Toddler Aggressive Behavior

Updated on October 04, 2006
A.F. asks from Robert, LA
10 answers

My 20-month-old is mostly non-verbal and has just recently started acting aggressively to smaller children. He doesn't seem to be angry when he acts out, he seems to be trying out his power. But telling him "no" and "don't do that" encourages him more to do it. He will make a "mean" sound and lightly hit or kick (it's never hard) at the smaller child and the next second he'll put his head on them and coo at them and try to kiss them. It's perplexing because he's actively showing both types of behavior, he seems to KNOW which behavior is desireable and which one is not...but still he'll out of nowhere let out this aggressiveness.

What can I do next?

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L.W.

answers from Austin on

I have found that if you address the specific part of the body that is misbehaving and put it in timeout it works well ie. hands T/O, mouth T/O, feet T/O. Explain to him that friends don't treat each other like that. Speak to him like he understands, chances are, he does. Don't use baby words, but simple sentences.

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G.B.

answers from Boston on

Hi Ann-Liese:
My son is now 5 years old, but he was the same way when he was your son age, by then his teachers at the daycare told me to get him som help because of his lack of speach, he has being in speach terapy ever since, his bahavior is not agressive, but the frustation of not being able to communicate verbaly made him act that way, now his vocabulary still low, but he can express himself much better, just keep an eye on him, and try to get him help with his speach, don't wait too long, some kids get out of it, others don't ask your pediatrician about it.

G.

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H.

answers from San Antonio on

Instead of saying,"No", redirect him. Instead of saying,"Don`t do that, always start your sentences with ,"I". I don`t like what you did, I don`t approve of that behavior, and put him on time out for about 1 minute or less, you may have to sit with him. Praise him when he demonstrates good behavior, and say something , like," I like the way you are playing, or I am so proud of you, good job". H. this helps.

H.

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K.G.

answers from Austin on

This is very normal behavior. He just needs reminders. Also, give attention to the child that was hit or kicked and not him. Say to the hurt one "I'm so sorry you are hurt" etc. and comfort him/her. Your son will see that he doesn't get attention from you by acting that way. Of course, say "no, people aren't for hitting" but then give all attention to the "victim". It won't be gone overnight, but it will get better. It's a normal phase of development, so don't beat yourself up over it.

Good luck!
K.

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F.C.

answers from Shreveport on

Have u tried maybe getting out a book or turning on the tv to a cartoon channel.. To get your childs attention to something good. Telling the child no never works.. Doesnt on my end anyways. Well i hope the best for u. Good luck

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K.M.

answers from Beaumont on

My 3 kids went through that stage too at ages 2 and 3. It is called the terrible 2's and it sometimes carries into age 3. They do grow out of it and it is just a phase but repremanding them for doing something wrong is a good way to teach them right from wrong. After repremanding them i found that having them sit in timeout (time for that depends on the age..2yrs = 2 minutes and so on) when they learn that they don't get to have fun after doing something wrong they will quickly catch on to act appropriately. This is me speaking from personal experience with my 3 kids and now they are perfect angels whenever we go out somewhere and they are very helpful in the house too. Hope i was of some assistance to you. Oh by the way part of the acting out starts when they start cutting their 2 year molars too.

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L.K.

answers from Corpus Christi on

Hi,
I have a 22 month old and a 6 week old. The oldest will do the same thing to the younger, lightly kick or push at him. Also I've noticed she will do the same to the dog. It doesn't seem to me that she is being malace just trying to get a response from me. At this age children do not possess the ability to empathize thus not completely understanding how much they are/could be hurting the littler child. I think that when they actout they are testing what works and what doesn't. Whenever my daughter is acting mean I tell her that she is not being nice and encourage her to be gentle and give hugs and kisses. I try to replace the negative behavior with positive to show her what is the correct way to act. I always try to remember that my responses to her behavior will become her responses to my behavior.

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S.D.

answers from Shreveport on

Have you checked with an audiologist? The reason I ask is that both of my boys, were that way and they needed speech therapist, once they had started school. I got them enrolled at the age of three into ECE through the parish, when they were 3 yrs of age. I was told that because they could not speak that the only way that they could get what they wanted was to be mean.

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H.

answers from Lubbock on

Hi

My son sounds about the same as yours: he doesn't talk much and can be a little bit "pushy" towards the other children. I think, and the speech therapist has said this too, that a lot of it is to do with frustration at not being able to vacalize what he needs/wants. Like your son, he'll be sharing his food one minute and pushing them to the ground the next... I think that as they learn to talk more, so that communication is verbal instead of physical, these things will go. My point is, that I'm sure it'll be fine.

H.
ps my family and I moved to Texas after Katrina... we lost our hosue too, so I feel for you. All the best.

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A.V.

answers from Beaumont on

My nephew does this same thing to my child and other children. He is three years old though. But when he does it his mother will take him away from the other child and make him sit in the corner and tell him why he is in time out. Even though he hugs and kisses afterwards he is still hitting or kicking the other child. My son starting doing this to me and other kids and when he does it I do the same thing that my sister-in-law does. I take him away from the other kids and put him in time out. Is your child in daycare? If so then he is probably learning that from other kids and you really need to train him not to do that so that when he gets older he won't do it out of meanness.

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