. Heres another way to look at your situation, you wont need to take her to softball practice all the time, and girl scouts is such a opposite part of her life too, in which you are very involved, I feel your daughter is quite mature to adapt to different aspects, which is just great. I think you need to do the same. Sounds like your ex needs to spend time with her the best way that he can too, in his own way and not only your way. Yes, you and your ex are taking out your differences on your daughter, she is only 9yrs old! Everyone needs to start thinking about her needs and not jus yours, she needs to be enjoyed by everyone. I didnt mention this, but I too have an ex (we split when my daughter was 5yrs old), my daughter could see the differences as she was going through her teenage years and how her father or myself wanted to switch days for plans that changed and her father wasnt fair about the changes or he didnt show up to games, they see all this and remember, and they will also remember who took care of them the best, was the most understanding, fair and loving....I (nor my present husband) talked bad or put her father down in any way, it was always positive coming from us, we were always making excuses for her father when he didnt do his part. And we were very strict with my daughter on house, teenage rules, etc. Your kids will remember.
So, Be Fair, Play Fair with everyone that is involved.

God dear, I feel bad for you,
I cannot stand the amount of time that is taken up for kids sports etc. its so demanding and every day is always rush from school to practice ....go go go
When do kids just get to have an unrushed schedule and just spend some good old time one on one with mom or dad? by the time our kids grow up and start work they will be tired out dont you think? You do need to have just some parent child time doing whatever, and miss homebreaker can just shut up and let you do what you believe is best. You have been the best parent by handling the ex and miss hb the way you have, good on you. Trust your own motherly insticnts as to what is best and do what you have to.
Tk

i dont think you are wrong at all or selfish i think your ex and that #$%@! are. the time you have with your kids right now no one or nothing will replace it, and that home wrecker should have no say in this she is not the parent in this case she needs to be a woman for once and step out of it. you need to do whatever you can to spend the time you want with your children. before they grow up and its too late.your children need all the time right now when they are young,specially after a divorce and a horrible addition to there fathers life. keep your head up get yourself together try to talk to the dad alone avoiding arguments and bringing up miss ho coach's name. be wise play your cards right and be sure your doing it to spend time loving and playing with the kids and not for revenge or to get at him.

Do you have a formal custody agreement? If so, remind him that he doesn't have the right to make plans for your daughter during your custody time. Also, does your agreement specify which parent has legal custody? Only the legal custodian can sign your child up for sports, and they are supposed to get permission from the other parent first. If you don't want to take it to court, I would leave it up to your daughter. If she wants to go to softball, let the ex take her. If she would rather spend time with you, then it's tough luck for him, and he should support her decision.

I'm not a blended family yet and I commend you standing there cheering your daughter on. I see she has a commitment to her teem players. It sounds like they are caught in the middle and maybe we as Moms have to rough it a bit more than we already do. The great thing is that you are reaching out and I'm sure this is not what you want to hear but it is reality.

I wish you the best...I know if had your courage I would not be in my situation.

Respectivfully,
B

I just have a question...do you really not want them do more than one activity or is it possible that you were burned by them being in sports and have a bad taste for it now since your daughter's coach and your husband cheated on you? I get wanting to spend time with your kids, but they also only get one childhood...being involved in sports and activities is good for them. I feel for you, what you've been through is amazingly awful, but I think you may have a different reason for doing what you're doing.

A., Stand your ground! It's not bad that you want to spend time with your kids, and if more than 1 activity is too much then you have taken the correct steps to change that. I would let your ex know that you have plans for the time the children are with you and unless it's urgent then you need him to know that he is not to interfere with your time. I would also remind him that it is inapropriate to have adult conversation regarding the two of you in front of the kids and if there is something he needs to speak to you about he can call or e-mail you. Make your intentions clear to him so that the future will be eaiser to deal with. And by the way the girfriend should not have anything to do with the business of the two of you and your kids. She needs to stay out of things in order for shared custody to work well.

i read your story and was upset to hear this, ive seen to many of my friends have the divorce sorry with their husbands and kids. My only advice would be let them have that one weekend instead of yours,Why???One day it would be your turn if you wanted to take a vacation with them and it ended up on his weekend( you can say i did this from my weekend with the kids its only fair that they share their time also,,, Being a mother is a special thing but having to deal with another family is hard, My only thing to say write all your feelings in a journal and keep your head up. i wish i could give you a huge!!! I'll keep you in my prayers...

