My 18 Mos Throws Things and Has a Temper. Will Hit When He Is Upset.

I just wanted to tell you how I handle my 18 month old niece who hits. She hits and bites, so when she does these things I tell her no no no biting/hitting. I say you have to love her (it is usually my 3 year old she is hitting) and then I have her give her a hug. Now that I have done this for a few months she looks at me before she hits and I can stop it before it happens and if she sees me looking she goes ahead and gives her a hug. If it happens to often in the day I end up putting her in her play pen in another room away from everyone for about 5 minutes and telling her very sternly no hitting. It seems to help. I think we just have to show them new ways of getting attention and that it is better to get love than to hit.
good luck

I have a 15 month old doing the same thing. I think the frustration comes from not knowing how to use his words to communicate what he wants. Whenever I see him getting to that point, I get down on his level, face to face, and tell him I know he is mad, but I need him to use his words. If he refuses to do so, he goes to the "naughty corner" for two minutes to calm down and then we talk about it...kinda like how Super Nanny does it. Not that it's perfect, but I have noticed the angry outbursts are getting fewer and farther between.

The best bet is to start now and take him out of the situation. Even at that young they know what time out is and you set a timer for 1 minute, (one minute per year of age) Stay calm, because you are teaching him what will work or won't work to get what he wants, and be consistant because if you are consistant he will get the idea of what you want. I have raised 2 children one mine by birth and one adopted and it worked for both, now I run a daycare and the kids I care for have behavior problems other places such as school and home, they are ages 2 to 7. I couldn't ask for better kids at my home. But I am very clear and consistant with my rules. I get down on their level when they come out of time out and I tell them why it was wrong to do the behavior and I always end with I love you's and hugs. But remember calmness and being consistant is the key, and love that little boy he is a special gift.

You can do this
G. H

grounding seems to work with most any age...

take away whatever he likes the best if he throws a tantrum - of course FIRST talk to him and tell him that that is what you are going to do anytime he acts like that. He'll learn fast... as long as you stick to what you say - follow through makes all the difference!

Hi! It is very typical behavior of toddlers who are pre-verbal or just gaining verbal ability to throw and hit. They have difficulty expressing their anger and frustrations using words and often resort to hiting and/or throwing. They don't know that this behavior is bad or that they could hurt someone. I think that it is best to get down on his level and tell him " no throw" and "no hit". Then ask him to pick up what he has thrown and remove it. Then redirect his behavior to another activity. He may throw something that he couldn't figure out how to work out of frustration, so when my child does that I try to help her figure it out. I also try and tell my child that I understand that she is upset and use a soothing voice. This is my third child and she throws and hits. I think that this is a developmental stage rather than a reaction to parenting styles. I think that 18 mos. is too young to sit in time out, though I know others will disagree. Children of that developmental age just don't understand the concept of time out. Unfortunately, it is difficult to make a child of this age stop the behavior all together but if you continue with positive steps, as he ages he will learn to communicate better and not need to hit and throw as much. Hope this helps.

You need to start using appropriate discipline, don't wait until later. Even 18-month olds can understand simple discipline such as "No, that's not okay" and then being put in timeout or such. Do not let him get away with inappropriate behavior.
Taking toys away, placing him in a area for timeout, not talking to him until he stops the temper (firm and loving) are all appropriate responses. You don't want to reward that behavior with extra attention, that would send the wrong message. Finally, you may want to read up or consult an expert, since you have just adopted and have not been able to establish your position as the "parent in charge" since the beginning.
Good luck!

What I do with my daughter who is 15mo (she mainly hits for the reaction), is to firmly tell her no, and then put her down for a few minutes. She doesn't like being put down when she wants to be held, so this is very effective. After she's been down, I will pick her back up and she typically doesn't hit again. If she would, I would just repeat the process. (If, for example, she hit another child, I would tell her no and then remove her into the other room with me (away from the other child) for a few minutes.) This has been very effective for both my kids. It's kind, uses natural-concequences, and seems to be very effective.

I have three kids and one had a temper at about this same age for over 6 months. I think it will fade when he finds other ways to deal with his frustrations. My guess is that he is not talking too much yet, which leads to frustration (as we can only imagine). Also, this is your first time being a mom, so you might be a little stricter or uptight. My second and third children never exhibited these tempers and my husband and I think we were more laid back with them. We feel like our first had to pay the price for us being new :)

So try not to get too upset with him. Also, when he gets frustrated, get frustrated with him = growl, do a funny "frustration dance" and turn it into an opportunity to have fun with it.

