My oldest 2 boys (5 & 8) are my step-sons. They live with my husband and I and see their bio-mom every other weekend. Our youngest, (almost 2) is recently catching on to the older two calling me M. and has decided to try it himself. My husband has sat down and talked to the older two about what we should do. They responded by telling my husband that their bio-mom forbids them to call me anything but M.. My husband thinks there should be no problem with them calling me mom as we take care of them, provide for them, and their bio-mom has signed off on her placement and medical rights in order to live with her boyfriend and care for her other son. I on the other hand, understand where they would be hesitant and it would take some adjustment time for all three of us if they were to call me anything but M..
My biggest concern is how to tell a toddler (22 months) that he cannot call me M., that I am Mom, when he hears M. all the time.
I realize that this could be a touchy subject, but I'm open for any advice. Please understand that I see these boys and take maternal responsibility of them 12 of 14 days every two weeks and that I don't want to hear any comments about how "Their mom is their mom and you shouldn't pressure them into calling you mom" because I get that all the time. If that's the case, then you don't undersand the situation and aren't listening to my question at all. My concern is for my own son to call me mom. We have another child due in a couple weeks, and will probably be going through this again in a couple of years if we can't find a resolution.
Hi M.~
Its a bit of a touchy situation and I understand what your saying. I would just correct him (your 2 yo) when he calls you M. and refer to your self as Mom/Mommy when you talk to him about yourself; have your husband do the same. He will catch on.
I feel children should call you what ever you and they are comfortable with. :o)
Good Luck!
C.
Of course you know, the less drama the better, so I would pour on the positive loving references without setting strict rules. The truth will win out eventually, so spend time with your bio son and share the experiences of his birth with him. Strengthen those ties, and he will have a deeply embedded sense of belonging to you that nothing will shake, not even brotherhood. :o)
either mom or M. you are still the same person to your two year old. what ever lable the other kids put on it your youngest still will see you as the same thing. it is a bit weird when i hear my three year old daughter call me D. and my boyfriend dad, but that is only on the weekends when 6 year old jesse is with us. kids just pick up what other kids are doing. during the week my daughter goes back to calling me mom and my boyfriend matt. i expect that as she gets older she will just call me mom. she can make up her own mind if she wants to call matt dad. i say dont worry about it. you still love you son. you could call him son or by his name it would make no difference to him. worry more about if they are happy, healthy and learning to be good people themselves.
M.,
My boyfriend and I have custody of his 7 year old daughter (LEX). She sees her mom every other weekend as well. I'd never dream in a million years to have her call me mom. Even though we are close. She knows she has a mom and like you and your step sons we'd feel uncomfortable. With the recent arrival of our daughter (she's 7 mos, Bailey) I have contemplated how she will interpret our "extended family" and also feared that she may call me by my name rather than mom. I'm hoping this will be avoided becasue when Lex speaks to Bailey about me she always says something along the lines of "you want to go by mama?" or "Oh, don't cry baby, your mama is comming"... so she is not actually calling me mom but always refers to me as the "mama" when speaking to the baby. Becasue Bailey is not talking yet I don't know whether or not I've dodged that bullet but I thought maybe this would help.
