2 Yr Old Asking for Her "White Baby"

My friend who is hispanic & hubby is white was called to school about her daughter (5) asking for the chocolate baby doll. The school stated the child was being racist and it could not be tolerated. My friend asked her daughter in front of the staff, why she was calling the toy that & she said and I quote, " because the baby is brown, sweet, and everyone loves her!" I wouldn't read too much into it at this point at all! A lesson we all should have......out of the mouths of babes!

I wouldn't worry about it at all. If the only thing that is causing you concern is that she wants the white doll as opposed to others, I wouldn't think that anything "shady" is going on a daycare. My kids went through phases where one toy was the best thing ever, for no reason other than they liked it. I'd just let her play with the doll, perhaps sometimes suggesting other dolls as well.

Good luck.

She is just using it as a descriptive identifier. It is the characteristic that she can name. Does the doll have a name? When she asks you can say, "oh. You want Molly?"

My daughter saw Taye Diggs on TV about a year ago and said, "mmmmm....chocolate." I nearly peed my pants from laughing so hard.

Honestly, at this age,I would not make too much of it, if you feel like she is exposed to a lot of diversity. When my son was small, he went to a very diverse school and he and his little friends would regularly talk about someone with brown skin or black skin or white- to them, those words were literally just descriptive words for the color that they saw on someone's skin. Also, remember, at that age, learning colors and identifying things according to those newly learned words is very common- a brown horse or black dog, etc. Little kids just tag people by color the way an adult might say a red sweater or a green sweater- with no thought of race or social issues. I bet it is just a passing descriptive thing.

my daughter prefers her 'pink baby'. maybe you're reading too much into it.

She is only two so I wouldn't worry about it. I don't think it has nothing to do with race but, like you said, it has more to do with a distinctive feature of the doll that differentiates it from the other dolls. If it bothers you, ask her to give the doll a name and then when she asks for her white baby say: which one Olivia? So she gets use to naming the doll by name and not by color. But she is little so I wouldn't worry too much.

Let her have the white baby. There's nothing wrong with being "white," just as there's nothing wrong with being "black." You won't be promoting racial prejudice and self-hatred by giving her the white baby. She does have a white mom whom she loves... :)

I probably wouldn't read anything racial into it. She's probably describing her baby as she sees it.

In my opinion your two year old is just calling it by the color she sees. I am white and my husband is as well, so obviously is our daughter. She has a little "black baby" that she loves to play with. She will also call it her "purple baby" because it is wearing a purple outfit. She will be two at the end of the month, so she is just a bit younger than your daughter. Kids don't see race they just see things in color - just like my daughter likes her pink cup best, or her orange shirt, the doll she likes to play with just happens to be black. The baby that I babysit during the days is black and asian so I think that is why my daughter loves the darker skinned baby doll, it makes her think of the little girl I watch, that my daughter just adores.
If the daycare is a pretty diverse group than I'm sure she is just "classifying" the baby doll more than calling it her caucasion baby. And prefering things that are "white"
I think you are putting a lot more thought into this than your daughter is. :)

Don't freak out. My niece has a black father ( my sis is white) and she always prefered her white babies and barbies. I think its because her mom and aunts are white. No one ever made a big deal about her race. She wanted me to die her hair white(blonde) once when I was coloring mine. I wouldn't worry about it. Her white baby probably looks like mommy to her. Would you feel the same if she only wanted her black babies? She is both races so why is it a big deal wich doll she prefers?

I think its funny. Some kids want a brother not a sister or visa versa. Its probably along those lines. Honestly I would let it go. Find the humor in it. I think its cute.

I wouldn't worry about it! She's only 2. Another thought is that she wants a doll that looks like her Mommy. Perfectly normal and sweet. If your husband was white, would this even be a concern. Probably not. =-)

Maybe just ask her why she likes the white doll best these days?
Like Jane said, probably no specific or negative reason for it.
Maybe next week she'll only want the brown doll?

