Over the last 2 weeks my girls have been increasingly misbehaving with our Nanny. They spit out water and throw water out of the tub during bath time. Every day is something different that they are doing that is wrong. She's even taken pictures of them engaged in this behavior. It is NOT a pretty picture at all. My husband and I both work full time and they don't do this kind of stuff with us. Today was the worst yet. The girls were taking a bath when they decided to poop in the tub. The nanny was in the bedroom for a minute and when she walked in, they had smeared the poop all over the walls and had it all over themselves. She proceeded to try to rinse them off and get them out of the tub to clean up the mess. They took off downstairs and started eating while she was upstairs cleaning. Of course, more mess now downstairs and she was freaked out because of the possible danger of them eating their own poop. Needless to say, she was very upset and in tears when we got home and doesn't know how to handle their misbehavior. I'm panicking because I can't believe they did such an awful thing and I'm not sure how to deal with it. She has been a wonderful nanny and has been with us for about 6 months. She loves the girls dearly and I trust her to take good care of them. She isn't a good disciplinarian and that became readily apparent a few months ago. They have no respect for her and laugh at her when she tries to discipline them. So..do I look for someone new? IS any of this normal behavior?? Do I try to teach the nanny some new discipline techniques? I'm just not sure. Any suggestions are appreciated as I'm pulling my hair out right about now.
Hi Everyone,
Thank you so much for all the words of advice. I had a H2H with the nanny (she's 42 and had great references and was with a family for 4 years with no complaints that I knew of). I plan on taking a day off next week and working with her on discipline techniques and how to reinforce what hubby and I teach the kids. They NEVER do this kind of stuff with us, although they do test our limits. The girls have spent 4 days at MDO for a year now and do get time out of the house. They go swimming and gymastics twice a week and behave well. But I agree, if things don't improve with the nanny after our techniques are implemented, I will have to let her go. You've all given me many things to think about that I may have overlooked. Thank you so much!
Hi! R.,
i am a montessori teacher with over 27 yrs. of exp.i teach the same age group from my home. my advise to you is may be it is time for them to be in a little different and structured environment away from home for few hours a day where they can have fun and learn i think they are very intelegent and are bored.they need to be challenged.if you need more advise you may contact me.thanks.
How old is your Nanny? It could be several things that are causing this issue. While you love the nanny, your babies may not. You need to speak with them and find out what's going on. To many times we assume it's the child. What your nanny tells you is going on can be different then what's really going on.
First, you should not assume that your little girls are the bad ones here. If they are doing these things, it might be that they don't like the nanny for reason other then they don't respect her. Is she talking to them respectfully when disciplining them?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not accusing the nanny of anything, but you must make sure your babies aren't being treated differently then what your nanny is telling you.
Kids act out when they are being treated wrongly. Have you talked to the kids and asked them how they feel and why? How is she treating them when your not there?
Has your nanny worked for others? If so, did you get a reference from others to know how good she is?
These pictures she took only shows what they are doing? But the question is why are they doing it? Your babies are more important then the nanny, you can't worry about hurting her feelings, if this isn't working out, then you need to find someone that can control the situation if it is a matter of discipline.
If it's a matter of how she is treating them, you need to consider that it's not just the babies fault here. To many children have been abused by babysitters, it's our responsibility to make sure they are in safe hands.
Even if it's just a matter of her not knowing how to discipline the babies, then you need a new nanny. If they are being treated wrongly, then you need to find this out.
Rev. G. Hudson
The behavior is totally normal - kids will push in order to find boundaries and when they don't find boundaries, you get really bad behavior. I would first talk to the nanny - she needs to learn to be firm and consistent (you might suggest she watch the Nanny 911 show ;) As parents and caregivers, one of the most important things we do is define boundaries. It seems your nanny may not get this - she may just be equating discipline (which is NOT defining boundaries per se) with not loving the kids. Loving the kids is certainly another very important thing, but without defining boundaries by being consistent and assertive with your kids, she is failing your kids (just as a parent that doesn't do this is failing in their responsibilities). I would have a heart to heart, give her a good book (I prefer Dr. Sears) and give her a chance - say 3 months. Unfortunately, she may have a difficult time accepting that she's the problem and not the kids -good luck!
Hi R.,
I have twin boys that just turned 4 a few days ago so I'm not that far off from where you are. That being said, my boys knew six months ago at 3 1/2 that the behavior you are describing is wrong so your girls have to know it, too. They are being willfully disobedient and if not corrected now will become even worse. Before you let go of a nanny you really love, I would do some serious work with her on discipline techniques, they need to be consistent between the three of you adults. You and dad be very very firm with the girls that they absolutely will obey nanny or there will be some serious trouble and then be willing to follow through with major punishment. If things do not improve within the next few weeks then you may have to consider someone a little more firm but that can be pretty hard to get used to when you've had someone with a more gentle approach. Best wishes, you can tame your little tornadoes before they do too much damage :-)
HI, My girls are now 7 1/2. I'm sorry to say that your girls will never listen to your nanny until she does the follow through with disciplin. If she can't disciplin then, then you need to find someone that will. Whom ever is watching the kids will always be two against one. I agree with another member that outside the house time is great and will help, but again if they girls wont listen to whomever is taking care of then it not going to do any good. I'm a firm believer that your a parents first and a friend second. Being firm, follow through on punishments and making them mind, then doing to playing and having fun. My girls were hellions!
A friend of mine invited me out to eat with her and her hubby for mother's Day one year (hubby was deployed) my girls were 3 1/3 to 4 and we went to go eat. While my girls were telling me what they wanted to eat and coloring in there books and sitting down. Her daughter was standing up inth chair, trying to get down and run around, yelling and crying. She looked at me and said " I can't believe how good they are being." I told her that, there is no other way for them to be out in public. They would never be allowed to do what her daughter was doing. I am a believer of time-outs, taking away of stuff and spankings. Every different action has a differnt punishment.
If you really like the nanny, then maybe you need to spend the day home with the nanny, and help her learn to disipline the girls and to teach the girls they just because mommy isn't around, doesn't mean they don't have to listen.
Good Luck!!