I have a blended family so I understand the custody thing, but all I heard was what the parents wanted you said nothing about if the girl want to continue softball, sports is not an all day thing even if you spend an hour or two with her she will appreciated it I have an 19 year old, a 12 year old (who loves hanging with her mom)so I don't agree about the teenage years and a 8 year old. When my son was a teenager we used to go to amusement parks together and he was involved with sports. So spend whatever time you have now even if it's a hour or two. My best advice to you and let God have,follow His word which has everything dealing with life. I have a wonderful blended family because I let Almighty God handle it.

You are definitely not a bad mother. My children play soccer and right now, we are going on 7 months of it straight. It is tiring and at this point, one is playing and one is not. So it does feel unfair on the family as a whole. My family keeps it up because they love it. I mean love it. If we are listening to our children, then we already know what is the right thing to do. I know it is difficult to handle things in a split family and the split custody even moreso. I sympathize with you and the only way I see this going is where it is. She plays unless she can tell Dad she doesn't want to. Unfortunately, this type of situation will require your children to grow-up in some ways, faster that they would have in a more traditional environment. It isn't necessarily a bad thing. Your kids need to know what is important to them is what matters to you. I know what you want, but sometimes, it isn't what the kids do. Good luck and God Bless You for all that you do!

Hi, I've been where you are. The hard part is that your daughter is in the middle. First ask her what she wants to do. Is it important to her. If this is really dad's thing, then let dad take her on his days and you do what you want with her on yours. They signed her up knowing that she was going to miss games. My other suggestion is for you to take her to the pictures so she isn't missing in the photo. Then go on with your day. Most importantly, you take the high road at what ever cost. One day she'll recognize that you did. You don't need to tell her, you don't need to say anything derogatory about dad, she'll see the difference and respect you more as a result. I have been through this, believe me, it is really important that you go through this with grace. Kids gravitate toward stability. If you provide a stable, non-judgemental (toward dad) home, she'll feel safe in your home and recognize the difference when she is at dads. It is really the best gift you can give her, peace, a place out of the war zone. She'll love you so much more because you recognized that she should not have to choose between you and dad. She loves you both and truly is in the middle and carries the guilt that she is the cause of the pain. Whether she says so or not, that is what kids do. When you have her, be with her where she wants to be, if that is at the game, then go and be graceful and if there are other plans for the day, do that. Just always make sure your motives are not to get back at him. Your daughter will be the looser in the end every time.

I'm sure this is very difficult for you. I can't even imagine in fact, particularly having to deal with the other woman as the coach of the team. I'm wondering if it's possible to leave it up to your daughter, but letting her decide in a setting where she feels okay to truly make a decision. My guess is that when she is with her dad, she says she wants to play softball and when she is with you, she says she doesn't. She likely wants to please both of you. I know going to her games etc., is time consuming and not your preferred activity, but understanding what she truly wants to do might make it easier for you.

Also, remember- study after study shows that girls who are active in sports and lots of extra-curricular activities have more confidence and tend to stay away from early drugs, sex etc. Good luck to you.

Good luck, and I mean it. You can put your foot down. If you do, your daughter will understand. Explain what you are doing, and why you are doing it. Also, show her a calendar and show her what you already had plans and that it would interfere. She might be upset at first, but not at you, just because her dad and step-mom are. I have a similar situation and the only thing that works is to put your foot down.

