Toddler Expressing Signs of Disliking Other Races

Well all I can think of is maybe another child of the race he doesn't like was mean to him at preschool. Good Luck on finding the problem

Your son is the same age my daughter was when she first started noticing differences in people. When she was 3.5 we were at the grocery store and our bagger was a black man. My daughter was sitting in the basket as he loaded our groceries. She reached out and touched his arm and asked "Why are you brown?"
I thought I was going to pass out... I could not have been more embarrassed. But the man just put his arm next to Enga's and said "Yes, my skin is darker than yours - but what color are you?" Enga thought for a moment before answering "pink"
He then turned his hand over - palm up and turned her hand palm up. He then asked "Now what do you see?" She smiled and said "You're pink too!"
I wanted to cry - he handled the situation so well!! I was at a loss what to say.
I could never have put into words the lesson he gave her!

If you have any friends of other ethnicities in your church or other social groups, then maybe you could make a point to introduce your son to them. There is no better lesson than an "in person" one.

I just wanted to let you know that this is completely normal. In my house we my husband is caucasion, and I am half hispanic and caucasion, but you wouldn't be able to tell, as we are all very light colored skin. I stay at home with my daughter and there is no form of racisim in our house at all. When my daughter turned right around three and a half she immediatley picked up on other people's skin color. She said she didn't like the color black. When she saw people with really dark skin she would say she didn't like them because they were black, and she would do this in public within ear shot of these people. I was so appalled at first not understanding why she would do that. When we got home I talked to her to ask her why she would say that, the reason being wsn't because of the persons race, it was simply as she stated she didn't like that color, her favorite color was purple. So I explained to her about why people have different colors of skin, and that God created all the different colors to make the world beautiful and different. She liked that thought, and no longer says stuff like she was. I suggest you use the best approach you can to help your child understand the differences in people and that everything that makes us different makes us beautiful him included. Don't be afraid to really talk to your child about certain issues because they can comprehend quite a lot. Just don't punish them, their thinking is really very simple. Good luck, and don't worry it will pass as long as you don't show negativity to others your child will grow up with the same values.

When I worked in a preschool, I came across the same thing with a girl in my class. She came from a great family of parents who I'm sure had never taught her such things, it was pretty baffling, honestly. The subject came up when we were playing with baby dolls (there were 3 dolls in the classroom - two caucasian dolls, one african american). After she said something shocking about the darker doll, I talked with her about it, and came to find out that it was as simple as different equating to bad, in her little mind. She just said that it didn't look like her or any of her friends, so she didn't like it. (It was also a primarily caucasian area.)

We had a little talk about diversity and skin color, and I found a book in another classroom that told little stories about different children who live in different countries around the world, and read it to her class. They really enjoyed it. I'd suggest looking for a book to read to him, if he likes being read to. There are some pretty cute ones out there that might help.

It's rather unusual for children his age to notice such differences. I am guessing he might have had a negative experience with a child or an adult of another race and then generalized that dislike to the entire race. I am sure you have explained to him that everyone is different, we're all the same on the inside, it's not fair to judge people by the color of their skin etc.

I think it is okay for a child his age to say he likes some people and not others (this would be okay if your child was referring to a rude or pushy child at daycare). But it should be stressed to him that this dislike should not be based upon the color of their skin.

After you've explained as much as you can, I would probably let this go and see how it develops. He is, after all, only 3.5 years of age and this entire perspective of his may disappear completely anytime between next week and six months from now. Children of this age, as you know, often have very transient relatiosnhips with their friends and classmates (for example, "I don't like her because she said she isn't my friend anymore," but the next week after this they are best friends again).

If you are still seeing this as a persistent problem on a long-term basis, I would seek counseling. There had to be some basis for his coming to the conclusion that he didn't like a certain race of people... either he associated something (negative experience) or someone else said something to him.

I would also encourage culturally diverse relationships in his life if I were you, even going as far as to introduce him to any culturally diverse friends of your family and their children. The more contact we have with people of different backgrounds, the more likely we are to see beyond the color of their skin, to the true human beings that they are.

Good luck.