Hope this helps. Write back if you need more support!

R.

Hi L.!

As with everyone else who responded, my son was exactly the same way! At this age, they understand more than they can express. So they act on their frustration. At two, my son throws himself on the floor! But at 18 months, he would throw his toys, kick, flail his arms, scream. You name it, he did it!

I really started watching how he played and learned the signs of when a tantrum would soon emerge! Sometimes, I was able to head them off, sometimes I wasn't. I usually stay with him during his tantrum, as tempting as leaving would be! I didn't want him to think I was abandoning him. However, I know moms who ignored tantrums, and that worked as well. I think it depends on your child's personality.

I never, ever give in to the tantrum. I don't try to negotiate. If his tantrum escalates to hitting or throwing toys, I always remove him from the situation. I explain to him why I took him away. I stay with him until he calms down and then talk to him about why he got upset. I ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS acknowledge his feelings, "I know you were very frustrated because you had to share your cars." I then alo express that I cannot understand when he screams, but now that he's calm I can find out what he needs because he can use his words.

Remember to keep your cool too! Whenever I got upset or angry, his tantrums were worse. The calmer I remained, the better he recovered.

I wouldn't recommend spanking. The crime should fit the punishment. The only time I ever spanked my son is when he ran away from me in a parking lot full of cars, and he needed to know that he could never do that again. I know a mom who spanks or smacks her son's hand whenever he hits, and it does no good. He still hits and hits more frequently. My son has stopped hitting and throwing his toys. Her's has not. He still has melt downs (every toddler does), but it's not as violent! Good luck!

Hi L.!
I beleive you can go one of two ways with temper tantrums. Spanking or Time-Out. I would personally save a spanking for throwing things, but it is up to YOU. You are Mommy and discipline is necessary for him to grow to a healthy, functional human being.
If you go for time out, get a little chair and put it in the corner. The way to go for time is usually about 5 minutes just to get kiddo to calm down.
If at home and he is really getting out of control, put him in his room, tell him he may come out when he has calmed down, and CLOSE THE DOOR. Just make sure there's no breakables, please!
Or, if in public, pick up baby and take him to the bathroom until he can calm down.
Kiddo has to learn coping skills hopefully sooner than later.

Also, try to figure out why he is throwing the tantrum. Usually it's fatigue, try to get him a nap before it gets out of hand.

Best of Luck and God Bless,
R. Anastasia

I am a mom of 4 and grandmother of 9.Nothimg fancy in the way I handle it.Laugh and walk away during a tantrum.Through the years I have seen this in a child of mine and others.It is for attention.If you must say something,simply say"I do not like being around you like this"Be consistant.
As for the hitting,look him directly in the eyes and say in a deep serious voice"you NEVER hit me and walk away.
A child likes to p;ease but if they find out this is a real attention grabber and it works your doomed.

you are lucky it just started. My 17 mo old has been doing this for a while. I have a 3 wk old also, so the screaming can be very disruptive. We always use the same phrase "no hitting" tell family members the exact phrase so they use it also, and just try to redirect his attention. We have started to see an improvement recently and can also now see the dtffrence between frustration from not being able to communicate. (thirsy, tired, hot,etc...) and just wanting his way (playing in the toilet, opening drawers, etc...) When we started to decipher the diffrence between the two they got a little less frequent. When he was throwing a fit because he is thirsty. I would give him he cup and repeat "thirsty" 3 or 4 times. So now when my son is thirsty, he gets his cup and brings it to the gate at the kitchen. (we leave an empty cup and plastic bowl on a table that he can reach) He puts the bowl on his head when he is hungry (still working on that one). He still screams if I dont respond fast enough, but atleast we are communicating. With your baby being a liitle older maybe he can catch on a little quicker. Its all about communication and repetetiveness(?)
Good Luck

L. - your son's tantrums are totally normal. My son is 19 months and started throwing things about a month ago. I asked for advice on this site and got a lot of spanking answers as well. However, that doesn't really fit in with our lifestyle, so I took a bit of advice from everyone and I implemented a "naughty box". Whenever he threw something out of anger or frustration, I would put the toy in the box and tell him he can't play with toys he throws. I also re-directed him, and never "gave into" the throwing by yelling - that only seemed to make it worse. After all, tantrums are their way of getting your attention. Right now he's just frustrated that he can't communicate well with you. Our son is finally getting it and he rarely throws things anymore. Sometimes he will to be playful, but then I just give him a soft ball and tell him that the ball is for throwing.

