Too Much Generosity, What to Do?

How about suggesting just a toy or two and opening a college fund that they could contribute too? Or, even a savings account that the kids could use when they are older?

Just a thought...

Margaret :)

If you give the gifts to those who need them, them it's not wasteful. I would let them buy what they want, and thank them.

Having just given my family (extended) some gifts, I so enjoy the giving, it would be crushing to be told not to do so. Christmas is about giving, but the problem with that is that if everyone only gave, there would be no one to receive!

Be happy to be on the receiving end as a means of filling a void in these peoples' lives. By accepting the gifts, you are GIVING them gratitude and possibly a reason to get up in the morning. Losing a child would be the worst thing I can imagine.

I cannot imagine the pain from losing your child, and as an elder, that also means losing the possibility of grandchildren. What emptiness they must feel, especially at Christmas.

Be generous. Be kind. Perhaps indulging your children with presents helps fill their loss. I myself get a particular excitement for Christmas in anticipating the surprise a child will get from toys. Yes, I know--gifts are not the true meaning of Christmas. But again, they are dealing with a void which is most poignant during the holidays.

I probably would not say anything. It could be taken as criticism. Just have the kids write thank-you notes... Try to share the children's holiday events with them or introduce special traditions that are for your kids and them to do. That will probably mean more to them as reciprocating any material gift.

Haven't read the other responses, but we had the problem of too many toys times 6 children, and our neighbors had the same problem...the grandparents gave toys like it was Christmas all year long. We have fairly small homes and were drowning in stuff all year long. My neighbor had the talk..."Please don't give gifts..." but I think it offended the givers. We've chosen to say thank you genuinely and bless others richly through our abundance. Many of the toys received were bargains (I love a bargain too) but didn't always have the specific child in mind when giving. The giver just wanted the child to open lots of packages and had delight in creating the experience.

With our 2 1/2 year olds most of the time they would open one present, think they were finished and just wanted to play with that one special item. My suggestion would be to let him play and reserve some to open later throughout the day one at a time. Pick a few things to save and then bless others, just as you are doing. That is not a waste by your friends, they get to bless others, which is just what they set out to do.

If they are mourning their son this may be the only year that they show this bounty, and got carried away. If they want to give gifts next year, you may ask if they can pick out something special that when the child plays he can know that the folks really love the child and picked it especially for him. Also, talk to them about changing strategies, as the child gets older if the gifts could come in the form of paying for activities (music classes, toddler gymnastics...things add up and are pricey), or savings bonds, something that the child can appreciate more than just Christmas Day. Maybe put it in a way that says that the parents are overwhelmed with the friends' generosity, but that you want the child to remember the people who gave it to them more than the stuff that they receive.

All of that is adult logic. A kid loves toys and your friends, know the direct route to his heart. The best thing is to show your friends the appreciation they deserve and help them see that there are other ways the child can love them besides for gift giving.

Have you tried explaining to them how much you value and cherish them in your lives and your children's and continued by explaining your desire to limit the quantity of the gifts given to your children so that they will truly appreciate the gifts and cherish the relationship with the giver? You might tell them these things and then suggest how the greatest gift and most memorable are the gifts we give of our time and wisdom. Pointing out how they can focus on one gift and then reinforce the gift's meaning by actually playing with the child as the child plays with the gift (I would think) would show how much you value them & how much you want their gifts to count.

I hope it all goes well whatever you decide to do.

It sounds like a tough (if not-so-terrible) problem. Maybe try explaining to them that your family is trying to teach the kids not to be materialistic, and ask if they would be willing to give time -- that is, have the kids over to bake cookies, take them to a Children's Museum, etc. There are lots of things to DO with kids that cost quite a bit, and getting that as a gift would be wonderful. They could give the parents or grandparents giftcards or cash for the purpose of going to do things if they can't participate themselves. It seems to me that kids really prefer being with people rather than having things, anyway. Good luck!