Can't Get Our 21 Month Old to "Wake Up"

Hi. My little guy (3 years-old) is like this too. If we wake him up he doesn't sream his head off, but he will be crabby and irritable for the rest of the day! He needs his time to wake up. We found it helps to put books in his bed. Then his wake up looks like this: he will wake up and just lay in bed for about 10-15 mins. Then he will spend about another 15 mins looking at his books before calling for us. I think some people just take longer to wake up. I'm still like this, I can never just jump out of bed and start my day like some people. I wouldn't worry about it. I would just try to avoid the wake-ups with a white-noise machine and give him something to do in his crib when he does wake up before facing the world again.

Because his reaction when not being held is so disturbing, it sounds to me like he really needs the sense of comfort and safety he gets from feeling physically connected to you. Hard to say when I can't actually see the behavior, but I'd be strongly inclined to give him what he needs emotionally.

You might also want to try a white noise machine near his bed to possibly reduce the frequency of those incidents. If he's being startled out of the middle of a dream cycle, it is possible that he's really not completely awake while he's having his meltdowns. Your description reminds me a bit of sleepwalking or night terrors, even though they are usually during the day.

It may be a "confusional arousal" episode. That means part of his brain is awake but part is still asleep, which is why he isn't responsive to you until his whole brain is back in synch with itself. It's the same issue that causes sleepwalking and sleep talking. My daughter was the same way since birth but her episodes were (are) a bit more extreme. They happened when waking from a nap, in the morning, and at night. At the peak (around 20-24 months old) they happened 3-4 times a week with each "episode" lasting 15-45 minutes at a stretch. Nothing would snap her out of it--not water on her face, not lights on, cold air, talking to her, nothing. Often she would scream and thrash even if we were holding her. They looked like the worst night terrors you've ever seen. Then suddenly she would look right at us, and we knew she was finally "seeing" us, and then she'd drift right back off to sleep (if it was at night) or go limp in our arms for awhile (if it was time to be up from the nap). She's almost 4 now and the episodes only hit her about once a month and they only last 20 minutes, so she's outgrowing them finally, but it was a really awful stretch there for awhile. She's developmentally perfect in every other way, so it doesn't seem to have affected her. Now that she's older, she wakes up beautifully in the morning, but if she naps, it's likely that she will wake up poorly--parking her in front of a TV show seems to help her transition to full wakefulness the best. Google "confusional arousal disorders" and see if the descriptions fit what you are seeing. Good luck, I know it can be exhausting and frustrating.

I am looking forward to reading the responses you get because our 2yr old does the same thing!! Your right, its not like a tantrum, he just hates to wake up. Going to sleep is not a problem for us either. One thing that has helped us is giving him something to play with at bedtime so it's there to play with when he wakes up. When I go in to get him I calmly say "mamma, Im awake now." I repeat this over and over and tell him I know how hard it is to get up when we are not ready. I ask him if he wants me to turn the light on and he says "ite on".We sit for about 10-15min while he stares off into space and slowly wakes up. My hope is that someday he will just say "mamma, Im awake now" instead of screaming his head off because he may not be ready to get up! BTW, I've often wondered if he picked up on the fact that I am not a morning person and take forever to wake up too!

He is still not really awake.

Both my kids have done that and do that... especially if there were DEEPLY sleeping, and then were STARTLED awake and not allowed to transition out of it or to go back to sleep.

You are NOT "allowing" him bad habits by holding him. That is not a bad thing nor a big deal. He is just being woken up in a JOLTING manner... by some noise. Of course he is going to be out of it and/or cry/scream.

Its really not his fault... and it should not be held against him.

I know MANY MANY people, who do not wake up well. And these are adults. It is just sometimes their personality and disposition... and the manner in which they had to wake up.

