To Play or Not to Play - Crystal Lake,IL

Well, I can't choose so I guess I'm Camp 3...a combination of both! I try to tell myself to play and have fun as much as possible, but sometimes I'm busy or just need a few minutes to not play. So, I do a combo approach!

It depends on what I'm doing. If I'm cooking/cleaning/working in some way, I expect my kids to entertain themselves. But I believe my main role is my role as a Mom, and I'm not going to miss out on that because I'm busy! I think playing with my kids is extremely important, and it takes up a large part of my day. I do NOT think that this will make them less independent, because that has not been my experience in the past, and it also doesn't mesh with my understanding of psychology. If anything, I think it will make them more confident, because they will know that their parents want to spend time with them doing what THEY enjoy, not just the teaching and guiding that is a parent's duty. In addition, I just don't want to look back and think that I should have played with them more. They only really want Mom and Dad to play with them for such a short time - I am going to fully engage in that! ^_^

ETA: My kids play by themselves. They use their imaginations. And there is NEVER a question if I'm a parent or playmate. They KNOW I'm the parent. You CAN have it "both ways" in this case. Your kids CAN play by themselves and use their imagination but YOU can ALSO play with your kids.
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If my kids ask me to play - I do. I'll drop what I'm doing - with the exception of cooking meals - and play. They won't be young and want to play with me forever.

What's the point in having kids if you don't want to interact with them? I LOVE playing Nerf Guns with my boys - I'm the MEDIC!!!!! I get my Red Cross helmet and get to have fun!!! YAHOO!!!!

We play Uno and other games together as well!!

I think kids benefit a lot from playing with parents as well as their peers. I believe it improves their vocabulary when young and keeps us in touch with each other as they get older.

I also happen to have an only child so he didn't have any sibs for playing games. I don't play every time he asks, but I try to make time everyday. Today we had a water balloon fight. When he was younger we would play cars, blocks, "pretend" with stuffed animals, etc. Now we play board games, Legos, and other stuff. He spends plenty of time in his own world of imaginary play and is extremely good at entertaining himself. He dislikes video games, watches very little TV and loves reading. He is also extremely confident and independent as evidenced by his L. to go to overnight camp by himself (i.e. no friend along).

I don't think playing with your children prevents them from learning to play independently. In fact I think it helps. We used to play together and then I would set a timer for when I had to get back to housework. When he was little this was a great way for him to get started on an imaginary game and then he would continue long after I had to get up.

To me I think it is important to have a balance of both ideas.

For the most part, I play whenever he asks. If I'm cooking, I generally try to let him help me with simple things. If I'm doing something that HAS to be done right then, he is fine with waiting until I'm available. He plays on his own very well, so he isn't asking me all the time, anyway.

Added: My dad played with us ALL THE TIME. Pretend played, the whole nine yards. I have always been very independent. Also...HAHA...to the idea my son doesn't know I'm his parent!!

I'm in camp number 1. I had a child to spend time with and enjoy. I work full time and spend all the time I am home with DS (while he is awake). My husband does the same. Of course there is a finite limit to the amount of pretend play an adult can manage without losing their sanity. So this is regularly interrupted by outside play, art and (this time of year) swimming. DS does spend a fair amount of time 'helping' with whatever we are doing and I count this as time together (cooking, gardening, etc).

Sorry to sit on the fence but I'm right down the middle and do both. Kids learn by being shown how to do things, and as parents part of our job is to show them, once they know they can then be expected to be independent and self-motivate themselves when needed.

But I won't cheat myself out of the fun of coloring or playing with playdough or laughing or drawing with sidewalk chalk or playing a game on the Kindle or any of the things my grandkids want me to do with them, not for anything in the world. They still want me as a playmate in their lives and I like it that way : )

I'm a combination of both, and my daughter enjoys spending some time doing her own thing. However, I am more apt to spend time with her doing something fun than to say "no, tough it out, this bathroom ain't gonna clean itself." If I need to get something done, I do it. If it's something that can wait and isn't a priority, I spend time with her. I work fulltime, so weekday evenings don't have a lot of time to get everything done and spend time with my daughter. SHE is most important to me. In the morning, she plays on her own while I get ready for work. At night she plays on her own while I fix dinner.

