How Do I Stop My Toddler from Slapping Us in the Face

every time he does it, take away something he really likes (toy, fave snack, fave book at bedtime, etc.) until he learns it's NOT ok to slap or hit. then he has to EARN those things back by showing you good behavior. you mean business, don't back down. even if it's taken away for 3 weeks, DO NOT BACK DOWN, be consistent, let him know "no" means "no."

My daughter did the same thing to my husband at around that age. We did the same thing you are doing and it took a few months, but she did stop. Also another thing we would do, is once she would slap him, he would stop playing with her for a few min and let her know that it isn't funny and he isn't going to play with her when she hits him. Stay calm and it will pass!

I have to agree that hitting a child to teach them not to hit (especially when you are the stronger and more powerful person) sends a confusing message.

When he hits, put him down or gently move him to the same place where he can hit something acceptable. Say, Mommy is not for hitting. Pillows are for hitting. (or the ground, the floor, the chair, whatever you choose to work with each and every time -- floor is easy because there always is one!). Consistently redirect his energy into an acceptable outlet.

My daughter started hitting only in the face when she was about 18 months old. We started off doing the same thing and then her pediatrician suggested that we simply put her down and turn our back to her every time she does it. That way she is not recieving any kind of attention from doing it. She only did it about 3 times after we started turning our backs and is back to her sweet self again. Hope that helps.

I suggest time-out. He wants attention and you provide that to him when you have a conversation. Give him a warning first. If he does it again, walk him to a designated time-out area and tell hime "no hitting". Set the timer for 1 minute. If he gets up (and he will if you have never done time-out before); continue to take him back without saying a word. The critical part is not providing him the attention that he so wants you to give him. After he successfully stays in time-out for a minute, explain to him that you put him in time-out for hitting. Have him say sorry. Give hugs and kisses. He will get it. Also, praise him when he is doing the behavior that you like - if he gets more attention for positive behavior than negative, he will start know what you want. He is testing you right now and trying to figure it all out. This really worked for ours - she had a hitting phase as well. However, she got the idea pretty quickly that we do not hit using this method. She would even catch herself before doing it. She is now a very obedient two year old. In fact, I get a ton of comments on her behavior. Plus she is such a happy little girl. I read the post about spanking. That is not the only option. I was spanked as a child b/c that is what my mother's mother did. Read up on different options beyond the blog. I know every child is very different and may need a "custom" approach. Good luck!!

My son was doing the exact same thing - and we did start using time out (our ped said to start using time out after 18 mos). We told him that it is not OK to hit - and that since he hit he had to go to time out. We'd put him in his crib for a minute and a half (since he won't sit still anywhere) and when we go to get him tell him again what he did wrong and why he went to time out. After doing this just a few times it stopped - and now when he's misbehaving I tell him if he doesn't stop he's going to go to time out - and 9 times out of ten he stops! Good luck!

You separate yourself from him INSTANTLY. Don't raise your voice or be rough. Instead do one of two things: firmly tell him we don't hit mommy and then sit him in a room away from you for a time out. OR if he doesn't stay in time out, simply, tell him the same thing and then turn him around on your lap to face a way from you. Don't talk or lecture about it when you do this. When you are done (after a minute for each year) turn him around, reiterate not hitting mommy, and then kiss him, put him down to go about his business.

I'm a speech therapist, so my responses, I've noticed always seem a bit different from other moms. I always see developmental issues where there may not be any. But I like to at least rule them out.
When I see a 20 month old slapping in the face (assuming good home, he doesn't see others slapping in the face and no one slaps him in the face)I think he must be frustrated by something. Because, obviously, most people dont slap their children in the face, this isn't a learned behavior, so it's something he has created on his own. And since the face is where speech comes from, my gut would be that the increased speech demands placed on a 20 month old are frustrating to him. Maybe he isn't understanding the more complex speech (since we tend to talk "more grown-up" to a 20 month old than we do to a 12 month old). Or maybe he's trying to say words that aren't being understood??
Of course the behavior isn't ok, and so the advice you get to correct it will be great! But if the CAUSE is frustration, then you may see an issue pop up somewhere else. Do you think it might be a language development issue? Those are so common at this age?? Or just naughty behavior?

After you hold his hand firmly and say no add an additional discipline and be consistent with it. (time out, etc)

Sounds to me like it's time to start swatting him on the bottom. Whatever you choose, consistency is what will make it stick! Time out works well for some kids, but you might have to sit by him to hold him in time out if he won't sit there otherwise. Hope it gets better soon. Take Care!

Look at it from his perspective. He does this one thing and your reaction is hilarious / interesting / and he gets a kick out of it. He doesn't realize it' hurts (he's too young) and hitting him will only reinforce what he's doing (it's ok to hit -- mommy & daddy do it). Your best bet I think is a redirect with absolutely no reaction when he hits you. Don't hold his hand. Don't make any facial expression and be as boring as humanly possible. Don't let him close to your face until he gets over this (and he will -- he'll find other ways to torment you lol).

We have a daughter - same exact age, same exact situation. The good news is that she's clearly not doing it out of anger, she just slaps us on the face from time to time and you can tell by looking at HER face that she's wondering what our reaction will be. Curiosity. Sometimes, she even immediately hugs us as if she knows that it's wrong and that she's sorry. BUT - from everything I've read and from what our pediatrician told us, we should NOT hit back. Shows them the behavior is acceptable. I agree with the moms who commented that not giving them a response at all is a good plan. We do that, plus, we put her in time out as SOON as she does it. We don't respond to her, pick her up and take her to the pack-n-play that we have set up for time out only. Once we get her in there we tell her "We don't hit, hitting hurts, now you need to stay in time out."

