Toddler Toddler Behavior

It is normal. I would stop her gently and talk to her about how she is feeling. Kids don't know that what they're feeling has a name and that everyone feels these things. Get her to confront the issue and let her use words to solve it. Like are you sad or mad?...and explain that it's ok to feel this was, but you should hit. It is time consuming, but if she understood that it wasn't acceptable to hit you, she will understand that she also can't hit herself or others. I hope you get a lot of advice.

T....this is very normal behavior for a toddler who can not express themselves with words. If she is trying to ask you something and her words are not understandable, ask her to take you to what it is she is wanting. Also try to teach a little bit of sign language to her to help her with her communication. Communication plays a part in young toddler hitting. I do hope this helps a little. Have patience with yourself because you are not schooled in the language of "Toddler". A foreign language. :-)

Since she is only 19 months old, she doesn't have the verbal skills yet to express frustration, anger, or sadness, so hitting at this age is definitely a "normal" behavior. Your job now is to teach her how to "appropriately" express her feelings, and help her figure out how to "get over it" (not really the phrase I want to use...just can't think of the *right way to say it*).

When my son acts inappropriately, his dad and I tell him, "This is not the way to tell us what is wrong, Honey." Then we play "20 questions" to try to figure out why he is mad, and help him learn how to express his feelings in a better way. (Yes, this is the age where you get to play "detective" on 364 out of 365 days!) This is going to be a very frustrating year for you (and her), but as her verbal skills increase, the hitting should stop.

My son is about to turn 3, but is very speech delayed, so you can imagine the frustration levels at our home right now! Hopefully, we'll be able to get him into Preschool this fall, and his speech will "catch up" to the rest of him!

Good Luck with this issue, and Hang in There!
~J.~

Sounds to me like she is handling her anger, or frustrations in the only way she can figure out how, just like you did when she was hitting you, you have to teach her that hitting herself is also unacceptable behavior, and she will probably stop, but because she is a toddler, be prepared for her to find another behavior to use that also may be unacceptable, you just have to keep teaching, especially at this age

That is so funny...well not really, but my daughter (15 mo.) is doing the exact same thing! When she gets upset she will hit herself in the head!? She also pinches (especially when she is falling asleep) herself, me (while going to sleep) and her baby??? The pinching during sleepy time doesn't seem to be mean, just a thing she does to help her fall asleep. Other times, I think she does it when she's frustrated, or just because. Yesterday, her whole neckline had these little red marks where she had pinched herself! *shrug* We tell her no, that she's a sweet baby and then rub her hand on our cheek or arm and say, "Soft!" We say that it isn't nice and that we love her/the baby and pinching hurts, no-no. I have no idea what the deal is! It worries me, but at least it isn't just her! :)

One suggestion made was that maybe she is just beginning to realize that she can do these things and make things hurt and is therefore experimenting? Maybe?

A. D

In my day care I find that it is normal. I have this most patient and incredible baby with a good outstanding nature and another 2 yr old came and hit that was that. I put them in time out and even this young they know. Time out for a 1 yr old is one minute so by the time they are there they are coming back to play but they know that is not allowed. Good luck years ago about that age it was biting for my son. G. W

I think it's pretty normal behavior. The good thing is, it's mostly a self-correcting behavior. Just make sure to remove her from places where she might hurt herself when this happens. Otherwise, I think it's probably best not to show too react too much regarding this. She'll stop soon enough once she's able to better communicate. You might check out the book or dvd -- Happiest Toddler on the Block. There are some really good insights and techiniques in there.

Good luck!

My 18 month old son started this a few months ago and I can tell you they just have to grow put of it. Restrain her and face her away from you for a time out, technically she is old enough for a 1 min. time out but you wont be able to just put her in a corner. You will have to hold her facing away and hold her arms so she cant keep hitting you. Tell her she has to go to time out (in a normal but stern tone) because she hit and then once you are ready to let her up look her in the face and tell her what she did wrong and why she was in time out. It wont take long until she knows what time out is and she shouldn't do it as often. Keep using time out for all discipline needs. We do it(my husband is better at it) and it works. I don't believe 18 month old are big enough for spankings and either way it is confusing to children. Why would you hit them to get them to stop hitting?? Stay calm and walk away if you need too. Your angel sounds like a normal, healthy, learning to be independent toddler. Good luck and God bless you and your family.

S. Ashcraft

Legal Assistant

Progressive Concepts, Inc.

This sounds like frustration to me. Try redirecting her attention. Cuddle her while you read a book together. Or get her involved in a physical activity. Try jumping up and down - Toddlers love to jump. Play a rousing game of hide and seek. Once she is calm explain that hitting herself means she doesn't love herself. Tell her how much you love her. Encourage her to list all the things that are good about her: her sweet smile, her helpfulness. etc.

I agree with everyone that this is pretty normal behavior for this age. One thing that has worked really well for my daughter is when she hits I tell her that's not how we use our hands. Then I tell her to show me her gentle hands. She will then gently "pet" whoever she just hit. Now I have actually seen her get mad, pull her arm back to hit and change her mind mid-swing. Instead she will reach out and "pet" them and walk away! It's pretty sweet.

I am going through the same thing with my 18 month old little girl right now. Her sister is 3.5 now and she was never bad at hitting herself or anyone else when she was angry. My baby girl is a whole different story, though. She actually started behaving this way after spending a weekend with her cousins. One of them is the same age, and he was very bad about hitting whether he was angry or not. She picked it up right away, and even though I have taught her that it is very bad to hit under any circumstances, she still does it when she is throwing a temper tantrum. I use time out in a designated area when she does this, and after 4 months it is starting to improve. I think that this is a fairly normal response for our little ones to have, even though it is not easy to deal with emotionally for us. They are still finding their boundaries and learning about their own feelings and how to deal with them and express them to others. It can be frustrating, but you are doing a good job. Hang in there!

I have a 15 month old little boy and a few months ago, just playing around he hit my mother, she thought it was funny and laughed. He loved this and kept doing it, as she kept laughing. This is what started it for me. The rest of us had to work at teaching him not to hit. Mainly done by holding down his hand when he rears back and saying no. It takes time. He went from hitting to banging his head on the ground. I dont know what is worse! But I have found that not paying him any attention and walking away has been helping. His is doing this to get attention and is figuring out that he is getting no response from me and has been doing it less and less. Try to figure out what it is that your daughter is wanting, is she trying to get your attention? Is she upset about something? try to give her praise for expressing her feelings in other ways

Around that age my daughter was pulling her hair when she became upset. She's one month past her second birthday now and hasn't exhibited the behaviour for quite some time. I'm sure this is something they do until they learn other outlets for their feelings.

My daughter is 18 months old, and she has been doing the same thing lately--but hitting others, not herself. Specifically, she hits her older sister...I think it's because it's her only way to defend herself when her older and stronger sister takes something or keeps her from doing something. My oldest went through the same thing, and I think it is just a frustration thing with not being able to express herself. I help out in our church's nursery with kids this age, and I've noticed that some kids are just more physical in their expressions than others and tend to hit more than others. I'd say that about 1/2 of the kids in there hit at one time or another. It's not that they're mean kids...it's just that we have to work on teaching them not to handle their feelings that way. Good luck...they will make it through it. :)