Whatever method you use, it will take time for him to understand. Good luck!

Hi L.,

My dd hasn't been one to hit - let me knock on wood ;)- so far. She's 19 months.
However, she will give you a loud, powerful NNNNOOOOOO :)

I believe all toddlers display behaviors that are annoying.

I keep reminding myself, she doens't have social skills yet, social skills are LEARNED, not innate. And they won't learn them by the time they're 18 or 19 or 20 months hahaha ;) Unfortunately!
But if we keep working at it, each month I believe we will see progress. I don't believe in not disciplining either though.
The throwing thing issues is VERY NORMAL.

When my daughter has attempted to hit her baby brother, I grab her hand, look her in the eyes and say no thank you, very stern.
She sometimes smacks her head. I know I'll see all kinds of weird things.
I am lucky enough to have a sister in child ed who is a therapist (language therapy, she's a dyslexia specialist) so she will usualy ground me about "normalcy" feel free to shoot me an email anytime you wana double check normalcy levels ;)

First, congratulations on your adoption!
With my experience, I start "Time-out" at 18 months. If the child is developing typically, s/he understands "No" at 18 months. It has worked for my two girls and 8 nieces and nephews. You just choose a designated spot in the house and say "Time-out" when s/he does a behavior that's not acceptable. And keep saying "Sit" or help them sit until 1 minute is up then say sorry to Mama for hitting or whatever happened. (Also encourage no crying while in time-out) It may take awhile for him/her to actually sit for one minute but be CONSISTENT and the behaviors will diminish.
My two sisters-in-law adopted 6 months ago and it has worked with their children.
Just keep your patience.
E.

I have a 19 month old and it's horrible to see her already start to hit when she's frustrated. I totally suggest ready Dr. Harvey Karp's Happiest Toddler On the Block. His theory of speaking their language is amazing and it works. I did make adjustment to fit my family but anything helps.

Hi,

My daughter did this too and I agree with michelle. I don't know where the terrible 2's came from because my daughter was a nightmare around 18 months. She would hit (me, or herself throw thigs, scream, etc. It is all normal. They just can't verbalize yet what they need or want. Could also be from being overtired. Your best bet is to just ignore it because it will pass soon. Also, look for any trigger signs. my daughter would throw her fits right before her nap time, or when I would take something away that she wanted (usually the tv remote). As soon as she would hit and kick, I walked out of the room. I would also say 'ouch' or 'no hit' if I was not able to leave the room (she would also throw fits when I was changing her). Within seconds she stopped and came looking for me. Redirection also helped whenever I would take something she wasn't supposed to have...I'd either get her interested in a toy, or coloring, which she loves. No amount of yelling/spanking/time outs, are going to help because he is still too young to understand. My daughter will be 2 next week and she is now the back to being the sweet baby I remember, pre tantrum stage lol. JGood luck!

Hi There L.. I felt like I needed to respond to you even tho I don't have any magical answers! My youngest daughter is adopted also, she will be 14 this month and I took her home when she was less than 48 hours old. What I really wanted to say was this: You were not there for that first 11 months and you don't know what happened in your sons life even if those involved have tried to tell you. Unless you were actually there, you just don't know. Those early months were critical in shaping his personality and his nature. Don't blame yourself what ever you do!
The other thing I wanted to say, and I know this is hard to do, but when he hits or does some other aggresive action, remember that children learn by imitation more than anything. Try to respond gently and in a loving way (I KNOW how hard this can be!) Take his hand in yours and kiss it, tell him "NO", in a firm but loving voice. Stop whatever you were doing and give him 5 minutes of your undivided attention.
Then go back to what you are doing. I bet these episodes occur when you are busy (and in his mind ignoring him!).
Like I said, no magical answers just the experience of raising 5 children. My youngest will be 14 in a few days and my oldest is 30. In all the wonderful years that I spent raising my babies there is not much I have not seen!
Adopting a baby is a wonderful experience but every one seems to think that you adopt the baby and live happily ever after! There are special problems that adoptive mothers have that other mothers do not have to deal with. For instance, my little girl has fetal alcohol syndrome. After fighting with the public schools for years she is now home schooled. It is not easy but I love her dearly.
I hope that things get better for you L., and I hope that I have helped at least a tiny bit.
Love and Blessings
P.