Toddler Sleeping Between My Husband and I How Can I Help Her Transition?

Not sure what size bed you have but if you have a portable bed that you can take into her room, try to sleep in her room each night gradually leave a bit earlier. This way she will be come comfortable sleeping in her own room. I know with Cass we would have problems (she is 2) my husband used to put a baby gate up and that way she couldn't come into our room. When he went away she started to come in bed with me but thankfully when he came home she went back to routine and back to her bed. Only sometimes she will try to come in. I would try and sleep with her in her room to see if it helps her comfort level some. Might just do the trick, you never know.

Try spending time in her room throughout the day playing with her. It is a new place and she has to adjust although it's been eight months if I read that correctly. Talk to her about her having her own room and sleeping in her own bed as well as mommy and daddy have their own room and bed for them to sleep in. Just talking to her and reassuring her that it is ok for her to sleep in her bed and everything is ok. Have you tried a night light for her at night? Maybe you can try a daily routine with her and at a certain time each day/night you or your husband can read a book to her as she lay in her bed and maybe this will help her get use to being in her own room. You may even have to lay with her for a while (week or two) until she falls asleep in her own bed. Don't feel guilty to want your own bed back you and your spouse need your alone time together. Make be you can find some books on this topic and red them to her. Good luck!

We had the same problem with our son, who is now almost 11. Upsetting a child's routine is never easy, but, if you put her bed in your room and start that way it makes the transition easier. It may take awhile but be patient and someday, like us you can look back and see that the time really went very quickly.

First of all J., there is no reason you should feel bad about wanting your bed just for you and your husband. Second, I had the same problem with my son. He is two now. I got him to sleep and play in his room by first taking him to the store and letting him choose toys. I would then open them and put them in his room, so he had no choice but to at least go in there to get them. Once he stopped playing with the toy in another room, I would put it back in his room. Well, he finally got tired of going back and forth to get toys. Another thing I did was put a t.v.(which is watched sparingly) in his room. He has his own, t.v., dvd player, and his own dvd's. I also changed his bed and got him one of those race car beds, and I put his favorite characters bed set on it. He loves it in there now. Fill her room up with things you know she likes. Even if it means letting her watch a little t.v. occasionally, or maybe you can even let her have lunch in there. Purchase a small childrens table, so that she has a place to sit and color and stuff like that. Also, to ease the transition (he now sleeps in his bed, by the way), I would let him fall to sleep in our bed, and then move him to his bed when he was in a deep sleep. That way he woke up in his own bed every morning and realized that it wasn't so bad. He would cry when he woke up some mornings, but if she does, just go lay down with her. Don't feel bad about letting her cry the first few times, as long as you know she is alright and nothing is wrong, she'll be fine. I hope this helps you, and have a beautiful, blessed day!!!

A.

Hi J.,
One way we have kept our kids out of our bed is by going in their bed when they wake up and sometimes when they go to sleep. We got my son a double bed so it would be easier on whichever parent was in there. The other is still in a single bed which is tight. Maybe you can start that if you have a bed for her. If I go into one of their beds I don't have to stay long usually because they fall right back to sleep. You might also want let her pick out new bedding and call it her big girl bed. My boys have car beds with Batman bedding and Spiderman bedding. Some nights I feel like a bed hopper but it is nice to get back in my bed with my husband alone. I fell into the same trap of laying down with my son originally when my husband was deployed and I was pregnant with my second son. Just give the transition some time eventhough it may be driving you crazy. Good Luck,
J.

My husband and I had the same problem with our youngest. We were stationed at FT. Lewis and were living in a 2 bedroom apartment, while we waited for on post housing. Our son was born while we lived there and was 2 when we got on post. So for 2 years he slept with us due to the fact that our other 2 children shared the other room. We had the same problems getting him to sleep in his and his brothers room. What finally worked for us was putting him to bed in his bed and hour earlier and laying there with him until he fell asleep. Then which ever one of us was in there would leave and go to our own bed. It took a couple of weeks for him to just fall asleep fast in his bed but it did work. Good luck with this transition and just remember patience is the best thing for her. Jamie S.