She definitely "gets" that this is a punishment for her actions. She "gets" that it's wrong. Doesn't mean she stopped after the first time out, but it's gotten better. Our pediatrician says that time out should be: a minute for every year of their age. So at this stage - 2 minutes tops.

When we get her out of time out we calmly explain again why it was wrong and we ask her to tell us she's sorry. She does, hugs and kisses us, and runs on to play.

Hi L.,

Check out Love and Logic (you can google them to find their website). They have a great approach to parenting.

Good Luck!
L.

Try taking his hand and stroking your face and saying gentle. That worked for my son.

I would do what you are doing and then get up and walk away, thus removing your face from reach and removing attention from him. He will learn that a consequence of his hitting is losing your focus on him, your attention, etc, and he will stop. Good luck!

put up with it until he understands you verbally or slap him back. it will hurt you & him but get the point across. otherwise enjoy getting slapped in the face for the next few years. i have 3 children & they all did this to me. i did not want to do it either but small children understand by example, get it.

Hi L., Perhaps instead of saying NO in a strong voice. Maybe say That is not a nice way to treat anyone. How would you like it , if someone hit you? We must not hit anybody. Then maybe set him aside , then when you get close to him, hug him and let him know That is nice.
I've always explained to my chidren why something was exceptable or totally unexceptable behavior. They've turned out kind, gentle, and loving parents to their own families.
Short words like NO, sound like a command for a puppy.
bf

Have you tried popping the top of his hand when you grab it to say no. I did this to one of my girls and they stopped hitting within a week. When she would cry after I popped her hand, I would ask now did that feel good and she would say no then I would explain that is how it feels to mommy when you hit me.

Every kid I have ever known goes through this! It is a very simple fix:

After he slaps you, take his hand and gently rub it on your face. Then, in a calm voice, say "Gentle, Gentle.", as you rub his hand on your face.

Make sure everybody that he slaps does this, and if they won't, you grab your son and do it.

It works like a charm!

I didn't read over the responses and it's probably already been mentioned, but Love and Logic parenting books are the most useful tools I've come across. And again, I didn't read over the responses, but I'm sure you have the usual "slap him back" junk. Please don't do this, teach by example. Good luck to you...it's gets more and more fun!! Really!

Since your son is too young to understand the concept of a time out (and if he did understand, he definately would not stay on the time out rug or chair or whatever), I would suggest locking him in his room every time he slaps you or your husband. Every time he slaps you guys, tell him no like you are doing, and then tell him that he is going to his room because he is behaving badly and it's not nice to hit people. If he can open his bedroom door, get those doorknob things to put over the doorknob (which makes it very difficult for kids to open the door). Keep him in his room for 10 minutes or so, even if he is screaming. That is what I would do. Good luck!!

in our home hitting means you get taken immediately to the crib...EVERYTIME You look at him shocked and hurt and say no and take him to be alone...Its harder when you are in public but still there are ways to make him know he will be put down and that he hurt you. If you keep holding him he's still getting comfort and attention even if you are speaking sternly. He's big enough now for time out

Strongly say "No, that hurts!" and then put him down an d walk away. When he approaches you have hm say sorry before you pick him up.

Read Love and Logic!

www.loveandlogic.com

We too had the same problem with our daughter. We also grabbed her hand and firmly said no...and she'd laugh at us. We also ended up swatting her hand lightly. Enough to get her attention, and to point out she could not do that. She didn't like getting in trouble. She just turned 2 in May and hasn't done this in quite some time. She eventually learned it was wrong. As she was getting it, we'd see her raise her hand and then put it back down. I believe it was just a phase, but you are doing the right thing by showing your son it's not nice. Keep up what your doing. He's just testing you, and he'll figure out you mean business and it is not nice to hit.

I don't like the thought of hitting a child to teach them not to hit. My advice is to tell him no, as you have been, then put him down and walk away. The total withdrawal of your attention - consistently, over time - might help him get the idea that hitting = no attention, and kids LIVE for attention. At 20 months, he doesn't really understand your explanation of why it's wrong, but he will understand your actions. Good luck!

This pretty easy if you are willing to do it. 20 months is old enough for a "time out". EVERYTIME he does it say "if you do it again you'll get a time out". If he does it again put him in the crib or pack n play and ignore him for about a minute or two. Then go to him and say "you got a time out for hitting" and take him out. No reaction from you when doing it. Calm and in control. I can not stress the importance of doing this every time. Soon he will get it and stop. I have two boys ages 4 and 2. We have a zero tolerance for hitting and nipped it in the bud when it began.
Best Regards,
C.

We tried to do time out with my daughter but she just wouldn't sit and we had to physically hold her down on the chair. That only escalated everything and caused her to be scared - i think physically holding anyone down could make them feel claustraphobic (sp.).

I started making my daughter go stand against the wall and put her nose on the wall facing away from us. I count to ten and then she is done and has to say she is sorry. It has made a huge difference. She is standing there without being held. She knows when I get to ten it is over and she has also learned to count. Most of the times it only takes once. But there are times she does the same naughty thing two or three times in a row and by the third "put your nose on the wall" she stops her misbehaving.

Another good thing about this is that you don't have to have a special time out mat or chair. We were at the park the other day and she had to put her nose on the wall - we found a tree and she put her nose on that.

I have tried many things but this is the one that has worked for me.