I think she is just identifying with the differences and since little ones most identify with mommy initially, that may be where she is getting that idea. There is nothing wrong with seeing color, we are all of us beautiful!

I don't think it has anything to do with race. When my daughter was 3, she started referring to people as "black girl" as in, "I like the black girl's dress." I soon realized (when she also referred to a very light skinned hispanic girl as "black") that by "black girl" she meant any one with black hair. I asked her if they were "black" because of their hair and she said yes. So I am sure this is the case with your daughter also...I was concerned also because we are careful not to label people in our home either but it was totally innocent.

I would think at her age she would just be referring to the color she sees the baby as -and nothing more. Little kids fixate on different toys at different times, so right now that's probably her favorite -not because it's a "caucasian" baby doll -but just because. I was actually both happy and a little disturbed that my oldest son NEVER mentioned the fact that some people have different-colored skin or different eyes than we do. Happy because he's growing up in a very diverse environment and seeing any range of skin tones and eye shapes isn't strange to him, but also a bit worried that he didn't notice anything! One day when he had just turned 3 we were at his preschool after hours, and one of the teacher's older sons was in a classroom playing (the child happened to be black). My son went up to him, patted him on the head and said, "Hey there little brown boy." Part of me was a bit horrified because as a grown white woman who came of age in a time and place when there was still a lot of racism, segregation and whatnot -it seemed to me to be somewhat derogatory. However, the kid just patted him back, said hello and they played together. Afterward I mentioned to my son that if he doesn't know someone's name, he should go up to them, tell them his name and ask them theirs instead of calling them by some feature they have -like skin color or nose shape (even though we've really avoided this type of thing, I was also afraid he was going to say, "Hey fat lady" at some point!). I asked him if he had rather be called "little pink boy" or his name, and of course he said his name. Lesson for me though -to remember he doesn't have years of weirdness behind them about anything, including race relations, and his actions are innocent. Unless I've taught him something ugly, he's not going to mean something ugly (at least at the tender age of 2 or 3 -of course as they age they sometimes pick up less than savory things from others). I realized that to my son, he just saw a kid whose name he didn't know, but he did know he had brown skin and was a boy. It's easy for us to project our thoughts and feelings onto our kids, but very often they don't even know where we're coming from and their thoughts are nowhere near what we're thinking!

I don't know if there's any way to know if her reference to color is connected for her to any idea of race. In any case, I might use the opportunity to open some conversations.

As the white mother to a biracial child, I have been thinking a lot about what role I can play in helping my daughter to be proud of all parts of her heritage, even those I do not share, and those not valued by our culture. I have looked at some research and, while there are no easy answers, I have learned these things:

1: typically white parents of black or black/white children choose a "color blind" narrative (people are people and color doesn't matter, etc.)

2. One detrimental effect of the colorblind narrative for black or biracial children is that when they begin to see that our culture is NOT colorblind, dissonance is created, a conflict between what my parents say is true and what i observe to be true.

3. Another consequence for many of these children is that they infer the message "race is not important to talk about" and when they are struggling with issues of race, which I believe they all will, they do not feel invited to bring their struggles up with their parent(s).

4. When children observe the differential wealth of black and white people in our society, they often internalize the differences as somehow inherent to the individuals. This could look something like, "black people are poor and white people are not, so there must be something wrong with black people that makes them not able to be rich." I have come to believe that an essential part of my job as parent of a black/white child is to provide her with a different narrative to consider, something like, "black and white people are not fundamentally different on the inside. but there are things wrong with our society so that they get treated differently and are given different opportunities. as we try to make the world a better place, let's work on that."

To make a VERY long story short, you might want to look at this as an opportunity to have a light conversation with your daughter about color, validating what she no doubt already notices as a difference among people.

Best wishes,

evie

Hi Jasmine,

This is such a great question. I think a lot of us have had one of these sorts of "boy, we adults are very racially aware and our kids are oblivious to our adult need for sensitivity" moments. Julie just put everything so well.