R.

L.,
I am an african american woman who used to own a daycare home with 90% caucasian children. The one thing that I found is that children tend to differ from what they do not have experience with. I had a child that would rub my hand everytime he seen me because he thought I was just dirty and it would come off.I had him since he was 3 months old he did not leave my daycare til he was in the kindergarten and still came for after care. His mom tried to send him other places but he would cry all day long, so she drove one hour out of her way to bring him to my house.Children out grow things and stray away from the unfamiliar.You definately need to have a talk with him and explain the differences in races. There are alot of books and videos that help children learn more. This is something that pretty much every child experiences that are not normally exposed to different races.

L., the exact thing recently happened with my 4 year old son. He yelled really loud at the grocery store that he didn't want the checker with the brown face! I was so embarrased but I just got on his level and said "God made everyone and we are all 99% the same. The differences are what makes us very special". I don't know if that was the right thig to do or say but I was a bit dumbfounded at the moment.
I think this is very typical for this age.
L.
www.lizzyzinn.com

STarting at a very young age children recognize differences between people, including skin color. So your child is not unusual. The current research on this suggests that the best way to handle this is to acknowledge differences - skin color, hair color, height, etc. - to talk about all the ways that people/kids are different. And not to discount what your child says to tell him he can't think like that. Instead, help him to sort out his thinking. "What do you think about that skin color?" "What else do you know about that kid? What does he like?" Etc. Help him to figure out on his own that skin color isn't the defining issue, but rather "who" the person is. By asking him questions you can help him come to this conclusion on his own. And if you talk about all differences, even all the physical differences among Caucasians, it puts less emphasis on skin color. Even though it can feel really awkward for you, let your son express his thoughts and explore these differences he's noticing, with your positive responses and guidance. It's his age that's prompting these observations, but you can help him to form some really positive thinking about people. Oh, and start to choose books that positively protray a vareity of ethnic groups. Shoes Shoes Shoes is a great one that has real photos, but there are also plenty of fictional books. And don't forget to include people with phsycial disabilites in your discussion, too!
It sounds like you've provided a positive home environment for your son and I'm sure you'll carry this over into your discussions with him.

I think with a child that age that he is hearing this kind of talk somewhere. It may possibly be a child he is around at daycare. I know my son would come home with stuff from other children that we would have to have "talks" about. I think I would just stress to him that skin color is like other traits such as hair color and eye color. It is just another something that makes us each unique. I would just continue also to lead by example, letting him witness your friendships with people of other races and how they are just the same as you and he. I didn't have the trouble with race, but my son would be the child who would stare at people with disabilities. He once made an embarrassing comment about a little person and also a person in a wheel chair. I think at their age, they just don't sometimes know how to cope with differences and all you can do is address them as they arise. I just stress to my son that no two people are alike and that God made us each unique.

Hi L.,

There is a GREAT children's book that helps teach diversity to young children. It's called 'The Colors of Us'. It's written by Karen Katz. It's does a great job of telling children about other races. It was used during my teacher certification classes so we could teach our classroom about diversity. It has wonderful pictures as well.

My daughter is in preschool & pretty much the first couple weeks of school they make charts of "differences". Who has blue, brown eyes, etc. Who has black, blond hair, etc. Who is short, tall, etc. The teachers just make a point that we're all different. My 4 yr. old always makes a point that her, her sister & daddy have brown eyes & I have hazel. Boy, do I feel left out! (Not really because I like my hazel eyes) but she's learning that we're all different yet we all get along.

My daughter went through a phase like this too. I realized after awhile her comment did not carry the same meaning as what you are thinking. It helped to NOT over react, children are very aware of what you as a parent over react to and what you don't. I remember telling her how think it is wonderful that there are so many different colors of skin and hair and eyes. That is is really quite amazing how we can all be so different yet alike. Think of another example like flowers or cats/dogs....so many different wonderful colors but inside they are the same.

I also tried to more conscientous from then to share with my daughter when I thought a person of a different race or ethnicity was beautiful, smart, helpful. Your child will learn their values from you, don't worry about that.

I hope this helps.