When she was first adopted and I had to be firm and was rigid in maintaining her routine and trying to do all the right things for a child who was grieving the loss of her entire world and who didn't speak my language, I suddenly realized that I was becoming so stressed about all the things a parent "should" do that I was becoming someone who wasn't much fun to be around. From that day forward, I've made it a point to spend some time every day being silly or just having fun together. I missed her first two years of life, and she's growing up fast. I don't think I'll ever regret having spent time enjoying my daughter. She gets to do her own thing enough as part of our routine and when it is necessary.

I sit on the fence and do both.
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My mum played with us all the time... Also aunts, uncles, grandparents... No one has 'been living in moms basement'! We're an independent bunch the 40 some odd that get together for holidays. Heck, I joined the USMC at 17. Several of my subs/cousins are overseas. Most have graduate degrees. In general I come from a very large, very successful, close knit family... That just happens to be child centric.

I strongly doubt there's a causal link between playing with your kids and being an independent adult.

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ETA @ Cheryl.. Ha! I'm 114 (my call sign, aka 'not as cool as 117, but close ;) in an ongoing game of army guys... Which takes place in the wood behind our house, on the street walking from place to place, in the car... With full on hiding behind bushes, and the whole shebang. When in a brace on my leg, and arm in a sling, this fall... Still played. Either as 'walking wounded' being evac'd, or a zombie. I did the zombie fairly well.

I'm a huge fan of balance. I give my son probably 20 minutes of playtime each day that he directs(he chooses the activity). Plenty of people I admire suggest that taking an interest in the child's work of play validates their 'work' and further encourages them to go and do it on their own.

Our son is an 'only', so who else does he have to play with some days?
We have our adventure days, but when that's not happening, I figure 20-30 minutes of sitting on the floor and playing with him is just a fraction of my day. It makes him feel good in what he's doing and I what's more, in this way, I get to 'eavesdrop' on what he's interested in, what's important to him. I'd rather be somewhat connected and have a happy kid. Because of the no-sibs situation, if I didn't play with him some days, NO ONE would play with him. Sort of sad, if you think about it. I have 16 waking hours in the day; so devoting 20 minutes to play and 20 minutes to afternoon storytime is *nothing* in the big picture.

My 2yo DD mostly plays on her own... I do interact and play with her, but if I'm doing something she has to wait for me to finish it before I play with her. I make a point of spending some time playing with her each day, but I'm not willing to drop everything whenever she wants to play.

If she wants to play when I am doing something trivial, like reading or online, I will usually finish a chapter, or whatever I was doing before I get down and play with her. I feel like that has really helped with her patience... She is the only 2 year old I have personally met (although I am sure there are more out there...) who actually doesn't interrupt me when I am talking to other adults or trying to cook. :) She also gets quite a bit of quality time other than just playing... We read together, she "helps" me with most chores, and she is such a little cuddler. So it's not like she is left to her own devices ALL the time.

I feel like she should be acknowledged, and then told whether M. will play now, she needs to wait a minute, or to go play by herself. It has worked well for us.

How much do you remember before age 7?
As we grow, we tend to forget.
There might be flashes, and pictures and family stories help, but we just don't remember most day to day events.
So - most of us don't remember how our parents played with us when we were toddlers/pre-schoolers/kindergarteners.
My Mom loved to color with us, and then as we got older, we colored on our own - she was too busy playing bills, earning a living and earning her master degree.
She showed us how to cut paper dolls.
Once her masters was earned (she was a teacher, so she had summers off) we took a 6 week drive across country for the bi-centennial.
It was a WONDERFUL trip!
I spent a lot of time playing with our son, and as he got older, he'd take the lead or build something (blocks, Duplo, pillows, couch cushions, etc) and want to show me what he made.
Play with Daddy was different.
He gave horsey back rides till child was so heavy Dad's back ached.
Initially you play and discover together, and then they play more without you, and finally they hardly need you at all.
It's a natural progression.

When I was very young, my parents played with me a lot.
I remember and I've been told by those around at that time.

I have always been very independent more so than my sibling who experienced the same type of play. She was not as independent.

I think it depends upon the child's personality type.

I am in camp number two!
I'm not a playmate, I am a mom.
My quality time with my kids when they were little was spent nursing, feeding, bathing, snuggling and reading to them.
When they were bigger it was more about teaching them and providing experiences and opportunities (cooking, riding a bike, sewing/crafts, planting, going to interesting places like beaches, cities, plays, museums and zoos.)
Now that they're older it's become more of a mentoring role, learning to drive a car, how to shave, iron, do laundry, balance a checkbook, navigate high school and relationships and how to get ready for college and living away from home.
I think it's great when parents enjoy playing with their kids. But I do think kids can and should be expected to use their own imaginations, a LOT. They learn so much more that way, and they have a lot more fun with each other than mom and dad, don't you think?

