Hello Mamas, can you please offer any advice? What do we do? Daddy keeps trying anyways? Mommy steps in to mediate? Tell him he's being mean?
My 28 month old toddler will not let Daddy help with anything. He doesn't want Daddy to get him dressed, make his lunch, change his diaper, take him to daycare, help him out of the car, etc. He wants Mommy to do it. He even goes so far as to say in a sort of mean voice, "Daddy stay here, mommy take me to daycare." Or yells, "Mommy do it!" for changing his diaper or taking him to bed. If Daddy keeps trying to help, our son will yell and cry and throw a tantrum.
It is breaking my heart for Daddy and makes it really hard for me to do everything for my son when he won't let anyone help. This has been going on to some extent for maybe 3 months.
Some background info: Hubby and I both work full time. Son goes to Grandma's house 2 days a week and daycare the other 3 days. Hubby has a long commute to work so I am usually home 1.5 hours with my little guy before Daddy gets home. There hasn't been any life changing events happening in our lives to make our son cling to Mommy like this.
I would leave the house so there is no choice, and do it for a week. We have found that only one parent should handle getting dressed with little intervention, no matter what. If you come to help, it undermines. Just don't give him the choice.
Its just a phase.
Most all toddlers, do this and fluctuate between preferences.
It is not to be taken personally.
It's just a phase. All my girls went through this & one of them even went through it with both my husband & I at different times. It's hard, I know, because you need that extra help. And it hurts Daddy's feelings. We just didn't make a big deal out of it & it went away on its own. I think with each of my girls, it lasted several months, then everything went back to normal.
It sounds like your son is trying to be in control. Remember, as parents, YOU are in control, and it is very important that your son knows this. He should not decide who does things for him, unless you give him choice. If your husband is going to do something for your son and he doesn't like it, let him yell, scream, refuse, but DON'T step in and DON'T back down. It is not personal against your husband. He is trying to see how hard he can push you, and if you are doing everything for him, he is learning that he can push you pretty far! Kids are SO smart. they manipulate well and early! Remember, you are the parents, he is the child. establish this early, or you will really be in trouble later. you can do this in a loving but firm way. just tell your husband not to take it personally, and not to give up. just say matter of factly, "daddy is taking you to daycare today" then do it. etc.
It is a control issue. Your son wants to show who is boss and he believes it is him.
Do things together and step aside and let dad help if you don't he will pit you against each other everytime. He is taking your lead so encourage and support dad.
kindly say Daddy is going to help mommy
Daddy loves taking......to day care. etc.
My four year old son still wants me to do everything too! It is tiring.
Poor dad! He needs to keep on getting him dressed, making his lunch, helping him out of the car, no matter what your son says! And as much as you want to step in to make your hubby feel better, DON'T! During those times, it's best if you go about your business and don't give in.
You dear son needs to know that he is not in charge.
Tell your hubby not to take it personally! Just because your son says those things it doesn't mean that he is unloved. Easy for me to say, I know! Your son won't really understand that what he is saying is mean, so you and your husband are just going to have to stay strong during this power struggle!
Eh my youngest was like this forever he is just now (about to turn 4) letting daddy do things.
Leave and let them have some alone time. Take some time on the weekend and go visit a friend for lunch and get your nails done or something. And do it more than once. My son used to be VERY dependent on me as well. Then I started a part time job on Sundays and now, he is happy to let him do almost as much as he wants me to do. He still prefers mommy at times, but NO where near like it was before.
Think back to 3 months ago when this first started happening. Can you think of anything that may have happen. Even the sliightest things can trigger childrens behavior. How does he act around grandma or in daycare? I'm not sure how give an opinion on this one. Can anyone else help?
This is mommy stage. As he gets older don't be surprised if you are kicked to the side since he is a boy and that's the way it should be. A son's role model is his father. Right now he is in the nurturing stage and who can do it better than a woman hence grandma and mommy are very important. His confidence will grow in this stage because of you nurturing him and then he will be ready for daddy. This doesn't mean daddy can go on vacation. They need to find some things to do together. If he won't let him then the three of you. until he starts to move in dad's direction. Sometimes you're going to let him cry because sometimes it is not his choice and he needs to understand that he is not the boss. Otherwise you'll get a controlling child. Good luck to you. Just be patient. My daughter was the worse.
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Toddlers do this all the time, it is very normal and Dad needs to know not to take it personally. To some degree he might be trying to control you guys and his environment. You might want to consider stepping out the house some on the weekends and let Dad just be in charge without you there. Or Dad can try taking your son to the park or playground alone for some one-on-one time.
poor daddy. i suggest lots of "me" time for you - shopping, manicures, pedicures, etc....make that boy spend time with his daddy! they all go through something similar - babyhood (For so many babies) is sooo much about mom. and you spend more time with him. we have this issue all the time. make an effort to let them spend one on one time together. and as far as YOU go - don't hate it too much. soon he'll be so wrapped up in "boy" stuff he won't have any time for mom.
This is very normal. My husband & I both work full time, so we spent the same amount of time with both our children. Our 1st child went through this and it was awful and frustrating for my husband....and for me. He just kept trying and eventually my daughter didn't care who did what for her. Just a phase. Soon they will move on to some other crazy one!
I agree with Laurie G. It sounds like you are letting a 2 year old control what goes on in your house. I think you should allow daddy to do everything possible for a few days and if he complains tell him "no daddy will do this". Don't allow him to manipulate who does things for him. You are the parents, just do what needs to be done, he will learn that you are in charge and will accept that fact.
I think as hard as it is, and will be you just have to keep Dad trying. Bear through the tantrums, and the yelling. He needs to learn that Daddy can and will do things whether he likes it or not. Cant let your son run the family. He needs to know you mean business. Also, my your husband needs to try and spend more quality time with your son, like reading books, or going to the park when you all have time. Just have to hang in there and push through it. Good luck!