It is important that you and your ex-husband respect each other and talk things out before making any decisions for the children. However, since the deed has been done and your daughter wants to play, you should support her in this. It is not her fault. You are not a bad mom for wanting to spend time with your kids, but it should not only be on your terms. Since Opening/Picture Day is on your weekend, you should take her and spend that time with her. If you made plans before you knew about O/P Day then she simply cannot attend. Children are only "in the middle" when parents put them there. You cannot control what your ex does, but you can control how you react to it. By the way, the girlfriend is not the "home wrecker," your ex husband is.

Does it please your daughter to play softball? I am also a divorced mom and I let my kids do things with their father when it is my time to have them. This divorce stuff is tricky so I usually let me children decide and remove my ego. If it is best for your daughter than "yes" let her play. That said, your ex is a bully for imposing what he wants on your children. I hate when my ex thinks he knows best and does things behind my back. I have made many calls to my lawyer and I have had many screaming matches with my ex. My driving force remains doing what is best for my children.

i suggest you put your foot down now before its to late or youll find yourself in a situation to where theyll go over your head as ofton as possible on the desission making...in my opinion you should make it quite clear that your days are yours and there days are theres so they need to respect your feelings on what your childeren do or dont do on the days you have them...you need to sit your daughter down and explain to her that your time with her is special to you and that you want spend time with her and mention a few of the fun things you wanna do with her but cant if she has to go play soft ball and the odds are shell understand and sacrifise the sports for the year, just let her know that she can go back to sports next year if she wants to but for now you wanna spend some special time with her.... dont let them bully you and try to be the better person but if you have to,fight fire with fire and just down right refuse to take her when shes with you, after all you are her mother and do have as much say so on what she does and doesnt do as they do...

Hi Anna,

Quick response: they're your days with your daughter; your husband and his girlfriend have no right to make choices as to what your and your husband's daughter will do on your days.

I love your idea of spending time with your daughter one-on-one. What a gift! I would love to see you switch your inner conversation and let go of asking if you're a bad mother.....you're not. You're just choosing to show your love DIFFERENTLY. And your daughter can enjoy sports on the days she's with her father and his girlfriend.

--R. Gurse, Family Coach

The best thing you can do for your daughter is not to fight with your ex or the girlfriend or say anything bad about them. You should ask your daughter what she wants, and make sure to tell her you miss her and really want to spend quality time with her, but you must be prepared not to be hurt if she wants to do these extra things. Write her little notes to tell you how much you love and miss her. She will always have that to look back on. You and your ex are her parents and should always take the high road with her and what is best.

A.,
Unfortunately, when both parents don't agree, the kids are the ones who get hurt.
I'm in the same situation, except that I'm the 2nd wife and my husband has 3 kids with his ex wife. Both mom and dad have different opinions on how to raise their kids and issues like yours come up all the time, but in our case, is the mom who tries to do the complete opposite of what my husband wants for his children.
We've learned that unfortunately you cannot change the other parent, and they will do what they will when the children are in their custody, AS LONG AS it does not interfere with the other parent's custody time. If it does and it is frequent, then it is time to head back to court and address the fact that the other parent is interfering with your custody time by making unilateral arrangements for the kids. I hope you have documentation that shows custody arrangements. The court will remind him the orders and hopefully it will stop. If it doesn't, then the parent is in contempt of court.

I wish you the best of luck.

M.

Hi,
I just read your post and actually my 2 cents to put in. I also come from a blended family. My daughter is in a 50/50 custody arrangement and it is hard to say the least. Number one, I believe the arrangement of the 2.2.3 days alone is very difficult as changing from one household to the next is a transition and a "disruption" in a young child's life (which of course is to be as constant and predictable as posssible). I'm not putting it down but , I did that once and it was very difficult, too many changes too close together.
Second, my opinion is, at that young of an age, the child can be too busy! They don't need more than one, MAYBE two activities. I'm combining the changing of households with the busy activity schedules is too much for a child of pretty much any age. The ONLY thing I can think of is that the predictability of the activities is the child's only constant. Basically I believe it's too much. One activity and blending into two different families. That's enough! A nine year old should not be placed in the position of "knowing" how many activities is too much! How about down time with the "family", whoever that might be. There is always mediation in the courts in CA. That's where I go when I want something like this settled. Good luck, I know It's not fun.