What you can do, if you like, is just notice the color in the way she does. Human beings are hard-wired to sort and categorize by type, in one way or another, and I often see children I care for, as well as my own son, blurt out an observation that's based entirely on appearance. Your daughter is at an age when much of this learning process is beginning. Just as children will work through sorting activities with shape sorters, you can also give language which might refer to hues (some people have lighter skin and some people have darker skin, this refers to gradation of color as opposed to race). This isn't to suggest that race isn't important, but right now, a child has no filters for identifying anyone's nationality, so keeping language neutral can be more informative for the child.

I like to tell my son that cats all look different from each other, but they're all cats. And people are the same way. They might look different in some ways, but they're all people.

Why would your first thoughts be "negative connotation"? Something about that statement makes me think you want to make an issue/discussion that's off base. She wants her white baby and so let her have it. She's learning her colors is what I would think and not thing automatically there's something negative about color of a doll and her preference for it.

I do believe as I've always said, racism and color differences of people's skin is taught and learned behavior from home.

So until she clearly can demonstrate a preference because of color, she just wants her white baby.

I think it's like saying my blonde babydoll or my brunette baby doll....don't see the issue....

She is simply describing her favorite baby by characteristic. Just like if she was wanting her red blanket over her blue one.

Actually, there was a study done several years ago in which a line up of children, or several different and mixed races were given a preference of baby doll color. The vast majority of them chose the lighter colored dolls, regardless of their own skin color.

I'm white and my husband is brown (from India). We actually have talked a little about the fact that Mommy is white and Daddy is brown, just to normalize it. My daughter (3) has identified herself as brown and that's fine with us. She doesn't place a judgment with it. She also trades loyalty to a particular doll or animal from week to week, so I wonder if that's actually what is happening with your daughter, and it has nothing to do with the doll's color?

I think you may be blowing it out of proportion. If she had the same current preference for her 'brown' doll - would you have been so upset? Probably not. Just remember you are white - maybe she is preferring that baby AT THE MOMENT because she's looking to you more now? I could be she just simply prefers that doll this month - children don't keep favorites for very long.

Now if she says he black or brown dolls are yucky and she doesn't want them anymore - THEN I'd get a bit worried.

my partner, our daughter and i are all mixed blk/wht. i haven't experienced this but i expect to. whiteness is valued more in the US culture. it's not necessarily the daycare - it's our $%$%-up society and media. the messages out there are SO white-driven. even the black dolls have "white" hair, and often light eyes. if she watches ANY TV commercials at all she has been exposed to this and much more.

obviously you don't want her to reject whiteness either, especially cuz you are white. but continue to provide her with multiple options of toys/dolls, other races too, and maybe try to talk about how beautiful YOU think they are, how beautiful her paternal grandmother, aunties, friends are. she trusts your judgement a lot.

i know this is difficult. racism is SO painful for all of us, whether we realize it or not. i am looking forward to reading the other answers to your question and i hope you got some good advice. keep us posted. good luck mama!

They are learning their colors at this age, and they are also recognizing traits in others and noticing that they are different than their parents, etc. If she is a lighter shade, she may be chosing the doll cause it looks like her or cause it looks like you. I wouldn't read anything more into it than that.

My son recently noticed that his daycare teacher is brown. My son (who is caucasion) described his color as yellow (skin tone,I guess). I told him he was beige. Pretty funny when they just come up with these observations :)

I don't think it matters at all. I think the color of the skin is just an observance of your daughter and nothing else. I am part spanish and native american and other "white". My husband is white/native american. Our kids look white, mostly. We have four daughters ages 7-2.

Not necessarily by our choice, but our kids choose to call the dolls (and people, for that matter) either peach, brown or tan. Not black and white. It is the color they see. They also have shown a great interest on their own about how beautiful different colors of skin are. We talk a bit about different race and cultures, if they ask- but I always explain in terms so that they don't think other cultures are better than others. I think they have a fantastic general view of the people around us. If they pick the brown doll, I think absolutely NOTHING about it.