Hi!
I would say the first step would be to make her room a place that she enjoys. Try playing with her in her room often, and read her her bedtime story there.
I've heard it suggested to put a mattress or bed in your room for her to sleep on to help transition her to being on her own. That way she still has the comfort of you guys being near but isn't actually touching you. If that works, you could just kind of gradually move the bed further from yours until, hopefully, it was in her own room.
I have a friend who sleeps on the floor of her daughter's room when she is really upset, I guess that's an option although I don't think it's a very good one. Super Nanny suggests sitting in the room until they fall asleep and gradually moving yourself closer to the door until eventually you are outside of the room (over the course of a few nights or however long it takes.) This is even when the children are screaming and crying. You are just supposed to sit there and not look at them or talk to them and just get up and put them back in bed if they get up. They do all eventually go to sleep!
Lastly, I would say that it's important to remember that a child never died from a tantrum. I know it's hard when you're looking in their eyes and they are so upset, especially when all they are asking for is to be close to you. Just remember that not only is it important for you and her father to be close, it's also hugely important that she gain back her independence. She NEEDS to be able to sleep on her own and she might not like it now, or understand it, but she will appreciate it later.
I hope this helps!
~*H.*~

Hi J.,

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind! Being consistant is the key. Perhaps you could play with her in her room more often so she gets used to being in there. At bedtime establish a routine such as bathtime, warm milk, brush teeth, story time in her room on her bed/in her bed, hugs and then lights out. Leave the room and periodically check on her so she knows you will eventually return. I know it will be hard to get into at first but being consistant and sticking to you guns will eventually pay off. Best of luck.

M.

Every child is different and every parent is different. There could be any combination of things that will work well for you. (And now you're thinking "thanks??") Is there a night light in her room, that may help. Maybe you could even have her pick out a blanket she wants to sleep with. Playing in her room with her during the day may also help. She's old enough to understand that she's a "big girl" now, so maybe you could talk to her during the day telling her what a big girl she is, and that big girls sleep in their own beds. That big girls even get stickers on a chart for sleeping in their own beds. Put one on her chart every night she sleeps there all night, granted it may be a while, but you'll get there! Maybe put the chart in her room where she can see it, making it visible to her while she's going to sleep. You could transition her by giving her a nightgown, or piece of sleeping clothing that you have worn (so it smells like you) and let her sleep with that during the day so that maybe she will use that for "security" instead of you or your husband. Tell her where you're going to be when you lay her down. Something like, "I'm going to be in the living room, I love you sweetie, nite." A ritual is always a good thing with kids, they thrive on routine, routine, routine. Bath, book, hugs, kisses, blown kisses from the door, catch them and put them on your cheeks (my 6 year old daughter and I STILL do this and it's STILL cute!) and tell her goodnight, and tell her where you're going to be. I don't know if your little one is still in a crib, if she is she will probably cry...you know that already=) Let her cry for 30 minutes, go in (don't pick her up, and don't say anything) lay her back down soothe her a little and walk back out. She'll probably start to cry again, go back in after 40 minutes if she's still crying, lay her back down (again, don't pick her up and don't say anything...I KNOW it's HARD, but DON'T!=) Increase the time 10 minutes every time. That way she knows that you're there, but she will eventually fall asleep. It's going to be REALLY hard the first week probably, but this is new to her, and she feels lost without you. To grow up to be an independent woman she's going to have to learn how to calm herself down. It will happen. There may come a point where you're like..."NO IT'S NOT!!" =) But it will. We don't still sleep in bed with our moms, she'll get the hang of it. Hopefully sooner rather than later! Now if she has a "big girl" bed then things are a little different. Same thing with the routine, but if she gets up pick her up, hug her tight, tell her goodnight baby again, and put her back in bed...don't stay in there with her...kisses, and leave. The third time pick her up, hug her tight, don't say anything and put her in bed. And every consecutive time pick her up, hug her tight, and to bed your little angel goes. I hope that this VERY LONG response will help a little. Good luck!!! Oh, and it's your bed, why should you feel bad about wanting it back??? =) I also have to say that Heidi's advice sounds golden too=)