My parents divorced when I was 4. My most vivid childhood memory is of my mom arguing (discussing, in her words) with my dad about stuff like this. Her wants, her needs, her days with us, etc, etc... UGH! Enough! Kids are only in the middle if their parents put them in the middle. It takes two to do that, so you can be the bigger person and get them out of the middle. Certainly you can want things, and wish for things. But it is not about you. It is about your kids. And certainly you can say that you are looking out for the kids... but if you make an issue of this kind of thing, you are fooling yourself. The children are the ones who are hurt by it. You can phrase it any way you like, and put any spin on it, but the bottom line is this. Do not cause conflict. Do not fight, do not argue. Just don't do it. I divorced when my kids were young, so I understand it from the adult point of view, too. It isn't easy to zip it shut and feel like you are making concession after concession. My mother nagged me to "stick up" for myself. Apparently that is what she thought she was doing whenever she argued with my dad when I was a kid. I wasn't about to put my kids through that. Kids are affected even if you do not see it, even if you do not think they hear you. If you keep your cool and do not make an issue out of things like this, you will be the good guy for it in the long run. My kids are now 21 and 22, and they are very grateful that I refused to engage their dad in any sort of conflict. My ex has actually thanked me for it, also.
When you have kids this age, life is hectic no matter what. Whether you are doing the split custody thing or not, we lead crazy, hectic, busy lives. School, soccer, softball, basketball, football, ballet, drama, karate ~ whatever. Seems like all we do is drive our kids from here to there and back again. It is frustrating and time consuming, and I understand your desire to have some "home time" with your kids. Nevertheless, please don't try to make a stand or put your foot down with your ex. Your kids will pay the price if you do.
One last thing.... an outside party cannot wreck a home.

hello A.,

sounds like your ex wants the world to know that everything is a big bowl of cherries. he has his cake and eaten it too. seems like he knows your gonna comply, get some balls young lady!! you are in charge of the well being of your 9 yr old. not the 9 yr old.or the ex. i know you want all this mess of a divorce and the effects not to effect your children. but hey, life isn't a bowl of cherries. take the year off from the ex's sports. deep down kids know whats going on. your kids wont take you serious, so expect a little resistance. thats when you know your doing the mom thing.

Hi A.: I know the trials of having a blended family. You just have to suck it up and deal with whatever your child wants to do. Don't feel like being at sports events is a chore. My son (15 yrs old) loves me being there and cheering him on. If I was late to a game because of work he was really upset. I love going to his games and would not miss it for the world. He was also very happy the few times that my boyfriend attended but he didn't go very often. It will never get easier with the other half and his girlfriend. My boyfriends x-wife is bi-polar without medication and life was very rough when she was little. You have to show support for whatever your child enjoys doing no matter what the other half does or doesn't do. My boyfriends daughter moved in with us at 17 1/2 yrs old because she could not take it any more with cyco mom and step-dad. Her mom didn't speak to her for over a year. They eventually began to speak again until recently (daughter will be 20 in May). I have been with my boyfriend longer than he was with his x-wife. Now Mom has accused us of stealing her identity. Go figure. Like we want ANYTHING to do with her. Life is too short to be stressed out and it transfers to your kid and that is not good. You need to try and work things out with the x and his girlfriend for your childs sake. If you can't work things out together then be as supportive as you can and it will make a difference to your child. Your child will grow up knowing that Mom did all she could to make life fun and productive and Dad didn't. My boyfriends daughter appreciates the support I have given her, there are times when she doesn't like me but I am sure there are times when my own son doesn't like me. Believe me when I say that if you are supportive to your child it will all work out in the end. There is NOTHING like a Mothers love for her child. I know this because I have been without my Mom for 11 years and it still hurts. Be the Mom that you need to be and don't worry about what Dad is doing. Good Luck.