Since you aren't concerned about the daycare, I suspect it's more a descriptor of the color of the plastic than a comment on race. My stepdaughter used to say, "My friend Angie has brown hair and brown eyes and her skin is brown..." She was just describing Angie. My own 2 yr old will alternately say that she is white or peach or yellow (if she's wearing a yellow shirt, for example). If it helps you feel better, see if you can encourage her to give the doll a name. Only one of my daughter's dolls has a real name (the rest are just baby).

I have a friend whose daughters are bi-racial. At that age they went back and forth over which baby dolls they preferred. Some days the "white" baby like Mommee, other the "black" baby like Daddy. I really would not read too much into it. If the terminology bothers you, teach her Caucasian and African-American. She is young, but they can learn and understand big words at that age. She may also just be playing with the doll that is the same colour as the dolls the other children at daycare play with. Does the daycare have a diverse selection of dolls? If not, you may want to encourage then to purchase some African -American and Asian dolls for the children to play with.

I really would not worry too much about it right now. As long as you continue to teach her acceptance and to embrace her diversity she is going to be just fine.

Nota Bena: when my son was three everyone was either peach or brown...as his knowledge of colours expanded (compliments of the 64 count Crayolo box) people became apricot and umber.

I wouldn't worry about it. My kids are around people of different races but when we had a friend over for Memorial Day, who is from Kenya, my 3 1/2 year old (at the time) couldn't quite get over how black his skin was. He did, however, point out that our friend's palms were not as dark. Our friend figured he'd be helpful and point out to my son that he is very white. (He looks like a typical little Irish boy.) I don't think it is negative to notice and identify distinctions in people--it keeps us interesting. =)

Jasmine, You are really over thinking this! I have 5 children and as they were growing up they had dolls and stuffed animals of many colors and always a favorite this is just a 2 yo being a 2yo! My granddaughter that is 3 calls her dolls by name and I never know who is who so she will say" Nana the green one" meaning shrek and now its the princess from the new Disney movie and it might be anoter time Cinderella that she refers as the the yellow haired one so don't jump to fast to conclusions she is just asking for her baby doll.

My son used to play with the african american doll house figure at his daycare. They had all nationalities, little barbie sized dolls only clearly from an educational supply source rather than Matel... I am half hispanic and my children are 3/4 white. Anyway, he was obsessed with the african american grandpa figure from this dollhouse, referred to him as being "brown" (at 2, they call it as they see it!), and called the little doll "God" (Reminded him of Morgan Freeman in the Bruce and Evan Almighty movies!)
For years he would point to Morgan Freeman on TV and scream "Mommy! There's God!!!" at 8 years old now, he'll still describe people as "you know Mom, the one with the brown skin?" Myself, being someone who was brought into this world on the very day that MLK's body was laid down out of it... I think that my son's oblivious-ness to racial differences is an absolutely fantastic realization of a great, great dream. Through the innocent, and uncorrupted-by-media, eyes of a child, we are all the same. Our jobs as mothers is to get these kids into their adulthood, without allowing anything to teach them otherwise.

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I had a two year old in my class whose parents were both black, and she always chose the white baby doll until her baby brother was born and then she always chose the black one, her mom simply said "well, that's the color she sees at home now!" Another five year old child in my center had a white grandma and a black grandma (he was 1/4 white and 3/4 black), when asked on the phone one day whose house he was at he answered "At my orange grandma's house!" I guess she looked orange to him compared to his brown colored skin! His grandma laughed, and took no offense to it at all. Another little girl I babysat, at age six was shopping with her dad who is from El Salvador (mom is white), and picked out a black baby doll and announced that she loved it "because it's black like YOU, daddy!" She didn't even mention that her skin is almost as dark as her dad's. Kids just see color as a physical attribute, not a personality trait. Adults are the ones who place negative (or positive) connotations on a person based on their looks, and so it's hard for us to remember that when a child says "black, white, fat, tall, hairy..." they REALLY are just pointing out what they see, not some hidden meaning behind it.