My son, slept in bed with us until he was almost 2. He had always been in our bed or room since he was born. So when he finally got his own room, he was reluctant to sleep in it. We actually gave him a couple of our pillows and our comforter to sleep with, we had to of course tuck the comforter under so that it wouldnt bunch up on him, but giving him a pilow we had already slept on and a comforter that had been slept on gave him the comfort he needed. Children can actually recognize their parents smells, so have a pillow that we had slept on and our comforter really paid off. We also had 2 cylindrical pillows under his sheet, kind of like bumpers, so he would have that secure feeling while sleeping. And a tv in his room with a dvd player, would lay in the room with him, sometimes on the floor while he watched his movie and drank some warm milk out of a sippy, he would pass out and we would have our bed.Maybe something like that will help! Its a lof of effort, but not having a foot in your back in the middle of the night makes it all worth it!

My husband and I let our daughter sleep with us for the first 8 months. After she started moving around a lot, we figured it was time for her to get in her own crib in her own room. During nap time, I would leave the light on and put a few toys in her crib and let her play until she fell alseep. Then at night, I would turn the light off but keep some toys in there. It took about a week for her to adjust and sleep in there without throwing a fit. But that whole week she screamed her head off. Yes, it was hard but it was worth it. You just go in there, pat her back and do not talk to her and walk out. That way she knows you are still in the house but will not be giving in to her and letting her out and back to your bed. Good luck!

Sart off slowly. I'd try playing with her in her room during the day, then take naps with her in her room. Slowly work up to nighttime. and when she's comfotable with you sleeping in there withher move farther away until she can do it on her own.

Hi J.

You just said it that you don't feel it's right for YOU to put your girl back in her room .Let her go to sleep in your bed and you can take her back to her room when she is sound a sleep or lay down with her till she is a sleep in her room. She will be better of in her room trust me and it will make you feel better as well ..... I've been true the same with my girl !
Good Luck

Gradually put her back in her bed. When she takes a nap, place her in her bed. When she wakes up she will be in her bed. She may scream, but keep doing it consistently. Just like with any change, it takes some getting used to. Hope this helps and hang in there.

My son is 6 months and everytime he falls asleep in our bed, we get up and put him in his bed. I have lost several pounds, just by doing this. Now he only wants to be in his bed to sleep.

Hello J.,

This is my first response because I am new to Mamasource.
Unless, I read it wrong...I do not know how old your child is...but I am guessing a one year old to 1 1/2 years old?? The main key to get kids into their own beds is just being consistent until she knows that her bed and mommy/daddy's bed is different. I have three boys--ages 10, 6, and a 19 month old child, and ONE ON THE WAY!! :)

With our Benny (middle child) we did run into the problem with him sleep in our bed---it became the "family" bed...but we had separate rooms for our boys (third wasnt born yet) and my husband made bunk bed for the two older boys....Benjamin picked out his bed spread and they got to decorate the room to there liking...Yes, he was well into being 3-4 years old before we booted in out of our bed!!!!

For a baby who is in a crib...this should not be an issue....she should eventually go to sleep...but have a small blankie or something safe that she can sleep with and put a spray of your perfume or whatever you usually wear...the scent should calm her down....or lavender scent is good too.

For a toddler...you really just have to be consistent on where she should sleep!!! AND STOP GIVING IN....

Yes, Mommy and Daddy need their special time too!!! NO kids...we learned that lesson well!!! Now with our 19 month old...that boy goes to bed like clock work...goes to bed (in a crib) at 9 PM and wakes up between 7-8 AM...

My suggestion overall is just be consistent. You are the parents, let her know what needs to happen...hope this helps.