Probably a Silly Question

You are the luckiest woman alive. I wish I could get my daughter to play for that long with out me. Ah sigh... dream dream dream.

Any chance you can do at least one feeding a day with the baby down stairs? That way they can put on a show for you or something and maybe the guilt of them being downstairs for the afternoon won't be so bad.

I'd probably try to sneak down there with a video camera to catch them playing together. They sound precious!

i think as parents we should stick to what keeps us sane, while not harming our children AND not worrying what other parents might be doing better.

:)

You are one lucky M.. Relax. They are fine.

I read a blog yesterday about this same issue. It was about children who complain how bored they are and expect their parents to entertain them. The response from bloggers was similar to your responses. Many people stated that parents are not there to entertain their kids. Kids need to learn to use their imaginations and play independently. When they are whining that they are bored, then give them chores to do. One poster said something that I thought was right on which was if you constantly do things for your kids, you raise lazy adults.

Just my 2 cents,

M.

I think your kids will be okay.
I grew up in a generation where kids played and entertained themselves.
That's not to say our parents NEVER interacted or played with us, but when it was summer, we ate breakfast and went outside. We played tag or hide and seek, we built forts, we climbed trees, we put on shows on the front porch. We jumped rope and made up games.
We turned out pretty well, all of us.
We played inside when it was too cold to be out. But we played with our dolls or made forts inside. We had a very patient mother when it came to that. She would read to us and taught us how to play cards. She taught us how to sew and gave us fabrics. She taught us and we had means for entertaining ourselves.
Neither my sister or I look back and think, "Mom didn't play with us all the time."
She let us go!
I did the same with my own kids. I gave them all the skills and resources to be creative and do their own thing.
Sure, we did things together, but they had their own time too.
If your kids are happy and they don't need you every minute for every thing, I think you are doing a great job!
Please don't feel guilty.
I bet your kids don't think you're doing anything wrong.
If they're happy.....let them be happy.

Best wishes.

Hey Mama,

One of the challenges parents I coach have, (I'm a parent coach), is that their children didn't play alone and require constant attention! Feel lucky!

My thoughts are as long as they are having fun together and happy, you're fine. They will tell you if they need attention from you.

I would allow other children to come over to add a little more social interaction, which is very important at this age. But for now, don't worry at all!

R. Magby

Well, I think that unstructered play is great for them. Just make sure that you are also doing things together with them like puzzles, games, etc. I was never one for the "make believe" play with my kids so luckily they have each other, but I do love to play games and stuff. We used to always play "hide Happy". Happy was a yellow ball with a face drawn on it with a sharpie. We would hide him around the house and then give hot/cold clues to find him. It was way easier than playing normal hide and seek in the house.

You're over thinking this. If you get a minute and stick your head down there and play with them for 5 minutes once or twice a week you are doing more than my parents did when I was growing up. We were out the door as soon as cartoons were over on Saturday morning, and rarely showed our faces again except for food until it was dark out.

Enjoy that they are close enough and get along well enough to play nicely for long periods of time. You are not neglecting them or not being a good parent because you let them enjoy their time together. If they weren't happy, you would know about it. :)

One could actually argue that you're doing them a favor by allowing them a lot of unstructured play time:

http://www.aap.org/pressroom/play-public.htm

I encourage it in my own family because I believe in it's developmental and behavioral importance and (more honestly) while they are playing by themselves/with each other, I am able to have a little time "to myself". And, it keeps me sane.

Well one of my best friends has a playroom as you describe and when a bunch of us get together for coffee our joke is no one better come up unless your bloody. Lol. I'm 35. My mother never played with me and my sister. She cleaned house all day. We turned out fine. Don't worry about it. They are having fun. I have an only child who is attached to me most of the day. Count your blessings that your kiddies play together.

I am torn on this. I believe children should learn to play by themselves, but there is also a great deal of bonding to be done through play. Could you maybe go down and play "house" with them? You could bring the baby and involve all three of them. You could bring a pack and play down and put the baby in there while she/he naps and play with them for an hour or so. It isn't long, but it will feel good to them to know that mommy still has time to play with them, too, not just with the baby.

Don't get me wrong - I still need MY time, too. Dora the Explorer has become a great babysitter for 45 min or so! I put on a couple of episodes while she snuggles on the couch with me and I read my book. We are still together, but I am able to unwind and relax and she is, too.