I really doubt that at her age this has any racial connotation. For whatever reason, she simply - at least for a time - is more interested in that particular baby doll. I would leave it alone and let her have the doll she wants. You may find soon that she starts preferring a different doll and is obsessed with that one for a period of time as well.

It may be just a phase. My now 12 year old biracial daughter had babies of different shades and it all depended on the day which was her favorite. I did however make sure her daycare had babies that were her color, books with children of different color, dollhouse dolls that were black instead of just the white ones! and I will do the same with my baby!
We had a friends 3 1/2 year old the other day and when my older daughter wasn't around she asked out of the blue "is T brown or what?" but before I could answer, my baby did something that got her off track and so I left it alone because she didn't seem to need to talk about it. This past weekend I had one of the 3 year old girls from daycare I work at and she told my daughter "you're brown like the branches". Then she laughed and laughed and said it again then she asked "but what color am I? am I white? or orange? but you're just like the branches". One of the 2 yr olds likes to play with a "chocolate baby" and won't touch the ones that look like her!... this young of an age it's more of an observation unless there are hateful things being said (ex - "i hate black ppl" "all black ppl are ugly" - yes things said to my daughter!) and then it's probably being taught to them...of course that's just my opinion!

I'm pretty certain if I had a white baby doll and a black baby doll, that would pretty much be the politically correct way to distinguish them wouldnt it? What is the alternative? Pray tell.

I think you're right in that she is just saying "white baby" to distinguish it and let you know which baby she is talking about. I find that these days most children don't see color. My granddaughter's father is black and my daughter is white. My granddaughter is 8 and knows that her daddy is black and her mom white, but she doesn't attach any significance to the difference in color. For her, it's just the way it is. I'm sure your daughter also sees the difference between black and white as is obvious by her description of the baby, but I doubt that she attaches any significance to the color.

I don't think it's an issue in that children see what they see. They aren't blind and I think it's intention behind words not necessarily the words themselves. At this age, she is simply describing something by how she sees it.

Lisa Ling did a piece on Oprah some time back about little girls and their dolls' skin color. The findings were facinating. You might see if you can find the episode on HULU.com

For what its worth, my friend's daughter (who is white) was obsessed with a black baby doll at daycare to the point where she wouldn't leave without it. She was allowed to keep the doll on the condition she gave some of her dolls at home to the daycare as a trade. She got home and gave ALL her white babies to the daycare and her black baby doll was the only one she would play with. She's now 10 and still has it.

I am sure its probably a way of describing the particular doll she wants.

My son was in the same day care from 13months to 19months and his BEST buddy was coffee black (personally my fav shade of skin I am miss pasty) and they were inseperable. He and his family went back to Africa for a few months (they split the year between here and there) and ever since each time he sees a kid with this rich tone he just HAS to be his friend. My girlfriend is half black half white and so is much of her family and when he went there for the first time he shouted "brown babies" all exited thinking his friend may be there in the group of kids. They just hold on to something that is distinctive about people and things. Another example, when we moved here from texas an uncle he does not know well has simmilar body shape and hair color/style as his mexican uncle in texas for the longest time he could not get the name right then when we visited texas he mixed up uncles names AGAIN! They do not see the details like we do about people it is what stands out the most. If it bothers you, ask her to name her babies so she starts calling them by thier name not a description.

I have two biracial daughters. My oldest who is 8 will only play with her white barbies and babies, because she thinks they are prettier. She makes it well known that she wants only caucasian dolls/barbies. I don't know why she is like that. It is just her prefrence. She is mixed and her dad is black. She has tons of black friends and cousins. She isn't racist, she just prefers her white dolls. My youngest daughter likes all the dolls/barbies and shows no prefrence. I never make an issue about it.

