Hi Ladies,
I am writing because I have an absolutely wonderful 21 month old son who has been displaying some horrible behavior. I know that he is almost two and that part of him throwing tantrums is his age, but he is out of control! If he doesn't get his way right at that instant or not at all, he screams, kicks, throws things and hits when he is really upset. I take him to timeout which used to work really well. But now, he just screams louder and doesn't stop. My husband and I try to stay consistent on what the rules are and count to three before putting him in timeout. But he won't listen and says "no" or screams it. We live in an apartment with thin walls- it is quite embarrassing and I am afraid others will think that he is being hurt. He screams so loud that I can tell he is having a tantrum from our parking lot--Please help with any advice on how to get the screaming under control and the tantrums. **** Also, I don't want to resort to spanking- so any other advice would be appreciated. Thank you so much!
M.
Hi Molly,
One of my first questions would be, does he speak well? Is he able to communicate to you when he wants or needs something? If the answer is no then I would suggest teaching him sign language, I've read that it's a great way to communicate with a child that can't talk yet and helps stop some of those tantrums because they're able to tell you want it is that they want or need.
W.
Try Parenting with Love and Logic by Klein and Faye (or Fay). They have a great website, too. Buy or borrow the CDs and listen to them; they are so fun to listen to and incredibly helpful to all who have used them.
I just wanted to offer support. My son had major tantrums this morning about going to preschool. I tried to get him settled down before he escalated(tried to also get myself dressed for work and out the door on time) but by the time I really got involved he had worked himself into a full blown mess. I have been told that once the adrenaline gets pumping through their bodies it can take 10-20 minutes for them to come back to reasoning. Try your best to catch them on the way up and diffuse their anger/frustration....and remember this is a phase and we all are trying to do our best. On the really bad days put some money in the therapy jar. :)
Don't ever be embarrassed about your kid's behavior. Who cares what other people think. Just do your best. I had three under 5 and my oldest constantly pestered his siblings so everywhere I went it was like there was a yelling, fighting little tornado around me and I'm sure everyone thought my kids were terrible and I was a terrible mother. But I didn't worry about it. (I even let them swim in a fountain at the mall, and take out the pennies people threw in, now that I think about it -- I'm laughing as I remember this). Wow, what a mother.
Anyway, they're awesome kids now, and other people even tell me that, so it must be true. I'll let the other moms advise you on the tantrum part.
I found something that has really helped me with relating to my children. The pratice that I am learning is called compassionate communication or non violent communication taught by Marshall Rosenburg. I wish that I had learned this method back when my children were your son's age, they are now 15-24. It is a way of connecting with each person in our life and with ourselves so that we can understand each others needs. I may not be doing a very good job of explaining NVC. It has been very helpful in my life. It is easy to find online if you want to find out more about it. For myself the best word to discribe Non Violent Communication is RELIEF!
Pause to appreciate yourself!
N. M
Either the book or DVD, the happiest toddler on the block by Harvey Karp is really helpful. I saw him speak in person and he was really good. I have been using his methods with my 22 month old daughter and they have been very effective. We have almost no tantrums now. Some of his methods seem a little weird and you certainly feel like a wacko doing them in public, but it is effective. My friend has a two and a half year old and is also using them with her, also with great success. If you want more info, feel free to send me a private message and I can get it for you.
Hi, Get the program 123 magic. It works.
Hi Molly,
Girl, I'm right there with you! My 2.5 year old is a holy terror. On the bright side, your son has opinions, and that's never a bad thing!
With regard to tantrums, it's normal. Unpleasant, yes, but normal. It always surprises me, the things my youngest will choose to have a fit over. The other day, she absolutely lost it because I put her pink sweater on her instead of her green sweater. And it was a knock-down, drag-out tantrum that went on for probably 20 minutes. (Keep in mind that when she started throwing the tantrum, I told her she could wear the green sweater if she wanted, but by then it was TOO LATE!)
The only thing I have found that helps is, I give her space to work out her frustration. I put her in her room and tell her, "I'll just let you sit in your little chair with your teddy bear until you're done crying. You can come out when you're feeling better." I think they throw fits because they don't know how to verbalize their feelings very well. So a day of little frustrations all comes to a head when you put the pink sweater on them instead of the green sweater... and it's the straw that broke the camel's back, and it all just comes pouring out of them. And then when you try to make it better, it's like adding insult to injury, as if you're implying that they can't make it better by themselves. (But sometimes they want you to comfort them, after all...)
Sigh... so I guess the good news is, this too shall pass. My 5.5 year old doesn't do this anymore, and hasn't for at least 2 years now, thank goodness. Just try to weather the storm as best you can. Some kids are just a lot more passionate about life than others! Only fight the battles you absolutely have to with your toddler (baby proof the heck out of your house so he can't get himself into trouble very often, so you do not find yourself having to correct him a lot). Just let the rest go for now, until he has passed through this phase. Enjoy him when he's in a good mood. =) Hang in there!
