Told My Husband Happy Anniversary Then...

I think it's time for you to accept that he no longer wants the marriage. I'm sorry, I know that isn't what you want to hear.

Okay- it was harsh and a tad mean - however - it was honesty. However much it hurt - he was honest with you. I'm TRULY sorry your marriage is in such a disarray. I don't know what the trouble is - but I do know the distance is NOT helping your marriage.

Communication is key. Get to the root of the problem and deal with it. Like adults. NOT teenagers.

Living in different states isn't conducive to helping an already troubled marriage. So you BOTH need to decide what you are going to do - S$$T or get off the pot. Sorry - to be blunt - I realize YOU want to save the marriage. You need to figure out what he wants.

if he does not want to save it - let him go. It's not worth your time to keep fighting for something he doesn't want. Let him realize what he let walk away from his life.

It's almost like he GETS PLEASURE with you chasing him. Stop chasing. Stop being desperate (not saying you are - but that is how he could be perceiving it)...some men love that women want them and he can treat them poorly and get away with it.

Stand your ground. Apologize for whatever went wrong and press on. If he doesn't want to work on it - tell him fine. I will contact a lawyer Monday morning and get divorce proceedings going. We will figure out child support and custody...obviously since he is living with me. You can have visitation. And we'll set up a schedule. I am sorry things didn't work out.

I am truly sorry that things are bad. I would LOVE to say that they will all work out. However, TWO parties are involved and TWO parties need to work on it.

Good luck!!

I think that totally sucks.

:(

Want I should come take him down for you?

Ouch!
Harsh response from him, but I think honest.
I know you didn't mean it that way but 'Happy Anniversary' when things are so NOT is just a message that can come across as a sneering insult.

I think perhaps I would have said
"It's our anniversary and I'm thinking fondly of you while remembering our wedding day.
I'm not sure what happened but that day 7 years ago was filled with happiness and hopes for a bright future together. I hope you have some happy memories too.".

If he's decided to move on, the decision's been made for you.
He has left - the house, the town, the state - and he's not coming back - you are abandoned.
There is no 'working on your marriage' - it is over.
I think you need to make a new life for yourself and your child.
Make a clean break.
No more texting or email or calls or communication (unless you are suing for child support - have him served).
Concentrate on your child and yourself.
Get through the divorce, mourn the marriage being over, then take at least a good year before you consider dating again.

My ex said some pretty ignorant things during our divorce, by far the most ignorant was calling me to wish me a happy anniversary. Sorry but I am sure you, like him thought he was reaching out but that is not how it is taken.

It is passive aggressive, it says I want you to consider how long we have been married. Not sure what beyond that you were trying to say but my ex was going for are you sure you want to throw this away. I know I was a dick and will continue to be a dick but do *YOU* really want to continue with the divorce.

I responded F**K YOU! and hung up so apparently your husband is nicer than I am.

I think he has told you over and over that he doesn't want to be married and I think you need to take him at his word. My answer to his text would be "I completely understand. I will talk with the divorce lawyer on Monday and get the process going. I love you but this isn't okay how we are treating each other and quite frankly we deserve better and deserve to be happy."

You cannot keep fighting for something that isn't there anymore. I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't know what caused the initial split but I honestly think it is time to move forward with your son alone. I hope you are prepared.

Obviously, none of us know the details of your marriage that led to this separation, but you have posted several times on this. Your husband has given you every indication that he does not want to be with you and he seems to have no interest in reconciling with you based on your posts.

Maybe he is still angry and hurt...not sure how long you have been separated, but it sounds like he feels pressured by you. If he does not want to be with you, there is really nothing you can do to make him. State how you feel to him and let the chips fall where they may.

You need to have a go-forward plan in the event that this doesn't work out. It is always sad when something doesn't work out the way you intended. His attitude towards you is not encouraging...sorry.

J., you wrote this in your last SWH:

"There is still a lot going on. One minute he's being very hateful and hurtful towards me. The next minute he's acting all nice to me again. So I'm getting very confusing emotions about this whole thing. He hasn't said that he filed for divorce so I don't know if he just said that to hurt me or what. I just don't know."

I really think that you need to just walk away here and stop letting him twist you in the wind. He says that he doesn't see you respecting him, but what I really think is that he is saying this as a passive/aggressive and punitive excuse just to tie your stomach up in knots.

I hope you've taken financial precautions and have your ducks in a row. Your husband doesn't want to be married anymore.

Now, go have some fun that doesn't have anything to do with him.

Dawn

I haven't read your previous posts, but I do have some advice is your having marital problems and communication problems. STOP TEXTING !!!!

If you want to fix your problems you need to talk to each other, even if it's over the phone, or leaving messages on a answering machine. A lot can be determined by the tone of the voice and the words that are chosen.

I am sorry that this happened, but I think it's time to call a spade a spade, J....

Your marriage is not being worked on. Someone wanting to save their marriage would not move out of state. Clearly from his response & his past actions, he has moved on. I am sorry to say this, but I think you are in denial and while being in your denial, you are practically begging this man to stay with you, even though he's exhibiting clear signs of being done. You love him. His actions have shown that he does not have much love for you at all.

It sounds like he is stringing you along because you are allowing him to, and he doesn't want to be the "bad guy" and say "I'm divorcing you". J., please have some self respect & accept that it's time to throw in the towel. You are the only one who cares. Stop wasting your energy & time. Go to an employment agency & get hooked up with a job, get state assistance if you have to. Time to put your big girl panties on & stop looking through those rose colored glasses. Someone has to end it. You can't live like this, and especially your son doesn't deserve to be so confused because you won't end it.

I am really not trying to be mean, but when I see someone, anyone, saying the same thing, complaining about the same thing, having the same problems over & over & over again, and the situation is clear is day, it gets a little old. Do something about it.

Whatever happened, it sounds like he's done. As terrible as it is for the person that is not "done", if one party wants to end a marriage, they can. My xSF refused to sign anything or go to court or mediation so my mom finally went through the channels herself and got the divorce anyway. So even if you don't sign anything, there are ways for a judge to grant him a divorce.

At this point, I think you need to move on like it's inevitable. If he's filed then you need to protect yourself in legal proceedings and come to an agreement for your son that is fair to the child and both parents.

I'm sorry, J.. =(

Sorry J.!! It does take two to make a marriage and he has checked out. Begin your healing. Speak to a counselor or do whatever helps you get closure.

J., that's so harsh. You handled it well. Sorry you're going through this.

I went back through your posts-not sure what your egregious mistake was, and I'm sorry for what you are enduring. I think were I you, I would lay low for a while-let him come to you. Take care-I hope things work out for you-sounds like your husband needs to be the hero here.

I have no idea what has been going on here. Evidently you and your husband are separated. For your wedding anniversary, you sent him a friendly (extremely friendly) message, and in return he sent you an extremely impersonal, business-like reply. I would conclude that the man is not interested in being even friendly. So I would distance myself somehow, not texting or initiating any other kind of communication. You are right; let him make the next move, and don't expect it to be one you'll be happy about. He may have made other plans for his future already.

J.,

How long has it been since anything has been happy in your marriage?

Without knowing any details, when I read his reply I thought, "what iceberg did this A Hole crawl out of. What he said would be mean on any day, but especially on your anniversary.

Unless he changes his tune and changes it FAST, don't be a door mat, be a woman and mother for your son because it sure doesn't sound like that man wants you as his wife.

Be good to yourself and your son.

Blessings.....