I would treat it like "curse words." If you catch a child saying a "curse word," simply pretend that it's not that big of a deal, and calmly say, "We say.......Oh my goodness, not.....insert word here/or not." Then ask them to try it....If you don't want her to call the baby white, maybe you could have her call the baby by it's "name," if the doll has one. At least it would make you feel more comfortable in public so you won't feel like you have to explain your daughter's comments to judgmental bystanders. Or really, what's more important is your daughter's own comfort level with color. Be calm and she will pick up on your calmness. If you express anxiety about the white/black thing, she will definitely pick up on that, and may form some degree of discomfort about it as well. To keep her from bottling up about her inner desires (for white baby, versus any other color) just stay calm and try not to highlight it. I agree with you in that it probably is more of a descriptive thing. Good luck! :D

What color does your child see herself as, perhaps you can have an activity where she looks in the mirror and you guys can talk about how every body is different and how everybody is beautiful. I am white and have a black cousin, he has children that appear black, white, and his third child's mother is hispanic, so the child is...tan? They all are beautiful and they are all sisters (half sisters). I wouldn't worry about it too much, it may just be something that she relates to, and not a prejudice issue. My daughter has about 4 or 5 baby dolls, and although they are all white (they were all gifts), she goes for months where she will only play with one, and then she will switch for no apparent reason. The important thing is that she feels beautiful about herself, and she treats everyone equally.

Let it go and give her baby dolls names--- it will help! We are mixed white/black family and my kids used to call their dolls brown etc. I think it is just to tell you what they see--not a racial thing. Good luck
M

When my nephew was around age 4, he was in daycare, and he generally referred to all kids by specific color: that brown kid, that black kid, that tan kid, that pink kid.

My sister was mortified, but he was really just being accurate according to "toddler logic". Toddlers like to identify and label things, often literally. Race & ethnicity doesn't really figure into anything that at that age.

There have been studies done that even very young black children prefer the lighter skinned baby dolls and when asked which one is prettiest, they point to the lighter skinned black or white dolls. I don't know that this was picked up at daycare , but maybe on tv. All around us beauty is presented as blond. It's getting much better recently. There s more of an effort to represent other cultures and colors, even though it's still a huge minority. I do my best to promote pride in my childrens race. I actually don't buy white babies at all. Of course, relatives have given white babies to my kids and that's ok. But when I buy a doll, I want it to look like my little sugar baby. When I point out someone beautiful, I make sure they look like my sugar baby. But still, she pets my blond hair and tells me how pretty and soft it is and how she wants to be pretty like me when she grows up. It's gonna be a hard row to hoe but i'm sure they will all survive it and come out stronger on the other end.

Hi Tia
When I read your note, I had to smile. It really is so cute. I can just see her saying "I want my white baby" Honestly, I would not worry too much about it. The most important thing to teach her, is to love ALL of her babies. Get as many dolls as you can find of different races and colors. Even go as far as getting purple faced dolls, or alien type dolls, or dolls that have the face of a cute dog. Love ALL of them regularly in her presence. When my daughter was a little girl, she met a black dog that snapped & growled at her. She then became afraid of ALL black dogs. I had to get her over this fear. She has red hair, and there was a girl in her JK class that also had red hair, and she was a little mean. This was the perfect opportunity for me to ask her a question. I asked "just because Sally is not nice, does that mean all girls with red hair are not nice? So again, don't worry about it too much or make a big deal of it. She will have favorite dolls and they will change from time to time. Just show her that everyone needs love no matter what color they are.
M. www.HighFiveMoms.com

Lol, I don't think this has anything to do w race or noticing racial differences. My two yr old wants his green crocodile one week and his brown one the next. Or if he asks for his snake and I bring him the orange one, he screams "no the purple snake!" That's just my take on it, we're a multiracial family and we love our differences and similarities, but I think this is just a case of a toddler wanting a toy that's a particular color; she'll pick a new color or a new toy to cling to in a week or two, or maybe the white doll is her lovey. No one would question it if it were a white dog or a blue horse :)