My 19 month old daughter has suddenly started having tantrums at nap and bed time. Her routine has not changed. She has gone from a compliant child who was simply placed in her crib and went to sleep to a screaming, kicking mess. She cried for more than an hour tonight, throwing herself around the crib before she finally calmed down. I hesitate to be too indulgent, but I also feel terrible letting her cry so hard. My husband or I go in each 10-15 minutes to try and calm her, but once she is going, there is little to do. I know there are pros and cons to that - she knows we'll come back if she yells enough but she also doesn't feel abandoned and lose trust. I can see both sides clearly. It is disconcerting after so many months of regular sleep. I am sure this not an unusual situation, so I am curious what other moms have tried.
She is really close to two so try giving her some choices before nap and bed time so she has some power. "Would you like the pink or the green blanket?, Door open or shut?
See if this helps balance things out.
L.
www.lizzyzinn.com
It is tought you want ask all the questions but also not put words in her mouth. Are you sure she is not scared of something, maybe there is a new outside noise that she can not identify. Sit with her quietly in her room at the beginning of nap and bed. See if you notice something that she just can not seem to verbalize to you. It could be as simple as a tree branch rubbing against your house. Miss Spider has a great listening walk show to help children learn about night noises.
Wow! This just happened this weekend with my 17 mo old. Bedtime last night, nap time today, and again at bed time tonight. Since he was a little baby we've just kissed him goodnight and put him in his bed. My theory is that he officially entered "toddlerhood." I've noticed a few other things too. Like at mealtimes: He typically eats whatever is put in front of him, but all of a sudden he'll say "no" or "done" when we offer things we know he likes to eat. Just in the past week he's had to be removed from the table at least once a day for throwing a fit at meal time. The removal usually works and he will eat when he's done with time-out, but it still happens again. So, it seems he's asserting his will in any way he can -- he's picking the things he has ultimate control over. He has control over whether he eats or sleeps, so he's pushing those boundaries to see where the walls are. I've figured out the meal time problem (for now at least). The bed time drama it new though. He thre a fit again tonight and we went back to check on him one time only, then let him continue his fit until he fell asleep. I'm going to 1) indulge him a bit and give it a few days to see if it passes (his sleep in general has been restless for a day or two, so he could be teething) and 2) watch this post to see what advice anyone else has!
Same thing happening here in my house with a 2 1/2 year old. Welcome to Toddlerhood. Keep your schedule the same...be consistent. If you're consistent, she'll eventuallly figure our that you won't budge. 1 step forward, 2 steps back...that's the dance we have with our kids. While she's screaming, just keep repeating to yourself, "I'm a good mother. I'm doing what's best for her." Then eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's to make yourself feel better. Good luck!!! :)
Hi D.,
My son and several of my friends kids did this same thing betweeen 18mo-24mo. We all handled it differently b/c a lot of it depends on how long you are willing to let them "cry it out". We personally made a rule that we would go in 1 time to calm our son and after that he needed to soothe himself. We also had a "discussion" with him right before bedtime that we expected no fits, and that we would come in 1 time if he needed something. We did this at the suggestion of an older mom friend & i thought there was NO way he would get that @ 20mo., but surprisingly he did! it took about 3 nights & he was good. after that we still give him the 10min/5min/2min warnings before bed & when we asked him "how many times will mommy/daddy come see you after you are in bed?" he would answer one & hold up a finger. I guess take it with a grain of salt b/c it all depends on your child. Just want to encourage you that it is totally normal & she will get through it. good luck!! S.
D., we went thru the same thing. I think at this age they need more wind down time then they used to. We also bought our daughter a night light which she likes to turn on each night. Then I read a few books before putting her in her crib. She still cries but only for a few min. now. We also don't put the t.v. on after bath time as our Dr. said it is very stimulating. Hope this helps.
D.,
I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 17 month old, they were both wonderful sleepers for me, but about 2 months ago my 17 month old, Sophie did the same thing, we couldn't figure it out, especially since she always loved to go to bed. We went through the same fits daily and would have to wait until she was asleep until we put her in bed but she would wake up and start screaming again. We finally assumed that she must be scared of being stuck in her baby bed, we got her a little toddler bed as a last resort and she just giggled when we set it up, she now is back to her usual self and goes to bed with no problems. I thought she was so young to go into a toddler bed but it has worked out fine. I have never heard of anyone else doing that but maybe it would work for you too.
Hope this helps.
H.
Hi D.! We had the same problem arrise about 2 months ago. Up until that point my son would sometimes ASK to go "night night" if we had messed up his schedule that day. It was so strange becasue I work from home and literally nothing had changed, then one day he just would not go to bed. He is back to his normal bedtime routine now. Here is what I did. When I laid him down for bed or nap I would tell him that if he laid right down and went to sleep we would go to the park after nap, or he could watch a tv show, or help me fix breakfast in the morning. We would talk about what his treat would be in detail and I would let him choose. If he didn't go right to sleep, when he woke up I would say, "I'm sorry that you chose not to go right to sleep I was really excited to _________ with you." After a few weeks he caught on. Now we only have a few outburts!
Thanks for posting this request! I am excited to see what other mom's say! Since I work from home I really need him to take a good solid nap every day so that I can get some work done!!
Hi D.,
I've heard that little ones will do this sometimes if they are having a reflux or other intestinal/digestion issue. You might give your doctor a call. Especially since she doesn't do it all the time.
A.
Mom to two boys 5&3
Hi D.,
I recently experienced the same thing with my daughter (now 21 months). She has always been WONDERFUL at naptimes and bedtime, and then suddenly around 20 months, the trouble started. She would be fine when I would lay her down, but then within 5 or 10 minutes, she would start crying and it would build into these completed panicked cries. She is doing much better now with crying spells occurring maybe once a week.
With my daughter, I found that most of the time she was truly was scared. I now go in to get her fairly quickly (within 5 minutes unless I can tell from the crying that she just wants out) and bring her into the living room with me with the lights dimmed. I talk to her, asking her questions about what is bothering her. Is she lonely? Is she scared? If so, what is she afraid of? Dark? Noises outside? Something in her room? I do not bring up going back to bed until she has calmed down, her breathing becomes slow and steady (sleepy breathing :), and she no longer seems fearful. Usually she goes right to sleep after that.
Over time, I discovered that she needed an extra nightlight and that she did not like the eyes on the ceramic animals on her dresser. Loud noises (thunder, sirens, motorcycles) also truly do frighten her when they wake her up. I also started telling her "I'll see you in the morning" letting her know that I don't plan on coming back in until morning, but also that I WILL be there in the morning. It's amazing how they suddenly become more cognitive of the world around them :)
I really think it's just a phase and that by listening to my daughter and not pushing the bedtime issue when she is scared, BUT being firm overall has helped her through this. I hope this helps you out.