To me, he wakes up fine... he wakes, then entertains himself in the crib until he wants to come out. My son was like that. It was really great, because he was so self-reliant and self-motivated.
So, your son wakes up well.
The "problem", if you want to call it that... is that he is sometimes woken up and MEGA startled and jarred awake... by outside noises. So, he naturally cries/screams/kicks like mad, when forced awake like that. I don't blame him. I would be mega irked and startled too, if those things woke me up.
So, it is the outside noises that is waking him up. Its NOT his fault.
Not his fault at all.
Then if you just leave him crying without doing anything... he cries on and on... then he just lays there, reaction-less. Well... this is also normal after crying-it-out... it makes the child worn out, numb from crying and the scared emotional angst that it was, and he just has to re-group. PLUS, he was previously sleeping SO deeply and then woken up so suddenly... its like whiplash. So, a kids brain, is also getting oriented to everything and regrouping. That's what being "dazed" is.

Anyway, my kids react that way too, if woken up from naps from some loud outside noise. ALL of a sudden. Even the no reaction thing after being scared witless from their sudden jarring forced wake up. They literally get dazed.

I REALLY don't see a problem here... expect for the loud noises/dogs barking outside/brother crying... that wakes up your son. THAT is the problem. Its the noise....
so, that is what you have to stop, or to use some kind of white noise in his room... to drown out the noises so he can sleep/nap better.

good luck,
Susan

Oh my son does the same thing, (he is 2)
he just does not wake up happy, even if its on his own!!

I've resigned to the fact that he needs some alone time before I can expect him to do or go anywhere after he wakes up!!

Some may disagree, but I usually turn on sesame street for him and let him chill out!

Our daughter is not good at waking up. If she has to get up, I have to give her minutes so she can slowly wake up. We just always worked it into her "wake up time".

Since your son wakes up by noises, I suggest quiet music that plays constantly or a noise machine..

If you have to wake him up for an event, do it softly and allow him a few minutes more. Let him know you will be back in 5 more minutes.. Or be prepared to comfort him.

He's still not fully awake, it's totally normal. You know how you are when someone wakes you up from REM sleep? Not fun, and the day is hard. I just remembered, we have a recording that simulates REM sleep if you use it with headphones. I dont' recommend replacing sleep, but it may be something to look for. Otherwise make sure he is hydrated and let the storm pass. Good luck!

Your son is EXACTLY like my 2 yr 3month old daughter. She sleeps great, sometimes wakes up but puts herself back down fine if she wakes too early. And then we'll have those occaisonal, actually more frequent, wakeups where she is inconsolably crying for like 15 minutes. Sometimes she'll calm herself down, other times I have to try different methods. One idea someone mentioned was to offer food (snacks) and juice upon immediate wakeup possibly due to low blood sugar levels upon waking. This worked a few times for me. But she's been pretty good now if I ask if she wants to watch her fav tv show on video or dvr, she'll calm down. And most recently she has been reacting best to when I pretend to have her dolls she likes talk to her, she'll think it is cool and reacts positively immediately. I don't know about your son, but my daughter use to have many middle of the night wakeups where she was inconsolably crying back when she was from 7 months to about 15 months old. As soon as I moved her into her toddler bed at 15 months they all stopped. I really don't have an answer you may be looking for exactly, just some ideas to help you through it. I do think it is a phase, and related to growing and or sleeping patterns. Someone mentioned also trying to put them to bed earlier or nap earlier in the afternoon, or even nap later. My daughter has been napping most days from 2-4 (5 ish), or 3-4 (5 ish) since she turned 2. It use to be 11:30-2, or 12-2 before. I also try to wait at least 20 minutes if she wakes up crying early in her nap, or bedtime. She'll usually go back to sleep for a little longer and wake up better. Hope this helps you and goodluck!

Have you described this to the pediatrician? While it may be completely "normal", I would want to make sure the doctor doesn't find cause for alarm in it. Some issues (health, developmental, whatever) can start in ways that we never would have linked to the issue itself. I'm sure it's nothing and, just my opinion, but what's wrong with taking 15 minutes to hold him after he wakes up? I'd see it as special cuddle time you won't have forever.

I would suggest speaking with your pediatrician about this. I haven't heard of anyone experiencing this with their children...but the pediatrician may be able to shed some light. Good luck.