Our daughter is an only child, so I do try to make a point to play games with her - I am fine with board games, card games, etc. I am not so big into pretend play and I don't do hide-and-seek, tag, etc. - she can do that with her peers. Some of her favorite things to do on her own is draw and color. I don't want her to grow up thinking her mom never had time or couldn't be bothered to play with her, but sometimes I have to encourage her to play on her own because I have stuff I need to get done, or I just need a break, and she needs to realize that I am her M., not her playmate - it's good for her to learn how to entertain herself. Sometimes I will tell her 1 game of Uno, and then M. has to get some work done - or that I will play a game with her as soon as I am done with XYZ.

Sometimes we'll do a playdate at a friend's house or at our house and sometimes the kids want us to still get involved in what they are playing - and then we are like, NO WAY. Most of us figure they have each other to play with and it's a chance for us to catch a break and chat over coffee. I have one mom friend who is very hands on and will get down on the floor and start playing Candyland with the kids while still trying to carry on a conversation with me. I can't help but feel she should be encouraging her kids to be a little more independent, but that's me.

I am not an on the floor play kinda mom. I'm just not, I do do other things though and as far as I can tell my older children have not been effected by that at all.

I was an only child & don't remember my mom doing that much with me, honestly. Maybe it's because she was a single mom for most of my childhood.

I like to do a combo w/DD (also an only child). It get can get a little tiring, since she doesn't have anyone to play with. I think she gets a good mixture of solo play & family interaction.

hmmm i think you would get different answer per different stages of development. I think up to age 7 benefit from it, but i admit it is sometimes hard to do.

there are also diff defentions of playing, one aunt would play dolls with us, and one aunt would take us in the crik to catch tadpoles, and another would bake with us. As long as you are giving them your attention every so often you are good.

Well my son is only 17 months old. However, I let him "play" with me while I do what I need to do. He's not in the imagination stage at this time but wants to do everything I do anyway so when I have to do dishes, he gets a broom and "sweeps" the floor. I will sit and play blocks with him or with some of his toys, but I don't do it all day. I try to balance my time between him and other things that I need to do. I believe as he gets older I will try to continue this. I do the same thing when his half-sister comes over. Sometimes I play with her and sometimes she is expected to play by herself or with her brother while I do something that I need to do. She is not so good at this, but she trys. My son is really good right now at entertaining himself when needed.

When my kids were really little and just learning to play I was firmly in the Camp #1...always playing with them!

Now that they are all a bit older (8, 6 & 4) I am more in Camp #2 w/a little of camp #1 thrown in here and there.

~This is funny, just last night my 6y/o was saying that I don't play with him enough and I actually said 'I am your Mother not your friend, I don't need to play with you every time you want me to'. Kinda felt bad about it afterwards but C'mon...I really shouldn't be expected to stop what I am doing to entertain them whenever they wish!

There is so much going on it is hard to get down to play one on one like Barbies dolls cars coloring,so for us they do great playing together or independently and no matter what we are doing we try to make it a learning lesson or game so no I don't think they are suffering from undivided attention,they no when i'm seriously busy and to keep quite or stay out of the room when i'm cleaning.And no I also don't remember my parents playing with us as children i'm trying but it's not coming to me,and that is one thing I like to change as a parent to my own kids.My husband however can do these things all the time he works endless hours a day comes home some nights after they are in bed but makes up for it on the weekends they have a great time with him he also has more imagination than I do

My kids are very independent. My daughter (4y/o) always has been. She will play with her toys in the living room while I do what I need to do during the day. My son (2y/o) is very much the same way. That is not to say I don't play with them, because I do. If I have the time, I suddenly become someone who needs to be rescued by a super hero or two. They like to have towels or bandanas around their shoulders like capes. Or from time to time, I need to be rescued from the floor, which has turned into hot lava. When my husband is home from work, he does the same. Only he has far more patients than I do. Our daughter has done his hair with berets and such, and had him wearing a tiara, and they were playing tea party. Seriously, it takes a real man to let his baby girl put berets in his hair, wear a tiara, and play tea party.

When I think back on it though, I don't recall my parents ever playing pretend though. I had older brothers that I played pretend with, which usually had to do with evil plots and villains and water balloons.