I'm a little jealous that yours will play together so well for so long! LOL! I rotate some time throughout the day with mine. I will usually play with them for awhile in the mornings and then I do an activity with my daughter during my son's naptime. Then, when I'm getting dinner ready, I send them upstairs to play by themselves. They don't always last long, but I try because I want to get the toys downstairs cleaned up and dinner started so that hubby doesn't walk in to a landmine! Then, after dinner, we all play together as a family for awhile. I could probably spend more time playing with them and want to try to do that, but my house is in a perpetual state of disaster and I am usually running around trying to clean up after my little whirlwinds. Maybe I need to start making a game out of cleaning up and we can all do that together! Don't be too hard on yourself. With an infant, I would probably tend to agree with your hubby. If they are happy, then let them be! Is there a chair or sofa down there where you could sit to feed your baby? Just having you in the room to talk to, even if you can't be down on the floor, could work too. Good luck and congrats on the new baby!

Gosh, if my children played that well together, I woould seriously consider having a third! Sounds like a dream come true to me... give yourself a break, they seem fine.

I say if they are happy, let them be. That time of day is naptime in my house, so I am not "playing" with my kids then either. as long as you feel like you are giving them enough quality time in the morning/evening, I don't think 3 hours of good old fashioned kid play is bad. It sounds like they enjoy the time together and if they didn't they certainly would be letting you know. :) Relax and enjoy the quiet!

I don't think you're worrying unnecessarily, but I also don't think it's something to stress about. Can you feed your baby downstairs where the girls are playing?

Enjoy this time. If you get an extra second go and take time out for them. It is great that they can do this.

i wish mine would stay put like that!!! lol lucky you! but in all honesty if you are feeling alittle guilty even if you just play with them for about 30 minutes-hour that should be good. where is it written what the time limit is, or what you should play with them or any of that stuff! i don't even look at child rearing books because every child is different! i guess do waht feels right to you! good luck!

To add my 2 cents, my daughters played fantastically together for awhile like this too - I figured they were happy and I believe in unstructured play, my parents never played w/ me etc. But it did end... For awhile all they did was fight. Now they're playing together again. So this may not last forever. I'd enjoy it now!

I have the same guilt as you do! I don't play with my kids, either! How can I? I have three small kids and I'm a stay at home mom. Just like everyone else, I always have household chores and errands to do. When I do get a moment, I choose to relax and watch TV and tell the kids to go play. If I go play with them, then where the heck is my downtime? NOWHERE! Just today, I played a game with one of my sons, and it felt great! However, that was the first time in a long time. I usually never play with them. I agree with your mother - that is what siblings are for. We have too much going on. If you can't get rid of your guilt, set aside some playtime with your kids on the weekends, or whenever your husband is home to be with the baby. Please don't worry about this, you (and I'm sure this appys to all of us) do the best we can! Cheers!

Funny....I wonder about this too. I don't play too much with my children either. I have to be in the mood to play. Some moms LOVE to get down on the floor and play...I wouldn't say I love it, but I have never done much playing. I enjoy that my children can play by themselves and with their siblings...sometimes it's more entertaining for me to just sit back and watch them play. I don't think you're alone with feeling guilty. I have felt guilty too.

hi darling, before i finished the question, i was thinking that your babies would really love to have YOU down there...but then i realized you have a 2 ms old baby. goodness, that's gotta be tough.
it's hard changing things up when your mom never did certain things w/you. they crave, need, love you to pieces as much as you love them. i definitely think you should be down there playing w/them. the sweet new baby can just nap nearby or lay on her back & look at the ceiling, but i def think y'all should be together. those ages of your girls are so cute & precious, you don't wanna miss those times w/'em. i think it's good you're questioning and i think it'll be even better tomorrow when they see their favorite playmate & hero, their mommy, come & sit on the floor w/them and read books, put puzzles together, play w/dolls, blocks, etc. you'll enjoy it too, mommy. :)
take care sweetie, you're doing a good job, you have your hands FULL! :)

i would be so relieved if my daughter would play by herself for 3 hours:) but this is the blessing you get by heving your kids so close together so they can keep each other company...as long as they arent fighting and killing each other theres no need to bother them. i think.

Learning to play independent of the parent is an important step. They need to be able to self entertain. I love it when my two girls play together in the playroom without me. It allows me to get stiff around the house and they can always come get me if they need me.